Author's note: It's been forever. I'm so sorry. I do really like this story, but I just started up work and my schedule is all messed up and I'm exhausted all the time. I finally found some time to write, and while it's not as much as I usually do, I know I owe it to you guys to give you something. Sorry for all the mistakes, I'll take a more in-depth look at it when I'm free again! Let me know what you think! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Richelle Mead, the most brilliant woman in the world.

Warning: Nothing, except maybe language.

Word Count: 4,351

"Haven't you wondered?" Abe asks after he and I are safely secure in the back seat in the SUV he brought with him to pick me up. I look out the black tinted windows negating the sunlight from entering the car. I'm still covered head to toe to show as little skin as possible and just being out in the warmth of day leaves me tired and agitated. Povel is driving and Asland is in the passenger seat in front of me.

"Wondered what?" I ask, not looking at Abe, but seeing him staring at me from his reflection in the window.

"Why he hasn't come looking?" Abe asks. He doesn't have to clarify who he's referring to. I already know. He's talking about Dimitri. But I don't want to say his name. In the time that I've been alone and having been able to see him the other day has made it hard to really think about him. He looked so tired and lost, the thought of why he wasn't keeping his promise to me from when I was a novice never crossed my mind. I dropped everything to hunt him. He did not.

A part of me is hurt. We did promise each other and when he was Strigoi, I went looking. I forsaken everything for the promise we made and at one point I even turned a blind eye to it when I found him and was taken under his Strigoi spell. Ultimately, though, I hunted him and even thought I killed him. The man I loved. I hunted him and killed him. Or so I had thought.

But on the other hand, the rest of me is glad. I don't want to see him as I am. I don't want to see Lissa as I am. I don't want them to put a face to the monster I have become. I am sane enough to watch and protect them from a distance, I don't want either of them looking for me. I didn't want Abe looking either but that's all water under the bridge now.

"No," I say and it's the truth, but in a way I wonder if it's not. I didn't think about it, but maybe subconsciously I was always waiting for him. Because I'm Shadow Kissed, there is a very good chance that I can't be switched back and as cowardly as it is, I have enough control of myself, somewhat, to not go raving mad and attack the people I love for now. I still want to protect them. I don't want anyone to have any false hopes about me. And perhaps a bit of it is that I don't want to die right now. Any more than I already am. Someone is trying to use me to get to Lissa. I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen.

And I would like to believe offing myself isn't the way to save her. I would like to believe my life is worth just a tad bit more than that. I know, as a former-Guardian, that it was always them first and it still is, but things are changing. A lot of things we didn't know are coming to light after who-knows-how-long. I just can't believe, being the heroine of my own story, that I end up turning into the nasty thing I was taught to hate my whole life only to be killed in the end by the one I love, or kill the only person that has been my everything for so long.

"He's capable of being reasoned with, unlike you," Abe says after a long silence. We go under an underpass, crusing down the highway, leaving the city.

I shake my head in mock disbelief. "I can't believe it! There is no perfect man in the world. Shit, I've been lied to."

Abe rolls his eyes. "Very mature, Rosemarie. But I digress, Belikov is at least capable of thinking things through. He wanted to come for you, a pact you two made, I'm sure, but I was able to convince him to hold off."

"You mean you broke his kneecaps," I say jokingly, then laugh at how positively unbelievable that statement was. I still find it hard to imagine Dimitri as anything but strong and capable, even though I know he's not indestructible. "I take it back. I guess that'll just have to be a mystery to the rest of the world."

Abe huffs a laugh, shaking his head and adjusting himself in his seat, trying to find a more comfortable position before falling still. "He's almost as stubborn as you are."

"Them Russians," I say, not looking at him, "just tell him to do it for the Motherland or something. That's how I got him to go out with me. I tricked him into believing it was what would best benefit the Motherland."

Abe huffs, half amused. "Somehow, I doubt it."

"It's true, slip in something about the good of Mother Russia and a bit about KGB and he clams right up and obeys."

Abe huffs again, staring at me through the reflection in the window. "The KGB collapsed in 1991, Rose."

I finally turn to look him in the eye. Brown eyes so similar to my own stare back at me. "That's what they want you to think." I make a show of looking around in the car as if suspicious that someone could be listening in. Then I mock whisper. "They hear all, they see all."

I can see Abe's face in the window's reflection. He looks like he's drawing amusement from the wild and disorganized ramblings of a child. I don't mind all that much. I like being able to do this playful banter with Abe. Makes me feel more like myself.

"Where are you taking me?" I finally ask. I guess it ultimately doesn't matter. I am completely at their mercy. They could stop the car and throw open the windows and I would burn to a crisp in seconds. I've been living on borrowed time since the moment I was turned.

