Description: The last note Killer Frost left for Cait was an advice...
"Are you ok?"
Caitlin stirred and quickly flipped the last note she'd received from Killer Frost upside down so Iris, who just now walked into her lab, asking her this; wouldn't see what was written there.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," the woman apologized and Caitlin forced herself to send her way a small smile.
"It's fine. I was just… thinking, I guess."
"About Frost? I'm so sorry this happened to you, Cait. I really am. Maybe… maybe once all of this is over, we will somehow be able to restore your powers."
"Maybe," Cait said, but still, she seemed to be elsewhere in her mind. It was just when Iris decided to go, leaving her friend alone, that she spoke again, "Iris?"
"Yeah?" Her friend turned in the door.
"It's ironic, isn't it? All this time all I wanted was to get rid of her and now that I'm finally free… I miss her."
Iris smiled sadly. "It's only human. You've come so far, Cait and you once again proved how strong and resilient and adaptable you are. You think we don't see it, but we do. You've been through so much and yet, you are invincible. I was always proud of you, you know."
That was unexpected when coming from Iris despite them trying to be better friends for the last few months, so this time the smile on Caitlin's face was bright and honest.
"Thank you."
"I just want you to know that no matter what happens from now on," Iris continued, "no matter whether you stay the way you are or manage to get your powers back… we will all support you and be there for you and we will always love you. We're just… here for you, ok?"
Caitlin nodded, by now swallowing over tears and then she just had to say one more thing, "This is her final note, you know." She raised her hand with the card in it, but yet did not flip it so Iris wouldn't see what was on it. "It's funny how Killer Frost seemed to always know what I felt inside or what I was going through, but only recently she allowed me to do the same."
"Oh, did she?" Iris got interested.
"I only told one person so far, but yeah… I kind of knew what she thought. I mean, I couldn't talk to her, hence the notes, but… there was always some brief feeling or a fleeting memory."
"That's good, Cait."
"She's actually been giving me one and the same advice from quite some time now and I never followed through."
"Was it good?" Iris wanted to know. "Because you know… considering Killer Frost…"
"I think it was. Yes. I just… I guess I didn't have much of a courage to listen."
"Why don't you do that now, then? To honor her memory?"
Caitlin nodded and once Iris made her retreat, she came back to staring at the note in her hand.
You should tell him how you feel, it said.
And maybe she finally should.
The moment Caitlin stood in the door to Harry's lab, the sheepish smile that was on her face immediately faded away, replaced by pure horror.
"Harry!" she screamed his name as she found him unconscious on the floor. "Oh, my God! Harrison!" She quickly got to him, trying to exorcise the memories that threatened to come rushing back to her of all the times she'd helped him or found him in mortal danger. Or that one time he'd actually been shot almost right in front of her… "Harry!" she screamed his name one more time when frantically looking for a pulse and finding one to her relief. Next, she cupped his face, trying to assess what was wrong. And then she finally connected the dots, all the puzzles falling into place. How could she miss the state he'd been in earlier before when Cisco had been scanning her for the dark matter? No, she did not miss it, she just added that up to shock of being once again defeated. That was her grand mistake. "CISCO!" she started screaming for help because she wasn't able to transport Harry to the med bay all on her own. Maybe if she had Killer Frost's strength, but not now. "CISCO!"
"I can't lose him… I just… I can't," Caitlin's voice reached Harry's ears as he woke up. He was a little confused when hearing her and finding himself in a reclining position. He quickly discovered he was in bed. Probably med bay, he deduced then, almost groaning when going over what happened in his mind. Only he couldn't remember. He'd used dark matter. She'd lost Killer Frost, so that was definitely not the time to be giving her another piece of bad news and… he must've passed out at some point. Shit.
"I just… not him!" Caitlin continued talking to someone and then he replied, "I don't know which is more shocking, the fact that dude used dark matter when I specifically told him not to or that you're totally in love with him!"
Harry almost sucked in a breath as he heard that. He kept himself still, though, desperate for more information.
"I'm not… I mean… I…" Caitlin kept on stammering which clearly only proved Cisco right.
"I'll kill him when he wakes up!" Ramon suddenly grew mad. "What was he even thinking?! He could've died and then you… No! No! You don't deserve this jerk! You don't deserve someone with such little care for his own life!"
"Cisco, he was trying to help us," Caitlin still defended Harry and that made the heart of the man in question ache.
"By almost killing himself?! He's lucky he's fine! He's lucky all he gets out of it are powers! In fact, if he wasn't from Earth 2 and his body didn't vibe in a different frequency, he'd totally be a vegetable now!"
"I'm glad you've finally admitted the superiority of my earth's frequency," they suddenly heard coming from the bed and the both of them got to their feet and looked that way.
Harry was wide awake, just now sitting up and meeting two stunned faces. Only when his eyes met Caitlin's, she looked away, suddenly flushed all over.
"Um… yeah… I'm gonna leave you two to it," Cisco said. "And don't get me wrong!" he then threatened Harry when pointing his finger at the man. "I'm still mad at you and we are still gonna talk!" After that, he finally left the room.
