Moving forward chapter 11 part 2
Authors note: I am so sorry for not uploading sooner like I originally planned I've had a few family issues come up over the break as a result I have been unable to like I wanted to, anyways I hope you guys like this chapter let me know what you all think as I love hearing from you guys.
Lisa knew today a lot of progress had been made it seemed as though she finally broke the teens barrier and when she first began the session she was not expecting. Her to open up like this but nothing would prepare her for what the teen was about tell her next and it made her realise then and there the teen had suffered a lot.
"Wow, okay I can only imagine how freighting that would have been for you so what did you do the next day, how did you handle it?"
"Well that night he raped me repeatedly and he slept in my bed with me the whole night and the whole time I cried silently because I didn't want him hearing me in case he would try hurting me again. He didn't leave until 6am the next morning and once everyone had left I got dressed for school, I tried staying for the whole day but the whole school had found out about my mum's addiction and it was becoming school gossip so I lasted until second period after that I went to the girl's toilets and broke down. It was only after an hour or so that I realised I had to get out of there before anyone found me so I went home and I didn't go back to school for nearly 3 weeks after that."
"Alright and in that time what exactly did you do, did you report the rape or anything like that?"
"For the first week and a half I locked myself at home my mum hadn't been at home and no one knew where she was and in the first few days I needed to block out all the pain I was feeling. So instead of telling anyone or reporting it I started drinking my mum had alcohol left all over the house so I began drinking to a point where I would black out all thoughts, however eventually the alcohol was not enough to numb the pain so I began using drugs."
"What kind of drugs were you using?"
"I was snorting oxy, I would get two pills and crush them with a glass I would then get a card and put the powder together and then I snorted it until I was completely high, at first it was weird I wasn't used to the feeling as it was the first time I had used drugs. However eventually it became euphoric for me and I started wanting more to numb the pain but I began to realise that if I wasn't careful I could overdose so in order to take the edge off of my high. I began experimenting with other drugs mum and Ryan had left weed in the house so I rolled it and began smoking it, I then walked the streets and got a hold of speed and started using that. However, after seven days of heavy drinking and drug abuse I began to realise I had to stop using or otherwise I was going to end up where my mum was. So, I managed to wean myself off of the drugs but the alcohol I couldn't let go of."
"Alright and during that time did anyone notice you beginning to spiral out of control?"
"Well the school started wondering where I was and by the fifth day of not coming to school they rang up my house but because I was high and drunk. I never answered it and by the eighth day they rang my aunt Addison who came over to my house. She soon realised I had been drinking heavily but she didn't notice that I had been taking drugs as well and so she took me back to her house and got me sobered up. After that my aunt Charlotte took me to AA meetings but at this point everyone was now concerned as to where my mum was I thought she was dead we all did because no one had heard from her. So, during that time I never slept I just cried and became so distant from the world because I was worried that I was going to get a call from the police saying. I would become an orphan and I knew that if that were to happen I would never have made it because losing my mum would have been the last straw for me."
"Okay and in that time did you tell anyone about the rape after your aunt helped you sober up."
"No, I haven't told anyone except for my cousin Sam everyone else is still in the dark in fact you are the first person to know about my drug addiction no one still knows anything about that."
"Alright well what I want to know about now is did you get any sort of help for the rape you know HIV, STD and STI tests or a pregnancy test?"
"Not right away I got tested for all those things except for pregnancy after I moved here and I came back clean for all of them. With the pregnancy I went and got a blood test because I wasn't getting my period straight away but the blood test came back negative but no one knew about me getting tested for the pregnancy. My cousin Sam only knew about the other tests because she came with me."
"Now that we have sorted that what happened with your mum how did you feel when you realised that she was safe?"
"After 12 days my mum came to the practice and I swear never before in my life I have I ever been so relieved to see her I hugged her so tight and my aunt Addison slapped her in the face but after that we had to help her and Ryan. So, we staged an intervention for her and that was scary to say the least she was angry at us all and when my aunt Addison brought up the story about my grandfather my mum lost it. She threatened to kill her if she ever told anyone that story and then when I tried talking to her and told her she needed help she just told me that I was a waste of space and that she should have aborted me. When she said that I was in utter shock I was also angry and hurt so I got up and did something I've never done before I slapped her and cut her lip. After that she walked out with Ryan and then I called her family hoping that my grandma or my aunts would help, however calling them was useless because they wanted nothing to do with us and they refused to help. Only my uncle would help and he convinced my mum to get clean and so we got her and Ryan clean."
