Chapter One

Two Months Ago / July 2010

"Kensi! Dear! Over here!"

She swirled to where the familiar voice came from and saw an older woman waving at her excitedly. A bright smile spread across her face as she waved back and started heading over to her. Kensi's beam grew bigger when she recognized the older man standing next to the woman.

"Eloise! David!" She greeted the couple with a tight hug and a kiss on their cheeks as soon as she came near them.

"How are you dear? It's been a while." David, the older man, asked. Although in his early 60s and already with grey hair, the man was still standing perfectly and proudly straight, an epitome of a true Marine officer.

"I'm fine. Busy with cases but I'm alright."

"How's Hetty? Does she treat you right?" His voice held seriousness and those who doesn't know him will feel threatened hearing it.

But Kensi only rolled her eyes at his protectiveness. "Hetty's well. And you know she's been good to me since my transfer."

He nodded. "I'm glad to hear that. Tell her I said hello. But if anyone's being bad to you, you tell me okay? I maybe retired but I still know people."

Before Kensi could reply, his wife butted in.

"How old do you think Kensi is, David? 16? She's no longer in high school! And enough talking about work!" Eloise glared at her husband of 32 years, who only grinned, before turning her sight on the younger woman. Her hard stare softened while she ran her eyes over to Kensi's form. "Are you eating alright? You lose weight since I last saw you."

Kensi felt the older woman's soft hand cupping her cheek.

"You should learn to cook. Stop with the take outs and deliveries, dear."

"I'm trying, Eloise. But you know me, kitchen and me have been enemies since I burned down yours. I still think I won that round."

The couple laughed, their mind went back to the morning they woke up to the sound of their fire alarm and saw Kensi, in her pajamas, standing in the kitchen with a fire extinguisher in her hands trying to put out the fire on Eloise's handed down curtain. Kensi, who was 16 at that time, thought to cook breakfast for the family, who had been tending to her since her father's death a year prior, in return for their kindness. After the kitchen fire incident, she had vanquished herself from cooking.

She joined them, laughing at her cooking skill or her lack of it.

"What are you guys laughing about?"

Kensi turned and saw her best friend, Wendy, standing behind her. "Wendy!" She wrapped her arms around her red head friend. "Congratulations on the engagement! I missed you! My God, you look beautiful!"

She wasn't exaggerating, Wendy Thompson, only daughter of David and Eloise, had always been pretty with her red hair and bright green eyes. Wendy or Dy as what she liked to call her since she learned to speak had been her best friend since they were both in diapers. They were neighbors in San Diego and their parents were good friends. David and Donald, Kensi's father, were both Marine officers. Although the men didn't belong in the same team, they became more than just acquaintances. Eloise and Julia, Kensi's mother, were both homemakers and had been trading household tricks and recipes until Julia's sudden departure.

When Kensi was 12, her mother left her and her dad to live in Boston with a man she apparently fell in love with. Wendy was there to console her as she cried her heart out.

She was 15 when Donald, who was home for a much needed vacation, died in a drunk driving accident. The Thompsons let her live with them, took care of her and tended to her needs until she left for college. Eloise and David became her foster parents and they treated her like their own daughter. Every time she was back in San Diego to either visit Donald's grave or Camp Pendleton, Kensi always made sure to see and check the older couple.

"Thank you. I missed you too. I'm so happy you're here." Wendy returned her hug with the same enthusiasm.

They were almost teary eyed when they parted. It had been months since they last saw each other.

"You know I'll do anything for you." Kensi meant her words. Wendy was a sister to her and she would do anything for her.

"I'm so holding you for that since you're going to be my maid of honor."

Her eyes went wide at Wendy's announcement. "Really?!"

"Of course. You've always been there for me and I want you be there in one of the most important events of my life."

"I'll be there even if I'm not going to be in your entourage, Dy. But I'm happy that I get to be your maid of honor."

Another embrace was exchanged before Wendy remembered the man who came with her and was now chatting with her parents. "You remember Paul?"

Kensi turned to the smiling chestnut haired eye-glassed man, greeted him with handshake and a kiss on his cheek. "Of course. Congratulations."

She met Paul when he was introduced to her three years ago when she came to Chicago to visit her friend. Just like Wendy, he was also a resident doctor in Northwestern Memorial Hospital. The two met during their first year residency. Since both were new to the job and to the town, they became close but only went out after knowing each other for a year. They started out as roommates and became friends shortly until they realized they were already falling for each other.

They had been in a relationship for another year when Paul popped the question to Wendy last month. Kensi received a call from her friend that night giving them the great news. Despite being disturbed during her precious sleep, she congratulated the redhead and Wendy went on telling her all the details of Paul's very romantic proposal.