"Don't you want to know? You didn't answer my question," Abe points out.

I look at him with a knowing look. "Neither did you, old man."

Abe sighs. "A safe house," he says but doesn't elaborate.

"Perhaps," I answer him, but don't elaborate either. Abe sighs once more before shaking his head and muttering something along the lines of, "have it your way". I lean back against the crisp leather seats and close my eyes. Being out in the sun, while was just tiring as a Dhampir, has left me physically and mentally exhausted. With one last look around, I finally bite the bullet and close my eyes. If I die here, then I die here. There is no use in prolonging the inevitable. Besides that, there is nothing to do in this car aside from stare blankly out the window or crack wise remarks with Abe and he no longer seems to be in the mood for that.

So sleep and risk possible death by burning to a crisp, it is.

I pull up my knee and rest it against the door and lean against the window. I focus quietly at the sound of Abe, Asland and Prowl breathing quietly. The subtle shift in their seats, Abe clearing his throat every once and a while. Beyond that I can hear the mechanisms of the car. The hum of the engine even the sound of the tires against the asphalt. And if I focus hard enough I can even hear the subtle sound of rock music from the car next to us over the roar of the wind passing us by. I am still a little shocked at how sharp my senses are.

As I sleep, a dream of the Academy. My Vampire Academy, as Lissa loathed my name for it, was exactly as I remembered it. It was early fall and the trees were all slowly transitioning. Their leaves were coloring bright oranges and reds and yellows as fall is slowly coming into fruition. I was standing out in the abandon courtyard of the school by the water fountain. I run my hand along the concrete ledge of the fountain, the air is cooling down around me. I can feel the heat from my body being pulled from me to the concrete from my hand.

I know there is no one around, yet I feel completely at peace. I turn away and sit down onto the ledge and look around, enjoying the familiarity of it all. In a way, I wish I could go back to these moments. Before Lissa's family died. Before I died and Lissa started using Spirit. Before our lives took strange turns that we couldn't control. Before I lost Mason and Dimitri and by some strange twist of fate, got Dimitri back. Before I went to Russia and met Zmey. Before I met Adrian and broke his heart.

Things were so simple. Just Lissa, Mason and I. We were just normal people. Well as normal as a Moroi and Dhampir could be. There was nothing unique about us at school. We blended into the crowd. In our own way, I suppose. I was still, by far, the funniest person I ever met, Lissa was as sweet and as bestie-of-Rose-Hathaway as ever and Mason... well, Mason was alive. He was sweet, kind and alive. I couldn't have asked for a better Mason. An alive Mason is definitely the best kind. But that's not reality any more.

Mason is gone. Same with myself.

I know. I've thought so much about turning back into a Dhampir. I've already begun to really miss the sunlight. Feel the heat on my skin and breeze blow my hair. I miss the feeling of warmth and companionship. I miss Lissa and my mom. I miss Jill and Eddie and Adrian. I miss Dimitri and Court and most of all, I miss the old Rose Hathaway.

I feel like the person I am now couldn't be any more different than the person I was. I'm not sure I can say with confidence that Rose from a half-year ago would like Rose of now. And I'm not sure I can blame her. The Rose of now doesn't even like the Rose of now.

I'm not sure what it was, but I opened my eyes, pulling from unconsciousness suddenly. We're no longer on the road. We're at a rest stop and it's late afternoon. Asland is filling the tank while Pavel is walking up to the gas station and slipping inside. I roll my shoulders back, hissing at the stiffness in my neck before settling with my forehead against the protected window.

"Hey, Old Man," I murmur, watching the beating sun make the cement shimmer.

"Yes, Rose?"

"Do you think Pavel can grab me some magazines or something? It's either that or eat," I grin wolfishly at him. "And something tells me that isn't as appealing to you guys as it is to me." Abe rolls his eyes before tapping on the window to get Asland's attention. He mouths something to the young Guardian before looking back over at me.

"Happy?"

I watch Asland put the gas tub back into it's slot before walking around the car and heading to the store, looking both ways before heading into the building. I turn to look over at Abe, who was looking down at his phone, lips moving a bit, whispering under his breath, scanning the screen.

I close my eyes and reach out to Lissa, finding it steadily becoming easier to bridge the space between myself and my long time childhood friend. As soon as the connection is made, I can feel Lissa aggravation flood into the bond. She's sitting at the head of the table listening to the other royals bickering on and on about the rising threat of the Strigoi and the staggering lack of Guardians to look out for the Moroi.