"Alright from what we have discussed so far it's as though you have a lot of unresolved feelings and emotions with regards to the events of L.A. While you may have forgiven your mum you still have some obvious resentment towards her and Ryan but you also have some resentment towards your mum's family would I be right?"
"Yeah pretty much."
"Alright so what I want to discuss next is the reasons as to why you haven't told anyone about what has happened, but also and I must stress that this part is important have you had thoughts about using again or do you feel like you want to use now?"
"I do have days where I feel like I want drugs again some days the need is more intense than other days and I guess I haven't told anyone what I really went through because I didn't want them to feel guilty but I also didn't want their pity."
"So, you feel as though they would all feel guilty, what do you think they'd all feel guilty about?"
"Not being there for me I guess and not protecting me enough particularly my mum and Ryan things have been hard for them and I just don't want them to feel anymore guilt, I've forgiven both of them for what happened in L.A I just don't want to place more guilt on anyone."
"I understand that but they are your family and I'm sure they want to help you and get you through it. I also believe it would be good for you to open up to them and talk about it with them because they need to hear this and I think they need to understand you what you think?"
"I think it might be good I've wanted to tell them but I just don't want them feeling guilty anymore I want to move forward with my life."
"Alright well for next week I want schedule a family therapy session, now I know you aren't comfortable with all of your mum's family so why don't we make it. Your mum, Ryan, Addison, Sam, Derek and Meredith for now because these are the people you are closest with and we can always deal with other family members later on. Also, I am going to give you some medication what that will do is take the edge off of your withdrawal but before I prescribe the medication I need to make sure that it's safe with all of your other medication how do you feel about that?"
"I think that sounds good."
"Excellent and today we have made progress you've done well in opening up and letting your guard down completely and it's good to see you talking about these issues."
With that Lisa left the room and luckily for her everyone she wanted in the therapy session next week happened to be in the parent's kitchen.
"Good you are all here I've finished therapy with Valentina and next week I would like you all to come into therapy and do a group session. She has made a lot of progress but there are somethings you are all not aware of, things that I feel you guys need to know and things that Valentina needs to get off of her chest. Now I will brief you guys on a few things prior to the session so that you are all prepared because some of what will be discussed is confronting and will affect everyone."
"Alright that sounds good but honestly I'm surprised you got my daughter talking to be honest I never thought you would get her to open up."
"Well she's made a lot of progress but right now it's a matter of helping her and getting her in the right head space. It is also a matter of getting her to communicate with you all but particularly Amelia and Ryan since they are her primary care givers and once I help her learn how to talk will then see a real change in her."
Lisa soon left and the family went back into Valentina's room everyone. Was curious and anxious about next week's therapy session since they all wanted to know what exactly Valentina had said, Amelia was especially anxious she dreaded the thought. That she once again had failed her daughter something she knew was a real possibility considering how she had failed her in the past, Amelia knew she had a lot to make up for especially towards her daughter and that idea of having once again failed Valentina weighed heavily on her mind. However, a week soon passed by and before everyone knew it the day of the family therapy session had arrived, to say that everyone who was going to be present in room was feeling anxious was a complete understatement.
"Hello everyone so before we start the session I want to address a few things first up there is going to be mention of violence as well as other sensitive issues, the point of today is for you all to listen to her and not judge her in anyway. So, I want to make certain that before you all go in you have a clear understanding of that."
Everyone simply nodded and headed into her room Amelia could see her daughter looked nervous and that only added to her anxiety and curiousness of what was going to unfold today.
"Alright it's good to see you all here today I know I appreciate you all being here as does Valentina now the aim of today is to have Valentina tell you all some things and for her to realise that it is okay for her to communicate. With you all, since you are her family and it is important for her to do so now I will have Valentina explain what happened in L.A."
"Okay so I know a lot of you are probably wondering what Lisa meant by that but there are some things, that none of you know and there are other things only one person knows. None of this is easy for me and I never thought that I would tell you any of this. However, you all need to know so here it goes mum and Ryan do you all remember when you were using and you would have Ryan's friends come over, so that you could all get high and drink all night."
"Yeah I remember that Val."
