The Day After That...
After the previous days shenanigans. Chewie had decided he had no choice but to sleep outside. After all, what was to prevent the enemy from returning and subjecting him to another day of shit-scrubbing hell? No, the only thing to do was risk sleeping outdoors. Then, if the little bastards returned, he could blow their deceptively cute asses out of the sky with his Bowcaster.
He spent an uncomfortable night on the hard ground, hand on his weapon, jolting up at every little sound. At last, he fell into a fitful sleep, dreaming of feces and flying rodents. Thankfully, the night passed peacefully, and Chewie awoke to find the Falcon shit free. He enjoyed a leisurely breakfast and began to hope that perhaps it was over.
No chance in Hell.
About midday, storm clouds began to form on the horizon. Chewie viewed the coming storm with a certain amount of approval. Perhaps it would drown some of the bastards, or at least ensure that they would leave him alone. He broke camp and proceeded to lock down the Falcon.
An hour later, the storm stuck with full force. However, inside the Falcon, Chewbacca was warm, dry, and safe. He relaxed in the cockpit, watching the chaos outside. He smiled as he imagined Porgs being smashed by flying rocks, or torn apart by the vicious winds, or being hurled into the ocean and devoured by… "Chirp, Chirp."
Chewy leaped up so fast that he banged his skull on the overhead, but the pain was nothing compared to the terror he felt. They were here. Instinctively he reached for his Bowcaster, but stopped short. The powerful weapon would tear the ship apart if he fired it indoors. No, he would have to take care of this the old fashioned way. He grabbed a pipe on the side of the cockpit and ripped it out of the wall with a mighty pull. "Crap, I hope that wasn't anything important." He thought. No matter, he could fix it later. At the moment, he had a real emergency to deal with.
Creeping out of the cockpit, he slowly walked down the hall, ready to strike at a moments notice. He stepped through the bulkhead door, and froze in horror. There, on the floor, was a fresh pile of all-to familiar feces. Chewbacca shivered. They were here, and they were defecating. Just then, a loud clatter came from the direction of the berths. The implications were too awful to consider. If those monsters got into his bed…
In a burst of speed previously unknown to the Wookiee race, Chewy bolted back into the hall and took a left into the bunk area. He dashed to the bunk area, hoping that the apocalyptic visions dancing in his head would not come true.
They didn't.
The truth was far worse.
It looked as if someone had set off a satchel of thermal detonators. The mattresses had been ripped to shreds, which lay thick upon the floor. Nests made out of the stuffing and what had once been the pillows poked out of the corners. Fish carcasses decorated the bed frames, and the ever present smell of shit wafted up from somewhere among the destruction. Chewy could only stare, open mouthed, at the scene before him. It suddenly struck him that the Porgs must have snuck aboard while he was breaking camp.
A click sounded to his right. Slowly, deliberately, he turned. Standing in the middle of the hallway were three Porgs, staring up at him with their big bright eyes. But Chewy no longer saw the big eyes, soft fur, or adorable little faces, all he saw were miniature demons, come from the depths of hell to rain destruction and misery down upon him. He raised the pipe above his head, and charged. The Porgs fled down the corridor, with 250 pounds of pissed off Wookiee on their heels.
The clamor of the chase drowned out the raging storm outside as Chewie crashed, stumbled, and banged his way through the ship in pursuit of the Porgs. It was no use, the Porgs were just too fast. After ten minutes and a significant amount of damage inflicted to the ship, Chewie was forced to stop. Breathing heavily, he saw a thermal detonator sitting on a storage shelf. An idea popped into his head, and he grinned evilly.
Grabbing the detonator, he hit the switch that lowered the ramp. With a groan, the ramp opened, lowering until it hit the ground. A gust of wind blew through the entrance, sending crap flying everywhere. Provided with a way to escape the big walking carpet, the Porgs chirped happily and flew out into the storm. Chewie followed them.
Struggling against the wind and rain, he pursued them doggedly. The strong winds slowed the Porgs down considerably, allowing Chewie to keep up. When they were a safe distance from the Falcon, he made his move.
"Take this you fluffy little bastards!" He growled, and threw the detonator. Unfortunately, at that instant the wind changed directions, blowing the detonator right back at him. The dismayed Wookie turned to run, but it was too late. The detonator exploded, sending the unfortunate and dismayed Wookiee flying into the air, off the nearby cliff, and down into the raging surf far far below.
Several hours later, after the storm had died down, a tired, wet, and very pissed off Chewbacca returned to the Falcon. Rey, who was investigating some minor wear to the outer hull, watched the miserable hairy giant trudging up the hill. As he approached, she opened her mouth, only to be fixed with a murderous glare from her friend. She promptly swallowed her questions. As Chewy lumbered up the ramp, Rey decided it would be not be prudent to ask why his ass looked like it had been on the receiving end of a flamethrower.