There wasn't much Jack Dalton was afraid of. Sure there were things that freaked him out, made him uneasy or gave him the downright heebie jeebies-but very few things haunted him every moment of his waking and sleeping day. This was one of them. He clung to Mac's hand even though it didn't move, not even a twitch. Jack used his other hand to stroke Mac's forehead pushing his hair back. That Jack knew he did for himself. He had to reassure himself that his kid was here, living and breathing. He was going to be ok. Jack would make sure of it, somehow.
Mac stared at him. Jack didn't see the naked terror he'd had before. They'd been in the air almost an hour. Jack was exhausted, he could only imagine how tired Mac was, but the kid fought to keep his eyes open. Jack had figured out his partner couldn't feel anything. When they had put in the IV, the kid didn't even notice. Periodically when one of the nurses suctioned out his throat. Mac's gaze never wavered, he never coughed or gagged. Jack couldn't imagine what it would feel like trapped unable to move or to feel. Jack hunched closer. He could see Mac's gaze turning inward. He shouted to be heard over the helicopter's rotors.
"You doing ok, kiddo? One for yes, two for no." Mac blinked once. Jack grinned down at him shoving back the hollow fear behind his mask.
"You know this is pretty awesome, I can tell you all my pearls of wisdom without you interrupting with stupid stuff like logic or math! When we get you all fixed up, you're gonna thank Ol' Jack for all the wisdom he's shoving in your noggin'!" Mac studied him steadily. Jack decided to bring out the big guns, "Or...plan B I could regale you with my sweet crooning voice until we get you better?" Mac managed to half-roll his eyes. Jack let out a belly laugh. He'd take it. Mac blinked at Jack slowly. Jack's face lost his humor.
"Look, Mac. I know it's scary but you're gonna do better if you get rest." Jack found out there was nothing wrong with Mac's ability to glare. Jack turned away listening as the medic listened to her com.
"Touch down in 15." The small redhead yelled. Jack turned to relay that to Mac. The kid's eyes were wide.
"Hey, hey, kiddo it's gonna be ok. I'm right here. I ain' gonna leave you alone." Mac stared at Jack a long minute. Jack cleared his throat and turned away. He knew Mac had heard the silent "again." Jack forced himself to smile at Mac.
"It's ok, kiddo, I'm ok. I'm just sorry...Never mind about all that now. You need to focus on resting. They're going to go in and remove that debris in there and I'll beat your sorry ass again, for real this time, ok?" Jack couldn't tell if Mac's eyes had lost any worry. He turned away rubbing his eyes.
Haggie-Barr Neurosurgical Research and Surgery Center sat nestled in the gentle rolling cup of the Salinas Valley. Glancing down at the green knitted rows of leafy greens reminded Jack why this was called the "salad bowl" of America. Hibers, as the neurocenter was known as, looked like a pile of kids blocks jammed into mud. Jack didn't realize how big the facility really was until they were almost on top of it.
A central blocky building of blue and white popped out of a nest of smaller concrete buildings with walls and walls of reflective glass. One of the smaller buildings was double the size of Good Sam in LA. Jack leaned back over Mac and winced at the wildness there.
"It's ok, kiddo. It's a pretty big place. That means they have to be good, right? If they sucked they couldn't keep the lights on that mini-city, trust me." Mac closed his eyes. Jack gritted his teeth. Without those blue windows Jack had no idea what was going on inside Mac's head, or if anything was, if he was...Jack chewed on the inside of his cheek forcing the idea away. He was resting, that's all, that's a good thing. Jack squeezed the kid's shoulder then growled. He'd forgotten Mac wouldn't feel it. Jack stared at the roof of the helicopter and snarled. He wanted to punch something, anything, this was so unfair, so...Jack turned feeling Mac's gaze on him. Jack relaxed his face and gave a smile.
"I was just thinking how much it'd suck staring up at this roof. I think they need to put up a poster or something. Maybe one of those kitten ones? You know, hang in there?" Jack expected an eye roll. Instead Mac was staring at him intently. Jack would have sold his soul for the kid to reprimand him for the near pun, or to complain about the stupidness of a kitten poster, or...or anything, anything at all. Jack would have sold his soul to hear Mac's voice again. He swore that if the kid made it out of this, Jack was going to listen to every boring nerdy thing Mac babbled. Jack's face must have reflected his fear because tears bubbled under Mac's bottom eyelids. Jack blinked away his own tears as he reached forward and dried Mac's cheeks.
"Now look what you went and did? You're turning us both into girls, next thing you know we'll be doing our nails and buying purses like Riley and Cage." Jack grinned at Mac's half eye-roll. Jack stepped aside as the helicopter descended on the topmost roof of the blue and white building. Jack tried to stay in Mac's eye line, but he was shoved out of the way as a squad of medical personnel from inside the building came running out and they swarmed Mac. Jack had to jog to keep up to the group. He was dimly aware of an endless rat maze of corridors before they ended in a curtained cubicle in the surgery wing. Jack slipped between moving bodies to reach Mac's head. He leaned over. Mac's eyes were redlined and relief blossomed when he saw Jack.
