Chapter 5: Homecoming

Despite my best efforts to avoid Lightning for the rest of the evening, she joined me for dinner. Unlike the meeting, I'd sat first so I didn't have to option of escape. She attempted small talk, but I silently poked at the food on my tray. It wasn't until she mentioned a recent visit she'd had to the city that I interrupted.

"When are you finally going to move to the Capital? You're there frequently enough."

"I'm perfectly happy in New Bhodum," she said, rolling her eyes. "With my niece or nephew on the way, I'll need to be around to help Serah. I want that to last as long as possible."

"So until you grow old and wither away then? Never having lived more than a block away from your sister."

She sighed, and rested her elbows on the table. "This mission is proof enough that my time there is drawing to a close. I had asked to set up a branch of the GC in New Bhodum specifically so I could be near my family. But Rygdea calling me out here only means that he's going to start asking more from me. It's more than just being a l'Cie," she dragged her fingers through her hair, "I should be up for a promotion soon. But Amodar knew I wasn't interested in leaving yet."

"Yet?"

"Yes, Hope. Yet. I do have other plans you know."

"And those would be?"

"Explore the rest of Pulse. I had missions all over Cocoon, even the unsavory bits. Pulse is monumentally larger and I want to experience all of it. Of course, I'll always call New Bhodum home."

"So you want to travel the world with soldiers like Rygdea, and come home to Serah and Snow." I stood up from the dining table and grabbed my tray. "If that was the case, why did you drag me along? You could have easily dumped me on them. Would have solved a ton of your problems. I wouldn't be in the damn way, and your brother-in-law and his wife would be safely waiting at home for you."

I attempted to walk away but she firmly grabbed my wrist. "Hold on for a second."

I shrugged out of her grasp and left. She had made it clear that her plans for the future didn't include me anywhere in them. Not that they were supposed to. But I had considered myself the closest person in her life; at least she was in mine. Obviously, I was mistaken.

She considered New Bhodum home, even though she'd spent the most important day out of the year with me. The day memorializing the worst moment in Bhodum's history. It should have gone without saying that she would spend that time with her family, especially since her birthday was the day prior. Not once had she'd done so. Each year, she'd been with me.

Even this last year, it had just been Lightning, my father and I privately honoring my mother.

We had walked quietly along the dirt road on the outskirts of the city. The cenotaph for the Purge victims had been constructed near a small lake. Lightning, my father, and I'd been the only ones there at the late hour. Candles and mementos had been placed at its stone base by earlier visitors. Unlike in New Bhodum, the mourners in the Capital had only amounted to those with relatives who'd been swept up by the chaos. Lightning and I'd actually been present during the Purge. Those people had only experienced the fal'Cie induced day of Ragnarok, not genocide by their fellow humans. Being alone had suited me just fine.

At the front of the memorial, a large niche encased in glass had held a Purge robe. The garment had still been impressively white, and I'd always wondered where it came from. My memories of the day had been grime and blood-soaked. Each robe had been as well.

Lightning had gently held my hand once we'd reached the structure. She'd taken practiced deep breaths as we'd stood silently side by side. The woman had appeared more drained than I'd been. Each year, she'd volunteered to attend meetings as representative of the original Bhodum. The government had wished to guarantee that a preventable travesty wouldn't repeat itself.

After her meetings, she'd change out of her uniform and we'd visit the memorial. Which is why we'd always been the last ones there. I'd never understood why she'd joined us instead of staying with her sister. She hadn't told me either, but I'd managed to weasel the information out of my father one day.

Serah had wanted her sister at home. She'd been a more social person than Lightning. The NORA crew hadn't been her only friends. She'd lost her classmates, neighbors, and others during the Purge. Lightning hadn't taken the time to know any of those people. Military members had been exempt from the relocation, so anyone who hadn't survived the aftermath was mourned on the Fall's anniversary anyway.

But I had lost my mother. So Lightning had chosen me, even over her sister.

