For the next few days, Fíli tried to learn all that needed to be done, all that they were in the process of deciding upon. With Kíli awake, he felt he now needed to make it apparent that the two of them were ready to claim their position.
It was not too bad. Dain had handled things well until recently, working with Balin and a few of his own councillors to draw up trade agreements with the Men of Dale and negotiating an appeasement with the elves.
This was Fíli's priority. He had sent Gloin and Bofur to find the precious stones the elf-king was seeking. Balin had mentioned that Thorin had found them before the battle.
Propped in a heavily padded chair with Kíli next to him in a similar one and Tauriel flanking them, he waited for Thranduil to follow his invitation for an initial talk. Never mind that Sigrid had still needed to help him settle himself into it. She had left after that, saying that her presence would only complicate things as this was only a meeting of elves and dwarves.
When the tent flap opened, he straightened and met the icy gaze of Thranduil head on.
"I see my healers have done well." The elf remarked and ignored the chair set out for him, instead choosing to tower over the two seated dwarves. He turned his eyes to Tauriel. "Captain." He nodded at her. She bowed her head in acknowledgement.
"I wish to thank you for that, my lord." Fíli managed to sound more or less friendly, though it ground on his pride and that of every single dwarf present.
Thranduil raised an eyebrow at him, but if he was surprised then he was not showing it. "It was not done for your sake." He then noted, clearly not giving a damn about diplomacy.
Fíli grit his teeth, placing a hand on his brother's arm who had tensed up and tried to stick to the plan anyhow. "We have found something that we are willing to gift you with either way as a first sign of trust between Erebor and Mirkwood." He stated.
Balin came forward then, looking miffed but dutifully handing over the small chest to the Elvenking.
When Thranduil opened it, his eyes widened and Fíli had the satisfaction of truly having caught him off-guard.
Within moments, the elf had recovered though, expression once more wiped blank of any emotion and looking coldly into Fíli's.
"I will take those now." He stated and without ceremony, took the chest from Balin who nearly stumbled at the sudden force.
Fíli grit his teeth as the elf made to leave. "Thranduil." He called him, his tone emulating his uncle's whenever he had cursed the Elvenking.
It gave him pause at least, though he kept his back turned to the dwarves, an insult that Fíli would have to let slide for the greater good.
"There are more goods we may negotiate with. The Men of Dale will offer a valuable trade route once the city has recovered." He called him.
The elf only turned back to him after a moment. "And why should I invest into such a pointless endeavour?"
There was a gasp from Kíli by his side, but Fíli shot him a pointed look to let him handle this. "Because, King of Mirkwood, I understand you like your Dorwinion wine." He spoke, smiling pointedly at the elf. "If not for the Men of Dale, who shall supply you with it?"
Thranduil's eyes narrowed. "My kingdom has endured many failed cities of Men. It is their nature to build and destroy in the most predictable way. Why should I aid those who cannot help themselves?"
"Exactly because of that, my lord." Fíli crossed his arms, grimacing as the gesture antagonised his injuries but otherwise keeping his attention on the elf. "They cannot help themselves and we are in no position to help them. Think on it. Dale will forever be in your debt. That is something, isn't it?" He refused to add Erebor to the equation, there was only so much he was willing to give.
"Trying to manipulate me will not work, little Dwarf prince." The blond elf glared at him but Fíli was used to his uncle's ire and did not give an inch. He was only glad that Kíli beside him, though tensed, kept his peace.
"I would never dare to, my lord." He shot him a deliberately harmless grin. "I am merely pointing out the advantages of an alliance."
Silence. Thranduil clearly did not know what to do with him, apparently expecting all dwarves to rise to his insults and in doing so to lose track of negotiations.
"I will consider it." The elf ground out eventually, shooting a glare also at Tauriel who had schooled her expression into stone, her hand on Kíli's shoulder apparently what had kept him from interfering with the discussion.
"I pray you think on the consequences of such an alliance as well as these so called advantages." Thranduil noted, whether to Tauriel or Fíli was unclear as he addressed the whole room.
