On Winds Of Whiskey Breath

by wayunlucky13

On HIATUS! Things hit you quite a bit less hard then usual as long as your under the sweetening affects of fine, quality, RUM! What can I say, Chris she’s the person who gets me drunk, my anchor, the sweet air of existence... the bringer of my rum!

3. Cracking Rum Bottles

On Winds Of Whiskey Breath: The Cracking Rum Bottle/You Just Slept With A Pirate

A/N: I'm so, so sorry for not getting it out sooner... I have excuses.. Even though I know you don't wanna here and just instead try and kill me... just listen... lately I've been feeling a little blue, lazy, I went to Missouri too to see a old friend...I lost my muse and I haven't gotten time on the computer... so don't blame me... And No I'm NOT trying to make fun of Miss Elisabeth Swann... just merely using the names to my advantage for comedy...

A/N2: A big Shout out/Thanks to Sentential Sparrow and SlinkyAndTheBloodyWands! Without you guys I would've already stopped this series, because I'm quitter... So thank you! And if there is anyone besides them who is reading this.. YOU BETTER Thank them...

Disclaimer: No I don't own 'Pirates Of The Carribean', neither Disneyland, nor the Patent/licence to Hershey's Magic Shell Chocolate. I do however own the Lucky Fox and her crew, Christina and her bar, Avery's Alias, Henry Sacs, The phrase, Queen Daisy Of the Leprechauns, the plot, and this penny my dad cut in half... Billy owns himself now, because he ran away! Cries

Queen Daisy: That is a wonderful list of things you do have... but it still isn't as good as owning POTC, Disneyland, and an ice cream sundae

Mel: I know sighs I know shakes head And I want Ice Cream so bad!

Billy: pats Mel's back... there, there.

Mel: Billy! Turns around You came back! Did you come back for me, or did you come back for Buffy, food, and Pirates Of The Caribbean?

Billy: Hmm... that's a hard question...Mel Frowns hmm scratches chin in thought I felt your craving, so. Lifts up a gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream

Mel: hugs Billy I missed you! Grabs ice cream Billy, do you remember what you forgot?

Billy: holds up dark chocolate syrup, caramel syrup, spray whip cream, strawberry syrup, reese's magic shell chocolate, and a can of Machino cherries What did I forget?

Mel: You rock! Starts putting together the greatest sundae ever!

Billy: But I've known that forever!

Queen Daisy Of The Leprechauns: Two friends separated, reunited! Claps hands together smiling and watching the fight unfold between Mel and Billy wonderess!

Mel: Sorry, pushes Billy off of herself We'll pulls Billy's arms off of throat Be Back! Jumps on Billy and hits him with a pan, that she just pulled out of thin air. Looks at unconscious Billy, Jumps up and down yelling I won, I won, I won! Looks at readers What are you guys still doing here! Waves hand Go! Flee! Read!

Cracking Rum Bottles (May's POV)

May sat up and glanced around the familiar Captain Quarters. Her head was killing her. So she grabbed it, hard, harder, hard. She heard laughter echoing throughout the room. 'I don't feel so good.' She laid back down and groaned 'I'll just sleep a little longer' She shut her eyes and fell into unconsciousness

Avery's POV:

I didn't know Jack was this funny! I thought as I took another swig only to end up spewing it out in laughter... He kept moving his hands in over-exaggerated hand movements, making the weirdest faces, and telling me about his thing with a swan! Apparently he rescued some Swan for this boy named 'Turner' getting rid of the old curse on his old crew (who by the way marooned him) The curse of Long lines to the head! All he had to do was, throw a old coin into a ton of other gold coins, on the way the swan started coming onto him, and Gibbs backed it all up! Now the Swan and Turner are married, been pregnant, and are pregnant again!

All I've got to say is, 'Those are gonna be some ugly kids... half swan, half eunuch!' And it's a good thing Jack didn't let the swan come onto him... or he and the swan could be in worse shape!

Jack's POV:

Avery, for some odd reason was laughing her head off! Especially when I told her 'The Curse Of The Black Pearl'. I t was weird. I thought her to be, you know one of those people who didn't smile, and didn't laugh. And now here she is doing both! Weird sense of humor, I'll give you that, but it's quite entertaining...

