Re: Zero ain't mine. Deal with it.

Chapter 4: Benefits of a save point...

The plan was simple. I would go into the shack, repeat my negotiation with Felt and Old Man Rom, wait for Elsa, and when she shows up, boom! Reinhard bursts in and arrests her. We didn't really have time to come up with any other alternatives. Actually, that's not quite true. Reinhard came up with several alternatives, all of them involved me being far away from the action. I guess even though I'm not a 'damsel', I'm still technically a civilian.

Obviously, Reinhard couldn't go in himself. He was a member of the Royal Guard, and he himself said that his face was well-known in the area. We could spook Elsa away if he goes anywhere near the shack. And someone was bound to notice one or two shady people scouting out a loot house.

My solution was relatively simple.

"Alright, pretty boy. I've set this thing to twenty minutes. Once the sun sets, press these buttons in this exact order, okay? Once you see these figures, press the central button, and when it stops, that's your cue." My cell phone was pretty useless in this world, since there were no cell towers. Or any other freaking cell phones. But it still had some useful functions. Getting Reinhard to memorize which buttons to press was easy enough, once I made sure to stress that under no circumstances was to touch anything else.

I may or may not have some cosplay pics in there. Don't judge.

Just my luck that I forget my watch in an alternate dimension.

Reinhard was to stay away from the slums, avoiding detection as much as possible. Considering his clothing, I have no idea how he was going to stay inconspicuous, but he told me not to worry about it. I decided not to question his competence.

Anyway, a harpoon, some rats, and a few shit bags later, I found myself with Old Man Rom again. There was no awkwardness this time. I knew what I wanted, and I knew exactly what I had to say. When sunset came and Felt with it, I avoided an argument. I kept things as easy-going as possible, while keeping both of them interested in my loot. Any second, Elsa would arrive in all her sexy deadliness, I would negotiate, and Reinhard would come and save the day before she could say 'bowels'.

Yeah fucking right.

A beautiful woman burst through the door, but not the one I was looking for.

What the hell is she doing here? Satella-chan wasn't here last time, and I haven't done anything to make her come here! The only thing different was my meeting with Reinhard and that should not have affected her at all!

I nearly yelled in surprise, but I forced myself to keep things cool. Satella doesn't know me yet, and if I say I do, Felt won't trust me anymore. But I don't want Satella to think of me as a criminal. Ah, I felt like crying from frustration. If she's here, then Elsa could very well kill her again!

"I'll be having that insignia back." She spoke calmly, but firmly, her two hands held in front of her, probably ready to launch some spell.

"Ah hell, you're persistent." Felt growled. "Back off, lady. I stole this fair and square! You ain't gettin' it back!"

Something is fundamentally wrong with that first statement.

"I'm sorry to hear you say that. I'm afraid that now I must resort to force." For her part, Satella really seemed to be sorry about it. Not sorry enough to stop shooting crystals though. Thankfully, I wasn't being targeted. The moment shit hit the fan, I ducked underneath the table.

Satella's spells were fast, but Felt was a whirlwind. Not even a continued barrage could hit her. But it was enough to keep her away from close range, where Felt would have the upper hand with her knife. Old Man Rom stayed well away, taking a similar position to me behind his bar, not fast enough to participate or sneaky enough to surprise the spirit user. Felt was on her own, but she and Satella were on even ground.

Then we were interrupted. Again. It wasn't quite the deus ex machina I needed, because apparently my life here couldn't be cliched like everybody else's. I suppose this was kind of a compromise. I felt it before I saw it, and so did everyone in that shack. Though to be honest, I didn't see much before the sky started to fall. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but it certainly felt like it.

The entire ceiling caved in, dirt and sawdust spilling into the room. A series of clangs and screeches rang out before two figures jumped out of the dust cloud, revealing Elsa and Reinhard, slightly dirty, but completely unharmed.

"Apologies for coming early Subaru, but after sensing a disturbance in the spirits, as well as spotting Lady Emilia approach, I thought it prudent to come running." Yeah, we're on a first name basis now. Getting called Lady was just embarrassing.

"…Disturbance in the spirits, huh? I guess I can buy that." Seemed awfully convenient, but who am I to argue with a main character? And who the hell is Emilia?

"So, you are the one who alerted the Sword Saint that I would be here." Elsa purred sultrily at me, which only made me shiver from fear rather than arousal. "Now, how could a little girl like you know so much about me?"

"Do not take your eyes off your opponent, Granhiert."

"Oh? Jealous from the lack of attention? I'm flattered. But there's no reason to be, I'm rather skilled at… multi-tasking."

The next thing I knew, Reinhard was in front of me, parrying a barrage of attacks which ended with him forcing Elsa away. "I will not fall to such dishonourable tactics."

The assassin actually pouted like a child, bringing her gleaming knife to her lips. "I suppose that's fair. I'll deal with the rest later." She crouched down, her blade held in front of her, like panther ready to pounce. Reinhard stood at the ready, his own sword at the ready. Satella and Felt had fallen silent, backing away from the battle, their own feud forgotten. A fierce standoff had begun.

Rrring, rrring! Rrring, rrring!

Slowly, wordlessly, Reinhard removed the phone from his coat pocket and dropped it into my hands, where it was quickly silenced.

I changed my mind, can I be assassinated now?