Since both had been busy, it was only tonight that they were able to celebrate their engagement amongst their families and friends. They booked one of the Drakes' hotel private function rooms for the celebration and invited their parents, siblings, relatives, friends, and colleagues. Eloise and David arrived from San Diego while Paul's parents came from Oregon. And Kensi flew from Los Angeles to Chicago to celebrate with them.

"Thank you. I'm glad you're here, Kensi. Apparently my only role for this wedding is to say I do when the time comes." Paul joked and it earned him a punch from his fiancée. Laughing, he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him.

Kensi watched happily as her best friend looked at him with love in her emerald eyes.

As the night progressed and the celebration continued, Kensi found herself enjoying the party. Although Eloise and David spent time mingling with other guests, they took time to check on her every once in a while.

"Do you have a room upstairs, dear?" Eloise approached her.

She shook her head. "I booked in the Westin, it's next to the airport. I don't want to travel 30 minutes at 4 in the morning."

Despite the Drake having a service that would escort any client to and from the airport, Kensi hated to wake up earlier than she could and travel the distance. She opted to book a room at the Westin which was much nearer to the airport. She arrived at the party in a taxi and would go back in her hotel when the celebration ended in one too.

Since it was a Sunday night and Kensi was needed at OSP at 9:30 the next morning, she booked a flight at 6 and would hopefully arrived just around 8 without delay, giving her ample time to prepare for work.

"Why haven't I thought about that? That's a great idea. I'll ask David if we can do that next time we're here."

Wendy strode over to them and linked her arm with Kensi before turning to Eloise. "Mom, dad is looking for you. He's with Paul's parents."

"That man! A minute can't pass by without him calling for me. Ever since he retired, I feel like I've been taking care of another child. That man can't do anything on his own!" The older woman voiced out before walking towards her husband.

"And he loves you for it!" Wendy said.

The two best friends watched Eloise heading to David and chuckled when she swatted his arm lightly.

"Does it feel weird seeing you and Paul's future selves? Like 30 years from now." Kensi asked cheekily because Wendy looked very much like mother.

"What a nice best friend I have. I'm grateful I met you." Wendy bit back with a sarcastic smile.

Kensi grinned.

"Are you enjoying yourself, Si? How have you been?" Wendy turned serious as she studied Kensi. She even used her nickname for her: Si was a short term for Kensi.

It seemed like it was not only Kensi who had a hard time with name pronunciation during their much younger days.

Kensi took a sip from her champagne flute before answering. "I am. It's nice to see your parents again although I've been seeing them almost every month when I visit dad. My work's fine. Still without a partner but I'm surviving. Been hurt a couple of times, just bruises. They're nothing new."

"You should take extra caution with your work." She advised like a true Doctor. "I'm grateful you get to see my parents. I wish I can do the same but with my schedule..."

"Hey, don't be like that. You know they understand you."

"But still-"

"No buts, Dy. Remember how we are going to live our lives without buts and what ifs? Let's keep doing that."

Wendy's head leaned over her shoulder. "You really are the wisest between the two of us."

"Oh, you shut up. By the way, it's a great party. Everyone is happy." Kensi noted, her eyes roamed around the spacious room where some guests were dancing while others were chatting with each other. The atmosphere around was harmonious and joyous and it made her happy for her best friend.

"Yeah, I think it is."

They fell silent for a moment while they studied the people.

"There's someone who would like meet you. He asked for your name. He's one of Paul's pre-med friends and is interested in knowing you. He's a good guy, Paul assured me. A resident in Good Samaritan Hospital in San Jose. I thought since he's also in California maybe it's a nice idea to let you two meet. I can introduce him to you if you want."

"I-I don't know."

Wendy sensed her hesitation and faced her. "You're not still expecting Jack's return do you?"

Her silence answered the redhead's question.

Wide-eyed, Wendy spoke. "Kensi! He left you without a word, not even a note to let you know where he'll be going. And worst of it, he left you on Christmas morning."

Her chest constricted painfully. It was a familiar feeling that started after finding her fiancé gone Christmas morning 7 months ago. "He's sick, Wendy. I can't just ignore that fact. He needs me."

"And you've been there for him from the very start. Everyone know how you took care of him, even holding off your wedding plan because of his condition. The things you've done for him are enough, more than enough, Si. You've been a good girlfriend and better fiancée to Jack. It's not your fault he left."

Wasn't it her fault that after everything she did to help Jack with his PTSD, he still left her? No words, nothing. Kensi found herself alone on the bed in the apartment they were sharing when she woke up December 25th with no clue as to what had happened to him. He had been quiet the night before but it was usual for him since his return. Jack left his clothes and other things, bringing only his wallet with him. Even his car was left parked in the garage. Kensi didn't know where he could have been, he had no parents, no immediate relatives she could question. For years, it had only been him and her.

