A few weeks later, Rose was called to Kanaya's house to assist her with a sewing project related to the sari and some kind of young designer's contest, and in a situation that would cause Rose much embarrassment later, she had not resolved her alcoholic tendencies. Kanaya had backed off about pushing Rose into sobriety for whatever reason, and so Rose had less qualms about being tipsy (ok, a little bit more than tipsy) at Kanaya's house. The end result was her wrapping herself in Kanaya's uncut fabric as she sat on the floor of Kanaya's bedroom.
"Iiiii yam lovin'! This silk, Kanaye."
Kanaya let out a huffy sigh, and while Rose was smiling, her conscience gave her a twinge of guilt. "I do not believe this," Kanaya said. "You promised me you would be ready to help me with this."
"I am ready!"
"This is not ready! When I said 'ready', I believe your sobriety was more than implied as the operative criterion."
"Mehehe… Kanasta, you so wordy."
"Ugh! Why. Why did you do this on such an imperative day? When you told me you wouldn't?!"
Rose had to force her mind to swim through the boozey ocean she'd provided to get introspective for a moment. "Well… I wasn't going to, but I starded to think about everything. About helpin' with your outfiss, and walkin' that stage this summer, 'n' your famlily," Rose slurred. She was mostly nervous about Kanaya's family. By all accounts, her parents were something of… traditionalists, and didn't always understand the concept that Kanaya was a lesbian. "And I started getting nervous."
"But you can't help me like this! I need you! We have to handle your issues."
"What issues? My indiscretion wich alcoholol? Or something else…?"
"Rose, you made a promise to me and you did not keep it!" Kanaya was raising her voice.
"Kanaya, ples don't shout at me."
Kanaya paused and took a small breath. Rose's smile had long since faded. She knew; she knew Kanaya was right and Dave was right and Roxy was right, so why was giving something up so hard? Kanaya spoke again. "You've been stumbling around for weeks… months in such high spirits, which makes it impossible to broach the subject from a standpoint of mutual agreement that your behavior is a problem."
The Sober Rose trapped inside her brain agreed, but Drunk Rose pled ignorance. "But if I'm always happay, then… why is it a problem? Im'm not following. I would like to, but, wait… am I… have I been being a bistch to you and not realizing?"
"No, but… you're not you. This is not the Rose I got a massive crush on the first time I met her, and it's beginning to get worrying! Please, stop this."
"I'm trying! But is's… is sactually really hard, Kakaka."
"Yes! Life is hard! Things are supposed to be hard! And my name is Kanaya!"
"Whoops, I'm sorry, Yakaya… Kayolo… Papapya- SHIT! Your name is so lovely, why can't I shay it?"
"You cannot say it! Because you are! DRUNK!" Rose's heart panged. She'd never heard Kanaya shout at anyone like that, not even Vriska, who debateable needed it more than anyone else in the group.
"Are you… going to brek up with me?"
"NO!" Kanaya just about screamed before taking a few deep breaths. Rose still wasn't sure what to make of it all. "But… please, maybe you should go right now. I will… I will talk to you later."
Rose managed to get up to her feet. "Yeah… okay. I'm sorry."
As she walked downstairs and out of Kanaya's house, Rose realized that was the low point she needed to hit. She called Roxy for a ride home, and they sat in silence as Rose tapped away on her phone.
tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: daveeeee
TT: i fuckd up
TT: kanaye s really mad at me
TG: what did you do?
TT: im jus like
TT: hella drunk and comin back from her place
TT: i think i need to
TT: lie down
TT: an also not drink ennymore
TG: dude
TG: thats what ive been saying like since you started
TT: sorryyyyyy
TT: is not very often that dave strider is the voice of reason
TG: im not sure whether to be flattered or offended
TG: do you need me to help with anything
TT: no
TT: im gonna talk to roxy
TG: okay
TT: are you n dirk still coming for dinner tomnorw?
TG: i think so
TG: we can talk then if you want
TT: yes thank you
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
Roxy looked at Rose in her peripheral vision, and let out a sigh. "What'd you start doin' this for, Rose?"
"Wha…?"
"Drinking. After seein' what a hard time I had. I don't get it."
"I wanted to…" Rose's voice trailed as she thought about her motivations. "I wanted to be like you."
Roxy scoffed. "What you wanna be like me for?"
"Wha… Rox, you're smart, 'n' popular, 'n' confident 'n' people like you!"
