"I do not get you man!" Mac put his head in his right palm. He was exhausted. Jack's bellow rattled through his head.
"I'm not going to tell them." Mac said. Jack rubbed his chin as he paced back and forth. The way he swung his hands Mac knew his brother was trying to keep from exploding. Mac rubbed his eyes which kept insisting on filling with water.
"Ok, ok...let's take it down a notch." Jack said closing his eyes and waving his hands in the air.
"You're the one yelling." Mac pointed out with an amused smile. Jack whirled on him.
"No, don't do that." Mac nodded and breathed out. He pushed up from his knees.
"Jack, this has nothing to do with them." Jack narrowed his eyes studying Mac's face.
"You weren't going to tell me either were you." Jack's voice was low, flat. Mac swallowed and turned away glaring at the city now covered with a black pall, "Son of a-! What is wrong with you?" Mac ducked his head closing his eyes. He could feel waves of pain from his partner, "We are a family, you don't keep secrets like that!" Mac focused on his heart beat. He forced his body to remain relaxed accepting the brutal wave of guilt and betrayal Jack threw his way. Jack stalked across the deck grabbed Mac by the elbow and tilted him to face him. Mac crossed his arms and stared at the deck between them.
"Mac, why would you do that to me?" Mac's jaw clenched. He slowly raised his eyes until they met Jacks. Mac let his mask drop. Jack stared at the naked fear in the kid's face.
"There's nothing you can do." Jack blinked and stepped back in surprise. Mac's shoulders sagged and his hands hung limp at his side. His voice was flat, "There's nothing you can do Jack. There's nothing the others can do." Mac turned back to the city. Jack stared at his brother in profile. Mac's face was empty, his eyes sagging. He was the picture of defeat.
"No. No, Mac. We are not giving up, you are not giving up, you hear me? 50% is still good odds, hell I'd take those to Vegas! And we are all going to be right beside you no matter what happens…" Mac didn't say anything. His blank gaze was a million miles away. Jack huffed and shook his head. He fought to keep his frustration under control.
"Mac, my brother this ain't you. You are in shock, once you get past that wall of emotions you gulped down then you'll see…" Mac heard Jack from far away. He felt he was doing a slow motion fall through the clouds.
"There's nothing anyone can do." He whispered. He heard Jack stomp off the deck. Mac felt as if a fist had broken into his chest and yanked a chunk of his heart out. He slumped forward against the railing and slid down it to the deck. He leaned against the wood and the dam broke. He curled into a ball of misery unable to stop the shaking sobs rattling his body apart.
Jack rubbed his eyes as he watched Mac melt before his eyes. He fought every instinct he lived by to keep him behind the glass door. He put a hand on the cool glass as if he could touch Mac from a mile away.
"Aw kid." Jack murmured. He took a deep breath and checked his watch. It would take the others an hour to get here no matter which way they travelled. Jack never thought he'd be grateful for LA traffic. Jack turned away and pulled out his phone. He'd let Mac feel his pain alone for a while, a very little while. The kid needed to clear away the fog of emotion before his natural resilience would assert itself. He was lost in a tornado of emotions and the kid had learned a long time ago he had to process them by himself. Unfortunately, he tried to approach trauma the same way he did a physics problem. Jack shook his head. Mac is a genius in many things but when it came to the human equation he knew less than a kindergartener.
Jack swallowed, his throat dry and coarse when Matty's angry voice answered the phone.
"Dalton, this better be good!" Jack cleared his throat.
"Matty it ain't, there ain't nothing good about it."
"Jack, what's going on? Where's Mac?" Jack turned to the glass door and slid down to the floor leaning against it watching his boy sob his heart out. Jack absently wiped at his own tears, "Jack, talk to me, what's wrong." Jack had never heard such a motherly tone of worry come from the Phoenix director. Jack took a steadying breath and blurted out what Mac had told him. As he predicted the rest of the team was in motion before Matty even hung up. Jack smiled and wiped his face as he put the phone away. That's what families are for. Jack studied Mac and pushed to his feet. He grimaced at his cracking knees. Now he just had to teach that to one distraught genius.
Mac couldn't catch his breath. Everything was a swirl of physical pain. A part of his body screamed at him to get a grip, to think, there was a way, there was always a way. It was drowned out by the animal scream of pain coming from everywhere else. What was wrong with him? Jack was right 50% were pretty damn good odds, a lot higher than most of the risky plans he'd thought up over the years. Mac took in a shuddering breath trying to get on top of his emotions.
Mac, you're being a stupid child. Man-up already. Mac scrubbed at his eyes with his sleeve. That was the problem. He felt like a child. A child who cried himself to sleep when he was scared and alone. A child who had to heal his own wounds, deal with his own pain. A child who had been abandoned. Self-pity much? Mac closed his eyes. He felt like he was trying to slam a giant steel door shut against a hoard of invaders by himself.
Mac's breathing became tight hiccups. He ran his sleeve under his nose wincing at the sticky mess. God, he hated crying. He turned away when he heard a familiar boot scuff beside him as Jack sat leaning against the railing facing him. Mac felt Jack hold out a wet towel. Mac offered a tepid smile of thanks as he took it and wiped his face. He held his face against the coolness for a long time. He wiped his nose then set the towel at his side. He sniffed and widened his eyes to clear the puffy fuzziness out of them.