I finished off my 7th, or maybe 8th, no, no, it had to be the 9th! I'll just skip that part, I wasn't sure how much the other had, had. But Avery, was spewing some out.. I most definitely think she's had enough. May has fallen asleep, she fell asleep early last night... but with how she was drinking... no surprise. Gibbs right now is mumbling so quiet that I can't understand what he's saying but every time Gibbs pauses Avery and Him laugh.

I speak up, "How many have you guys had?" Avery sighs and gets this very concentrated look on her face (brows furrowed, frustrated pout) then she tilts her head so she's looking at her fingers then fingers start popping up one by one then she points at me and starts drawing squiggles in the air with her finger. Then she smiles and says, "This Much!" 1 finger on her right hand and 3 on the other... "Four?" I ask... that can't be right... can it? She shakes her head and says "thirteen." then she sticks her fingers in my face... only giving me an inch to breathe and says, "See!" I wave my hand and say, "I saw." obviously annoyed... she's really acting young while drunk... this is not at ALL like last time..

Maybe these are spiked with baby powder?

Gibb's POV:

Jack opened a rum bottle, put it to his eye, and started moving his head and the bottle around... I think Jack has had enough... He's as bad as Avery...

Avery's POV:

Jack was looking for something in the rum bottles, so I threw one at the wall to check... there wasn't anything, so I hit Jack for making me throw a rum bottle at my wall, he hit me back, so I kicked him,

HE kicked me back, so I stood up and said, "Do you wanna fight?" and he jumped up and said, "Of Course I do!" we both reached for our swords when Gibbs yelled, "Sa–ttup" (I think he meant stop... but who knows) too late both mine and Jack's swords hit together automatically parrying.

May's POV:

I woke up to the familiar sounds of swords clashing together.. So I hurried got my hat, my pistols, my cutlass, and boots... hurrying and put them on.. Then I silently cursed myself for oversleeping...the ship was under attack!

I ran up on deck where my eyes met with a sight I couldn't believe... (well I could, I just couldn't believe that I missed some of it) I saw One fairly drunk Jack, and One Very Drunk Avery sword fighting with the crews cheering them on! I ran up to Marcus (My Brother) and asked him what was happening!

He quickly said, "I dunno, we were swapping the decks and such, when we heard some glass breaking and a few swears, so we figured the Captain was drunk again...you know how she acts." I nodded "Yeah." "When maybe 30 seconds later That Sparrow..." Marcus was interrupted by Jack "THAT'S CAPTION." then he ducked to miss a swing aimed towards him... May rolled her eyes "And the Captain came out fully-engaged in a sword fight! Most of us were hollering for the Captain..." May nodded, Marcus continued.. "Most of us here... bet he tried to charm her." I laughed and grinned in Avery's and Jack's direction... If only one woman in the world were the only one who could stay single it'd be Avery... she just can't be tied down.

Avery's POV:

"What a way to get the day started! Don't you agree Captain Sparrow?" I yelled amused and chuckled a little when he yelled back, "Wonderful Way!" He smiled and came at me harder... I had to move because I wasn't strong enough to block that last blow... he backed me up to the edge of the ship... right before the railing and then he said, "Give Up?" I yelled back "Never." I had a plan... I jumped up on the railing then carefully, and quickly went down it to where we tightened the mass's sails, then I grabbed a rope and swung right behind him... he quickly turned around... but too late I already had my sword up to his throat. Then I whispered, "Would you like to surrender now? I'll save you the embarrassment." he laughed and said, "Surrender? Why would I want to do that?"

and it continued like that until Gibbs finally said, "Stop it already... we're tired of watching!"

Avery POV:

I sighed knowing that I probably should stop... I held out my hand and said, "Truce?" Jack glared at my hand... making it seem like he was deciding whether or not he wants to touch it. I've gotta admit, I was insulted! He mumbled a little... I rolled my eyes... "Truce." he held out his hand and we shook. Then he said, "Since, we're civil now... how 'bout we celebrate by me bedding you!" I rolled my eyes...the world could be about to blow up, Jack being the only one knowing... and yet all he'd still be thinking about that... I lifted my sword to his throat...

Jack's POV:

"So I guess that'll be a no then, if I'm not mistaken..." I said, disappointed."GET OFF MY SHIP!" I was slightly taken back... I've been slapped around, Beaten By Angry Husbands/Brothel Owners... Because of women... but I've never been kicked off a ship by a woman!