With a rather dramatic whirl of his cloak, he then nearly stormed from the tent, his guards struggling to keep pace.
"Well, that could have been worse." Kíli was the first to speak. He squeezed his brother's shoulder with a wide smile. "All those dull rhetoric and politic lessons have really paid off with you." He winked though Fíli only responded with a weak smile.
"I for my part, don't know how you do it. I haven't even said anything and I need some air." Kíli continued and expectantly looked up at Tauriel who shook her head with a wry expression. "You know what the conditions are if you wish to go outside." She reminded him and his face immediately fell.
"Fine. But do you have to carry me?" He begged quietly though everyone could well hear him.
The older dwarves present tried unsuccessfully to hide their amusement.
"It's either that or staying inside." The elf smiled indulgently.
The young dwarf grumbled but then nodded. As the elf bent down, the others present turned their attention back to Fíli to spare his brother any more embarrassment as he was lifted up into the elf-maid's arms and carried off like a rescued maiden of human fairy-tales.
"I have to say, laddie, I wish I had your nerves with these leaf-eaters." Gloin noted, shaking his head and shuddering.
"Aye, lad. I've always said you have a knack for keeping your head on the battlefield." Dwalin remarked, patting him on the shoulder more gently than he usually might.
"Yer uncle sure would be proud." Bofur told him with sincere eyes and Fíli only then looked up to give him a grateful smile. "Thank you, Bofur. Though I think he'd more likely have my head." He said quietly and it sent everyone laughing.
They did quieten down rather quickly though, the grief still too close for all of them and it was plainly written on Fíli's face that the thought of his uncle was still a raw wound for him.
"There is more to consider if the elves leave for their forest." Dwalin broke the silence. "The orcs didn't just disappear. There's reports that they're hiding away for now, but there is no telling what they will do if they decide us an easy target again."
Fíli's jaw clenched. "Have scouts been sent to locate them and give us an idea for numbers?"
"I can scout them out if you want. Been itching to get out a bit anyhow." Nori offered from where he had been lurking in the background.
Fíli nodded at him gratefully. "Thank you, Nori. I don't want to rely on outside sources for this."
There was a short silence when the company took in the precarious situation they were in. They could not trust Dain anymore, the elves would be leaving soon and that left their list of allies remarkably thin.
Making their excuses, they eventually filtered out of the tent, ostensibly to find Bombur who was getting some food going for them all.
"Fíli, lad, I need to speak with you." Balin who had stayed behind looked uncomfortable.
The blond dwarf sighed and turned back to him from where he had watched the others leave the tent. "I'm tired, Balin."
There was a silence because they both knew it was a huge admission for the usually dutiful heir of Durin.
Balin swallowed, then managed a fake smile. "Well, perhaps it can wait then, laddie." He said and made to leave as well, but then Fíli shook his head, reaching up to rub a shaky hand over his eyes.
"No, tell me." He rasped and Balin hesitated only a moment, before stepping closer to the padded chair they had somehow found for their future king.
"I…there is talk among the people." He began, "they are suggesting… things about the closeness between you and Sigrid."
Fíli was silent for a fair amount of time, staring at the desk and papers laid out in front of him.
"Help me to my bed, please." He then said tonelessly.
Balin's eyes softened as he rushed to support him when he pushed the chair back. "Alright, here we go. Nice and easy." He slung one of Fíli's arms around his shoulders and took most of his weight. It was a good thing too as Fíli's legs felt like they would give way at any moment.
It was a frustrating realisation that simply sitting up the way he had was such a taxing business. Yet, Fíli could do nothing but let Balin guide him to his cot, the old dwarf easily managing to support him as though he weighed no more than a dwarfling.
When he was settled, the old dwarf took a seat on a stool. "You'll have to explain this to me a little, lad." He said.
Fíli was staring at the ceiling from where he lay on the cot, jaw clenched. The pain tonic Oin had given him to take was not enough to numb his injuries and he refused to take something stronger but the physical pain was not his immediate concern.
Balin knew this, Thorin would have done the same. Though people might think Kíli appeared more like his uncle in body, Fíli lacked none of the stubborn self-sacrificial nature he knew marked Thorin as a great leader.
