Part 9. Mission: Dicks and Assholes.
"Oh, come on, dad!" Tracey whined. "It's only like two thousand...that's barely like any money!"
Michael raised his eyebrow, looking up at his daughter in question. "It is when you haven't got it."
"But I know you have it!"
"I'm not an ATM, I'm your father," Michael explained, sitting there, in the living room, ignoring the news on TV. Tracey sighed, deeply, like he was getting on her nerves. Good! "If you are becoming this big movie star, why are you coming to me for money?"
"Oh, that fell through," Tracey explained, casually. "The guy just wanted nudes..."
Michael face-palmed and looked around the room, flabbergasted. "You're almost thirty years old, Trace, when the fuck are you gonna start acting like it?!"
"What is that supposed to mean?!" Tracey shot back. But Michael didn't care, he was tired of this. He stood up.
"I mean, get a real fuckin' job!" he shouted."Go the fuck back to collage...again, anything! I'm tired of you sluttin' around and taking my money and spending it on bullshit!"
"Are you calling me a slut?!" Tracey yelled. And Michael paused, he couldn't believe, after everything he said, that's all she took from it. "Mom! Mooom!"
Michael rolled his eyes, as Amanda walked in, looking annoyed. "What is it?"
"Dad just called me a slut!"
Amanda gasped and glared daggers at him, he wouldn't even deny it, even if he hadn't really meant it that way.
"Can you believe him?!" Tracey demanded. "He's such a fucking dick!"
"I know..." Amanda trailed off, looking over to their daughter. "Go upstairs, I'll talk to him."
It struck Michael that it was like they were talking about him like he wasn't even there. Tracey rushed out, looking pleased with herself, and Amanda shot him another dirty look. "What is wrong with you, Michael?!" she demanded. "You've been acting like a dick for weeks, and now you're calling our daughter a slut?!"
"I didn't call her a slut," he admitted. "I said she was acting like a slut..."
"That makes it any better?!"
"I..." But just as he started talking, his phone began ringing and he pulled it out of his pocket to see it was Trevor calling. He looked up and Amanda raised an eyebrow, kind of like he had with Tracey, only much worse. "Shit..." he muttered, pocketing the phone. "I-"
"Aren't you going to answer your boyfriend?"
"Shut the fuck up, Amanda," Michael retorted. "You really think I like him either? He's a fucking lunitic, but I'm stuck with him, and I'm tired of listening to your god damn mouth about him!"
"Oh, yes...I do think you like him, Michael," Amanda retorted back, seemingly ignoring everything else he said. Now he sees where Tracey gets it. "If you didn't you would have pushed him away like you do everyone else."
"That's not fuckin' true!"
"It is true!" she shot back. "You always do this! You take a hundred steps forward, then take a million back. You're never going to change."
"We're seriously going to go through this again, Amnanda?" Michael asked, in all seriousness. "I can't do this again, I don't fucking care!"
"That's your problem, you don't care."
His phone started ringing again, and he didn't have to check it to know that it was Trevor, but he ignored it again. "Why the fuck is it always me?"" Michael demanded. "And you're fucking perfect?! BULLSHIT!"
"Nobody is perfect..."
"Oh...but you try to be," Michael retorted, resorting to petty jabs, that's all he had left at this point. "With your fake boobs and personality to match. I could buy another mansion with all the fucking botox you spent money on...but it's me! Always fucking me! It's all so fucking clear to me now!"
XXX
Trisha walked into the lunch room, she had been here a week now, and although the weekends weren't exactly fun, as you laterally sit around and do nothing, it had been pretty great. She thought it was mostly due to the fact that she hadn't barely thought about Trevor or Michael once, nor had called them yet, and maybe she should feel badly about it... But really didn't.
Jazmine and Olive weren't sitting with the other girls today, Trisha didn't know why, but sat with them anyway. They both looked at her as she did.
"Am I not supposed to sit here?"
"That depends," Jazmine said, seriously. "Are you in?"
"In on what?" Trisha asked, very confused.
"Our plan to break the soda machine to get our money back," Olive explained.
"SHHHH, don't give away the plan, she might not be in on the plan!" Jazmine said, in a whispered yell.
"How do you plan on doing it?" Trisha asked.
"We're going to use this," Jazmine said, even after her rant about Trisha and said plan, and pulled a very large, gold coin out of her school bag. Trisha glared at it.
"A coin from Rats And Cheese?!"
"It's perfect!" Olive expressed. Only Trisha wasn't so sure.
"We'll stick in the coin and it will get stuck inside then we'll hit the button that gives back the money and it will think it's giving me back this, but actually, it's giving me back my money," Jazmine smirked at her plan.
"Why don't you just tell someone it's broke and stole your money?" Trisha offered. That would be a lot easier.
"They won't care," Olive explained. "It's been broken for months."
"Oh..." Trisha trailed off, with a nod.