Smooth as glass, Reinhard swung his sword with a flourish. "Shall we?"

I'm not even sure I could call it a battle. Sure there was fighting, but Reinhard was on a completely different level. Without the element of stealth and surprise, Elsa couldn't match the redhead. She hadn't received any major injuries, but it was only a matter of time. And she knew that. In fact, the only reason she was still alive was because Reinhard was looking to arrest, not to kill.

Despite that, I was still pretty amazed at the power they had. Their footsteps broke through the flooring, their cuts tore everything around them, every time they clashed it was like a gun shot. He may have had an advantage, but it still seemed to go on forever.

But Elsa didn't fight fair.

She locked her knife with Reinhard's blade, which didn't make any sense, until I thought about it. Without thinking I yelled out, "There's a second kni-"

Too fucking late.

The knife flew, and for a split second, I thought Satella was going to be gutted. If Reinhard went to stop it, he'd have to turn his back to Elsa, who could escape or attack him. He was trapped.

That was a fairly accurate summation, but as usual, there was one crucial detail I got wrong. The target.

Luckily, I didn't have to go through a reboot not quite yet.

Elsa's aim must have been thrown off or something, because even though the knife carved right through my side, I kind of expected it to cut me in half. I still collapsed immediately, but I didn't die. Judging by the ferocious roar I heard and the impressive light show and the huge fucking dust cloud, it seems my fall had activated the MC's hax mode. Perfect timing, Reinhard, way to be the hero.

But for me, there were two heros worth mentioning. I hadn't even hit the ground, and already Sat-chan was kneeling next to me, little balls of light- spirits- hovering around her hands. "Just lie still, okay? I can fix this!"

Haa… If magic can heal someone whose stomach has been turned inside out… Maybe this fantasy world thing is starting to really pay off.

But Satella wasn't exaggerating. I was already starting to feel better. Still excruciating, but the pain was shrinking down every second. I managed to creak my head to the side, and if I could breathe properly, I probably would have stopped.

The shack was a disaster zone. One of the walls had been obliterated, and scorch marks littered literally everything else. Reinhard stood in the middle, not even breathing hard, his Royal Guard coat pristine. On the other hand, Elsa was a mess. The assassin was somehow wearing even less clothing, which was caked in dirt and blood.

"You truly live up to your title. I thought it would be fun to disembowel such a handsome young boy like you, but now you've killed the mood."

Of course, Reinhard did not so much as flinch. "I suggest you surrender now, Granhiert, or he only bowels you will see tonight will be your own."

"Oh, now you're just flirting with me. But alas, right now you're just not doing it for me. A woman must instantly know when to write off the night. And for me, that point is right now."

"Do you think you can escape from me?"

No, no, no! Nothing good ever comes out of that question! It might as well be a trope! Now she'll have to escape for plot purposes. Just kill her already! It's justified, she started it!

"Of course not. That is why you're going to let me go. Otherwise, your friend will have to deal with a severed arm as well."

I just had enough time to move my eyeballs before the all-too-familiar glint of Elsa's thrown knife approached me, possessed by an unseen force. Maybe Satella could have stopped it, but she was concentrating her efforts on healing me. Maybe Reinhard could have stopped it, but he was too far, his attention on Elsa. Instead, the third (well, chronologically first) heroine stepped in.

Felt swatted away the purple blade with ease, but that only deflected its path towards Reinhard. Obviously, it was no threat, but the split second his attention was diverted to me, Elsa vanished.

"Aren't you gonna run after her?" Felt demanded.

Reinhard shook his head gravely. "The moment I took my eyes off her, I lost her. Not even I could pursue her, especially in the darkness. This is her domain, and I stand no chance in capturing her as I am now." He then knelt down next to me, and took my hand.

"Please forgive me, Subaru. You risked your life, so I could bring Granhiert to justice, and I have failed you. And I have failed to protect you. If it were not for Lady Emilia and the young lady here, I fear the outcome here would have been much worse."

Whoa. Guilt and a saving people thing. Shoulda seen that coming. And there was that name again. Emilia. Did Sat-chan give me a fake name? I'm kinda hurt, but I guess I was a stranger. Better settle Reinhard's nerves first.

I coughed out an answer as best as I could. "You can make it up to me by putting that damn insignia where it belongs."

"Yeah, fine you can have it." Felt grouched. "Considering my client list, this thing is more trouble than its worth." She fished the shining insignia out of her pockets, placing it in my other hand. "Free of charge, good luck princess."

I held up the black and gold trinket in front of my face, admiring the way the ruby glittered so brightly. "Hehehe. All this trouble. You really should have kept a better hold of this, Emilia-tan. Wouldn't you say?" I looked up at my medic, but was greeted by a look of shock and disbelief. A quick glance showed Reinhard with a similar expression, except with a more contemplative tone.

"You two… Where are you from, again?"

"Here."

"Nowhere you would know."

The two exchanged a glance, Sat- Emilia sending him a look of confusion, returned only by an unknowing shrug. "Would you two like a place to stay for the next few days? It seems there are some things that need to be discussed." Emilia asked with a resigned voice.

I think Felt pretty much summed up our thoughts with one clear concise question. "Okay, really. What the actual fuck are you talking about?"

Hoped you liked it people. Now you know the drill.