Avery's POV:

He wouldn't move! "Get off!" he still didn't move... good thing that he was close to the edge... I pushed him overboard. I've gotta admit... It was quite fun... just thinking about it... it makes me want to do it again. I went over to the edge and watched him resurface... "YOU THREW ME OVERBOARD!" I laughed... "AND YOU WOULDN'T GET OFF OF MY SHIP!" "BU–" I cut him off, "MY SHIP, MY RULES... 'SIDES YOU NEED TO STOP WHINING!" Jack started swimming over to his ship... "HEY JACK!" "What!" he said, pouting.

What a baby. "SEE YA LATER." "Whatever..." Jack went to his wheel and started sailing off...

FF to Dock:

"Well, men, be happy... You're here, again..." Avery changed her mind about Tortuga... 'sides... she hadn't had any pleasurable company in a while... and now she was in the perfect place to get some... Avery basically ran to Christina's Bar... her men, and May and Catharine literally ran off the boat to go find whatever they were planning to do... Avery beamed happily... she didn't realize how much she missed this place... OOO, Chris's Bar! She finally got there.. And she sat there, in her regular seat (right by the tap)and Christina came up and basically yelled, "Where have ya been? I was starting to think that you had got yourself killed... you've never been gone that long..."Avery smiled and said, "Oh, so now I gotta kill myself to be dead? I was kinda hoping I'd die a death as honorary as any pirate could...getting caught by the navy.. Finally after running from them for 20 years, killed in a battle, my ship blew up because of a stupid crew member, or even while drunk, or getting ran over by carriage while drunk... But no I have to go and get myself killed... now do I? Chris waved her hand, "You know what I mean..." "So how is tonight's crowd?" Avery asked smiling all-knowingly

Christina's POV:

Just like Avery, quick to the point, and dying to get laid... after being gone for 2 weeks! Well, I gotta say... it's unfortunate...but... we'll catch up later... I pointed my finger towards a man with blonde hair, pretty pale complection, dull brown eyes... kinda dirty, and drinking heavily... Avery smiled at me, stood up, winked at me and starting walking toward the man... I feel sorry for him... but if that's what Avery wants... she was bound to get to him eventually...

Avery's POV:

Well, it's a good thing Chris knows my type... now at least half of my work is almost done.. After all just by watching fights and staring at the oil lamps with some kind of interest you could tell... he was at least half drunk... "Is this seat taken?" I asked already knowing he'd let me sit down... but he doesn't need to know that... He shook his head no... and gestured for me to sit down... "So what brings you to Tortuga?"

Christina's POV:

I walked over to bring drinks to Avery and that man... that and to see how far she had him under her spell... but she don't need to know that..."So what business are you in?" Avery asked, "First, tell me your name?" ha, he's flirting already! Man, this boy falls fast..poor guy..."You tell me yours..." Avery said, back... So like Avery not to tell her name... when we first met she told me her name was Kailyn, then Jessica, then Robert! I finally found out her name by asking her mom... unfortunately... the man answered, "Henry Sacs." Henry reached out to shake her hand... as everyone did so...so far... she said, "Patrice Mondell." now that's gotta be one of the best fake name's she's come up with... well, how long I've been standing here will be suspicious... so I better leave them to their business..

Avery's POV:

