Walking alongside the little girl's side, she did her best not to let go of her hand. Her grip was tighter than she had intended. She was always anxious when she was in charge of her. Even though it had been five years since she'd met the little girl who had grown from a cute four-year-old to a bossy nine-year-old, she was always nervous whenever she looked after her. They'd made their way towards the Academy's base where he was due to leave the Enterprise in approximately twenty minutes when the ship docked in San Francisco. It had been eight months since she'd last seen him.

"You know that there are over nine thousand diseases?"

"Is that so? Where did you read that?"

"In the book that dad sent me for Christmas," she responded and peered up to the older woman who had cut her curly hair so that it hung to her shoulders instead of down to her back. "You know that there are almost a thousand of those diseases that have no cure as well? I bet that there might be others out there that we don't know about. Do you think that dad knows about them? Do you think there might be cures out there?"

"I think you might be asking the wrong person there."

"You're a doctor, Elizabeth," the little girl continued, tugging on Elizabeth's hand harshly as they moved in between the crowd in the plaza. They walked in between the water features that were spouting up jets of water, kids laughing in awe of them as they got hit by the spray and their parents warned them to be careful.

"I'm not a medical doctor, Joanna," Elizabeth said to her. "I've got a PhD. That's a different thing."

"Why is it?"

"Because," Elizabeth drawled out, "I'm a historian, not a doctor who heals people. It's a different thing."

"Did you never want to be a real doctor?" Joanna wondered.

Elizabeth didn't take her comment to heart. She knew that she didn't entirely understand what a PhD was. She didn't blame her for that. She was nine. She was enamoured with science thanks to her father and his gifts that Elizabeth might claim were not entirely age appropriate, but she guessed that was a discussion she would have with him another time, not when he'd just got back from deep space.

"Not really," Elizabeth said with a shake of her head. "I don't entirely like blood."

"But why did you not stay with Starfleet Academy?"

Elizabeth bit down on her tongue. That felt like an entire lifetime ago now. She could remember being a cadet. She could remember wearing the red uniform that she saw the other cadets wearing who were leaving numerous buildings, no doubt having finished classes. She knew some would head to the library while others would just head to the bar. She had always been the former. She spent her days with her head buried in books. She hated using the screens. There was something about holding books from the archives that felt better. Plus, she liked the smell of them.

"It just wasn't for me," Elizabeth said with a shake of her head. She was lying. She had loved it. She had loved being on the Enterprise. She had loved the idea of exploring planets no one had been to before. She'd researched. She'd examined the ancient textbooks. She'd spent time pouring over them. But she'd loved the man she'd met on the Enterprise more. She'd given it up because it meant they could still be together.

"I want to go to space when I'm older," Joanna declared and Elizabeth knew that she would end up there. She was a smart girl with a bright future ahead of her. "Do you think I can go with my dad?"

"Maybe one day," Elizabeth said, trying not to put any ideas in her head. "Your dad is going to be so excited to see you though and we both know he isn't a fan of space."

"It's funny," Joanna said with a chuckle as they walked into the building.

The entire front of it was glass, the atrium large and bright with a waterfall against one wall and sliding doors leading off into other rooms. There was a coffee shop around the corner and Elizabeth couldn't count the number of times she'd sat in it and waited for him to come home, completely and utterly envious of where he'd been. They headed on through to the edge of the room. Elizabeth stood in the usual place where she met him, knowing that he'd know where to go. She closed her eyes for a moment and felt her chest ache for a moment at the thought of seeing him in person again.

"Do you think that we can go and get ice cream when dad comes out?" Joanna wondered. "I'm starving."

"I think he wanted to go out for dinner," Elizabeth said and she received a set of large brown eyes staring up at her. "But I suppose we can go for ice cream after dinner, if you still have room."

"I will," Joanna said firmly, not once wavering.

"I don't doubt it," Elizabeth said with a wry smile.

She knew they only had until seven before Jocelyn came for Joanna. She had been reluctant to let her daughter go in the first place. She never entirely liked her visiting her father and his new girlfriend, but there was a visiting order in place. Joanna might not live with them, but she was welcome whenever. The main problem was that her father was often gone for months on end.