He would watch closely and keep his peace until the young dwarf gave in and finally accepted help or until it became necessary to reveal the truth.
"I… We became close in Laketown and… after the attack." Fíli unexpectedly spoke up while Balin had already contemplated leaving him to get some rest. Instead he waited if there would be more information he might share.
"W-we care for each other…" Fíli grimaced because he had apparently not put too much thought into it and bless the poor lad, he had had far too much to worry about until this moment.
Balin sighed. "I take it her father does not know?"
Fíli closed his eyes and shook his head. "Not really… I mean he has been to see us…me."
Balin could tell he was struggling, whether it was because of exhaustion or the difficult situation that he seemed to only slowly come to recognise.
"Fíli," The advisor's tone was soft, "have you thought of what the consequences would be?" He did not need to voice the scale of things.
The blond dwarf was still to open his eyes again but he was breathing harsher, as if trying to stay calm. He shook his head again.
Balin hated to pain him, he truly did, but he felt things needed to be discussed, so he pressed on. "She is not yet of age, lad."
"She will be next year." Fíli croaked in protest and for a moment, Balin stared, because of the two of them, Fíli was the one to accept things quietly while Kíli could argue until sundown if he felt the need.
"That may be, but have you considered the other half of that equation?"
At this, Fíli did look at him, blue eyes filled with defiance but also pain. "I-I have."
"Has she? Does she understand that in her life-time you will not grow old? That she would wither but watch you thrive at the same time?" Balin pressed and it hurt his soul that he needed to do so, but these things needed to be put into words.
Fíli looked away then. "Please, Balin. Leave me be now." He quietly said and the old advisor nodded, squeezing his shoulder before he got up.
"Things are complicated enough right now. Think about things but we don't need this sort of conflict with the People of Dale when we're trying to negotiate the terms for a treaty." He told him regretfully, knowing it did not come close to the apology he wished he could give him.
"Get some rest, laddie. I'll see what I can do about those elves and Dain."
Balin almost found himself reaching out a hand then to brush Fíli's hair from his face, like he used to when he had been but a lad and come to him, upset and confused by the demands Thorin had put on him.
He had always had a habit of hiding behind his golden mane then though it had disappeared in his adult years.
He quickly pulled back when he reminded himself of the present. This was no little dwarfling anymore, though young and clearly suffering this was his King to be. No matter how he wished to comfort him, it was no longer his place.
Instead, he left him there curled up on his side while he exited the tent and looked to the mountain. "Oh, Thorin. The lad needs you." He whispered, ignoring the little tear that slid into his beard.
Late that night, Sigrid had come to change his bandages and bring him some supper.
She immediately noticed how Fíli barely spoke a word, staring off into nothing. Not that he was a chatterbox like his brother, but usually he at least greeted her with a dimpled smile and made an effort to ask about her family.
When he did look at her he was stone-faced and formal; much as if he did not know her.
She kept quiet until she was ready to help him lie back down. "Is something the matter? Did the elves refuse you?" She then asked, worried that perhaps the meeting had gone awry.
"No." Fíli still did not look at her. "No, Thranduil has not outright refused us supplies, so that is something." He reluctantly elaborated.
The silence ate at Sigrid and fidgeting where she stood, she blurted: "Have I done something wrong? Have I somehow insulted you?"
At least it shocked him into looking at her. "No! No, don't ever think… Mahal have mercy, Sigrid, don't ever think any of this is your fault." He sat back up with a wince, but waved her away when she made to move toward him.
She clenched her fists by her side, feeling useless and helpless all at once at his refusal and the distance he had suddenly built up between them.
"Then talk to me, Fíli." She hissed, temper flaring.
He did not speak for a moment, did not even seem to react to her outburst for the longest time.
"I…your family must need you, Sigrid. Why are you still here?" He eventually asked in a toneless, resigned voice, eyes quickly darting away from hers to settle on the tent ceiling.
She frowned at him. "My family is fine. Da is organizing everything with Bain's help and you need me here."
