Lily dreamed about their house, as she often did. Their little yellow and blue house on the sea, its clapboard windows, the soft chair in their bedroom. She dreamed of the wind chimes ringing on the porch, the smell of the sea churning below as they watched the sunrise. She dreamed of his solid presence in that little house, his broom over the bedroom door, their wands together on the nightstand, the smell of his aftershave lingering wherever he'd been. He'd come up behind her, smile and take her hand, and in that moment she felt invincible.

She remembered and reminisced those sweet winter days spent in the dark, warm mugs in their hands and Grimm sleeping on the windowsill. The smell and taste of brie with honey and nuts roasting in the fireplace, candles on the mantle and love in their eyes. The unforgettable memory of a love long awaited.

White noise disturbed the warm murkiness of her subconscious and Lily frowned and rolled over. The memory of James' face after he learned of their baby's sex stained her mind as she was wrenched from sleep.

"Lily, wake up," a voice said, and she rolled over to escape the blurriness of reality.

"There's news, Lils," the voice continued, "you had better come with me."

…

Lily blinked the sleep from her eyes and sat up. Soft light filtered through the window and a cool breeze woke her up completely. She looked to the man who'd spoken, and wasn't surprised to see Remus sitting on the chair, looking exhausted from lack of sleep. A half cup of coffee sat on the nightstand, but it looked untouched.

As realization of reality set in, a sinking feeling began tying knots in her belly. James was still critically (perhaps even fatally) injured. They were still in St. Mungo's, and inexplicably, still in danger.

Lily wished she was still asleep. Unlike reality, she could keep her husband safe in her dreams.

For a week, this waiting game had continued, with everyone around her treating her like spun glass; too fragile to handle reality, and too weak to take care of herself. She maintained her visitation rights with Remus and Sirius so long as she did what the nurses told her to; took her potions, got some rest, and ate whatever the nurses brought from the cafeteria. Like a mindless sheep, she cooperated. It didn't bother her anymore that she was under lock and key. She still slept through entire days and ached to return to bed when up for too long, the muscles in her belly spasming and aching from movement. Whatever had happened to her at the Potter's house had shaken her to her core.

James' parents were missing, and along with the deep feeling of grief that accompanied missing loved ones also came a harrowing feeling of anger. Perhaps if they hadn't come, they would still be okay. They baby would be safe, James would be healthy, and if James' parents were indeed missing (or dead, she shuddered to think) they would be none the wiser. If they hadn't gone that day in March, their lives could have continued much as it had before.

Lily couldn't find it within her to loathe James' loyalty, or to direct her anger at the situation at him, much less his parents, who had always been kind and generous to her. What she truly hated was the situation, and above all, Voldemort for puling them into this mess with an asinine purity complex.

Sirius and Remus mourned with her, and when the time came, cried with her. That would sit by her side and hold her close and soothe away her hiccoughing breaths and brush the tears out of her eyes like he once had. They would tell her that James would be alright, that his parents were fine, that soon this mess of reality would soon be a bad memory. But even they had to leave, and then she was alone. For too many nights she cried herself to sleep fearing the unknown, the love of her life twelve stairs and half the universe away.

As days past, Lily could no longer reconcile this life from her life in their cottage, or even their life back at Hogwarts. This was unbearable, and the stress of a brain injury took her daily to her knees. She could feel the tension in Sirius' muscles when he hugged her, could easily see the circles beneath Remus' eyes and how thin he was getting under his woollen jumpers. They were hurting too, and their grief held in conjunction to hers was bearable, if not only for a time. Hard times were best braced with family around.

But fear as they may, they were reminded by the hour that, at least at the moment, nothing could be done. James' parents could be anywhere, and James himself was still incapacitated. All three of them realized this, but the helplessness of the situation was beginning to grate on everyone's nerves.

There was disturbance from outside the hospital too. Three days ago, there was yelling from the lobby, and Lily shirked at the sight of men in dark robes wrestling with the healers to come in and slipped back into the ward with shaky limbs, praying she remained unseen. This was the first time she had been in London in six months, and she had almost forgotten how dangerous it was to be a Muggleborn. The Death Eaters no longer distinguished between friend and foe, those who stood in their way were eliminated. The healers listed her as half-blood on her chart; and even took her pseudonym on documents to protect her identity. She was sure Catherine knew; Sirius and Remus called her Lily all the time, but if she had noticed the disparity between Lily and Jaqueline Quinner, she made no mention of it.

The delusions of sleep clung to her, and Lily wished she could sink into them and never have to face reality.

She blinked sleepy eyes open, the light of a new dawn on her eyelids. It was morning.

The bed dipped, and she felt a gentle hand on her back. Remus was here. It must be a Tuesday, she thought absentmindedly. He and Sirius took turns waking her.