Looking to the doors, Elizabeth waited for him to walk through them. She watched as other members of the Enterprise walked through. She recognised a few of them, but she wondered if they still remembered her. It had been a few years since she'd last seen any of them. The only one she saw often enough was Jim whenever he visited them on his downtime.

And it was him who she saw making his way towards her, dressed in his yellow jumper, dark trousers and with his badge against his chest. He looked around and his eyes finally landed on Elizabeth and Joanna, the two of them sticking out in a crowd of almost everyone in red or grey Starfleet Academy uniform. Elizabeth smiled as he made his way over to them and Joanna finally spotted him, her smile widening. She tore her hand from Elizabeth's and ran forwards.

"Uncle Jim!" she shouted loudly and Jim bent down to catch her, hauling her into the air and spinning her round. She squealed loudly in joy. Jim's face lit up as he set her back down and looked to her, tugging on a lock of her straight dark hair playfully as she swatted him away.

"You've grown so much since I last saw you," Jim said to her.

"Well, I haven't seen you in ages," she complained to him. "I'm nine and a half now."

"Wow, nine and a half," Jim said, hand going to her shoulder as he guided her back to where Elizabeth was stood. He looked to the woman who had once been the resident historian on the Enterprise. She'd been lieutenant, but he had no doubt she could keep on rising if she really wanted to. She'd been clever and determined. She'd been almost a perfect student. "Is that half really important?" Jim wondered.

"Oh, very," Elizabeth answered and Joanna rolled her eyes, the three of them huddling together. Elizabeth moved towards Jim and embraced him with one arm as he cautiously held her around the waist. "It's good to see you, Jim."

"You too, Lizzie," he said before pulling back and giving her space. "You know that Bones has been moping over you ever since we left, right?"

"He's been moodier than usual?"

"I didn't think it was possible either, but turns out it is," Jim responded as he ruffled Joanna's hair again, the smile remaining on his face. "But that's why I'm here instead of him. There's been an issue in medical bay. Most of the crew have gone down with some kind of food poisoning…he's got people in quarantine…people collapsing…dehydration…he's really going through it."

Elizabeth felt her heart sink at that and her stomach churn. She looked down to the watch on her wrist that he'd given her for her thirtieth birthday. She checked the time and saw that it was already three.

"When will he be out?" Elizabeth wondered.

She knew it came across as selfish. She knew that he was a doctor and that his first and foremost priority would always be those who were under his care. He was the Chief Medical Officer and that meant he didn't delegate. He rarely did. He always felt as though he had to take things on himself, even if he could pass it onto someone else.

"I don't know, but he told me to tell you not to wait around for him and he'd meet you at the restaurant as soon as possible."

"How does he know which one we'll be at?"

"I think he's assuming you'd just go to Benny's or am I wrong?" Jim wondered and he saw Elizabeth narrow her glare before her jaw stiffened. He sighed and moved towards her, dropping his voice in the hope that Joanna couldn't hear what they were talking about. "He's sorry, Elizabeth. It's just that he's needed on the ship still…you know what it's like."

"I know," Elizabeth said. "But Joanna is only here until seven."

"I can hear you, you know?" Joanna said and Elizabeth looked down to her. She forgot that she was growing into an inquisitive young girl. Jim chuckled at her and knew that she was going to have her father's level of sass when she grew up. He nodded his head and crouched down slightly towards her height.

"I gathered," Jim said. "Listen, I'll give you the biggest bar of chocolate I can find if you just give me and Lizzie here two minutes?"

"So you can talk about me?"

"No, so we can talk about work. It's really boring. You'd hate it."

"Fine," Joanna huffed. "I'm going to the bathroom."

"We'll be right here," Elizabeth said and she watched as Joanna headed off to the bathroom, her navy pleated skirt swaying around her legs and her white top crumpling. She stepped into the room and Elizabeth kept her eyes flickering between the bathroom door and Jim.

"Can you not keep her until tomorrow morning?" Jim wondered.