She met Jack Simon, a Marine, on her very first case as an NCIS agent. She was assigned at the Washington branch after completing her training and her first case involved a dead corporal. Kensi was introduced to Jack, the victim's platoon leader and was tasked to interview him. He was a man almost a foot taller than her 5'10" height and like her, was also dark haired. She felt attracted to him instantly but dismissed it, not wanting to jeopardize her job by showing any interest on him.

A week after the case was solved, Kensi was surprised to see Jack standing outside her office building, waiting for her, when she was about to go home for the night. He asked her for a dinner and she agreed. They spent the night trading informations about themselves and getting to know each other, finding their commonalities and differences. One month after their first date and two nights before he left for another tour, they made their relationship official.

It was a long distance one, with him somewhere in the Middle East while she was in Washington. When she was assigned at Tokyo 7th fleet for 5 months, Jack took time to see her. Even if it was only for three days, they had both been happy. After her Tokyo assignment, she was transferred to the NCIS branch in Norfolk. During her 11-month stay there, she had seen him twice. They talked frequently through cellphone calls and even exchanged e-mails constantly.

Her relationship with him had been stable. Despite their distance, Kensi was sure she loved him and he felt the same way. Talk of marriage was opened up one night when he called on her cellphone. It had already been 5 months since she moved to Los Angeles and was assigned to OSP. She told Jack how she was enjoying her current assignment and was hoping to stay there permanently. He was happy for her and suddenly asked her if he, too, could stay in her life permanently. She took it as a joke at first and laughed. But Jack was serious. They had already been together for almost 3 years that time and he told her how much he loved her and wanted to call her his wife. She didn't know what to answer him but said that they would have to discuss it personally.

6 months since their marriage talk, Jack was due to return after his tour of duty and Kensi drove to Camp Pendleton to welcome him. Kensi found him on one bended knee, holding an open red velvet box with a simple diamond ring shining inside. With tears in her eyes, she ran towards him. Witnessing his proposal, his platoon members cheered for him while he asked her if she could marry him. She said yes.

Jack left for another tour shortly after but they discussed their future plans. They would get married when he returned after his next tour. He would take a longer vacation and they would spend their honeymoon in Hawaii. Jack was not into beaches but since she loved them, he acquiesced.

One year after Jack's proposal and two months before their wedding, he returned. But he wasn't the same. After a mission gone awry, resulting in deaths of several of his men while others were left wounded, he went home to her with a case of PTSD. His experiences while on tour, both past and latest had took its toll in his mental health.

It broke Kensi's heart to see him become a shell of a man she knew and loved. But she never gave up, she went with him in each and every one of his consultations, took notes on what his psychologist was discussing about his condition, made sure he was taking the right medicine in the right time and always listened to him whenever he needed someone to talk to. There were several instances when he became violent and she needed to call someone to restrain him. She was lucky it never came to a point when he hurt her.

With his on-going issues, their wedding was postponed. It was never brought up but with the situation they were in, Kensi felt it was just right not to pursue it for the moment. 4 months since his return and 2 months since their supposed to be wedding, he left.

She was devastated and blamed herself for not doing enough to help him. She loved him, had been with him for more than 4 years, and already made plans of a future with him. She thought his PTSD was just another bump on their road and they would surpassed it like the other problems they encountered. But Jack gave up. Without a word, he walked away.

And now 7 months since his disappearance, Kensi wanted to think she had moved on. She felt no longer responsible for what happened to her relationship with him. She tried to look past her cancelled wedding. And she was planning on moving out from the three bedroom house she had been living in before with Jack. There was too much space for her alone in that place. She had been checking out apartments but couldn't find the one she wanted.

She hated herself for taking longer to realize that her former fiancé was not going to come back. A small part of her still hoped for his return and thought he would find a way back to her so she stayed to where he left her. But just last week, while browsing through her photo albums, Kensi saw a picture of her and Jack. It was taken when he visited her in Tokyo 7th fleet, they were on the deck with the clear blue sky surrounding them. She had her arms wrapped around him and he had his hands holding her arms. They were smiling to the camera, an obvious evidence of their happiness. The tears she had been shedding everytime she sighted a reminder of him didn't escape her eyes that moment and Kensi was shocked. Her heart still ached but she didn't cry. It was then she had finally accepted that Jack's chapter in her life was over.

But why did it feel wrong to meet someone new? She asked herself. Wendy's mention of another man interested in knowing her made her afraid.

"I know it isn't my fault but I don't think I'm ready to meet someone."

"Have you ever been in a date since...you know?"

Kensi shook her head no that made Wendy took deep breaths.

"I've known you since forever, Kensi. Your relationships have all been serious and you spent years with them. You're not into casual dating, never have been if I'm guessing correct?" Wendy paused and waited for her reply.

When Kensi nodded, her friend went on. "Don't you think it's time to finally let go of Jack's memories? You're young and single. You should be enjoying life. I'm not saying you should break your rules but can you, maybe, bend it a little? Let yourself have fun. No buts and what ifs remember?"