"Good morning, Lily," Remus said gently. "I've got tea,"

Lily rose quietly, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Remus pressed a warm mug into her hands, the spicy scent intriguing.

"Spiced herbal?" she asked.

"Something new," he said with a quiet smile. "Picked up a new box on my way here. Cinnamon and spice and a little bit of mint."

Lily breathed in and blew on the mug, (baby blue and chipped, endearingly Remus) taking a little sip. Beautiful.

"Thank you," she said.

"My pleasure," he paused. "Lily, there's news; James is awake."

"Take me to him." she said quickly.

"Now that's the thing," Remus continued, not moving. Lily looked at him oddly. "The healers don't want you to know, they think the extra stress is bad for the baby."

"Now that's ridiculous-,"

"They're right," Remus interrupted, holding her shoulders squarely, putting her cup on the bedside table. "they're not doing this for any other reason than to make you well as quickly as possible."

"You can't possibly agree," Lily said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Remus sighed, and scrubbed his jaw. "I don't agree that keeping you two apart will do any good, yes,"

"What does Sirius had to say about it, Remus? James is awake! He must be terrified. He'll be calling for me."

"I never said that," Remus said, looking away. "I said he's awake. He's not, well, he's not fully with it yet. He's confused."

"What does that mean?" Lily exclaimed, sitting back down on the bed quite against her own will.

"He's been through a lot, Lils, they were watching him through the night. They don't know what hit him yet, so it's too early for much of anything. But he is awake, and I thought you'd like to see him,"

"If the healers don't want me to, how can we?"

Remus smiled, and for the first time since she'd been in hospital, Lily felt a glimmer of hope.

"I need to see him," Lily said, shimming her way down the bed until she sat on the edge of it. "Immediately, help me up."

"Then we need a wheelchair," he said, looking around the room. "I'll go find one."

"Please hurry, the healers are Nazis,"

Remus smiled, and jogged into the hallway.

Lily looked down and cupped her belly. It was unusually hard, the skin pulled taut to the point where it ached. She raised up her gown and looked down. The healer had already told her how dangerous Apparation is for expectant mother; how it can lead to splinching and miscarriages. Lily already knew that her magic was unstable, but if something happened and James' baby died anyways, she would never forgive herself.

But then again, if she hadn't, she would be dead, so she supposed there had been some benefit to what she had done.

"Here," Remus said, taking her hand and helping her into the wheelchair. "But we'd better hurry. I think one of them saw me."

...

The pair met Sirius in the foyer to the second floor, and once Sirius was filled in on the new information, Lily felt another spark in her belly as his face lit up. With a familiar determined look on his face, he took the other handle for her wheelchair and they continued towards James' room.

Remus and Sirius wheeled her down the corridor with as much suave as they could manage, but they only managed to get halfway before Sirius suddenly veered her into a broom cupboard and shut the door behind them.

"I think I saw someone," he said under his breath, a mop hanging over his head precariously.

"It's 11 in the morning," Remus whispered. "It'd be a miracle if we didn't see anyone."

"Shh," Lily said, pulling a drop sheet from the shelf behind her. "Can you cast a glamour, Rem?"

"I think so," Remus said, pulling his wand from his sleeve. "But a Disillusionment might be more practical. Hold still."

Lily sat perfectly still as the water-like feeling of the charm swept over her body, and once it was cast, she shivered from the odd feeling. It felt like an egg had been cracked on her head, with the egg itself slipping down her head onto her shoulders until it left her feeling chilled to the bone.

"Perfectly invisible," Sirius said, and Lily smiled. "Ready, Moony?"

"Definitely, let's go,"

...

It was a miracle in and of itself that they made it to the fourth floor without being stopped. Luckily, the ward was thoroughly occupied with both healers and patients moving about, checking charts, or consulting with other healers and patients, which thankfully made their presence go unnoticed.

"James' room is the last door on the right," Remus whispered above her. Lily's belly churned in anticipation, and a little hope that perhaps he wasn't as badly injured as they said he was.

As they turned the corner, they found James' door slightly ajar, warm sunlight spilling into the corridor. James was with a healer, sitting up and even talking a little. But his eyes brightened as he saw them approach the door and Lily's heart soared.

"Sirius?" James said, surprise in his voice. "What happened to you, mate?"

"What do you mean?" Sirius said with an uncharacteristically flat tone. "I visited day before last. Haven't changed much since then."

"No that can't be right," James said, looking confused. "You too, Moony. Since when did you grow a beard?"

Lily looked behind her, and saw Remus looking down sadly, scrubbing his scruffy face.

"James is a little confused this morning," the healer explained sadly. "Are you visiting? We require all guests to sign in at the front desk upon arrival."

"Are you pulling my leg?" James said suddenly, and his nurse jumped. "Where are my real friends? You look like them, but you're not them, too old. Are you sixth years? Playing a joke?"