Elizabeth scoffed. "You know that Jocelyn doesn't let him see her overnight. Ever since I moved in she's not comfortable with Joanna staying the night," she said and Elizabeth rolled her eyes at that. She did her best not to let it impact her, but it did. She felt as though she always came between him and his daughter and she'd never wanted that.

"But he's been gone for months."

"You think Jocelyn is going to care? She'll just use it against him," Elizabeth said. She didn't get on with Leonard's ex-wife. She had tried her best. She had done everything she could to be pleasant with her, but it had failed miserably. Jocelyn didn't like her and in turn, Elizabeth had started to resent the woman.

"I know what she's like, but he…he's missed you both so much and we're only here for a few weeks."

"A few weeks?" Elizabeth asked, shifting her gaze from the bathroom door and onto Jim, eyes widening and mouth parting as she struggled to come to terms with that. "I thought that the Enterprise had to dock for at least four months to undergo repair?"

"Turns out she's pretty ready to go still and needed on another diplomatic mission sooner rather than later."

"But he's…I thought we had months…not just weeks…"

"I know, Elizabeth," Jim said, his tone softening. "And I know how hard this is for you-"

"-Do you?" Elizabeth interrupted Jim. "I gave everything up because I love him. I love him and I didn't want to see him disgraced after what happened between us…and I thought that I could do this. I thought that I could live here…teach…but every night I go to bed and I'm just consumed by loneliness. I just want him and it's killing me, Jim. It's killing me because I can't see him ever leaving anytime soon."

Jim was quiet then and he knew the toll that this had to be taking on them. He knew that it wasn't easy because he talked to Bones. He'd sat and drank with him on a number of nights and listened to the sarcastic doctor open up to him about how much he missed Elizabeth and didn't know how much longer he wanted to keep going on missions.

"He feels the same, Liz," Jim assured her. "But it's not going to be forever."

"Then why does it feel like it will be?" Elizabeth wondered just as Joanna came rushing out of the toilets, her top askew from not being tucked in completely.

"Are you finished talking about work?" Joanna questioned from them, brows arched on her forehead and chin jutting out.

"Yeah, we're finished," Elizabeth said and reached down to sort the young girl's top out on her frame, pulling and tugging on it so that it sat right. "And we're going to meet your father at the restaurant, alright? He just needs to finish some work on the ship."

"Alright," Joanna said with a shrug of her shoulders. "Are you coming with us, Uncle Jim?"

"Ah, I'd love to kiddo, but I've got to go and debrief some really boring people about the mission we've just been on," he said with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. Joanna laughed and then pouted.

"Fine," she said.

"But I'll see you before I go again, alright?" Jim said to her and gave her shoulder a firm squeeze. "And stop growing, would ya?"

"That's not in my hands," Joanna said.

"God, you're your father's daughter," he muttered and straightened himself to full height. Looking back to Elizabeth, he saw her toying with the ends of her hair for a moment, her eyes wistfully focused on the door on the far end of the atrium where Bones was supposed to come out. "You gonna be alright?" Jim addressed her.

She met his eye again and nodded. "We'll be fine," she assured him and then reached for Joanna's shoulder. "Come on, honey, I think we deserve a treat."

Jim watched as Joanna exclaimed at that, reeling off suggestions of what she wanted. The two of them walked away together and Jim's hands fell to his hips as he wondered just what his life might be like if he finally settled down. But he didn't think that was for him. It wasn't for him. His life was the Enterprise and he was happy with that.

…

"On a scale of one to ten, how pissed off was she?"

Jim had finished giving the debrief on the mission before going back to the Enterprise. The medical bay was still full with nurses dashing round, giving people water and handing them bowls as they threw up the contents of their stomachs. Bones had been stood to one side, looking down at the medical records of one patient and trying to work out what had caused the mass sickness. It turned out that it was some undercooked meat that everyone had dined on the night before, except for those who had missed dinner in the cafeteria because they were on a different shift.

"I'm not sure pissed off was the right word," Jim said to his friend who dropped his PADD onto the desk and nodded slowly. Looking round, he did his best not to feel too upset by what was going on. He shouldn't even be there. He should be wandering the streets of San Francisco with Joanna telling him everything she was learning from school, her hand in his as his free arm remained slung over Elizabeth's shoulders. He wondered if she'd started on that book he'd given her on deadly disease?

