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Author's note and summary: Tommy has a surprise for Barbara and it is a huge (and crazy) step for him. Will Barbara take a huge step too?

I'm still tidying up my note book. This is one of the scribblings and yes, I've had some strange ideas when I wrote them back in time even for this episode of the Emerald Series and I'm not completely happy with everything, but I post it anyway so I finally can focus on my other notes. Enjoy...

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mirror mirror - Disappointment

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"You're talking too much about it, Thomas." Barbara had said once when he was drying his hair after a shared shower.

"I just want to make sure you know and agree and don't break up with me just because- Ouch!" Thomas exclaimed.

Barbara had slapped his naked bum with her towel and they both had to laugh.

During the previous weeks when they had been making love or when they had showered together Thomas had told her several times that he was planning to get a tattoo. At first Barbara just had laughed it off but then he had not stopped talking about it and it slowly was annoying her.

"I'd never break up with you just because you get a tattoo, you stupid." she had laughed. "You're not brave enough anyway. And now stop talking about that."

In fact she had not believed at all that Thomas Lynley, the 8th Earl of Asherton, Prince Poncy of the Met, would let someone ink his noble skin but at least he had stopped talking about it.

On Saturday evening after his birthday when she returned from work she found him lying on the settee reading a book. He told her that he had lounged about almost the entire day. Barbara envied him for that and refused to go out tonight so they had dinner at home, they watched TV and after another glass of wine when their cuddling had turned sleepily gentle and her yawns never stopped they finally called it a day. They switched off the TV, and still lying on the sofa they playfully debated if they simply stayed there or better went to bed. After a nice languid kiss they got up and left for the bedroom.

"What are you doin'?" Barbara asked when he checked if there was a message on his answering machine. Of course there was none. They had been here all evening and surely would have heard the phone ringing. She chuckled. "We would have heard it from the living room, wouldn't we?"

"Mh... just checking..." Thomas winked and they went upstairs to prepare for the night.

"Gosh, Tom!" Barbara had just put on her sleeping shirt when she stopped in the middle of a movement, her mouth agape. "Is this...?"

Thomas stood next to the bed completely naked. On his left hip there was an area covered with coloured clingfoil that was held in place with strips of plaster. Barbara knew exactly what was underneath. Covered not only by the foil but also with a thick layer of skin cream there surely was a fresh tattoo. The juvenile grin in his face just affirmed her guess.

"Yes, it is. That's why I've checked the answering machine. Not that you've secretly had left me."

"I never would have thought you'd really do this!" Barbara laughed and climbed into bed. Thomas quickly followed. "Why is the foil coloured? I can't see anything."

"That's the point. You'll see it when it's completely healed and not so red and sore."

"I look forward to its unveiling." she said with a bright smile.

"Oh, that will be hard for you. You have to be very patient." Thomas smiled in return and gave her a kiss on her pouting lips. "The tattooist told me I should keep it creamed for a week so it won't turn scabby."

Barbara nodded. She vaguely remembered the procedure and that she had not listened to what the tattooist had said when she got herself the ladybird. The itching had been horrible and it healed only slowly. With a tender gesture she combed his hair off his face and smiled.

"Tell me, how was it? Painful?"

With a heavy sigh Thomas nodded. "A lot. I don't think I'll get more of these."

"Never say never!" she chuckled and they kissed again. "Even I've got a second one."

"I'm so happy you're still here with me." he softly whispered.

She grinned. "Don't be stupid, Tom!"

"I'm not stupid." His face suddenly turned serious. "I just want to spend the rest of my life with you, Barbara."

"I'm not going to leave you, darling."

They exchanged a long smile. Then he deeply inhaled.

"Will you marry me?"

Barbara was shocked. Now this was a real proposal. Not very romantic, without him kneeling down and without a ring, half naked in bed at that, and quite a bit out of the blue, but it was a real proposal without a doubt. She was just about to answer positive, in fact everything inside loudly screamed yes. She had thought about a billion possible scenarios in which she thought she would say yes. In another billion scenarios she would say no. Now she had to decide and suddenly all her fears and irrationally rational objections returned to her mind. And drowned out the loud yes.

She was thinking for too long. Tommy withdrew himself from her with pain in his heart. "Please refrain from saying no." He almost choked on his words.

"I wasn't going to say that..." Barbara quietly said. "But..."

"You weren't going to say yes either, right? So, it's a no..."

She sighed. "Umm... actually... It's a clear 'I don't know'... I... I don't think I... Well, we... You know..." Her stammering trailed off.

"So you mean in fact... no..." Seeing his face Barbara almost regretted the idiotic decision she had made now after the previous weeks when he had brought up the topic for the first time and wished she had answered with a clear yes. If she would say it now it would look as if he had talked her into it. This was idiotic. And still parts of her were clearly saying no.