No one responded, and Lily shifted uncomfortably in her wheelchair. They had been right all along. Her husband was right in front of her, James Potter who didn't even recognize or remember his best friends in the world. They had only starting talking in seventh year; her own husband might not even know who she was.

James scrubbed his forehead, as if he was searching for memories that weren't there, and Lily's heart sank. "What's going on? Who are you people? I don't understand what's going on!"

"There's no need to worry, James." the healer said soothingly, and then turned towards the three of them. "Perhaps it'd be for the best for you to visit another time. James needs peace and quiet."

"Prongs, it's us, I promise," Remus said gently, "Believe me,"

"Who are you? You can't possibly be Moony, he's far too spotty and short." James paused. "Remus Lupin never had a brother, but who else could you be?"

"I need him to see me, Sirius," Lily hissed, her nerves frayed. "Take this damn thing off me,"

"Who's there?" James called out, and Lily froze. "Did you nick my Cloak?"

Sirius slowly drew his wand and removed the charm, and James' eyes grew wide as saucers as the Disillusionment charm slipped off her body.

"Lily?" he said, "Is that you, Evans?"

"James, do you remember me?" Lily said, fighting to keep tears at bay.

"Course I do, you're Lily Evans, the fittest bird in our year."

"What the hell..." Sirius said under his breath.

"You haven't called me that in years," Lily said.

"-You look different, like them," James said, and his eyes grew impossibly larger when they fell to her swollen belly. "You're-you're..."

"Pregnant, mate," Sirius said.

"I'm going to kill him," James said, his jaw set. "Where is he?"

"What?" Lily said indignantly.

"The fucker who got you pregnant, that's who."

"James-," she pleaded. "James listen to me,"

He began to rise out of bed, his face red and his eyes blazing. Lily shrunk back in fear of him, and Remus pulled her chair back away from him.

"James you're scaring me," Lily said shakily.

"Who was it?"

"What?"

"Who was it, Evans?" James shouted. "Who did this to you?"

"James," Remus said severely. "Take it easy, mate,"

James breathed heavily, and sat on the edge of his bed. His healer looked petrified, but kept a steady hand on her wand.

"Was it Snape, Evans?" James said, his voice deadly and quiet.

"No,"

"Did he touch you?" he said, his hard look making her uncomfortable. "Did he put his greasy hands on you?"

"No! I promise it wasn't him!"

James made to get out of bed and Lily froze in fear, but before he could, the healer stunned him, and he fell like a stone back into his pillows.

"Best not to get him agitated," she said. "Just in case."

Lily let out a shaky breath and broke down completely, still in her wheelchair, and sobbed into Sirius' shoulder wishing it was James' for what felt like a small eternity. Her husband didn't remember the best years of her life, and he had forgotten completely that the child in her belly was theirs.

...

The Healers stopped them in the hall, which was unsurprising, because even with the drop sheet and the Disillusionment charm, Lily was losing it. Her shaking shoulders and hiccoughing breaths littered the corridor, and within minutes, she was surrounded by healers.

The healers chastised her at alarming rates as they swarmed around her with wands and clipboards. Her regular healer, Catherine, was in every morning and evening to check on her. Or so Sirius said, she wasn't usually awake, and what she could remember was disjointed, a muddle in her brain she couldn't hope to sort through. Her husband didn't remember her. James Potter, the love of her life, didn't know who she was and what she meant to him. She was devastated.

"Why in Merlin's name did you leave your room?" one asked, waving her wand over her entire body. "You're on strict bedrest!"

"I-I had to see him," Lily said shakily, "I need to be there for him,"

"You need to think of yourself first," Catherine said, and Lily sighed.

"I can't just abandon him," she said, "he needs me!"

"Who's idea was it?" the ginger healer asked, and Lily had the distinct feeling that she was being chastised by McGonagall for being caught out of bed.

"It was mine," Sirius said, and Lily sniffed. "He's my best mate, and he just woke up; his wife should see him."

"We were very careful," Remus said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "she didn't stand up, and she really was sitting the whole time. No harm was done."

"I understand your plight, really, I do. But this is foolish, Lily! You're smarter than this. Mr Potter is stable, but it's you who refuses to let yourself heal. These things take time, even with magic."

"Just let me see my husband," Lily pleaded.

"No," she said firmly.

"Why not?"

"Because any sudden increase to your blood pressure or unusual movement to your abdomen could have catastrophic consequences." She answered practically, waving her wand over Lily's abdomen and frowning at the result. "You're simply not well enough to see him again."

"He's my husband, I need to be by his side."

"No, what you need to do is get better before thinking of others," another healer said, a ginger one this time. Lily rolled her eyes.

"You ever been married, lady?"

The red headed healer stopped suddenly and faced her.