"I can imagine," Bones replied dryly, picturing Elizabeth's pouting lips and her green eyes silently glaring. "And Joanna?"

"Since when did she get so big?" Jim wondered and Bones chuckled despite the fact that he didn't find the situation amusing at all. "But she looked good. The two of them were going out and they said they'd meet you at Benny's for dinner."

"If I make it out for dinner," Bones complained. "The God-damn dining hall served everyone off shift the same undercooked chicken last night. That's why everyone here is so sick…plus some snuck off to the bar. Add food poisoning to alcohol and you don't have an excellent scenario."

"How long do you think it'll be until people are back to normal?"

"At least two days, but hopefully by then symptoms will be more manageable for people to treat themselves at home. When I say treat themselves, I mean just have a toilet on hand to vomit down," Bones said and Jim wrinkled his nose at that comment.

"You've got such a way with words," Jim commented. "Not sure if they taught you about bedside manners at medical school."

"They taught it, didn't mean I listened," Bones retorted and motioning to his office with a jolt of his head. Jim followed him, the door sliding open in front of them before closing again. Heading to his desk, McCoy sat down in his chair, knowing that he could have at least two minutes without being needed. Any longer than that and he would consider it a miracle.

"Seriously, was she annoyed?"

"Not annoyed, but upset," Jim confessed and took the leather chair across from Bones. He settled down and leant back, hands clasping hold of the arms of the chair. McCoy folded his arms on the desk, sleeves rolled up his forearms and a strand of dark hair falling against his forehead. He inhaled a sharp breath.

"I think that's worse than being annoyed."

"She just misses you, like you miss her," Jim said with a shrug. "I think she was more upset for Joanna. She said Jocelyn was picking her up at seven and she doubted she'd be able to get her to extend that timeline."

"She won't be," Bones concurred. "My ex-wife is many things and amicable ain't one of them. I'll call her later and see if I can see her tomorrow at some point."

"I think Elizabeth was going to do what she could."

"It'll end up with her being able to do nothing because Jocelyn can't stand her," Bones said. "Not that I have any idea why. It wasn't Elizabeth who ended our marriage. It was Jocelyn who found someone else while she still wore a ring. I mean, Christ, Lizzie didn't know she was getting into all of this when she agreed to date me, did she? An ex-wife…practically co-raising a daughter who isn't hers when I told her that I'm not even sure if I believe in marriage anymore-"

"-You need to stop with the self-pity," Jim interrupted him. "And this is coming from an expert of self-pity. It won't do you any good. Elizabeth Blackwood knew exactly what she was getting herself involved with when the two of you started your relationship. She knew that you had an ex-wife. She knew that you had a daughter."

"But she didn't know it would be this hard work."

"Do you see her running for the hills just yet?" Jim asked. "Give her some credit, Bones. She's stronger than you give her credit for and, for some reason unbeknownst to all of mankind, she loves you. She loves you and she can handle all of that baggage that comes with you. She just…she just wants you. She just wants you and I know you want her. It makes me wonder just why you keep coming on these missions when both of you are so miserable."

"I have a contact to work to, you know that," Bones said. "Plus, I need to be able to save up some money considering what Jocelyn took from me in the divorce."

"You do know your girlfriend is a renowned lecturer, right? She earns more than enough for both of you."

"And you think I want to live off her?"

"No, but I know that you're the Chief Medical Officer of the USS Enterprise. If you wanted a job in San Fran or anywhere else then you could have it," Jim said to him and Bones nodded his head. He knew that. He had the credentials to be able to get a job anywhere he wanted to. Jim observed the doctor as he ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it even more. "What is it, Bones? What is going on with you?"

"You want to get into it now when someone could walk through those doors cradling a bucket of sick and smelling like the back end of-"

"-Maybe if you just get to the point we can avoid being interrupted," Jim suggested, cutting the doctor off. He knew that Bones was cantankerous. He was stubborn and strong-willed. He had a cold and hard exterior, but Jim had seen behind that. He'd seen the truth. He knew who Leonard McCoy really was.