"So what do you do again?" I asked trying to sound shy... "I'm a merchant..." oh, great. oh well. I'll run with it.. I need the 'sleep' anyway... "Oh, but aren't you afraid of spotting a pirate ship?" trying to sound genuinely scared/worried for him... he puffs out his chest a little.. "No, not with me and my men... We've already saved ourselves from a pirate ship twice..." "Oh, god... that must have been terrifying... I've only heard of pirates attacking... never seen it..." Just one little white lie... "Well, it isn't as scary as they try to make it seem..." "You and your men seem so brave... especially you...not a spot of horror as you remembered yourself getting away.." the man laughed and said, "Well, that's the important part... getting away.. If I had already gotten away from a pirate then why should I fear it?" he really should... if he knew what was good for him anyway... this is the worst liar I've tried to pick up before... "So what do you think about pirates?" trying to actually sound genuinely interested... He scoffed, "The bottom of Society... in fact trying to un-attach themselves completely from society... trying to push the peasant into the very hole society was built on... pathetic men..." Avery clenched her fists at her side and hoped that no anger showed on her face... "What about Women Pirates?" she paused for extra effect... "I've heard about them... and since you have firsthand experience... you must know about them... Are they as ruthless as the men pirates?" he chuckled, he really chuckled..."No, no... they don't actually exist... sometimes the whores that stay on the ship are mistaken for female pirates... but there's no such thing..." I widened my eyes in surprise.. You have got to be joking! That's what Society thinks of me... either I don't actually exist because I'm a woman, or if I actually do exist I just happen to be a man! I knew most of society thought I was a myth... but I thought that might've been because of all my 'achievements' put most pirates to shame.. Or possibly because I've never been in a book... or even because of people who tell my adventures over-exaggerate a little... I guess society has been one-sided all along... even when I was considered part of it... I really thought it would've changed... especially with a worldwide known female pirate! But no, I guess not! "But what about the Captain of the Lucky Fox... what was her name... Avery Jayee?" I asked wanting to know what people thought of me... "Well... actually The Lucky Fox... is captained by Marcus Smith... and there's at least 3 whores on the ship..." oh! That just burns through.. Stupid men! I'm sick of them... all they're good for is entertainment... and even that I have to push for! Fricking Marcus! He's only the 2rd mate! I'm not a whore! Neither is May or Catherine.. Oh, I'm sick of this! I was now trembling trying to keep my anger hidden...The only reason why... gotta wait for the right moment to strike... "Are you cold?" Alex or whatever the man's name was said... "Y-yyes." I answered trying to look like I was shivering... the man said... "Would you like to go someplace warmer?" I smiled knowing what he had in mind... after all, men are almost always as one-sided as Society. "Of course." Men are so stupid...

FF To The Morning:

I rolled over smiling when I saw the man from last night sleeping peacefully... I nudged him... waking him up... "What do you think about pirates, again?" he rolled over looked at me and said, "Ruthless, Unlawful, and Disgusting men. Could never respect one..." Strike 2, (Strike 1, was when he finished too early) he's got one chance left... "What about Female Pirates?" he scoffed and said, "there is none." I pulled him close and kissed him... though he was an early finisher... he was one of the best kissers I've kissed... such a shame.. He pulled away and said, "You're beautiful..." and caressed my thigh... oh boy, does this guy ever give up?

I smiled and said, "And You Just Slept With A Pirate." I held my laughter at the face he had... "I'm sorry, what did you just say?" Oh, the reaction is priceless... too bad he didn't know what he was getting into... but that's how it's gotta be... "Patrice? I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that..." I looked up remembering my fake name... "I said, You. Just. Slept. With. A. Pirate."

He immediately jumped to the other side of the bed... I said, "What's Wrong, Alex?" I came towards him with my best 'concerned' face on... He fell off the bed... what a sight to see a man in only a dress shirt and some underwear falling off the bed staggering in fear... Oh, sometimes I love living...

"Who are you?" he demanded. I laughed... oh, it's so sweet when they get like this... "Why that's simple... the woman you left Christina's bar with... the woman that goes by the title... Captain, Avery, Jayee." I might as settle his spirits before they jump out filled with fear again... "B-bbut l-llast night... you asked about her... the myth... You couldn't be her..." My, My, My what a bold thing to say... to bad...

I lifted up the blanket... I saw him stare disbelievingly at my attire... "How did you get dressed so fast..." Oh, boy, this man is so young... "One, She isn't a myth. Two, I asked because every now and then I want to see how much I've affected society. Three, Why wouldn't I get dressed before you wake up? Four, There are female pirates... I'm just living proof of that... Five, there comes a time in every man's life where he needs to be outsmarted by a woman...I just thought you had reached that time..."

