PDV Shizuru.
It was Saturday afternoon, I did not have school, to be honest, I did not want to go there, never, with all the mockery but now, I had a reason to go there… I sighed. I should forget about my first love, she won't love me back, she was not a lesbian and she hated me… but I did not know where come from my stubbornness, still I wanted to see her… I dreamt about her last night. I blushed, I was such a pervert. I remembered her wet appearance, her black bra, the water was falling her perfect curves. I wanted to brush her long hair, to capture her pink lips… to taste her sweetness…
Only one person knew about my 'tendency,' and she was like me. Nobody can discover my dirty secret, homosexuality was the worst sickness here. There was some group of people who beat up the homosexual in town. They insulted them, recorded some videos and shared on social networks, their identities were exposed to everyone. I was afraid that one day, we knew about my forbidden attraction, I needed to get away from this place but first, I had to finish my studies and I will leave. I had to shut up and do a low profile.
"Hey! Shizuru, love. I missed you. It's almost two months! Did your breast became bigger?" I smiled with her bad jokes, I was used to. When I see my friend, she strongly hugged me, I was not used to her affection, she kissed me on the lips and I stepped back.
"Irina! Are you crazy! How many times do I have to say that you should not do that, what if someone saw us." I snapped, I looked around, I was relieved there was no one to witness that kind of greeting.
"I pay attention. Breathe a bit, you look constipated." I met for the first time Irina one year ago, I went to an exhibition of art, and I noticed her kissing a woman, they were arguing after. She went to see me later, she was begging me not to reveal that embarrassing moment. I said it was not my business and she was relieved. We talked and became closer but not too much closer. We never had a sexual or romantic relationship. Next, we shared our secrets.
"You know it's dangerous."
"Yes, it's dangerous to like pretty girls and to want to fuckmmm-" I put my hand directly on the mouth of the young woman when she shouted. She did not realize in what world we lived that this village was not welcoming to people like us, if we discovered our homosexuality, we would be hunted like wild beasts and worst. I listened to a video few days ago… it was one of my classmates who were watching it, he laughed with his friends when a homosexual was beaten and insulted…. They spat, and they urinated on him. I was so shocked, I tried my best to no show any emotion when they said we should make all the homosexual normal or they should disappear, nobody cared about this kind of freak. I can't stop being paranoid even though I had never shown my sexual preferences, it was also for this reason that I was discreet.
"You need to stop, or I will be very angry! I'm not kidding! I will leave!" I warned, I did not want to play, my life was already complicated, I did not want to add more trouble. My friend closed her blue eyes and lift her hands. I removed my hand.
"OK, I'm sorry but there is no one nearby. I'm sure."
"I hope so." She held my hand, I removed it as if I was burned by a fire.
"Shizuru, don't be this way, you know we are safe here. It's our moment of freedom. We should enjoy it, we don't know when we will come back." Our spot was on old abandoned building far from the city. We were on the roof watching from afar this city that was constantly being denigrated. Until now, we have always been quiet, but I could not help but be wary, if nobody came here, we were screwed. People talked, they won't spare us, I perfectly knew it.
"We are not safe in Fuuka. We will never be safe." Irina followed me, I sat on the edge of the roof, my feet were the void, I take a long breath and closed my eyes, I was shaking. I was judged because I was poor, it was difficult, but I can bear it but not about being homosexual. I'm scared, so scared that it killed me.
"Shizuru, you can do it." My friend said, she lightly touched my shoulder. There was so much in my heart and mind, I suddenly opened my eyes and I screamed and shouted. Tears escaped, I kept so much burry inside, I continued to scream until I did not have strength and voice to do it.