"I ruined her career. I've taken away the best years of her life. Every time I go back to that apartment…I keep thinking that she'll have realised she made a mistake and she won't be there. All that will be there is a note on the dining table telling me she's found someone else…re-joined the Academy…doesn't want me. She'll realise soon enough that she can do better and I'll be alone again. It's better not to give this up because it's a safety net."

Jim considered what his friend was saying to him and nodded thoughtfully. He weighed up what Bones had said and then settled on the only thing he could think of saying. "You're being an idiot."

Bones frowned. "Excuse me?"

"You think she's going to leave you because she can do better? No. The only reason why she'd leave you is because you're pushing her away. You're pushing her away because you feel all of this guilt because you think you ruined her career when that never happened. She chose to leave the Enterprise and Starfleet. Did she give a lot up? Yes, she did…but she did it. She made the choice. She made the choice and she still wants you. She just wants you, Bones. I don't know how many more times I can say that to you or make it clear."

"Because I will never understand it," Bones confessed.

"Yeah, you and me both, buddy," Jim concurred, drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair. "But don't mess this up. Just think about what you want and go for it…whatever it is."

"Easier said than done when-"

"-Dr McCoy, we have a patient out here who is complaining of severe cramps," a nurse suddenly interrupted, his office door whirling open. Bones nodded to her and stood up, pulling his sleeves down and rubbing his eyes.

"I'll be there in a moment," he said to her with a nod and then looked to the clock. It was already five. "Looks like dinner isn't happening either, I guess."

"You should let her know," Jim said.

"I'll message her in a moment…I'd be amazed if I wasn't in the doghouse after this."

…

"Look, we have a spare room and we can have her home by lunch tomorrow," Elizabeth tried to plead with Jocelyn, but it was completely futile. She was stood on the sidewalk outside of Benny's. McCoy had messaged just as they'd gotten there to say that he wasn't going to make it. Elizabeth had insisted on her and Joanna still having dinner, sharing a pizza between them before Jocelyn came to pick her up from the restaurant at seven with her new husband.

Joanna was in the backseat of the car, her stepfather in the driver's side holding onto the wheel and ready to go. Jocelyn had climbed out to greet her daughter, bundling her into the car before asking Elizabeth where Leonard was.

"It's not part of the custody arrangement. Joanna does day visits, not sleepovers."

"I know, but Leonard hasn't seen her in months. He's missed her," Elizabeth tried to lobby on his behalf. "Jocelyn, it is just one night. She'll be fine."

"No," Jocelyn said firmly, pushing her light brown hair behind her ears. She was still a striking woman who intimidated Elizabeth with her sharp tongue and withering glare. She was tall with long, straight hair. Her hazel eyes were framed with mascara and eye liner while she had a nude lipstick on. She was wearing a fitted blue dress and heels. Apparently, her and Albie, her new husband, had just been to the opera. She looked so much more poised than Elizabeth who was stood there in a pair of jeans and a white button-down shirt.

"Jocelyn, I know we don't see eye-to-eye and for some reason you don't like me-"

"-Can you blame me?" Jocelyn interrupted. "You're my ex-husband's former patient. He almost lost his job because he was sleeping with you…not to mention you're five years younger than he is…you're not exactly the kind of woman I want my daughter around."

"It's more complicated than that and you know it," Elizabeth defended. "I love him. Nothing happened because I left Starfleet."

"And now you know what it's like to be in a relationship with him," Jocelyn said, arms folding over her chest. "He leaves you alone for months on end and you sit and wait for him…even if he wasn't part of Starfleet when I was with him, he was always absent."

"That's different."

"Is it?" Jocelyn wondered, arching a perfect brow. "Because it's alright to admit that you made a mistake in giving everything up to pursue a relationship with him. Unless you want your life to be miserable…I'd consider if this is what you really want."

"What you had with him is different to what we have," Elizabeth said firmly.

Jocelyn chuckled and headed back to the car. "Yeah, keep telling yourself that. People don't change and Leonard McCoy certainly never could."