"Better?" Jack asked softly. Mac looked at him and saw Jack watching him with his head cocked to the side. Jack's arms draped loose over his raised knees. Mac offered a wry smile.
"You know what the problem with a pity party is, Jack? The guests never leave." Mac was glad Jack offered a half hearted smile.
"I don't know, bud, I think everybody needs a good wallow now and then."
"If you say so." Mac said his voice lighter. He twisted until he sat beside Jack, "I'm sorry, big guy. I don't know what…" Jack held up a hand stopping him. He patted Mac's knee with that hand.
"It's fine, kiddo. I know it's part of your process." Mac looked at Jack amused.
"Process?"
"Yeah, you get me pissed off, I storm out, you break down, I come back and you realize that my words of wisdom are priceless pearls that should be treasured and hoarded." Jack grinned. Mac rolled his eyes.
"Hoarded?" Jack shrugged.
"Sad but true." Mac laughed harder than the joke called for. Jack put an arm across the kid's shoulders when the laugh began to take on a hysterical note.
"Hey, buddy, it's ok, alright. We're good." Mac nodded and sighed staring at his motionless hands on his lap.
"Thanks, Jack." Mac whispered. Jack pulled Mac in for a quick one-armed hug. They sat in comfortable silence for a long minute.
"You called them didn't you." Mac said.
"Naturally, that's what families do."
"I didn't want to worry you...I don't want to be a burden." Jack's brown eyes flashed with anger. Mac went to look away. Quick as a rattler Jack turned and grabbed Mac's chin.
"You listen and listen to me good, you are not a burden, you will never be a burden. Even if I have to change your smelly diaper or take you for a walk to the park in a stroller I will love every second of it, do you understand me?" Mac's blue eyes searched Jack's for something he couldn't name. He nodded when he saw it. Jack grinned and tapped Mac's cheek gently.
"I ain't burping you though, that's on Bozer." Despite himself Mac burst into laughter. Jack glanced at his watch, "They'll probably be here in half an hour or so, why don't you get cleaned up? I'm guessing you didn't eat and if you did you didn't keep it long." Mac stood up and leaned against the railing. He felt like he could sleep for a century. He grinned mischievously at Jack.
"What do you expect? You weren't here to burp me?" Jack laughed and threw the wet towel at Mac as the kid went to shower. Jack watched after him, his smile disappearing. He knew what Mac was most terrified of and unfortunately he was going to get a bellyfull.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Mac threw his dirty clothes in the laundry and scrubbed his hair dry with a towel. He rubbed his ear with a corner of the towel and brushed his hair back. It wouldn't stay long, a few dry strands were already sticking up. He left the steaming shower and paused. He heard everyone's voices in the living room. Mac leaned back against the door his head drooped. Worry and pity. He could almost feel it oozing toward him from his gathered friends, no family. He hated both. Mac sighed and braced himself.
Riley was the first to see him. He had a brief glimpse of smeared eye makeup before she wrapped around him like a strangling vine. Before Mac could breathe, Bozer grabbed onto him and suffocated him with tight arms as if Bozer was holding Mac from falling to his death.
"B-Bo-zer!" Mac managed to squeak. Bozer froze and let go his eyes wide. Before he could wail his guilt, Mac grabbed him by the shoulders and smiled.
"It's ok, buddy. Really, it's going to be fine." Bozer relaxed back and bobbed his head.
"I know that, I just thought you might...be a little upset." Mac hid his smile. He patted Bozer on the arm.
"I appreciate that, man." Cage gave Mac a piercing look then a slow lingering hug as if she wasn't sure if Mac would appreciate it. Mac smiled at her. He did appreciate it. Of all of them, Cage could see how uncomfortable Mac was with the pity in everyone's face. She smiled.
"Ever the drama queen." She said punching his shoulder. Mac laughed. It felt like a giant breath had been released. Everyone moved out to the deck. Mac paused looking down at Matty. He couldn't read her face. She reached up and took his hand.
"Anything."
"I know." Mac said nodding. She smiled. He turned to follow her to the deck when the doorbell rang. Mac saw Jack turn to come into the house, "I got it." Mac called turning to the door. He had no idea what kind of food Jack had bought. He pulled out his wallet. He reached out to open the door and an ax dropped on his neck. Mac let out a cry of surprise. He fell to the floor hard.
"MAC!" Jack screamed crossing the living room and hall in record time. Mac's vision was foggy for a long minute. His hearing faded. He was aware of people around him. He blinked and everything snapped back into focus. He let out a shaky breath, "Mac?"
"I'm fine." Mac said, or thought he did. Nothing came out. Mac felt his heart crash like angry surf on a deserted beach.
"Mac? Talk to me, kiddo?" He saw Jack reach out, felt him take his hand but Mac's body was frozen. He looked at Jack panic in his eyes. Jack's eyes widened, "Mac can you move?" Everything else vanished. Jack and Mac stared at each other through a tunnel of mutual horror. Mac couldn't answer. His lungs and heart kept their automatic march, but everything else was hardened clay. He couldn't't move. Mac screamed. Jack didn't hear it, but he could see it in his brother's eyes.
"Hang on, brother, hang on…"
***Thank you everyone for your terrific response! Apologies to the lovely rain2460. She is the one who suggested this prompt. Sorry I forgot my friend! Thanks for letting me know. Hope this is working for you! :)