She paused, looking at his pained expression. "Don't you?… I… I can leave if you want me to."
He shook his head before she could let the fear that he might send her away grow. "I don't want you to leave…" He took a deeper breath, relaxing a little as his body settled more into his mattress. "I just thought it's…" He looked into her eyes intently, "time for you to get back to your family." he then admitted.
Sigrid felt herself flush deeply, though she was not sure if it was the realisation that he was pushing her away, or the fact that yes, her priority should have been her own family and though they were safe, there was no justification to her continued presence in the Dwarven camp.
When she met Fíli's eyes again, he looked like he was awaiting a deathblow. "Is this really what you want?" She asked, pushing away the anger for now, wondering if there was something more he was struggling with.
" I…" He grit his teeth for a moment then closed tired eyes to take a deeper breath. "It doesn't matter what I want. It matters what I have to do for my people."
She completely stilled, tried to speak but nothing made it past her lips.
She had not had time to think, to realise what had been growing between them. Too much had been going on, too many things had been on her mind.
Of course his obligation to his people came first, of course whatever this thing between them was, would not be anything that might grow, would be anything they could even afford to seriously entertain.
Fíli still kept his eyes closed, breathing shakily both from the exhaustion of the day and the situation itself. He wanted to curl up and sleep until everything revealed itself to be nothing but a very confusing dream.
"I… will you look at me, Fíli?" Sigrid spoke and made herself touch his cheek with shaky fingers. It had before been a simple thing to do, almost natural after what they had been through but she had not been aware of the significance until this moment.
She gulped at the pain in his eyes when he did look at her.
"Explain this to me." She asked, awkwardly and feeling a little stupid for not understanding what was causing him so much pain, why he was saying these things.
He tried to sit then, but clearly his injuries were too sore, too strained, because he only lifted himself onto his elbows before he had to bite his lip to hold in a groan. She wanted to push him back down, but refrained from doing so, worrying it might cause him unnecessary pain.
"I…" Fíli started hoarsely, "I do not want to stain your honour anymore than it has already suffered. I have been told things my people say, sooner or later your people will start speaking of these things too and then your father…" He rambled but could not bring himself to say it.
"What? What are they saying?" Sigrid was growing tired of not being able to follow his train of thought.
He ground his teeth together, still looking at her like he was trying to memorise her. "They are questioning why you are spending so much time in here, what you are doing, why you are doing it." He breathed out eventually. "I…I would not have them speak ill of you."
Sigrid stared at him blankly, understanding dawning. She licked her lips, looking away. Of course, as a Bargeman's daughter, nobody would care about her relations. But what she had so far successfully pushed away, was that she was now a Lady of Dale and a Lady of Dale would be scrutinised in everything she did.
"I…" She cast a quick glance at Fíli, though quickly looked away again. "I would stay anyway. As long as you need me. Healing is no art to be ashamed of." She eventually muttered.
"Sigrid, I can't ask you to-"
-"You're not." She interrupted, more assured then. "I never even considered what others may think, Fíli." She looked at him then, both acknowledging the painful reality. "But what I would do, is repay my debt to you, for you saved my life in Laketown and those who would speak ill, will simply have to be reminded of that."
He nodded, trying to hold in the wince at the still pulsing ache from having strained his injuries. He froze when Sigrid suddenly leant down, pressing her lips to his.
She felt her eyes burn with tears because up until then, neither of them had fully understood what this had meant and now it seemed more of a thing that stood between them rather than something connecting them.
Fíli's large hand cupped her cheek to keep her in place when she made to pull back. "I'm sorry." He whispered against her lips.
She kissed him again before simply pressing her forehead to his. "I- I will not be going anywhere until you tell me to." She breathed before taking his hand into her smaller one and giving it a squeeze as she pulled back.
"I should." He said, pulling away. "I should tell you to stay away."
She tried to meet his eyes but found that he would not let her, instead, closing his again with a tired sigh. "I understand duty, Fíli. I do not blame you. I will be here while you need me;" She paused; "As your friend."
"I have to check on Tilda." There were tears in her eyes as she straightened and made to leave even if she tried to hide them.