Elizabeth remained on the sidewalk and watched as Jocelyn climbed into the car. She stepped back as the car moved away and Joanna waved at Elizabeth as she pulled away. Elizabeth waved back, forcing herself to smile at the little girl before she wondered just what Jocelyn had meant before she made the trek back to their apartment.

…

It was late when Leonard returned home. He fished the keycard from his jean pocket and swiped it against the access pad. He opened the door slowly and closed it with a quiet snick, determined not to make a noise. He dropped his duffel bag to the ground and shrugged out of his leather jacket, hanging it up on the coat rack in the hallway. He moved towards the kitchen and living area. Everything was as he remembered. Their l-shaped grey sofa was opposite the window, the blinds still open and giving a view over the Golden Gate bridge. The kitchen was pristinely clean with its shimmering marble worktops and white units.

Looking to the dining table, he saw a tub there and moved to it. There was a note on top of it that just said 'eat me'. He peeled the tub open and saw a portion of ravioli in tomato sauce. She must have gotten it from Benny's to take away. He smiled sadly. He moved the tub to the fridge and kicked his shoes off, leaving them in the corner of the room.

His sock covered feet slipped on the wooden floors as he headed down towards their bedroom. He kept the lights off, but as he pushed the door open to the bedroom, he found that Elizabeth had left her bedside lamp on. She was sleeping, however. She had a book dropped to the floor, an arm dangling out of the bed and the duvet around her chest. Her hair was skewed around her head and her mouth open, a small amount of drool rolling down her chin and onto the pillow that made him hide a chuckle.

He didn't want to wake her, but he knew that it was the right thing to do. He dimmed her lamp and moved to her side of the king-size bed, almost tripping on one of her sneakers on his way. He moved slowly to crouch down by the bed, moving a hand towards her and running his fingers along her cheek.

"Hey, sweetheart," he said in a gentle whisper but it was enough to make her stir.

Her eyes fluttered open and she came round. She narrowed her eyes as she tried to adjust her vision to the light. "Hey," she said sleepily to him.

"You already drooling on the pillow, huh?" he said to her, teasing her lightly and she became more alert as she wiped a hand over her mouth and down her chin. Leonard laughed softly before watching her roll onto her back and use her elbows to shift herself upwards, hair tumbling behind her.

"Shut up," she said.

"I don't mind it, darlin', it's not exactly an attractive trait, but I wouldn't say it's a turn off," he said and she rolled her eyes as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed once she'd given him some space. She finally sat up against the headboard, duvet pooling into her lap and revealing the fact she was wearing one of his old grey tops. "And you've had a haircut," he said, reaching for a lock of hair and tugging on it.

"Amazed you noticed," Elizabeth said to him.

"I'm a perceptive man," he said.

Elizabeth scoffed. "Does that mean you noticed the new chair in the living room when you came in?"

His brows furrowed. "We have a new chair?"

"Perceptive my ass," she said and nudged him in the shoulder, her own lips arching as his fingers moved from her hair and to her cheek, stroking it softly, the motion tender and soothing. She could feel that his hands were slightly rough, no doubt from work. She took his wrist and moved his hand, kissing the palm of it and then lacing his fingers into hers. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Lizzie," he whispered. "And I'm sorry about tonight."

"You don't need to apologise."

"Yeah, I do," he said. "We had plans…Joanna was here…I'm missing out on too much already."

"I tried to persuade Jocelyn to let her stay for the night, but that didn't go down well as you can imagine," Elizabeth confessed. "But Joanna was upset. She'd been really looking forward to seeing you. All she could talk about was that book you gave her. She regaled me with so many stories of infectious diseases that could kill me at any moment."

"Some light-hearted reading will do her good," Bones said, voice dry as Elizabeth rolled her eyes and he moved to sit up next to her, keeping her hand in his as he moved his arm over her shoulders. She leant her head against his shoulder as he kissed the top of her head. "I miss her, Lizzie. I miss you both so much."

"I know," she assured him. "And Jim said you're going off on another mission in weeks…I thought we had months, Len."