"No,"

"Then you have no right to tell me what I should and should not do. Let me see him." The healer sighed and left.

"If you are well enough, obey your healers and get enough rest, I'll see about arranging a visit for the end of the week," Catherine said, handing her a plastic cup full of a fizzing blue liquid.

"Drink up," she said. "It's nothing to be hesitant about. This is a calming draught, mixed in with something to help you sleep. I need you calm now, for the baby's sake. Both of you need to heal, and that takes time."

Lily sighed and knocked the blue liquid down. Before she could even register the taste, she was asleep.

…

By the time she woke, Catherine was there again, Sirius and Remus sitting attentively by her beside. Before she could say anything, the healer handed her another potion, and ordered her to drink heartily.

"How's James?" she asked.

"Stable, sleeping, just like he was a minute ago,"

"But how is he? Do you know why he's forgotten?"

"No,"

"You don't even have an idea?" Lily asked, "Not even an inclination?"

"Lils," Remus said, holding her hand tightly. "She's not against you, just hear her out."

"We've talked about this, Lily," Catherine said. "What we do know is shaky and not necessarily accurate. We simply do not have enough information to make a diagnosis."

"He doesn't remember me," Lily said, "I asked him that day, he remembered me from a long time ago, back when we were in Hogwarts!"

There was a knock at the door, and a man in healers robes walked in, gently shutting the door behind him. He was tall and dark, his skin like coffee beans with kind eyes. A Quick Quotes Quill hovered behind him, jotting down notes.

"Good afternoon, Mrs Potter," he said, offering his hand, which she shook. "My name is Geoffrey Denarus. I work in the Spell Damage ward of St. Mungo's. The tests we ran for Mr Potter have returned, and we have a clue to what's wrong with him."

"You do?" Lily said.

"The curse is degenerative," Geoffrey said. "That much we know for certain. This in and of itself is troubling, as with every day that goes by without treatment is a day more memories are lost. Most likely not for good, as no memories are ever truly forgotten, and with the appropriate exercises and medications I believe I can bring them back. But here's the tricky part, the longer he was under the influence of the original spell, the more memories he lost. We'll understand the fuller extent of the damage once he is able to speak for extended periods of time."

"Yes," Lily said stiffly.

"And you, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, were his dorm mates?"

"Yeah, but hold on, you don't know how much he'll remember?" Sirius said. "You can't tell us anything? She's worried sick, y'know. This isn't the time to make false promises to make us feel better. We can handle it."

"Speak for yourself, mate." Remus said, and Lily wiped tears from her eyes.

"It could be months, maybe years of memories lost to him. We haven't seen a memory alteration spell like this before. but we're doing all we can for him, and what he needs now more than anything is reassurance and rest. Lots of rest."

"Can-can I take him home?" Lily said quietly. Remus and Sirius spun to look at her.

"No," Geoffrey said, scrubbing his stubbly face morosely. "No, I'm afraid not. He'll need close monitoring for some time. He's still a high risk patient, and so are you, for that matter. Apparating in your second trimester is dangerous for mother and child, and we're far from ready to let you out of our sights, lovely Lily. For right now, you need to stay calm for your own sake and rest."

"What I need is to be with James, my husband and make sure he's going to be alright. I'm not leaving his side."

"Okay," said Catherine. "I'll assign visiting hours, three times a week for an hour at a time. But only so long as you listen to your healers and do what they tell you. Rest, gain weight back and take the potions they give you."

"Fine," Lily said and Catherine nodded. They had a deal.

….

"He's going to be okay?"

"They don't know," Sirius said. "The curse was unlike anything they've ever seen; Dark magic of some sort, it had to have been. A memory alteration spell, they were right."

Lily groaned and sank back into her pillows, her fluffy, secure escape route from reality.

"He didn't recognize me," Sirius said, scrubbing his face with his hands. "I told him who I am and he forgets instantly. Says I'm taller."

"Taller?"

"Yeah, it's like he knows who I am, Sirius Black is a name he knows, but I'm like fifteen in his mind. Fifteen and short."

"Fifteen? That's-,"

"Sixth year, yeah," Sirius says. "Before you two got your heads out of your arses."

"He was dating Amelia in sixth year," Remus said quietly. "Remember? He said later that he was trying to make Lily jealous."

Sirius sighed and threw his arm around her, and Lily tucked herself into his side, letting herself feel warm and safe if only for a moment. Remus took her other hand and she cried in earnest, the reality of the situation pressing in on her from all sides.

"He loves you, Lily, I knew he did longer than he did, he's always loved you."

"But what if he doesn't?" She said. "What if he never remembers what we used to be, Sirius? What then?"

"Then you get to fall in love with James Potter again," he said gently, kissing her forehead. "Lucky you, not everybody gets that chance."