"It's ok, kiddo, I'm here." Jack was gently moved aside as medical staff crouched on either side of Mac and slid him off the spine board to the larger and softer cart. Jack winced until he looked at Mac's face. Mac stared up at the ceiling. He felt nothing. Was watching the ceiling the only way he knew he was moving? Jack rubbed his face. He had a feeling he'd be knowing a hell of a lot more about brain and nerve stuff before all of this was over. Jack managed to take his position again. Someone slid a stool toward him. Jack gave a heartfelt thanks, he got a brief nod in response. Jack didn't take offense. They were busy helping his boy, what did he care how polite they were?
Jack ignored the bustle and focused on the only two things that mattered in the entire world, Mac's eyes. Jack began to babble. He told stories about everyone he knew. Jack knew he was repeating some Mac had heard a hundred times, but the kid didn't turn away for a second. He studied Jack as if he was telling him the meaning of life. Jack didn't care. As long as that gaze didn't turn to the inside of Mac's skull, he was happy.
"Mr. Dalton." Jack looked up startled. He hadn't noticed, but everyone else was gone. A tall balding man with a hook nose, dark eyes and a pencil thin moustache approached him. Jack narrowed his eyes. There was something familiar about the man, something Jack did not like, "Doctor Sanha will be in momentarily. She suggested that you would feel better if you ate something." Jack nodded. The man put a small box on the bedside table and set a container of orange juice beside it. The man turned to leave.
"Hey, thanks." Jack called. The man nodded.
"No problem, Jack. I know how difficult this is." Jack nodded and rubbed his face. He stared at the box lunch. He knew it was a good idea to eat. How many times had he told Mac he had to keep his own strength up before he could help others? Jack shook his head. He'd eat later when his stomach wasn't so full of roiling serpents of worry. He'd probably puke now if he ate.
Jack glanced over. His heart dropped. Mac's eyes were closed. He reached out and relaxed. Mac's pulse was as strong and regular as a metronome. Jack smiled. And he was worried about Mac's imagination? Jack looked up at a knock. He smiled. A short bony woman stood in front of him tapping on the bedside table. Why did they do that in an open curtained area?
"Hello, I'm Dr. Sahna." Her wide brown eyes were warm as fire coals and she had a ready if somewhat cold smile. Her hand was small, but she gripped his hand hard enough to make him wince. Jack liked her. They wouldn't go out to a bar together or anything, but he was satisfied she'd do right by his boy.
"Jack Dalton." Dr. Sahna nodded. She pulled dark glasses out of her pocket and put them on. She crossed to Mac and pulled out a tiny tomahawk looking thing. She uncovered Mac's feet and ran the metal end from the heel up. Jack's foot twitched more than Mac's did.
Dr. Sahna worked quickly checking reflexes, movement, and other things Jack couldn't guess at. Jack did not like the growing frown on her face. She paused looking down at his face. She glanced at Jack.
"He's asleep right now, I'm going to look in his mouth then look in his eyes. He'll wake up disoriented. Keep talking to him, ok?" Jack felt his heart blossom. If he didn't like her before, he sure as hell did now. Only a good doctor would worry about a patient's mental state when the patient had no ability to move or complain.
Jack took his place on the stool and leaned over Mac's face. He began to babble not even aware of what he was saying. It was a artform. Mac didn't open his eyes when the doctor pulled open his mouth and actually reached in and pulled his tongue out moving it side to side. She put it back and checked his throat before closing his mouth again. Jack eyed her his heart stumbling with worry. She offered a reassuring smile.
"I can't see anything wrong like blood or swelling. We just have to watch to make sure his airway stays open, ok?" Jack nodded. Dr. Sanha paused, "Ready?" Jack nodded and leaned forward starting the meaningless burble he used whenever Mac was confused and scared.
Dr. Sanha reached out and opened one of Mac's eyes, both snapped open. Jack could see the pinpricks his pupils became. They were even, that had to be good, right? The doctor leaned in with an ophthalmoscope and studied Mac's eyes. Mac blinked his eyes wildly as they roved reaching out for Jack. Jack leaned in closer to Mac's ear.
"Easy, kiddo, you're ok. This here is Dr. Sanha, she's good, just relax, you're ok." Jack kept repeating it over and over. It seemed like an hour before the doctor straightened. Jack took her place leaning into Mac's line of sight. Mac blinked wildly, tears running down the crinkles at their corners. Finally, Mac was able to focus. Jack could read the relief there. Jack grinned and gently wiped away the kid's tears.
