I don't own OUAT. Also, I am still super busy so still no time to edit anything (like operation OUAT) oops or answer the reviews individually. I do want to thank anyone reading this though; you rock! Thank you for the follows & reviews and everything. I really appreciate them!
She can feel her shake, like a fucking earthquake actually. There are tremors, that Emma can feel because of how close she is to Regina. If that is not enough to spark her rage, to make her feathers burn as her magic jumps over them, trying to turn those useless feathers into fists- there is also the look in Regina's eyes. Emma presses her head against Regina's hip, desperately trying to communicate 'I am here. Trust me. We always get through the hard stuff".
But Regina seems absent. It is terrifying, how empty her eyes look. Regina is one of the most emotive people Emma knows: her rage is like hellfire, she has an incredible smile, and gods her love is something to kill for. And even during that first year, Regina had a lot of emotions. Okay, she had like two. Rage. And love. And she kind of sucked at the second one.
But this emptiness- that's unusual. That is not Regina. It makes Emma want to punch people, at the same time that it embarrasses her by making her throat all tight and her eyes water. Regina is strong, and crazily resilient. Emma has never seen her shake like this, or choke on sobs. She awkwardly sort of headbuts Regina, who shudders and finally looks at her.
There is only a second of hesitation and that half-conscious question Emma has had forever - what would it be like to be held by Regina? - is answered: Regina picks her up and presses Emma against her. Her hands are warm on Emma's ruffled feathers, and she can feel Regina shudder. There is the usual slight stiffness and discomfort that comes from sudden hugs (not something she had a lot growing up, unless you want to count the creepy f- don't think about that), before she relaxes and gets to enjoy.
Gods she smells really good. Is that her perfume or- dang it, she is crying. This is all so messed up and I am thinking about what she smells like? Did this fucking spell mess with my brain as well? Still, Emma can't help but notice certain things. Like how warm Regina is, or how her stomach seems to have the sudden ambition to win gold in gymnastics and soft and -
She hates herself for momentarily - not forgetting, but being distracted by how amazing it is to be hugged by Regina. I am here. No way I am going to let her destroy you. Fucking no. She lays her head on Regina's shoulder, hates it is the only thing she can do when Regina sobs and trembles for at least another ten minutes.
The hand on Emma's back stills, and Regina pulls back slightly. Emma stares at her. She obviously hasn't been sleeping much lately; her eyes are slightly bloodshot. And now the red has expanded, and they're is also puffy. It doesn't matter - and not just because there are things about Regina that Emma likes more than her beauty , but also because she smiles like this. When she smiles- all hesitance and something that seems shyness but cannot be because this is Regina Mills- she looks more beautiful than she ever did with perfect make-up and perfect clothing and perfect hair in her mayor days. And well, pretty much all her days.
Emma just stares and stares. Finally, Regina chuckles. Emma has to fight her traitorious eyes, that insist on closing as soon as Regina's hand resumes stroking her feathers. " Staring is impolite, dear" Emma tries to open her eyes so she can properly glare, but this stroking thing feels too good. Despite her mortification, her eyes close and she can feel her feathers fluff even more and she even makes a horrible sound- softer than that usual battlecry thing swans do.
Her eyes only open again when she hears Regina sigh. Emma is oddly disappointed that Regina's smirk has disappeared. Instead, she is biting her lips gently and looking small and scared. She never looks small- even though she actually is sort of tiny.
Emma gets that weird feeling you sometimes get under water, when your ears start to hurt, as she tries to access her magic. I need to talk to her. I need to tell her- She doesn't even know what she wants to tell Regina. Anything, she supposes. Anything that will make her less sad.
" Emma!" Regina's voice is horrified, and slightly scolding. Her magic is that mix of sort-of-panicked and punishment as well, as it buzzes against Emma's own. She glares. Why did you force me to stop? I could almost talk to you!
She shivers as Regina's magic recedes. It changes a lot. It used to feel sharp, back when they were fighting wraiths and the air around a well she and her mother crawled out of smelled of what she now recognizes is Regina's magic. When they started becoming friends, it became kind of like incense or soft music- something calming and good. It always had spice though. After the split, it got more mellow- in a way that Emma isn't sure she likes. She would always accept Regina, but she understands this isn't really who Regina is or what she wants.
