NDisclaimer: I own none of this stuff, I'm holding it for a friend!
Another Universe
-4th year, Graveyard-
"Bare witness to my greatness, Harry Potter! You gain the privilege of being one of the first to gaze upon my renewed flesh, and the honor of being part of what brought my return around in the first place!"
Voldemort's sibilant, hissing tone reeked of self-assured smugness, and arrogance, in his belief that he had, by giving himself a body, suddenly become any better than he had years before, when he got slain by a 15 month old babe.
Harry looked around, his face calm, and his eyes were automatically drawn towards the visage of Lucius Malfoy. Say what you will about the man, and his moronic crotch spawn, but damn if his hair wasn't fabulous.
Probably more fabulous in his worst day than his own wife's in her best day.
Harry managed to suppress the urge to snicker at that thought, especially considering the fact that the death eaters surrounding him were attempting to make menacing faces, only to end up looking constipated instead.
Having figured out a basic plan to not get creamed there and then, Harry smirked towards Voldemort, no traces of fear on his face, which caused the serpentine man both simultaneous irritation, and curiosity.
"And what do you smirk about, Harry? Have you lost your mind to despair?"
"Not really, Tom. I just find it funny that you can only find the guts to monologue when you've your posse surrounding you, with me tied to a headstone, after being drained of blood and freshly awakened after a magically exhausting ordeal like the triwizard finals. Can't really blame you for the precautions, though. I did, after all, kill you twice already. When I was a baby, and when you were a brain tumor of Quirrel's. I'd be afraid of me as well."
Voldemort seethed, and as he raised his hands, the start of the incantation of the torture curse at the tip of his tongue, Harry continued on, as if he hadn't noticed the Dark Lord's actions and were simply continuing his thought, while he was somewhat sweating inwardly at his gamble.
"Now, you'll act all mad and indignant, then cast the torture curse to weaken me further, Isn't that right? Why not show your men how good you really are? Fix me up, duel me at full strength. Show them why you believe that you're above me, or that purebloods are superior to half and 'mudbloods'. Still, both of us know that either one of us winning would prove none of those statements, would it, Tom?"
Voldemort seethed at that. His pride, fueled by his arrogance, warred against his anger, managing to stave off his desire to simply kill the impudent child. No, he could do better. He would absolutely destroy the one supposed to have been his defeater, and show his followers why he was their master. Then, his plans could start taking shape.
Voldemort adressed Pettigrew, even as he pensively looked over his wand.
"Wormtail, fetch blood replenishing, skin knitting and pepper up potions. Feed them to Harry, free him and give him his wand."
"M-My lord?"
"CRUCIO! I DO NOT ENJOY BEING QUESTIONED! DO AS YOU ARE ORDERED!"
Pettigrew writhed under the Crucio for a good 15 seconds, giving Harry a grim sense of satisfaction at watching the suffering of his parent's betrayer, before his twitching form dragged itself off to do as Voldemort ordered.
5 minutes later, Harry stood right as rain across from Voldemort, his Holly and Phoenix Feather wand held in a tight grip within his hand. The death eaters watched with full attention, none more so than Lucius Malfoy who had a settle to score with the Potter boy. Being tricked by a 12 year old, and having lost his servant still tweaked him something fierce.
Voldemort, not caring enough to read the thoughts of anyone in the graveyard, spoke in his cool, calm tone.
"You do know how to duel, do you not, Harry? First, we bow."
As he said that, Voldemort bowed a the waist, his eyes on Harry's form as the boy pasted on a mocking grin, putting the least effort possible in his simile of a bow.
Smirking to himself at the boy's un-gryffindorish display, Voldemort called out.
"Now, we start at the count of 3."
Harry gripped the handle of his wand tightly, his wrist loose despite the fact that his knuckles were white.
"1."
Harry seemed to focus, adopting a serious face, even as Lucius smirked smugly. Voldemort seemed to hold only an amused look at that.
"2-"
The white-skinned 'man' was surprised by the loud cry from the green-eyed boy.
"BOMBARDA MAXIMA!"
Voldemort erected a shield in front of himself, expecting the spell to be directed at him, only to be surprised at an explosion inbetween his ranks of death eaters.
His eyes flickered towards them in a second, giving Harry the time to summon forth a smokescreen, before various flashes of light flew out towards the death eaters, resulting in pained screams, the loss of limbs, and even more explosions.
A silent 'Accio' by Harry had the TriWizard Cup sailing towards his hand, and in the last second as his smokescreen was taken down, he could only give Voldemort a cheeky grin and a two-fingered salute, before vanishing in a flash of light.
Voldemort, for his part, was frozen solid for a while. He then turned around towards his summoned servants, only to find them all either dead or dying, horribly mangled for most cases, though few were lucky for instant and painless deaths. Only wormtail, Crabbe and Goyle were untouched by Potter, though Malfoy was the worst off of the lot, having taken an acid curse to the chest which seemed to have eaten through his innards.
