Chapter 8: Hmm, Must Be Broken

Morning sunshine and the feel of clean sheets. Bright laughter and affection. The absence of doubt and uncertainty. Knowing I was wanted.

All of this flooded the empty vacuum of my dream. Somehow I knew this feeling, yet also didn't. As if I were trying to remember a specific moment, one that didn't exist. Filtered.

I awoke to the crack of Lightning's gunblade. Apparently an errant goblin had approached us. She'd killed the thing in one hit.

"You're finally awake," she said tapping my forehead, "It's a miracle nothing ate us during your watch."

The forehead that I now realized was resting in her lap. Sometime after she woke she'd sat up, yet hadn't bothered to shove me off. I scrambled to my feet, finally with enough energy to look around. Only then did I notice that I was scratch free. I flexed my arm and rotated my ankle.

"Thanks," I said sheepishly.

I lunged forward, and slid my hands beneath her coat. I placed one palm to her belly, the other I placed on her back above her kidneys. She squirmed as I pumped more healing magic into her body. Her skin felt cold to the touch. Instead of dealing with her still apparent injuries, she'd wasted her magic on healing me in my sleep. Using her gunblade had been proof of that.

"Are you done yet?" she said as she lay down, defeated.

"Not a chance."

I pulled my squished hand from her back and placed it to her chest. She unzipped the top of her sweater, giving me access. She wanted me to finish this as quickly as possible. While we had been l'Cie, I could have healed her instantly from a distance. What I wouldn't have given for that level of power now.

"You don't have a headache or fever do you?" I checked her forehead by placing mine to hers.

"No. I'm mostly tired. Any lingering pain I had, you got rid of."

I wanted to ask her why she'd taken care of me. Yes, I'd been banged up, but there had been nothing life threatening. I pushed my fingertips beneath the knitted fabric to feel her clavicle. She took a sharp breath that shifted the hand I'd rested below her diaphragm. I watched as she flushed, warmed skin finally gracing my touch.

"That's enough for now." She shoved me off and readjusted her clothing.

"Any idea where we are?"

"Somewhere near the Steppe. From what I figure, we're to the West on entirely separate grassland. I remember seeing the gorge on our way down. We're in one of the canyon sets similar to the chocobo enclave. If my navigator weren't broken, I'd give you better specifics," she said, tapping at her watch. "But the thing you're really looking for is over there."

She pointed toward a small grove of trees. At their base were fragments of crystal littering the ground like diamonds. I cautiously approached the area with Lightning on my heels. Had Vanille not landed as safely as we had? I'd been too completely preoccupied to even care.

Bless this moment. Vanille was intact. More or less.

When initially split off the main crystal, she'd still had ragged extra bits jutting every which way. Now all that remained was her body in a fetal position. Amongst the debris I also located my poor, decimated pack. Lightning had done me no favors when she cut it free. The thing looked like leather ribbons. Thankfully, the only truly important thing it carried was my boomerang which had somehow survived the fall. It's not like I'd ever use some of the other items I'd kept in there anyway.

"So what's your plan?" Lightning said, resting her hand on a hip.

I hadn't had one. She knew that.

"Well, Lover Boy. You could always try that. Don't look so confused. I mean you could try giving her a smooch."

How did she come to that conclusion? What good would a kiss do? This was the work of fal'Cie, it wasn't fairy tale "true love" magic. Plus. My kiss wouldn't work on her.

I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder. Was she really expecting this? Did she really want me to kiss someone else? To kiss someone right after she had jumped out of an airship to save me? She really must have just considered me a useless child.

"Kid, you dove after her without a grav-con unit. I think it's worth a shot."

"Stop putting words in my mouth. I don't like Vanille like that. I don't know why I jumped."

No. I did. Saving Vanille was the right thing to do. But I'd also known something else on a subatomic level. I'd known that Lightning would follow me.

My communicator started blinking and beeping. "Come in, Estheim. Are you there? Estheim."

Great. Out of all the damn people, it had to be him.

"Yes, Rygdea?"

"Thank heavens. We've been trying to contact you and Farron for hours. We were preparing for the worst. Do you have information regarding her whereabouts?"

Lightning snapped my wrist to her mouth. "I'm here. The package is safe too. Some of my equipment got damaged during impact. I can't offer exact coordinates."

Here she was, breathing on to my skin like it was nothing. Talking to Rygdea like I wasn't even there. Who's that boy? Oh, that's no one. It's just a walking mannequin with a communicator on its wrist. Let's have it make out with that statue and see what happens. Nothing? Hmm, must be broken, we'll just leave them here. Oh well, good times. Let's go back to our beach bungalow and make sweet cowboy lovin'. You can use your lasso.

"Hope. Now's not the time."

I looked up at her. Tiny flames were licking their way across my palm and towards my watch. They were also sprouting vertically, dangerously close to her face. Then the burning-hair smell hit me. There was a tiny curl of smoke rising from the ends of her bangs. Instantly I extinguished the flames. Oops.

"I'm so sorry!" I said, trying to pat down her face.

All I actually accomplished was slapping her forehead pretty hard. I'd seen her angry before. This time, I was surprised I didn't piss my pants.

"Is everything ok down there?" Rygdea squawked from the tinny speaker.

"Everything's fine. We're in a ravine. It's too narrow for any craft to reach us. We'll call you with more details when we reach the valley."