" You could injure yourself! There are barreers woven into the .. evil queen's spell Emma. Immensely powerful ones that sap your energy and could seriously injure you. Not to mention what kind of damage such spells could do to your magic" Regina's lecture-scolding is what draws Emma away from her thoughts about magic and what it feels like. She is about to give Regina her best yeah-whatever look when those eyes gentle and her feathers puff up again, Regina's touch apparently making them unable to behave.
" You should be more careful " Regina whispers.
Say YOU. God damn it, you have risked your life already two times this day. How am I going to protect you when you keep doing that? Regina snifs. "Do not look at me like that, Swan. I - " she clears her throat. " Unlike you, I am not prone to impulsive and slightly idiotic behaviour" If Emma could snort, she would. Neverland. The trigger. Baiting your enemies. Jumping in front of a freaking sword.
Emma doesn't know what to think when she notes that Regina's smirk is just an act. It is something she has been noticing lately, how Regina seems to pretend a lot lately. " In case you've forgotten, my magical prowess is rather large" the smirk falls. " As, unfortunately, is hers".
Yeah. And unlike you, she doesn't have mercy. So who is more at risk, huh?
Perhaps Regina notes how tense Emma suddenly is, or reads her expression easily. Or perhaps it's just this thing between them, the same thing that means they always know when the other is lying and somehow open up more easily. Whatever it is, Regina sighs and strokes Emma's feathers again. " I know " she mutters.
No, you don't fucking know. You are too busy feeling guilty and thinking you're only horrible to think about those who love you. Mom has loved you forever. Dad sees you as a friend. And Henry- you're Henry's world. Emma turns her head away. It's too late: Regina gasps and gently turns it back.
" E-" she clears her throat. " Emma, are you- ".
She closes her eyes as Regina gently wipes at the tears. She is pretty sure she is trembling herself now, and she is weirdly grateful when Regina doesn't comment on any of it. She still manages to comfort Emma though; just being in her arms and feeling Regina's magic all around her is enough for that.
" I am not certain there is a loophole" Regina says, after walking to her bedroom and putting Emma down on the bed. The way she holds herself- crossed arms and gaze averted- makes every single instinct Emma has scream really loudly. " So" she takes a deep breath and Emma kind of expects it, is already thinking No. Nononono NO when she says it " We need to think of other ways to protect your family".
Our family. Emma is frozen as Regina continues. How the fuck can she talk about things like that and be so casual? Like it won't matter, like her dea- like the world wouldn't suck without Regina and her stupid smartass remarks and smirks and dangerous teaching methods and quiet protection and care and-
" If she uses my heart to control me, Emma- I will have to commit any horrible crime she can come up with. And considering she still loaths Snow, it is very likely that will include hurting at least one of your parents. You will have to stop me" she laughs. Emma still can't really see her face, just the profile of it, but it kind of sounds like she is crying again. " Both Snow's empathy and her general- well ineptitude will ensure they won't be able to stop me. So you will need to".
Emma glares. Regina finally turns her head, confirming Emma's suspicions. She shakes her head, chuckles. " Stubborn idiot" she mutters.
Emma's glare falters as Regina walks towards her and slowly lowers herself on the bed. " She will not surrender, Emma. She will attack and she will ruin everything. You have no idea what she - what I was like ".
I read the storybook. Also, did you forget how you kept coming after me that first year? Apparently, Regina can read minds now as well. ( she really hopes she doesn't. There is far too much stuff about Regina in Emma's mind for that to be anything but really freaking embarrassing). " That first year was nothing, compared to what the Evil Queen is like. The Evil Queen will not stop at a 'shoddy frame job'. She will come after everything you love" it is the way that Regina's voice breaks that finally has Emma caving. "She might even- Henry".
She is silent for a while, then adds " I trust you to prevent that, Emma. You cannot- " .
Emma honks. If Regina could actually hear her right now, she would understand Emma is saying "what the fucking Hell Regina, we would both protect Henry with our souls. Why would you even say something like that?"
