Chapter 2: One question, just one. WHY?!

The Project Schmuck Entertainment party, feat. Purpleeyeswtf, woke up to see Boston looking the same as when they woke up that morning. With the small difference of everything being on fire and destroyed. And it was no longer anime boston time, it was… apparently it was May 5, 1999. Which suddenly explained why everything was destroyed and on fire, Y2K phobia was in full swing.

"Fuk, it feels like I've been out cold for negative X years" Mack mumbled as he rolled over to put the fire next to him on snooze, but instead put it out. "Well then, guess it's time to get up."

"About time you got up, sleeping beauty! It's 1999, everything is on fire, Allens have invaded, and boybands are trying to take over the world! It's utter hell on earth!" Anthony shouted as he pulled Mack to his feet. "Alright, let's get da fuq outta here!"

Carrie agreed. "Yeah, we don't wanna get arrested for trespassing, property damage, or creating a temporal anomaly!" Carrie said, worried about what would happen if she were arrested. Would she go to Bostonian jail or would she get sent back across the Atlantic?

"THAT'S what you're worried about?! Christ guys, we need to MOVE!" Izzy screamed as the fire got closer to them all sneaky like because it was wearing a ski mask.

Everyone piled into Eagle's chariot, and as the wheels started turning, a tune started to play, quietly at first, but then louder and louder.

GLORIOUS! NO I WON'T GIVE IN, I WON'T GIVE IN 'TILL I'M VICTORIOUS! AND I WILL DEFEND I WILL DEFEND! (Etc, etc.)

Soon, everyone was out in the street, and Eagle's magical golden chariot disappeared in a cloud of bats, and the bats started attacking some people up ahead, oh no!

Buddy rolled into action, summersaulting into the bat swarm to save those who had been attacked. "Back off, you bats! Or I'm going to schmuck you up!" he shrieked in the manliest way possible. But, during the commotion, Eagle had managed to sneak up behind him and put a frilly pink dress on him, because a matching dress would NOT do. And everyone took out their kodak cameras, since their cell phones had magically transformed into beepers and kodak cameras, and took pictures of buddy before throwing rtheir cameras at him.

"Get these developed or you're fired!" Mack shouted, not caring for the fact that buddy didn't work for them in teh first place.

"FUCK YOU I'M IN BATS!" Buddy cried out as he batted away the bats with a bat made of bats. The bats eventually cleared up, and the two people Buddy had saved gave them their hands. "Wait what the fuck?!" Buddy jumped back in confusion as Kirito ans Asuna were there to help him up.

"Hi, I'm Kirito, you may kno me from such things as Kirito, the savior of like, ten people, hacker extraordinaire, and totally not bland generic character. Everyone loves me because I'm such a well thought out, layered character, who has a deep and dark troubled past. And this is my waifu, Asuna" Kirito from SAO sed. He still had on all his SAO gear, which was weird, but somehow less of a plot hole than the series he hails from is known for.

"Hi. I'm Asuna. I married a main character. It's alright. Sex is trash, though. He tried fucking me with a dinner plate and tried to tell me it was his dick, but I put up with it to be considered a main main character, and not a side main character. I mean, uh, I LOVE THIS MAN! HE IS OF THE NOT TOO BAD AND CAN DO GREAT AT EVERYTHING HE DO, LIKE ME! HE DO ME GOOD!" Asuna really layed on the fayk enthusiasm, and Kirito ate it up.

"Wait, so you're the REAL Kirito and Asuna? Not some cosplayers? Then why are you speaking english, and not japanese, or weabooanese?" Anthony asked, face showing pure shock.

"Um, what the fuck is a caz-plea? And obviously I've taught myself all languages of the world, including dolphin, perfectly, and everyone I've taught has also learned perfectly. But I'm still such a flawed, troubled character, who happens to have bigger numbers than anyone else" Kiriot asplained, before an eraser hit him square in the face.

"FUCK YOU AND YOUR GARY STU BULLSHIT!" Izzy shouted in anguish, and watched as the eraser slid down Kirito's face. And… Kirito's nose was gone! Instead, there was just a blank, white space!

"OH FUCK NOT AGAIN! NO, I'M NOT GONNA DISAPPEAR LIKE THIS! COME AT ME, I'LL KILL YOU ALL, YOU BASTARDS! YOU THINK I'M SOME SORT OF A JOKE?! WELL, WHO'SE LAFFING NOW?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE!" Kirito went off screaming into the sky before a piece of concrete fell and skwished him liek a bug, and he wuz DED!

"Oh no Kirito whatever will I- he dead? Good. Hey, any of you see any other main characters, or at least people who are side main characters? I don't care who, I just want an actual good time, and not have to worry about being demoted" Asuna said as she looked around for main characters from other anime, but found none. "Ah, fuck it, I'll go find someone from a good anime, like Death Note. Or maybe even that fuck's sister, she's got enough fans for some reason. Later, bitches" Asuna then disappeared into a sewer drain, like a TMNT Ninja Turtle from TMNT.

"So… Izzy, you just killed a bitch. How do you feel?" Eagle asked as he flexed in his sparkling red dress.

"Like a million god-damned bucks. Now let's get going, that was too weird" Izzy said, trying to shake the events from his mind. "So, how are we gonna deal with the Allens? Go up and give the mother ship a cunt-punt, to stop any more from being delivered?"

"We could do that, or we could go to that shining beacon of hope and use that to send the Allens into a spiral of darkness and dispaire!" Mack exclaimed excitedly as everyone ran over to the beacon he saw. Except it wasn't a beacon. It was a bacon. And not even real bacon, it was fucking canadian bacon, which is just ham that has a real sense of inflated worth. I mean, it's not even remotely similar to bacon, just because it comes from a pig doesn't mean it's bacon, GAWD! That'd be like calling a chicken's liver 'chicken wings' just because they both come from a chicken.

"What do we do? It's so… beautiful" Carrie stared on in awe.

"You see, this bacon here is the last thing holding this odd timeline together. If it is removed, then things will get rather screwy. Like people actually LIKING Vegemite, and not just as a prank, bro" Purps explained to the crew, but when he looked back, the bacon was gone. "Wha? NANI?! Who took the bacon?!" Everyone looked around, and saw Logan had grease all over his mouth.

"Logan swallowed nervously before he addressed his friends. I may or may not have had 2/3s of a BLT in my pocket, and that bacon may or may not have been the missing ingredient, and I may or may not have just eaten it. Logan shifted his eyes back and forth shadily. Just then, his stomach began to glow, and everyone readied themselves for something terrible to happen. And then…! Logan belched. *BRAAAAAAAP*"

"For fucks sake Logan, don't scare us like that!" Buddy shouted before Purps tackled everyone to the ground.

"IT'S STARTING! IT'S THE BELCH THAT WILL CHANGE TEH WORLD FOREVER!" Purps buried his head in the rubble as Smash Mouth's smash hit 'All-star' started blaring from the heavens, and Shrek came down and peeled a layer off the universe like it was an onion. He then ate the uni-onion, and things were dark for a long time. Then they were smelly. Then everyone passed out right as a light started opening up and clowns started running after whales in Kentucky, a signal for the new wordl they were going to enter.