We spent the next hour or so trying to find a way to move Vanille. I had been adamant that we not leave her behind. Sure she had survived the fall, but who knew what could happen. The earth might just open up and reclaim her. I wasn't Lightning; I didn't have a contingency plan for every damn little thing.

I eventually tried to fashion a rope from bits of vines that had been growing along the canyon wall. Needless to say, they snapped the instant I tried to hook them on the crystal.

"Like I've been trying to tell you, she isn't going anywhere. If we can't move her, I doubt a random monster will. They never touched the Cie'th stones did they?"

"We can't just leave her."

"Hope, it's safer if we make our way to the rendezvous point and then bring back a crew to move her."

I wanted to tell her how I couldn't believe she'd leave someone behind like this. But I knew for a fact that wasn't the case. She'd left Serah behind at Lake Bresha, and that girl was her only family. She'd also left me behind in the Vile Peaks. Why had I been so certain that she'd follow me today?

"Fine," she said. "We've lost almost all our daylight anyway. We'll hunker down here for the night and try again tomorrow. Go fetch some wood."

Once we'd fashioned an impromptu camp, we sat by the fire. I tried to sit as inconspicuously close to Lightning as possible. I wasn't entirely sure when I became so needy. I just knew that being near her was necessary. I'd worried myself into a corner that she might up and leave me again. Not that she'd ever left me since. Well, besides emotionally.

"You staying awake defeats the purpose of my keeping watch," she said, meticulously cleaning her blade.

"Are you still not going to explain how you make that meteor shower?" I inched closer to her.

"Is that what we're calling it?"

"Yeah. I've decided this just now," I said grinning.

I grabbed at her hand and began staring at it. Maybe with close inspection I'd figure this damn trick out. If not, I'd still be able to enjoy myself. The sensation had been stronger when she'd applied it to my face last time. I closed my eyes and rubbed my cheek into the sparks.

"I doubt that's going to help you learn anything," she said, strumming her fingers on my temple.

I started to giggle uncontrollably, her joy infecting me. I was beginning to notice that there was an undercurrent to this particular emotion. I hadn't noticed it the first time, but as I acclimated myself it was becoming clearer. There was a presence that I recognized as "Hope." This feeling she had was related to me.

Something about me made her this happy.

Surely, I wasn't the only thing. There were various shades of color, sensations, and tastes. All of which I couldn't put together even if I knew that I should. Giggles. Those were certain from the beginning. In her quarters I'd identified tickling. Giggles. Tickles. Hope. They were all there, but at the same time not. The feelings tangled, warped, and knotted into something else.

"Would you mind doing something for me?" I asked.

"Aren't I already?"

"Something extra. Would you mind sharing a bit of this with Vanille. I don't know if she can feel anything as a crystal. But something tells me, this might get through to her."

She slid her hand off my face. I could see a bit of disappointment cloud her eyes. Yet, she humored me anyway and walked over to Vanille's curled body. She kneeled down and whispered something before flicking her palm. The sparks dusted Vanille like falling petals. I swore for a second that they radiated from inside the crystal before vanishing.

Maybe I could do it this time. She had said to think of a strong emotion. I'd never actually just thought of something that brought me unregulated happiness. Though I didn't want to admit it, she would always be that person for me. Even if we were only friends.

I brought a clear image into my mind. She'd been acting spectacularly dorky. For the first time since our party had landed on Pulse, a chocobo had let her approach it. I doubted she'd known anyone was watching. We'd all been given separate tasks, so I technically should have been scouting for food. She'd started secretly making "kweh" noises at the bird. The creature had happily squawked back at her. Previously, she'd been nothing but serious and determined to save Serah. That had been the first time that I'd realized she hadn't been as distant as she'd let on. Twenty-one was barely older than a teenager. Just remembering made me grin like a fool.

"So you figured it out?"

I glanced down at my hand. Sure enough, there were several errant sparks dancing around. A pathetic display, but it was there all the same. Once again, Lightning had been spot on. I could understand why it was happening, but I had no control over it. She came over to me and tried to grasp at one of the sparks. Immediately I shut my hand.

"Uhhmm."

"I get it. The feelings that make it happen are extremely private. Ironic right?" she said, settling back by the fire. "Perhaps you could show Vanille this time. I bet she'd appreciate your feelings more than mine."

Something about her expression riddled me with guilt. She looked even more defeated than before. I desperately wanted to make her happy, but I worried that my magic might leak extra information. There would be more than the enormous birds. I wasn't ready to face that reality yet. I walked over to Vanille and knelt beside her.

"I should be reassuring you. Letting you know that we'll protect you and Fang. But I'm sure you're already aware of that. So, right now, I want you to wake up just so I can ask for your help. Even if I couldn't understand half of the cryptic crap you said, you always led me in the right direction."

Placing my forehead to hers, I whispered, "Please help me get through to Lightning."

I urged a single spark out of my palm; it dripped onto Vanille's chest. The small glimmer of light migrated to her heart. Suddenly, small blooms of fireworks sprouted internally. I could see her organs taking shape in oil slicks of color. I called frantically to Lightning. The second she dropped beside me, Vanille's body burst in a cloud of crystal dust.

I hacked, my mouth full of powder. None of us had actually witnessed each other's awakenings. Had it always been this messy?

"Holy Sh…" Lightning didn't finish her sentence.

Vanille opened her eyes.