They acknowledge the repetitiveness of these discussions but they also keep pointing out that they need to come to an irrefutable decision. Even if Moroi learn how to defend themselves, which is something they've come to begrudgingly accept as a necessity, there is still a growing need for Guardians that isn't being fulfilled. Not enough Dhampir are going to the Academies to start training for the life of a Guardian. But the desire for that life is becoming less and less appealing to the general masses.

I can somewhat understand that. I know what it's like, as do pretty much every Dhampir out there that grow up in this life. Usually with their mother because deadbeat Moroi dad off doing whatever deadbeat dads usually do - mine just so happened to be out breaking kneecaps in Russia - while at the same time we are discriminated against. Like it isn't bad enough that at least 90% of the Dhampir in the world are only living in single family homes, but there is also Dhampir children that don't have any parents, because of one reason or another.

I'm one of those rare few who's mom wasn't around - because she had Guardian stuff to do and I suppose a child hanging off her shoulder would be a major hindrance when you're trying to keep yourself and your Moroi alive - and ended up practically being raised by both the Academy and the Dragomir when Lissa and I became best friends.

But I'm also somewhat more unusual because I found my Moroi father. Most Dhampir never do. Or, if they do, it's like in Dimitri's case, where the deadbeat returns just to make more children before running off again.

"We need to do something to get more Dhampirs to join the Guardians," one of the royals says. "It's bad enough that the number of female Guardians is significantly outnumbered by the males."

"True, but what can we do? Enforce a draft of some sort?" Another asks, looking around the table.

There are some murmurs circling the tables as Lissa rubs her forehead, a headache forming at the front of her head. She lets out a long winded sigh as quietly as she can as to not draw too much attention to herself. She drums her fingers on her knee, looking around at them annoyed. She didn't have the patience for any of this. At least not today.

"Well, there is a very interesting place we could start," Lissa says, after two straight minutes of listening to the royals muse over the idea of a draft. She leans back in her seat and looks around the table with a level gaze. "First off, we shouldn't strip their choice away from them. Enforcing a draft will hardly build up the desire to protect anything or anyone. Some of our very best Guardians that we have can be attributed to their own desire to protect us and themselves. I do believe, whole-heartedly, that we have the power to defend ourselves, so we should utilize it." She interlaces her fingers on her lap, giving them some time to mull over her words.

She doesn't give them too long, because she feels like a broken record. It's like she's had this conversation over a dozen times. But here's a little twist that'll probably catch their attention.

"I think it's about time that Dhampir stop being treated as second rate," Lissa says, looking around the room. The loyal Guardian around the room all shift a bit, seemingly surprised at this strange twist in conversation. The look on the royals' faces make it hard for Lissa to keep her face straight, but she somehow manages and continues, "It's fine to ask them to help us keep our race going. Without us there is no them, but without them there is no us either."

Lissa takes a moment to dig around the papers she has out in front of her. She hears the rest of the royals mumbling to one another. She pulls out the paper she was looking for and continues, reading off the sheet, "I had a survey done the last few weeks on how many Dhampir are out there that live in single family homes. And the numbers are staggering. Even more so with the number of Dhampir that are born and raised by our Academies as opposed to living relatives. People need to start owning up to their choices." Lissa's voice is even and strong, blue eyes looking around the room into the surprised eyes of the royals.

"What do you mean, Queen Vasilisa?"

Lissa interlaces her fingers and looks around the room with a blank expression. "I'm saying, that if you are willing to have sex with the intention to have children, then you should be responsible for the children. Just like any good person should. If you are willing to bring a child into this world, then be damned you should take care of them. Even if nothing works out with the wife or mother or it's some sort of arrangement that you and your wife have, I don't care to know either way nor do I want the details. If we want help defending ourselves, then we have give good reason for it," Lissa says sharply, eyes narrowed. "'Because that's why you were born,' is not good enough. It never should have been good enough."

Everyone stares in silence.

I felt myself smile a bit for Lissa. Somehow that seemed just like her. I don't know what brought all this own and I'm not sure where this is all coming from.

I pull back into my own mind, blinking out of the bond and looking around the car. Abe was still looking down at his phone. Asland and Powel were both climbing into the car a moment later. I noticed that they parked in the shade, even when opening the doors there's no way the light can filter in and roast me alive. That was awfully perceptive of them.

I take the offered magazines with a murmur of thanks, there's like a dozen of them. They really did take me seriously when I said I'd do something else to preoccupy my time. Well, I did make it seem like either I get something else to focus on or I'll start eating people. Oh well. It got me magazines. I make sure to savor them, by reading all of the articles and staring at all the pictures.