"So did I, but we're needed," Leonard said to her. "I know that this isn't ideal and I hate it as much as you do…and that's why…I think we need to talk."

Elizabeth stiffened, her shoulders tensing. She dropped his hand from hers and adjusted herself so that she could look him in the eye. He kept his arm around her shoulders, not wanting to let her go. She wondered if this was it. They'd talked about him potentially giving it all up, but it had all been in the future. They'd never committed to anything. Heck, it had taken long enough for them to commit to moving in together.

"That sounds ominous."

"I…I think there's a lot to be said that we haven't said," Leonard said to her. "You know as well as I do that there's been things going on that…that we've been keeping hidden…pretending we're happy when we're not happy."

Elizabeth nodded. So they were going to do this. She had no idea how it would end, but they were due the conversation, no matter how much she wished they could avoid it. She inhaled sharply and moved from the bed. "If we're doing this then I'd prefer to do it with alcohol," she said to him and he watched her head on to his wardrobe. She peeled the door open and stood on her toes, finding the expensive bottle of bourbon he kept hidden there for special occasions. She'd asked him why he didn't keep it in the kitchen but then claimed that it was designed to be hidden for when Jim came round.

"You alright?" Bones asked as she loosened the screw cap and took a swig.

She nodded and then handed him the bottle before kneeling back on the mattress, playing with the drawstrings of the jogging pants she wore. "I can't keep doing this," she confessed to him.

He frowned. He knew it. He knew that this day would come sooner or later. He knew that there had been a chance, but he wasn't prepared to hear it that night. Then again, he'd been foolish to think it wasn't coming. He nodded thoughtfully and then accepted it.

"I'll pack my things. This is your place. I know-"

"-What the hell are you talking about?" she interrupted him, voice shrill as she screwed the lid back onto the bottle, dropping it to the side. He picked it up, prepared to take a drink. "I don't want you to move out, Leonard. I don't even want to break up. Why? Is that what you wanted to talk about? You're breaking up with me?"

"Hell no!" Leonard exclaimed, shaking his head profusely. That was the last thing he intended to do. "I don't want to break up with you, Lizzie. Christ, sweetheart, that's the last thing I want to do. I just figured that you'd had enough of me and you wouldn't be wrong to feel that way. In fact, I'd say it might be the most sensible thing you'd ever said."

"Jesus, Len, I don't want that. I just…I meant that I can't keep living like this…having stolen moments together and then being torn apart for months on end. I thought that I could. I thought that it would be fine, but the missions keep getting longer. They keep us apart for more time and it's…it's too much…and I know we said one day we'd talk about the future and I think…I think that time's come because this is too much for me, Len, and I know that's selfish, but-"

"-Sweetheart, it's anything but selfish," he promised her and took a swig of the bourbon, letting it burn the back of his throat. "I know how you feel. You think I like floating around in the middle of darkness when all I can think about is being back here with you. You think I don't want that? Hell, it's the only thing I think about when I'm on that ship."

"So what are we doing?" Elizabeth questioned from him. "I know leaving the Enterprise is a big step and I do get that. I get it…and it's selfish of me to even ask you to give it up when I know you'd never ask me to give something I love up."

Leonard snorted. "Liz, you gave everything up to be here," he reminded her.

She shook her head and looked into his eyes, her hand moving to his cheek and stroking it softly. "How many times do I have to tell you that I chose to give it up? I chose to give up the Enterprise and Starfleet because you meant more to me than any of that. If I'd have stayed…if anyone had reported us to our superiors then you know what would have happened. I'd have been chucked out of Starfleet and so would you. You'd have had your licence taken from you. I wasn't going to let any of that happen. I decided to do it."

"And it puzzles me every God-damn day," Leonard confessed to her. "Because I shouldn't have let things get that far. I should never have overstepped."

"Len, I do believe it takes two to tango," she reminded him. "We…we had no idea we'd end up where we did when you took me on as your patient. You know that and I know that. What happened has happened. If you're asking me if I regret falling in love with you then the answer is no. I will never regret that because you're everything to me."