"Well... I... I don't think it's a good idea... I..." Chewing on her lips she stopped.

"But you said..." Disappointed Thomas rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He had expected a happy yes. He really should not have listened to his sister, he told himself. He should not have asked, he thought. Or at least not yet. It was too early, he knew now, or even futile anyway, and his stupid question had made it even more difficult to ask again at a later, more appropriate time. He loved her and she had said she loved him but he did not know how he could convince her to stay with him forever. Sadness filled his head and he groaned annoyed.

Barbara propped herself on her elbow and moved a bit closer. She knew she had to set this right and explain her motive.

"Thomas..." She kissed his shoulder. "You know, I've thought about it a lot lately and I think I've come to the decision that I shouldn't marry you. Right at the moment I'm very much willing to spend the rest of my life with you and only you. I will never leave your side as long as you want me there. But I am not..." She sighed. "I don't know if I should marry you. Apart from the fact that I don't know what to think at all I don't think it is a good idea. I suppose. I... See, I'm not a Countess and never will be. I'm simply not... Well, I'm just a simple woman and not very elegant or educated or... whatever. I can't even find the right words. I'm your girlfriend, Tom, and that's gorgeous. At the moment I'd just like to keep it at that."

'At least for now.' she thought but was too afraid to say that. She just did not feel ready for that step. And they had not even made it public after more than two months.

Thomas just looked at her and the expression on his face was full of pain. Barbara almost cried but there still were too many ifs and buts in her mind. She sighed. With her index finger drawing circles on his chest she quietly told him again that she seriously had thought a lot about the option but in her opinion there were too many differences between them which could never be evened. She was an Acton girl and that would never change. Her complete life and nature never would be compatible with his nobility, she supposed, nor would she ever become a real countess. What would his family say, what would be with work, and so on. There still were a lot of objections. Stupid objections, but she did not say that.

"Ah..." Thomas sighed again to hide his disappointment. He was hurt. He almost pouted. "But you love me!"

"Ah. Is that so...?!" Barbara teasingly grinned at him without keeping her hands off of the curly zone near his hidden new tattoo. A sudden contact a bit lower let him sharply inhale. It almost let him lose focus.

Trying to keep a straight face Thomas looked into Barbara's half open seductively sparkling green eyes. "Well, correct me if I'm wrong but as far as I can remember, you've said so a couple of times. So I really can't see-"

"Sh!" Barbara put her index finger on his lips and winked. "Mmmmh, yes, I love you. I really do. And I don't intend to leave you, but the chance that I could change my mind concerning that certain topic means that you'd have to court me all the time so that I'll stay at your side for sure, wouldn't you?" She started to chuckle. "You'll have to court me forever."

Her hand had stroked his upper leg all the time she had talked to him so now he was finally distracted.

"I don't agree with your silly thesis about the differences, or what others think and that thing with courting is even sillier-"

"Yes, I know." Barbara grinned.

"...but if I'll start right now, maybe there's a chance you'd change your mind tonight and you will agree to be my countess in the morning." He turned to Barbara again and pinned her down under his chest while they enjoyed a long and juicy kiss that left them breathless.

"Although..." Thomas eventually went on with a deep sigh. Something else bothered him. Something he should say and it probably would make her feel trapped again but it was one of his deepest wishes. He never had said it so clearly to anybody else before. "Well, I've thought about it a lot too, you know... We're not the youngest anymore... and I... I actually realised that I'd want you to be the mother to my children, so... well..." He shrugged and waited for her reaction with a lopsided smile.

"Mhm... I've thought about that too." Barbara gave him a loving stare and smiled up into his face. "I mean, we're constantly 'forgetting' contraceptives, aren't we?"

Thomas lightly chuckled. "So it seems." Her distinct grip at his hip made him grin. "Hmmm..."

They kissed deeper now and it almost made them forget their stupid conversation and the tension from earlier.

"You know, there's no reason why we shouldn't have a child, Tom." Barbara eventually breathed into his ear. "Although it would mean we finally had to reveal... it would mean it would finally be obvious."

Briefly Thomas was distracted by their interactions under the duvet. Only the realisation that she wanted to start trying to make a baby right now made his mind shift back in gear.

"But..." he started but Barbara cut him short. She gave him the most seductive smile she was capable of and again placed her index finger on his lips to keep him silent.

"There's no need of a wedding ring to make a baby, is there?" she chuckled. "We're not living in those Victorian times anymore."

She finally closed his lips with hers and stopped every further attempt to talk by inviting his tongue to a gentle fight. She bent her knees and Tommy had no objections at all. Carefully avoiding touches on the sensitive area of his new tattoo they made love. The proposal was not forgotten though. It was only stored away again.

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