"But not because I used to drink!" Roxy said. She took another breath as she pulled into the driveway. "Rose, I had a serious problem. I relied way too heavily on alcohol as a coping mechanism. And you helped me with that. Rose, do you know why I wanted to quit in the first place?"
"Why?"
"Because I realized it had started to push my friends away from me. I wasn't fun to be around, no matter how fun I thought I was."
Rose looked down at the floor od the car. Maybe she'd just gotten tired of being the cynical one, the stick in the mud. Maybe she'd just wanted to be admired like Roxy; like their mother. But there was a difference in the occasional indulgence—Mother having a martini or a glass of wine with dinner—and completely throwing yourself down the rabbit hole of a terrible habit, and Rose had done the latter.
"I'm so stupid, Rox," Rose muttered.
"Hey, hey, hey, no you're not. You're a person. People make mistakes. Now get outta the car so I can hug you properly, and then we can get all that shit out of your room." Rose offeres Roxy a small, gracious smile, and then they both got out of the car, hugged, and purged Rose's room of all illicit substances.
The next day, Rose was greeted by a message from a chumhandle she only vaguely recognized.
apocalypseArisen [AA] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]
AA: what do you think you are doing?
AA: just stop
AA: stop stop stop stop stop stop
AA: maybe if i say it enough something else will happen instead of the thing that is happening
TT: Ah, I had a feeling this might happen.
TT: Kanaya sent you, didn't she?
It was honestly surprising that Kanaya hadn't had someone intervene sooner. Still, Rose chose to not be forthright with Aradia quite yet. She'd rather tell Kanaya herself.
AA: you arent going to stop are you?
TT: You want me to stop drinking too?
AA: i know it can be exciting
AA: breaking yourself
AA: and not worrying about it
AA: but there are consequences to humoring your self-destructive impulses
AA: and consequences to…
TT: Hmm?
AA: nevermind
TT: You seem frustrated.
TT: Like you know you can't change me.
AA: i hardly know you and i know what i say means nothing
AA: that knowing is the same as this sick feeling thats been with me for months
AA: probably since before i died come to think of it
Rose blinked. Um… what?
TT: You… died?
AA: metaphorically
AA: i just wish
AA: back when i was behaving recklessly
AA: i had someone to tell me to stop
AA: even if i ended up ignoring their advice
AA: point being
AA: you have people around you that care about you and are concerned for your well-being
AA: you should think about that before you bug and fuss and meddle with dangerous things
TT: Do you know anything about my situation?
AA: no
AA: i know someone will get hurt if you are reckless
AA: you still havent gathered that you are the problem
Oh, Rose had certainly realized that. It seemed like Aradia was projecting a bit.
AA: im through contributing to other peoples problems
TT: Well,
TT: Aren't you doing that regardless?
AA: maybe
AA: but im just talking
AA: maybe the things i say will trigger your actions
AA: maybe not who knows
AA: maybe!
AA: maybe if i behave in a manner so random people wont know how to handle it!
AA: blah bloo blee bluhH! #$%^&*()
AA: didnt see that coming did you?
TT: O_O
AA: haha oh wow im sure you were just being facetious with that but you have no idea how funny that is right now
AA: you have no way of knowing thats a thing i used to do all the time but with zeroes
AA: this is great
AA: anyway
AA: goodbye rose
AA: nothing i say will make a difference
AA: enjoy your rampant indiscretions
TT: Don't go!
TT: You were very interesting.
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]
Rose took a deep breath. It was a shame she hadn't gotten to know Aradia a little better. Maybe they could have helped each other out. And now… it was time to message Kanaya about the developments in the last day.
tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
TT: So,
TT: You asked Aradia to speak to me?
And then, realizing how foreboding that message could sound at the behinning of a conversation like that, Rose sent another before Kanaya could panic too much.
TT: I'm not mad.
GA: Youre not?
TT: No.
TT: In fact, I'd intended on messaging you to apologize.
GA: Oh
GA: Uh… why?
GA: I mean
GA: Seems sudden
TT: You were right about my…
TT: Indiscretions.
TT: I didn't realize what an toll I'd been taking on our relationship.
TT: And on you.
TT: And to be frank, that makes me a kind of shitty girlfriend.
TT: Though I didn't want to admit it.
TT: And I commend your patience with me.