As she'd held my hand, I'd known for the first time that hadn't been the only reason she'd come. She'd known that Serah could handle her absence. Serah had Snow.

Lightning had me.

My father had walked over to a bench. He would always spend some time alone, staring at a picture of my mother he'd kept in his wallet. With him gone, I'd pulled Lightning into a hug. Her breath had blown through my hair as she'd eased against me. Her arms had wrapped around my head and I'd felt her lips brush my forehead.

"Next year, we'll celebrate in New Bhodum," I'd said.

"What about your father?"

"Of course, he'll come. You're our family. We shouldn't be keeping you from yours."

"You're not keeping me anywhere, I want to be here."

We'd stayed clutching each other until my father had wandered over and removed a set of candles from his messenger bag. Finally letting go, we'd each grabbed one and placed it at the monument's base. Passing a lighter between the three of us, we'd lit our respective candles and prayed.

My father and I'd stood up, ready to leave, as we'd done the past two years. Lightning had remained kneeling.

"Would you mind giving me and your parents a moment? There is something we need to talk about."

My father had looked at her, nodded, and returned to the floor. She'd given me a pained smile when I touched my hand to her shoulder. She placed her hand over mine, and then pushed it away.

"Please, Hope, just go."

I'd wandered along the bank of the lake, until I'd heard my father calling for me. When I'd returned, the two of them had become even more melancholy than when we'd arrived. The mood had never recovered, not even by the time she'd left for home the next morning.

Her home. In New Bhodum. She might have had me, but I didn't have her. Not in the totality that I wanted.

"I said wait." Lightning caught up with me at the door after she had cleared up her own table spot. "Can we not be doing this in front of all the people I work with?" She shoved me into an empty alcove. "My sister and her husband aren't the only thing holding me back. You're right; I spend more time with you than I do with them. And they live right down the road." Her hand gently folded against mine until our fingers intertwined. "But this is my career; I do not need your behavior causing rumors. People are already giving me crap about your outburst at the meeting. As my friend, you need to act accordingly." She touched her free hand to my shoulder. "Why are you so bent out of shape anyway?"

"What were you talking with Rygdea about?" I said, staring angrily up at her.

Lightning eyed me cautiously.

"You know, before I interrupted."

"You. We were discussing how I don't think you are fit for this mission. You've been acting erratically. I don't know if I can guarantee your safety like this."

Oh. So she had been telling that man all about how much of an infant I was. That I couldn't handle myself. No wonder he'd laughed at me.

"Was I wrong? You did choose that exact moment to jump him. I can't tell what's going on with you anymore. If something's happening, you need to tell me." She lifted my chin to look me straight in the eyes. "You can trust me with anything. I'm only concerned because I care about you."

Just concerned? That wasn't enough anymore. Surely she knew what she was doing to me. Even this much, holding me like this. Had she done it to anyone else they'd misunderstand. Just because I was her friend didn't mean I was immune. What would she do if I touched her similarly? If I went further?

She kept searching my face. How did she keep missing everything that was on the surface? Why was she pretending not to know?

I closed my eyes. I knew this was dangerous. Either she'd take it as me being completely dismissive of her, or… There was silence between us. She was taking in slow deep breaths, and I could feel them nearing me. The warm air came in waves across the skin of my nose and lips. Goosebumps pulsed across my arms. I tried as inconspicuously as possible to heighten myself, lifting my heels.

Her hand wove away from my chin. Her thumb rested on my cheek while the rest of her fingers settled on my neck and behind my ear. How long was I supposed to wait, did she or I make the next move? I opened my eyes. The second I did, she let me go. The moment was shattered. She'd rejected me.

"I won't attack him again. We promised to protect each other. I was just looking out for you. And don't go behind my back like that. I was closer to Vanille and Fang than you ever were."

"Clearly it meant nothing. You were there. They want all of us to go," she said on her way out.