" You do not understand. I know you. You will take obtuse risks in order to avoid hurting me, because you are incapable of saving people" she chuckles. She doesn't sound amused at all. "It is literally in your DNA"
Emma honks softly. She hates it when people reduce who she is to her parentage, or the goddamn prophecy, and she thought Regina would never. For better or worse, Regina has always treated her like Emma. " You would be like that without the prophecy, I am sure. It is just the kind of person you are, Emma. But you cannot be like that- you cannot attempt to save me if- if the evil queen forces me to do something terrible. Henry might be there. Your parents will be there".
Everything in Emma is screeching. Everything is anger and pain. She remembers feeling like this as a teenager, angry at the universe for giving her a life like this and resenting everyone who had ever abandoned her. Regina, don't you dare. I am not doing it. I am not doing it! " Think of Henry, Emma. He could lose us both" she swallows, because she knows how horribly manipulative and awful the next words are. " Don't make Henry an orphan, just because you cannot help saving people Emma. You of all people should know what that is like. Do you want him to feel that way?".
Emma hasn't hated Regina in years. She might have never hated her. She hates her a little now. Don't use Henry against me. And don't pretend like the kid wouldn't hate me forever if I allowed his mom to -if I allowed anyone to take you from us.
Regina stands up slowly, not looking at Emma. " I hope when there is a moment that you have to choose between taking unnecessary risks, and doing what is best for Henry, you will do what is best for Henry"
Emma launches off the bed and makes the most furious hissing-blating sound. Regina actually takes a small step back. Don't you dare. You fucking JERK. WE always do what is best for Henry and it isn't you being hurt in any way. Stop trying to be a martyr , fucking Hell . She flaps her wings, continues hissing. Regina just stands there, arm stretched but careful not to actually try to touch Emma.
She keeps spitting , not even sure whether she is still thinking or just making these sounds to let Regina know how angry she is, how this is not okay, how it is awful and low and they're family and family doesn't do this. Family sticks together. They're not giving up.
She finally calms- and only because she gets too tired. She sort of sits down, staring at the floor. She can hear Regina's heels , but stubbornly refuses to look up. She is not going to give in. Regina is just starting to lower herself, reaching for Emma, who sees wet gentle eyes and a heartbreaking smile-
the door slams open and Henry runs inside. " Mom! Why are you here- grandma is going insane,she thought you had been- " he trails off as soon as he sees his mother. The split second he hadn't noticed her, Emma had sensed Regina's magic quickly hiding any trace of tears.
Regina should know better though: Henry is intuitive enough to immediately know something is off ( she likes to think he gets that from her). " Uh what happened?" He is such a great kid. he approaches Regina, puts his hand on her shoulder. "Mom? Are you okay?".
" Perfectly fine, Henry" she starts to straighten, throwing Emma an apologetic look that almost makes her forgive her.
Henry scoffs. " Mom. Come on. You haven't been able to lie to me since I was like nine".
Regina smiles. For a second, she looks happy. " I know" she does that thing where she gently touches Henry's chin and looks at him with so much love that Emma expects rainbows to explode in the air around them. "You have always been too intelligent to fool" she chuckles. " Very much unlike the rest of your family".
" Uh mom, you are included in that family you know? So technically, you just burned yourself".
" Burned- ".
" Self-burn. When you attempt to make someone else look like a fool, but instead accidentally make yourself look like the fool".
" Henry Daniel Mills, you better not have just-".
"Also, gramps and grandma aren't really that thickheaded" he grins. " Mostly. Still, I am kind of glad that nurture wins over nature so many times" and of course, he is Regina's kid so he is as skilled as subtle manipulation as his mother. Regina obviously knows what he is doing- she arches her eyebrow- but shakes her head and smiles anyways. " Mi hijo inteligente".
" Si, mama" .
She laughs. Emma feels a surge of love for their son: he always makes things better. " Go tell your grandmother that I have not been abducted by another B-list villain , before she sends a brigade in here".
Henry laughs. " Okay mom. Try not to take too long pretending to be 'fine' . Or- " he gets the dramatics from his mother, I am sure. " I will send grandma in here".