"Well mum there is something only one person knows about and it's not pretty but alright, when they came over I never stayed because I was scared of them I didn't like them so I never stayed when they were around. The first night I stayed with aunt Charlotte but the next night I couldn't stay with her and none of my friend's parents could have me the next night and since I couldn't stay anywhere. I had to rough it so I slept in a park it was scary and I was cold but luckily a stranger was handing out blankets and I got one also none of the homeless bothered me so I was able to sleep without any issues. The next night you guys never came home at the usual time so I thought no one would be home that night, I had my headphones on in my room and didn't hear you all come in so I went downstairs to get a drink however all of the guys saw me but you and Ryan weren't there. I wanted to leave but I couldn't because I was afraid they would follow me so I got my drink and went back to my room, but I forgot that your friends were likely to be criminals of some sort so I locked my door. However, one of your friends unlocked the door he then came into my room and he locked the door after that he climbed onto my bed and I didn't see the knife in his hand. So, he got on top of me and attempted to rape me I tried screaming for help but he pulled the knife and threatened to. Slit my throat if I made any more noise, he then said he would kill everyone and because I didn't want to be hurt or anyone else to be hurt I didn't scream and he raped me repeatedly that night."
At that moment Amelia felt all of the guilt flood right through she could not believe that her selfish and destructive choices had caused this, never before had she felt so much shame or feel like a failure as a parent. So, on her motherly instincts she just ran over to her daughter and embraced her and the minute the two of them held each other they began to sob. She couldn't believe, how blind and stupid she had been to not protect the one thing that mattered most to her.
"Oh, Val I'm so, so sorry that I failed you I cannot believe that I wasn't there to protect you. The fact, that you went through this alone is heart breaking I just cannot believe Val I'm sorry for not being the mother. I should have been from the beginning and for allowing my choices and short comings get in the way of being your mum can you forgive me Val?"
"Mum I already forgave you and none of this was yours or Ryan's fault for that matter so please no one in this room blame them or yourselves for what happened. None of you raped me it was his fault and that's something he will have to live with for the rest of his life all I want to do is move forward and tell you all the truth."
"Did anything else happen Val how did you deal with this?"
"I didn't at least not in the way I should have and please no one judge me but the next day I hardly made it to school so I left school early and when I got home you and Ryan had left alcohol and drugs behind. So, I started drinking to a point where I would blackout all thoughts, but there was a point in which the alcohol no longer was enough for me. I needed to numb out the pain and instead of telling someone I found the pills you and Ryan had been taking and I crushed them up after that I snorted till I got really high, at first the feeling was weird and foreign to me. However, it eventually became euphoric for me and became a way to ease the pain so I mixed the alcohol and pills, but eventually I was worried about overdosing so I stopped taking Oxy and instead started smoking weed. I was becoming addicted and I wanted more so I got some speed from the streets and took that however after five days or so I realised I had to stop using so I weaned myself off of drugs but I couldn't wean off of the alcohol. Eventually aunt Addison found me she got me sober and aunt Charlotte took me to AA meeting but up until now no one knew about the drugs."
"Val, I'm sorry god I cannot believe that everything I did in L.A led you to a place where you needed to rely on drugs and alcohol for comfort, I'm sorry I was never there for you. When you needed me the most but I promise to make sure that from now on our life will change. I'll make sure to pay more attention and be a better a mother to the way I should have been from the beginning."
"Mum you and Ryan never made take the drugs yeah you both may have left them there but I choose to take them I made that choice, not you I should have known better I'm just glad I realised those mistakes before they ruined me."
"Alright Valentina why don't you explain to everyone how you felt when your mum went missing."
"Alright, when you and Ryan went missing the whole time I cried out of fear that I would lose the only parent I had. I didn't go to school during that period because I wanted to be around in case they told me you were dead but if you had of died I think I probably would have killed myself since at the time. I was in an extremely dark place in my life and the thought of you not being around that wasn't a life I wanted to live."
"Val when I hear you say this it only makes me realise how much I have failed you. I know you keep telling me not to feel guilty but I'm your mum and when I hear you say this I can't help but feel that way, however going forward I promise to make a difference to both of our lives."
Amelia embraced her daughter tighter than she ever had before it made her realise the consequences of her choices and she knew that from now on she had to put her children's interests first. So that none of them would ever find themselves in this dark place again, she wanted to make sure they would all move forward together.
"Alright how about we end the session here and tomorrow we can discuss a plan to help Valentina overcome the issues that she has gone through and hopefully put her on the right track."
Authors note: I hope you guys liked this chapter once again I apologies for the delay in uploading this chapter, let me know what you guys think as always xxx.