I paused and walked towards him... "So what's your name, again?" He looked angry... I guess when I was so young and impressionable and maybe had the same thing happen maybe I would be angry too... I don't know though... I don't think a 'Half-Daft Man' by society's standards would try to make me take them back to a place and use me just because they were horribly sex deprived... I mean... I was like what? Six back then? Nope, at least where I came from, they didn't do that... Well he needs to grow up... this will just speed it along... hopefully... he glared at me... "Why?" "Because I forgot it." "Henry, Henry Sacs.." "OH! I thought your name was Alex!" "Really? Do tell" he said sarcastically... "Hey Robert, Thanks for the night!" I think he's happy now... I was sincere... right? "By the way, I'd learn a little from this about pirates if I were you... not many are so kind.. I don't even know why I am... they'd cut your head off for what you said..." Andrew had gathered himself in a corner and was now rocking back and forth mumbling something... "Well, have fun..." Dang, I feel like I'm talking to dang air! I should shoot him... maybe rob him... okay that's what I'm gonna do... I searched his room looking for anything that held my interest for more then 10 seconds... after all that's the only way you can tell if anything is gonna be worth something to you later on... the only things that I found like that was a pocket watch, a new hat, and some boots.. All the rest of his belongings didn't really catch my eye... so naturally I left them... Arthur however was still in the corner rocking back and forth... Maybe he's sick... oh well... I'm tired... I need a drink... "Get well, Anthony!" He amazingly snapped out of what ever he had been in long enough to stop rocking back and forth and wave to me... I have a feeling he'll be all better quite soon...

You know I shouldn't of done that I mean, really because now that I think about it, I now have a little loony friend being the mascot, trying to convince people that I do exist... May, god have mercy on me... He better snap out of it! Maybe, I'll go back and kill him... y'know just in case... Oh, man I need a freaking drink! Where's Chris's? Where the crud am I! Oh, good... Oh, good... there's Chris's I know where I am... Rum! Yes, that'll solve it all! I've been sober for way too long! An entire night, that's horrible, especially after just arriving in port... Rum, rum, Rum! Oh, there's Chris... She looks bored

(y'know the morning crowd is always dense... meaning I basically am the morning crowd.. But of course that doesn't stop Chris, I swear she's got her heart set on making an 'almost-legal' living... I don't know why she even bothers... but I do appreciate it, after all she's made almost a half of my entire existence able to stand... 'cuz of course consequences and other things hit you quite a bit less hard then usual as long as your under the sweetening affects of fine, quality, RUM! What can I say, Chris she's the person who gets me drunk, my anchor, the sweet air of existence... the bring-er of my rum! But enough about her, 'cause I gotta ask for my rum)

"Good Morning Chris! It's such a fine day!" Chris looked up from wiping the bar clean and glared at me "What's with you?" I asked wondering why she would glare at half her business... "I'm tired of the business, Ave." Oh, that would explain a little... "Well, what do ya wanna do about it, as I've always said, you're free to join my crew!" "But Avery, I got it made here, I'm making some real cash, and I ain't got a brother, husband, or father to tell me what to do, depend on, give the money to, or to stop me! I can't up and leave all this..."

well, now that was, I gotta admit... kinda what I wanted to hear, but I kinda want Chris to join my crew, but where in the blazes will I go to drink! "Well, Chris... If it's any consolation I can't say piracy has no downs..." I paused, thinking what am I gonna tell her, I'll probably have to lie unless I find something that'll convince Chris... "Yeah, like what?" "Well, If you're a chick apparently you're mistaken for a myth, quite a lot more then any man would be..." I sighed this isn't very easy... "Example?" begged Chris hopefully that the drawbacks were less painful... I could see it all in her eyes... people who don't know her don't see through all the clouding... herself trying to keep the true feelings covered and not open for all to see... "Well... y'know that guy that was in here last night and I left with?" Chris nodded... "Well he reallt hated pirates... and I asked him about myself and he said that I was a myth... basically he said Marcus was the captain and me, May, and Catherine were whores on the ship because basically there aren't any female pirates... it's just housewifes and lonely sailors making it up..." Chris just plain looked shocked, open-mouthed even... her jaw almost touched the bar... she quickly recovered and said, "That's it, I'm going to join your crew..." "I always knew you would in the end..." Temporarily join your crew... temporarily" I patted Chris on the back... "We'll leave in 2 days... okay?" I got up from the bar and headed back to the docks...

Mel: Was that worth the wait... freaks out please forgive me for the wait!

Billy: Of course it wasn't! The last time you updated was Mid-February!

Mel: Why are you so negative? 'Sides I had a bad case of the Writer's Blocks...

Billy: Y'know that isn't a real disease...

Mel: Says you! sticks out tongue Screw you!

Billy: Well screw you!

Mel: Well that's the end... Review if you please... it'll make me happy even if it's not a nice review considering how long it's taken me to update...sorry 'bout that...