Voldemort's shoulders starting shaking at that, even as he tightly gripped his wand. His nonexistant lips vanished into a line, even as the shakes and spasms seemed to wrack his entire body.
Despite their sheer lack of intellect, Crabbe and Goyle stepped away as they expected the dark lord to start tossing curses left and right, and intended to allow Pettigrew to take the brunt of the damage, but the three were surprised when Voldemort burst out laughing, having to clutch at his sides as his stomach folded over.
After 5 minutes of uninterrupt laugher, Voldemort wiped a tear from his eye even as he spoke to himself.
"You seem to be unable to not surprise me, Harry. To think that you were this cunning, this... Slytherin. Oh, and do I wonder if Dumbledore knows how much of a snake his golden boy really is. To have targeted my support base through deadly methods... Darker than expected. This will be an interesting war, waged between two snakes who understand eachother better than any others. I hope to have fun in this chess game with you, Harry."
Having said that, Voldemort allowed himself to be apparated by Goyle back towards his home, while Pettigrew took care of scrubbing the graveyard clean of evidence of their wrongdoings.
Harry, for his part, had simply been enjoying his title as the Tri-Wizard champion, a smirk pasted firmly on his face as photographs were taken of him hoisting the cup for the daily prophet. Dumbledore seemed to want to talk to him alone, and Hermione seemed to be holding herself back from rushing over to him and bruising his ribs with one of her Hermi-hugs.
Various other witches were giving him coy looks, batting their eyelashes and such. He deigned to adress some of them with a smirk and a wink, or a nod, before turning his focus back on the interview.
Inside the castle, Snape was chugging down a tumbler of firewhisky. His dark mark had burnt bright for the first time in years, and that was something he had hoped never to happen again. Ever.
-Now-
To say that the great hall was stunned into silence was an understatement.
Harry Potter had just crossed the great hall doors, Hermione Granger hanging off of one of his arms, Ginny weasley off of the other, and a third year blonde, 'Loony' Lovegood hanging onto his back like a macaque, her legs wrapped around his torso, and her arms around his neck.
The four seemed to be animatedly talking amongst themselves, seeingly not seeing anything strange about their presentation, and situation.
A hated voice broke the silence.
"And what is the meaning of this, Potter?"
Harry turned his gaze towards the source of the drawl, his eyes not managing to escape the heavy orbit of the dungeon bat's thick, greasy hair fast enough for his tastes, before he simply raised an eyebrow.
"The meaning of what exactly?"
"Of this shameful display between you and these... young ladies."
Harry's eyes widened lightly at that, as if he had figured out exactly what Snape meant, and he answered in a jovial tone.
"Oh, this? I know you might not understand this, sir, but girls tend to like being around you, and actually touch you, when you bother to spend the time to bathe."
More than one person spat out their breakfast, one of these people including Flitwick who had choked on his tea at Harry's declaration. Most Gryffindors watched Harry in undisguised awe, the Ravenclaws studying he situation as meticulously as possible, trying to find a reason for the change in attitude in Harry between the previous day and today. The Puffs were impressed by his response against Snape, but house loyalty had them apathetic to the insult due to their support of Cedric.
On the Slytherin table, though most seemed apathetic themselves, or simply neutral, or stoic, on the inside most of them were laughing merrily at he slight against their head of house. The fact that Potter had insulted Snape as an intellectual snake would, and not foolishly as a lion, had them pensive.
Snape seethed even as he spoke.
"What did you just say, Potter?"
Snape injected so much venom into Harry's surname that people were surprised the Potter family name wasn't corroded from the history books.
"I said, sir, that girls tend to like men who smell well."
"DETENTION, POTTER!"
Harry put on a clueless face as he spoke.
"Whatever reason would you have to put me in detention for, sir? As far as I am aware, I have broken no rules today. Yet."
"You have just blatantly and publically insulted a staff member, in the middle of the great hall!"
Harry shook his head at that, his arms crossed over his chest. His pose was mimicked by Ginny, and his whipping hair was tickling Luna's face. Hermione, for her part, simply gave Harry an exhasperated look as he responded.
"Not really, sir. I never insulted you. I simply said that girls like men who bathe."
As he said that, he directed his gaze directly towards the head table, changing targets between McGonagal, Vector, Sprout, Sinistra and Babbling, posing a question to them.
"Was that statement in any way factually inaccurate, Professors?"
McGonnagal's lips twitched at that, with Sprout covering her mouth with her handkerchief and pretending to cough into it. Vector covered her mouth with her hand, chuckling lowly into it, and Babbling allowed herself to laugh out loud even as Sinistra answered in an amused tone, the mischievous look in her eyes speaking volumes of the enjoyment she was having.
"Not at all, mister Potter. That was one of the main things any wizard should have in mind when dealing with the fairer sex. Hygiene, and manners, are the most important aspects of a man."
Harry nodded sagely at that, his actions once again mimicked by Ginny. Luna hadn't dislodged herself from his back for the entire time.