GA: Well… truth be told, I was so worried that if I pushed the issue you would see me as more of a bother
GA: It seems kind of foolish when I see it written out like that
GA: But it has happened before
GA: I did still enjoy spending time with you, even if my shouting fit yesterday led you to believe otherwise
TT: I still feel terrible about it.
TT: It was no way to start a relationship.
GA: That is
GA: Well that is true
GA: Though I must ask
GA: What made you stop?
TT: A combination of things.
TT: Mostly Roxy.
TT: I'd rather tell you about it in person, if that's alright.
GA: Completely understandable.
TT: Okay. I'm glad.
TT: I do have to go for the moment, though.
GA: Thats fine
TT: 3
GA: 3
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
Okay, that was done. Pesterchum kept going off—some kind of group memo—but Rose was emotionally drained, so she chose to simply not deal with it, and silenced her phone for a while.
Rose retreated to her knitting for most of the day, until Dave and Dirk showed up for dinner—something Rose's mom had insisted on doing every so often despite the fact that her cooking left something to be desired. Dave dropped onto the couch next to Rose.
"Hey Rose," he muttered, seeming a bit morose. Rose sighed, set her knitting needles on the side table, and turned to face Dave.
"Is something wrong?"
"Oh shit, Sober Rose is back."
"Yes, she is," Rose tutted. "I've finally realized I can't be someone I'm not via alcohol abuse. But don't change the subject. I asked about you."
Dave groaned, sliding down into the couch pillows. "I kinda colossally screwed things up with Karkat."
"What? What happened?"
"We were on this date a few weeks ago and he tried to hold my hand and I sort of reflexifly rebuffed, and then he started crying while he was singing, and accused me of jerking him around and not really meaning any of it and I just… shut down… I don't know. Kinda got all messed up thinking about the idea of actually calling him my… uh…"
"Boyfriend?"
Dave was quiet for a moment. "He hasn't spoken to me since."
"And how does that make you feel?"
"Rose."
"I'm genuinely asking."
"I dunno, shitty? I don't like the idea of not having him around."
"Dave, you have a crush on him, feelings for him. More than just flirting; more than just 'hanging out'. I know it might be difficult for you, but you have to be the one to fix things here."
Dave was quiet again. "Yeah… hey, you missed the group chat earlier. There's a surprise party for Aradia on Friday."
Rose decided to disregard the abrupt subject change, and let Dave off the hook for the moment. "Oh! Well count me in, then."
It wasn't until that party that Rose felt comfortable telling Kanaya how her return to sobriety had conspired. After Aradia's arrival at the park, everyone sort of did their own thing, and Rose and Kanaya were sitting in the grass, distanced away from the others.
"So… you never did tell me just what changed your mind," Kanaya said.
"Yes… it was something Roxy told me, that day I went home from your house. She recounted her own problems with alcohol and how I'd helped her clean herself up. She said, 'Rose, do you know why I wanted to quit in the first place?' and I asked her why, to which the response was 'I realized it had started to push my friends away from me. I wasn't fun to be around, no matter how fun I thought I was.' And it made me think about why I'd started to drink in the first place. I thought people admired Roxy, and I knew people admired my mother, and I began to feel like I'd never compare to them, not with my rigidity and… well, biting sarcasm. And once I started, I began to feel like a better daughter and a better sister and honestly, it made me more open to talking to you, something I enjoyed immensely but never had the courage to be forthright about while sober. I don't know, really. Addiction does run in my family. Once I started, it did become a problem, but when Roxy said that, I realized I had been driving people away; that even though Karkat said things like 'she's funnier drunk', that it was actually a problem that both you and Dave, if no one else, recognized. But I was so content, until you shouted at me, and I had to explain what happened to Roxy. You two really did knock some sense into me that day." The explanation was… cathartic. It felt actually really good and relieving, explaining everything that had been going on in her head.
"Well… I'm glad. For the record, Karkat's wrong."
"Hm?"
"You're not funnier when you're drunk."
Rose smiled, then kissed Kanaya on the forehead. The soft moment was interrupted by a frustrated shot.
"HOLY SHIT! I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Karkat, you FUCKER!" The second voice was Sollux. "Can you not lose your shit for one day?!"
"Well excuse me, shithead. My dad just got shot."
Kanaya stood up, and then Rose followed, looking at Kanaya, trying to gauge her reaction. "Kanaya?"
"…my uncle."