"You know I feel the same, sweetheart," he replied and took hold of her hand again, holding it tightly in his grip and moving to run a hand down her arm soothingly. "I've just been too much of a coward to give it up because there's a part of me that's scared of you realising that I wasn't worth any of this."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that if we do this…I find a job teaching at med school…you stay lecturing…we'd be together most of the time. It wouldn't be the fleeting moments where we can hardly keep our hands off each other because we know that time is precious. You'll be with me all of the time and you'll come to realise that I wasn't worth giving your career up for…falling in love with…and then you'd leave me and I'd have nothing. I'd be alone again and I don't want that."

Elizabeth let his words sink in and she saw the hurt there. Underneath everything, Dr Leonard McCoy was a fragile man who had gone through so much heartbreak that he would rather be alone than open his heart again. He was too scared to take the risk. Elizabeth knew that he'd been abandoned before. Jocelyn had given up on him. He hadn't love anyone since then. It was understandable why he was so guarded. But Elizabeth had told him time and time again that she didn't regret anything that had happened between them.

Taking hold of his cheeks in her hands, she moved so that she was straddling his lap, her nose brushing his. "Listen to me, Leonard," she said.

"Full name, must be serious," he muttered and she gave one of his cheeks a pinch.

"Now isn't the time for your comments," she said to him.

"Sorry, darlin'," he said.

"Apology accepted," she said to him. "But the fact is this: I am not going anywhere. I want you. I want you here every day. I want to wake up to you and deal with your grumpy mood because we both know you're a grouch until you have a coffee. I want to come home and hear all about your day and what moron did something they shouldn't. I want weekends with you and Joanna at Benny's. I want holidays on some quiet beach with clear seas…just me and you…I want lazy Sundays in bed before we go to the farmer's market and you complain about me buying strawberries that you think are too expensive. I don't know how many times I can tell you this, but I want you, Len. I have always just wanted you and that isn't going to change. And I…anything else…marriage…it's not something we need to do because I know you don't believe in it."

"I never said never."

"No, but you've never been keen on the idea."

"Doesn't mean I wouldn't consider it."

"Well, whatever," Elizabeth said with a shake of her head. "I mean, my mom only keeps nagging me every time she calls to ask if you've popped the question yet, but she's just being a mom."

"But that does upset me, Liz, because if it's something you want-"

"-I just want you," Elizabeth said, not telling him that she really did hope that he might change his mind eventually. But it wasn't a deal breaker. "Alright? I don't want anyone else…just you…the grumpy, sarcastic, charming Southern doctor who has my heart and will always have it."

"Never had you down as a soppy romantic."

"One of us has to be in this relationship," she said to him and let go of him, sitting back slightly, resting her behind on his thighs as he moved his hands to her hips, holding them in his grip loosely.

"You want love songs and poems? I can try, but you're not going to get anything coherent."

"In that case, I think I'll keep being the soppy one," she responded and held onto his wrists, her fingers dancing up and down his forearms softly. "Just tell me that you're not going to push me away, Len. Promise that you're not going to keep all of this bottled up."

"You mean you want me to talk about my feelings? Because I'll warn ya, I do have a lot of them…not all pleasant."

"I want all of you, warts and all," she promised him and he hummed, the noise vibrating at the back of his throat. Kissing her forehead, he let her nestle against his neck. She pressed her face into his skin, inhaling his familiar scent and relieved that he was back with her. Moving his arms around her waist, he kept her pressed up against him.

"I love you, Lizzie," he whispered huskily. "And everything you want is what I want…and that's why…maybe it's time…maybe it's time for me not to think about the future, but to think about now."

"Only when you're ready," Elizabeth muttered.

He thought about the woman in his arms. He remembered how he'd almost lost her before. He remembered how he'd watched her, completely unconscious in his arms. He remembered how he'd sat by her bedside in that medical bay and sworn on whatever entity was up there that he'd be a better man for her.

That was why he knew. He knew it was time.

"I think I'm ready, darlin'," he whispered into her hair and closed his eyes, feeling like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. "I'm ready."

...

A/N: So this is only intended on being a one shot...but then I came up with an entire back story and am so tempted to turn it into a full story. Not sure if anyone would be interested, but please do let me know what you think!