Caitlin didn't even know what to say or where to start. And he wasn't making it any easier when just staring at her with something that resembled awe.
"Um…" she finally uttered. "How are you feeling?"
"Ok, I guess."
They fell into uncomfortable silence and she eventually just had to ask, "How could you do this? How could you risk yourself like this, Harry? You promised. And apparently, I was foolish enough to trust you on this."
He closed his eyes briefly before he met her hazels again and then explained slowly, "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to. In fact, what I decided to do was to stop using the cap, but… ah, DeVoe attacked and it seemed like the only way."
"Really? Because all you've managed to do was almost successfully fry your own brain."
He winced at that. "Sorry. I really am, Snow."
"Do you have any idea what we've all been going through? We lost Ralph. We lost Killer Frost and now I…" she came to a sudden stop, terrified that she almost gave it all away. But then again, that was what she'd come to tell him when she found him, right? She was still scared to even think what would happen if she didn't. If he just lay there…
"Wait… what?" he followed up on that. "Caitlin…"
"I found you," she suddenly confessed, ignoring what he was trying to ask about.
"Oh…" He nearly hissed.
"Yeah. That was… you can't do things like that to me, Harry. At some point I will run out of strength and I'm just gonna break. God knows it's coming."
"I had no idea," he eventually just settled for saying and she frowned, her heartbeat accelerating.
"How long exactly have you been awake while Cisco and I were talking?" she finally found the courage to ask.
"Long enough."
There was silence again and she was desperately trying to come up with something to say to that, but there was just nothing.
"I had no idea," he repeated hs previous words when bringing his hand to his head and scratching it.
"I'll… I'll just…" Caitlin suddenly chickened out, not able to stand this tension anymore and actually suspecting he would push her away in the end. And that was something she so did not want to experience, already feeling her eyes prickling, the tears coming, already feeling her heart break…
"Snow," his voice was what stopped her when she turned to the door.
"Don't," she just said, broken, hating herself for being this weak. And that was what she got for listening to Killer Frost. The woman was obviously wrong. Harrison didn't have any romantic feelings for her whatsoever.
"I'm sorry. I really am. For… everything. I never meant to hurt you," he said in a soft and husky voice and she just released a ragged breath, not able to look at him, but not able to leave just yet either.
"No," she eventually agreed, pulling herself together. "You just meant to hurt yourself because you don't care for your own life," her voice grew bitter and good. Anger was better than sorrow. Anger was better than a broken heart.
"That's not what I meant. I just… I guess I had no idea that you…"
"Oh, please!" That did it. She finally faced him again, her face furious. "You're a genius with eyes! How can you be so blind, then?! Or maybe I'm the one who's been seeing things, because back in the Jitters…"
"You are not blind," he immediately denied and effectively shut her up.
For now she could just stand there, staring at him with her eyes widely opened. Did he just…? Did he just let her know what she thought he did?
"I was…" he started and stopped with a sigh, running a hand over his mouth before he continued, clearly at loss for the right words. Well, they were two of them, then. "I was afraid. Jesse kind of pushed me in the right direction and I really wanted to move on, I did. I wanted to finally allow myself to be happy for a change and not miserable and…" He shook his head, briefly looking aside. "But DeVoe got to me. And I know it was my fault, too. I just decided to find myself another distraction because I was simply scared. There. The truth. Said it. And now it's too late, because I violated your trust when using dark matter."
"It's never too late," she simply said.
"What about the dark matter in my brain?"
"You heard what Cisco said, didn't you? You'll be just fine. You just won't need the cap anymore. You're like… superintelligent now, dr. Wells."
Did she just tease him? He wondered, finding the confirmation on her face right then, the smile and the tears shining in her eyes.
"So I guess I'm gonna be even more difficult to put up with," he teased right back. "Are you sure you're ready for that, dr. Snow?"
"Sign me up," she just told him with a shrug.
"So you're all right with it?" he still made sure.
In that moment she finally decided to screw it. She would just lay it all out on him. Play all her cards. Listen to the last and quite frankly only good advice Killer Frost had ever given her because letting her freeze someone's limb off because they pissed her off wasn't one.
"All I ever wanted, Harry," Caitlin started, "was you. Alive."
"Well, you got as much," he told her, spreading his arms open as he lay back on the bed. "I am done with stupid decisions, I promise. Now, come here!"
He didn't have to ask her twice. She moved towards the bed and suddenly she was lying in his arms, pressing her whole body into his, reveling in him being there right next to her and being alive.
And then his lips finally found hers and there was a sense of peace washing over her. She was still grieving after Killer Frost and she still missed her, but she knew she would be all right, because all that she'd ever wanted and needed and all she was sure of was now holding her in his arms with no intention of ever letting her go.
And this was the life she chose all on her own.
"Oh, God!" they heard just then and the kissing needed to stop, Caitlin burying her face in Harry's shirt in embarrassment. "Why don't you get a room?! Seriously! This is med bay! We treat people here!" Cisco chastised them from the door. "And don't you think you'll get away with this so easily, mister!" He turned to Harry. "I still have to give you a piece of my mind!"