"Angelina adopted another kid from a foreign country?" I say incredulously. "What a bitch. How dare she try to give these kids a chance at a good life? Some kids go through eighteen years of their life not knowing their deadbeat dad until they accidently run into him in Backwater, Russia. The nerve." I glance over at Abe to see him giving me a slightly incredulous look. I grin, revealing my new fangs at him. "Too soon?"

I thought he would say something, anything, about my new fangs, or how I most definitely must have changed, but instead, with a hint of playfulness, he replies, "I suppose I deserve that, Rosemarie, but it was mutually beneficial for both of us to be in Russia, and by some form of luck, we managed to meet. Would you believe I didn't know about you?"

I give him a droll look. "No."

He grins now, revealing his own fangs. "Smart girl."

I shake my head slowly, wondering what it was about the relationship that just made it easy to be around him. We are especially close now that I'm Strigoi, which is a little weird. But maybe we are getting along so well because he's been completely accepting of the fact that I'm no longer human, or Dhampir, if you want to get technical, but he never really treated me any differently. Which is really surprising. I thought he'd be running for the hills, but no. He came back for me.

He isn't scared of me. I should be insulted, and I am, a bit. But, more than that, I'm curious.

"Why are you not scared of me, old man?" I ask, slowly turning my whole body toward him. "Why are none of you? I get it, obey the Moroi, but, where is your self preservation instincts?"

Abe looks moderately serious now. "Hm. I suppose because that first night, you save me, Pavel and then Asland. It's hard not to trust you after that."

I give him a skeptical look. Zmey would not so easily trust. There has to be more to it then that. If anything, that would make him more suspicious then before, so that left me even more curious. Saving that old man's life wouldn't be enough to gain even the slightest bit of his trust. Was it because it was me? Because I was his daughter? Normally, I wouldn't think so, but the old knee-breaker does have a bit of a soft side for me and a part of me has to wonder if maybe he didn't really know about me, like he claims. He had to of learned at some point or perhaps he had some interest in being a father, but was too deep in the Russian Mafia to do much about it.

Who knows?

Either way, he's got a strange trust in me now, or he has since we met, and it could get him killed. But I already told him that. That isn't something that I'm going to keep pursuing. A part of me is still really happy that he's looking out for me. Joke all I want, I am glad that he's here with me and that he doesn't see me like the monster I know I am. It's a bit reassuring to know that he's still looking out for me. If anyone could be by my side, I'm glad it's someone as knowledgeable as my mobster father. At least he knows how the world works. Perhaps a little better than myself.

"Come on, Zmey," I say making a face at him. "What's up?"

Abe doesn't respond right away, in fact, he just stares at me, taking in my new appearance. The loss of my natural tan, elongated fangs, brown eyes turned red, and my new, fatal allergy to the sun. I'm not exactly sure I knew what he was trying to look for, or even if he found it, but after a long pause, he reaches out and pushes a strand of my long brown hair away from my eye and tucks it behind my left ear.

"I don't think you are Strigoi, Rosemarie," Abe says seriously. No joking, not half smile or strange, playful glint in the eye. Honesty, something I never would have really expected from my old man. "I honestly do."

I turn my head away, not used to Zmey's strange acts of affection. If this were any other situation, I would call him creepy and make some kind of joke about how if he kept this up he wouldn't be able to be within a thousand yards of any playground or school, but I just couldn't. On one hand, the joke would be in extremely poor taste, and in the other, it just wasn't the time. Not now. Maybe not ever. I may have to face the facts that the joking, easy-go-lucky lifestyle that I've lived up to the point when I died, is probably over. And has been. At some point, I may have to accept that.

"Old man," I sigh but Abe doesn't let me finish.

"Listen to me, Rose, you are not Strigoi," Abe says, his accent almost getting thicker as he speaks. "If you were a Strigoi, then myself, Pavel and Asland would all be dead. But we are not. We are alive because of you." A quick glance in front of me and I see that Pavel is looking at me through the rear-view mirror and Asland has his head tilted slightly in our direction, making it known that he acknowledges our mention of him.

I stare into Abe's dark brown eyes for a long time, I'm not sure how long. My only indication of time going on, is the buildings outside the window behind Abe's head flying passed. But when I return my gaze to Abe's brown eyes, so much like mine used to be, I say, in barely a whisper, "I could just be playing you, old man. How can you trust me? I could just rip your throat out right now and not bat an eyelash. And you could just swing open a door at any time and I'd be flayed alive. How can either of us do this?"

Abe gives a wane smile. "Then I suppose that the part of the fool can be played by both of us."

I smile back, wane as well. "A father-daughter act only we could pull off, huh, old man?"

Abe nods, relaxing back into the leather of his seat. "I couldn't agree more, Rose. I couldn't agree more."

For the Reviewers:

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