"So, will you help us?" Jazmine asked, Trisha froze... Not sure what to say, it sounded completely idiotic, but she didn't want them to know that, she wanted them to like her. She liked finally having friends.
"Yeah...okay."
XXX
"Screening my calls, Mikey? Better not be!"
Trevor hung up the phone, after leaving a message for Michael, he looked over at Franklin, who looked rather unsure about his life choices, but that was okay, Trevor would help with that. He typed words into Franklin's computer, a site popped up and he hit Sign Up. Franklin shook his head, Trevor only grinned.
"It doesn't look like Mike's gonna help us," Trevor said, casually, though he was a little disappointed, Michael would have enjoyed this. "So, what do you want your username to be? DownToF?" Trevor offered, Franklin glared at him, but Trevor didn't mind, at least he wasn't looking like he wanted to die now. "For Franklin! And also to fuck...am I right, my N-word?"
"Man...fuck off!" Franklin retorted. Trevor laughed.
"That's a no...Jesus, that's all you had to say."
"Just use my name,."
"Alright, so...Chocolate Thunder," Trevor typed that. Franklin swore. "That's not your name, Mr. Thunder?"
"Can you ever take anythin' fuckin' serious?" Franklin asked...again, Trevor couldn't help but think Franklin took things too seriously. "Give me this mother fuckin' thing!"
Franklin took the laptop off Trevor's lap and began typing things. Trevor watched over his shoulder, offering his advice, like that Franklin sounded more boring than a eighty year old man with a heart condition. "You forgot that you love prunes...prunes more shriveled up than your dick."
"T, I know you bang old bitches," Franklin told him, as he hit submit on his profile. "M told me, so I don't think you should really fuckin' judge."
"A older woman needs to be cherished," Trevor retorted, annoyed.
"I guess it's cool for you, you're old."
"FUCK YOU, I'M NOT OLD!"
Franklin only laughed.
XXX
Trisha stood in the hall way between the lunchroom and the classroom, the three girls had told the teacher they needed to use the restroom, so they had very little time. Trisha was look out, as Jazmine and Olive stood in front of the soda machine, arguing.
"Put it in!" Olive was saying.
"I SAID TO HOLD ON!"
Trisha was getting very worried, they had already been three minutes. "Guys, hurry up!" she called over her shoulder. How did she get herself involved in this? She should be in the classroom...learning things.
"HIT THE BUTTON!" Jazmine was yelling now. There was a bang from behind and then a "AHA, GOT IT!"
"You got the money?" Trisha asked, almost excited by this fact.
"Hell yeah, I did!" Jazmine gloated. Olive cheered. "You know what, Trish...can I call you Trish?"
"Yeah...?"
"I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."
XXX
Ring, ring, Trevor looked away from Franklin's computer screen, the man himself was in the bathroom, which was not the best idea. Trevor had already sent three elderly women messages for him. He really did need to learn...
Trevor looked at his phone and saw Michael's name. He smirked, as he answered the phone. "This is Trevor Philips voicemail for shitty best friends who can't answer their phones..."
"Eh...fuck you, T, I was in the middle of something."
"Sorry, there's no beep for shitty friends, go fuck yourself."
"Trevor..."
Trevor notated the tone of upsetness in his shitty friends voice and sighed. "What's the matter with you?"
"I was fighting with Amanda again."
"No offence...no, all the offence, but so?"
"She's my fucking wife, T?!"
"I don't care," Trevor explained. "No, Mike, I really don't care. There will never be a time that you two don't fight, so I don't give a fuck."
"Funny, a lot of people say the same thing about you and me."
"That's the kind of people you're attracted to," Trevor explained, like it was so very obvious. Because it was to him. "Wanna know why?"
"I'm not attracted to you..." Michael muttered, sorely. "Even if I didn't, I know you'll tell me anyway."
"You're a dick."
"Oh, thanks..."
"And you're family are assholes."
"Wow...this is so fuckin' enlightening, T!"
"Dicks and assholes don't get along. I'm an asshole...I know I'm an asshole, and you're definitely the biggest dick I've ever met."
Michael laughed. "Good to know."
"Do we fight? Yeah...do I want to use your dead carcass as a hood ornament? Fuck yes! But the difference is, is...we get each other."
"I have no idea what the fuck you're talkin' about..."
"You're family are assholes, Mike."
"Yeah...I got that part, and I'm a dick."
"Glad you finally admitted it," Trevor remarked. "That's years of threapy I just saved you."
"Fuckin,' wonderful... Who should I send the check to?"
"I don't want your money."
"Nah, just my head on a plate..."
"Mmm...We're getting there..."
"Fuck you...so, why'd you call?"
"Me and F made a dating site profile," Trevor expressed, with a dark laugh after, as he looked at the array of old ladies on the screen.
"Why?!"
"We're going to find our darling boy a wife, Mikey!"