Jack turned at a loud buzz then snap. The doctor turned on three panels of white light. She snapped up x-Rays and CT scans of Mac's skull and neck. Jack looked down at Mac and forced himself to stay where he was. Mac needed him more than Jack needed to pester the doctor-barely. Jack kicked his leg back and forth and glanced at his watch a hundred times before the woman slowly turned and returned to them. Jack really did not like how serious the woman was.
"Hello, I'm Sandra Sahna, you're neurosurgeon. You go by Mac, I hear?" Mac blinked once.
"That means yes." Jack said. The doctor offered him a smile. Jack realized she already knew. She also knew to call Mac, Mac. He realized Matty must be talking to her directly. The idea gave Jack comfort. He wasn't out here taking care of Mac alone. He didn't mind, of course, but it was good to have reinforcements.
"Mac...I got the report from Good Sam. I'm afraid things have changed." Jack felt the floor drop out from under him. He glanced at Mac. Mac studied her. Jack couldn't read any emotion in those baby blues at all. Dr. Sanha pushed a long strand of straight black hair back and took off her glasses.
"The piece of shrapnel has moved and is now compressing your spine. Surgery is much more risky now."
"Why?" Jack was surprised to find he could manage a squeak.
"The shrapnel has a sharp edge. At this point it has not cut into Mac's spine, but it could. It is possible that it might move enough to sever the spine completely." Jack was sure the room wasn't supposed to sway like it was. He clung to Mac's bed and sat down on the stool. Dr. Sanha studied him closely. Probably didn't want to do another surgery if he fainted and cracked his head open. Jack took a deep breath and glanced at Mac. Jack shook his head. The only thing in Mac's eyes was worry-for him! Jack rubbed his face and smiled at Mac, hoping to reassure him. Mac's continuous stare told him he'd failed.
"Ok, so what are the options?" Jack forced himself to say.
"Well, if we do nothing, Mac will inevitably get worse and the same fear of severing the spinal cord will be present. If he takes the surgery...his odds of surviving are not good and the chances of him keeping any kind of functioning are even less."
"But there is a chance?"
"Yes." Jack met Mac's eyes.
"What do you think, brother?" Mac's eyes moved to the doctor and he blinked once. She nodded and smiled.
"Alright, we'll get you moved up to a room. There are a few more tests we need to do, but should be ready for surgery first thing in the morning." She leaned forward and began to unbuckle the neck brace. Mac closed his eyes. Jack could almost hear Mac's yell of relief.
"You don't need this, but try not to move around too much, ok?"
"Absolutely doc!" Jack answered for Mac. He felt as if he were being set free. It took him a long minute for him to remember Mac wouldn't be doing any movement on his own. Jack smiled down at him. Mac gave him another half roll of his eyes.
"Ok, I'll see you first thing in the morning. Your friends should be arriving in the next hour, I'll have them sent up to your room." Jack nodded. Everything became a blur. Jack would be hard pressed to retrace any of their paths through the cavernous maze of the building. The room they finally settled in was a light purple. Jack laughed. On the ceiling was a detailed mural of a city. It looked like a mixture of styles of architecture from around the world all put together hodge podge.
Jack was no art master but even he could tell the scale and perspective was off. It reminded him a little of the alley in Harry Potter. Jack looked at Mac who was studying it intently. At least someone thought to have something to keep him occupied. Jack yawned and glanced at his watch. He was surprised to see it was suppertime. He turned and found the box lunch. He sat and tore into it. The turkey sandwich was half-hearted and limp, but edible. A box of Cheetos and a baggie of carrot sticks were ok. The orange juice was warm and bitter. Jack scowled but chugged it anyway. After, he almost felt human again.
He sighed and looked at Mac. Mac studied him calmly.
"What?" Jack whined. Mac blinked. Jack had no idea what was behind those blue eyes. He leaned in closer, "You ok?" Instead of the one blink he got half an eye roll. Jack grinned, "Yep, that's my boy." Mac blinked once.
The others arrived an hour later. Jack caught them up. He could feel the worry and tension, but they all tried to hide it and keep things light. Jack appreciated it, but he was so tired everything looked blurry. They said they'd camp out in the waiting room down the hall and check in on them. Jack yawned and nodded. He moved to a chair beside the bed and slouched back. He closed his eyes as they dimmed the lights. He was so tired. He frowned a thought occurred to him. He stood and looked down at Mac. Mac's gaze turned away from him. Mac's face was soaked with tears. Jack's heart broke.
"Aw, kid. C'mere." Jack gently lifted Mac and slid in beside him. He rolled Mac until his ear was over Jack's heart. Jack absently pulled Mac's hair back from his face, "It's gonna be ok, kiddo. Get some sleep, I'll be right here." Jack checked to make sure nothing was pinched or bent wrong then pulled Mac closer. Jack closed his eyes and was asleep in seconds.