" You are too attached to your comics and video games to risk that".
Henry just shrugs and walks over to Emma. " Maybe. But really - " he kisses Regina on the cheek before bending down to pick Emma up. That's kind of adorable kid. " Your health is actually more important than Marvel comics- no matter how awesome some of the heroes are".
" Te quiero, mi cielo".
" Te quiero, mama" he grins. Emma narrows her eyes- what the Hell Henry- as he offers her to Regina. " Does Rosa get a kiss ?"
"Rosa?".
" Named after Rosa Montero. You used to tell stories about her".
" I remember. You always liked her, because she loved to read and write - like you".
" Yeah. I don't think she read many comics though".
" I have not read anywhere she did- but then again, neither have I read she did not".
He shrugs, grins again. " Mom? Rosa would like that kiss now".
Regina eyes Emma. "I am quite certain she does not".
" Nah. I am like the swan whisperer" he jokes. " She totally does".
Emma feels her heartrate skyrocket when Regina leans in. " Well. Is my son right, Rosa? ".
Emma just stares at the scar, at the lips that are really close to her now. She is barely aware of Regina's chuckle, then is hyperaware as Regina leans in more and more, her eyes flutter and her breath stutters and stares at lips inches above her head-
God damn it mom, will you stop doing this? That, or Regina really needs to invest in a lock or whatever. Emma doesn't really want to question why she fumes when a gasped "Regina!" makes the woman in question slowly pull her head back and blink as if she is just waking up.
Snow hugs Regina tightly, who slowly brings her arms up and rubs Snow's back. " Where were you! I was so worried" there are actual tears in Snow's eyes and Emma feels horribly guilty, because she knows part of the reason Snow is nearly losing it is because Emma is still missing. If only she was strong enough to escape this curse, and stop the pain her family is obviously going through.
"Yeah mom, where were you? We were at your work and you weren't there- and someone said they saw your car at the vault" . He shrugs. " But when we got here, it was just in front of the house".
Snow grabs Regina's arm, Henry moves forward with an alarmed look when Regina tries to say something and she gasps, pressing her hand to her chest.
" Mom? "
" Regina?".
She slowly extracts her hand, her eyes flitting to it. Emma feels her magic react, the fury summoning it, as she thinks of what must be causing Regina pain. " It is nothing. I must have- " Regina's eyes flit to Emma's for a second. It is hardly noticable, but it is enough for Emma to feel slightly nauseous at the angry, helpless look.
" Perhaps it is the stress, or something similar" Regina could've become an actress: you could never guess that someone is terribly wrong with her if you looked at her now. " As for the vault- I was looking for ways to return our friend to her former state".
Henry squints his eyes slightly, then slowly relaxes and shrugs. " Cool. Did you find anything?".
Snow squeezes her arm, then lets go. " Did your books say anything about another tracking spell? You know, to find Emma".
Emma doesn't know who is most startled by Regina's dismissive tone: Snow, Henry or Regina herself. " I am not wasting anymore time. My spell should've worked- the only reason it would not, is if someone had put up magical barriers against such incantations. And the only one who should be able to , is Emma".
Henry swallows. " So you think she has left?".
Regina reaches for him. " I am certain she is fine, Henry. And she would never abandon you" It is cruel. And that is unlike Regina nowadays, so it is understandable that Henry and Snow both look suspicious and freaked out when Regina glances at Snow and adds " Emma knows all too well what it feels like to be abandoned. She would never make you feel that way".
Snow slowly reaches for Regina again, and Henry presses Emma closer to him. "R-regina?".
" I am feeling famished. Excuse me" when Regina smiles, just genuine enough to make Henry relax his grip a little and for most of the suspicion to leave Snow's eyes, Emma is the only one who sees. Henry is looking down at her. Snow is looking down at her phone, one arm linked with Regina's and the other with Henry. From the smile on her face, Emma suspects she is texting with her husband.
Emma is the only one focused on Regina, enough to see the split second of despair and terrror. She knows. The cruel remark, the indifference; those weren't Regina at all.
It is the queen,
and she has already begun trying to tear their family apart.