"So, if an individual were to not bathe for long time periods, spend long amounts of time in a stuffy, closed room with various intense scents of, let's go out on a limb and say potion ingredients. If that person also happened to be an acerbic, acidic, abrasive person, and all around a horrible individual to be around, then they would be unfamiliar with interactions with the opposite gender?"
Sinistra's smirk widened further, even as Flitwick turned red from attempting to supress his laughter, and his 3rd time choking on his tea.
"Indeed that would be most likely, mister Potter."
"Now, another question. Did my statements, admitted to be factual by yourselves as esteeed faculty of Hogwarts, professors, at any point mention any specific individuals or entities? Do they convey the direct intent to offend an individual?"
McGonaggal was the one to answer that one.
"Not at all, mister Potter. No names have been mentioned, and your factual statements were directed at everyone in your immediate premises."
Harry turned towards Snape, a charming, Lockhart-esque smile on his face as he spoke genially.
"There you have it, sir. The other professors who witnessed our exchanges of words saw no offense in my statements. So are you truly justified in assigning detentions?"
Snape ground his teeth at being humilliated by yet another Potter. Knowing that this round had been lost to him, Snape swooped around, his cape billowing dramatically as he made his way back to the head table. The fact that Dumbledore's eyes shone with mirth made things not any easier than they already were for the greasy man.
Sinistra raised her goblet of Pumpkin juice towards Harry, who responded by tilting an imaginary hat in her direction, before he and his company headed towards the Gryffindor table, with Luna dislodging herself from his back to sit to his right, with Ginny and Hermione sitting down across from them.
A familiar voice from Harry's left broke the easy flow of conversation going between the four students.
"Harry, mate, that was bloody brilliant what you did! Snape was ready to foam at the mouth, he was."
Harry spared Ron a look from the corner of his eye, before focusing back on his food, speaking in an absent-minded tone, between bites.
"So yesterday you weren't even willingg to as much as look my way, but today I'm already your mate again? What changed, Ronald?"
The redhead missed the frigid tone from The-Boy-who-Lived, though Dean and Seamus had not and winced as Ron kept speaking.
"Well, you might've cheated your way into the tournament and not told me, but you managed to insult Snape in front of everyone, put him in his place and even avoid detention. That and the fact that I know that you're humble enough to apologize soon, make things easier."
The glares directed at him by the girls, surprisingly even 'Loony' Lovegood, could have melted steel, but they weren't what had him wimpering and about to soil his underthings.
Harry's green-eyed glare was a thing that would make Snape jealous. The green orbs which were more often than not friendly and amicable, were conveying a level of anger found in Harry when he was about to go ballistic during one of his famous explosions.
Then, to the surprise of everybody, Harry closed his eyes, and took a deep breath, easing off the edge of his anger.
When he opened his eyes again, his gaze was frostier than the frozen tundra, causing everyone within view of them to cringe. They were used to 'Angry, explodey Harry', and had the measure of just how dangerous he was.
'Simmering, cold fury Harry' was an unknown quantity, and those were always the most dangerous ones.
"Ronald. Do not direct a word to me, do not try to engage me, and do not speak to or about me again until you manage to pull your pigheaded self out of the 'stupid hole' you insist on digging yourself into so persistently."
Having said those words out loud and clear, with the entire great hall listening, Harry surprised many even further when a silent flick of his wand made the sounds from the conversation come out as only a drowned out, insistent low-buzz.
"My parents died because wormtail, whom they considered a trusted and best friend, turned on them at he last moment. I don't intend to have to deal with a wormtail of my own, and that is exactly what you are right now. If you manage to see light and actually repent, I might give you a shot at being more than a mere acquaintance again, but if not... Forget we were friends."
The majority of the people in the great hall were burning with curiosity at what was happening under the bubble of silence, with people like Parvati and Lavender straining their ears to their maximum, to no effect.
They were all surprised when the bubble of silence was lifted, and while Harry, Luna, Hermione and Ginny made their way outside of the great hall in a composed, straight-back, blank faced group, Ron could only sit in place and gape openly. He had been compared to Pettigrew! Pettigrew, the traitorous Death Eater!
While Ron experienced his minor breakdown, Hermione spoke up in the corridors.
"Don't you think that was a bit harsh, Harry? He is, after all, just a kid."
Harry shrugged lightly at that.
"You start correcting your mistakes early. My words may have been harsh, but they were completely truthful. If he doesn't get his head out of his ass, he's going the way of the Pettigrew, and me more than anyone else would like that to not happen.
He was my first friend, and my best male friend, after all. I won't simply cut away years of friendship, nor will I forget what he's done, suffered, and was there for me, for, but I will not tolerate betrayal as well."
Luna spoke up at that.
"Well said, Salazar Le-Fay Hufflepuff."
Ginny and Hermione traded besumed looks, shrugging lightly, and then ketp on walking, even as Luna directed their walk from Harry's shoulders.
-TBC-
Inspiration struck, and I decided, why not?