Chapter 13: Similar Gifts
We'd given up on resting. It didn't look like we'd get out of the wilderness any day soon, so we spent the night talking. Vanille told us of more Oerban traditions we'd never heard of. Which, of course, I hadn't paid any attention to since I was so hung up on the marriage ones.
"Do you guys celebrate birthdays?" I suddenly asked. "Or do you have a specific coming of age ceremony?"
Lightning looked at me like I were an idiot. I'd thought my question was relevant, she hadn't. Vanille had been in the middle of relaying her first hunting trip. She'd made it sound like the first hunt had cultural significance, and was not only memorable because she'd broken her wrist.
"Hmm. We don't have any particularly big celebrations for our birthdays. But family members do exchange small gifts. As for coming of age?" Vanille winked at me. "No particular age stands out as adulthood. You have to be able to show your lover you can support them by bringing them as large a kill as you can manage single handed."
"Is your birthday coming up anytime soon? Since Lightning and I now qualify as your family, what would you like us to get you?"
"Who said anything about a joint gift?" Lightning said.
Vanille looked upward, trying to bring what little of the constellations were visible from our location into focus. She'd open one eye, then the other, holding up her hand trying to map the sky.
"It's not the right season. My birthday isn't for many months. But it will be a joint gift, and you're going to give it to me early. Because the only thing I want this year is Fang." Vanille sighed and began to fidget with her hair.
"Well that's one thing out of the way. So what do you want to do for your birthday this year, Light? Now that the whole gang will be around," I said, tapping my shoulder to hers.
"This your way of telling me you're actually going to start visiting New Bhodum now?" she said.
"Does he not?" Vanille questioned while detangling her curls with her fingers.
"Nope. This guy hates parties. So I'm the one who travels out to see him on both of our birthdays."
"It's not that I hate parties. There's no fun in babysitting Dajh while I watch you and everyone get wasted. I want to spend your birthday with you. Plus, you usually have work in the city anyway. It would be pointless for both of us to travel back for a day."
"That sounds mighty selfish of you, Hope." Vanille winked at me again. "So then how do you usually spend them?"
"It's been the same for the past three years. I commute into the city and have meetings the day before. Then I go to his house. By the time I've arrived, Hope and his father have cooked me dinner." Lightning rubbed her head against mine. "It's not even my birthday yet, but they're already pampering me. Then Hope and I watch a movie until it gets late. Once it's finishes, then it's bed time. Only not really. At midnight Hope barges in, turns on all the lights, and shouts 'Happy Birthday!' at me. We talk for several hours before we end up passing out."
"Wait. You sleep together?" Vanille's face turned red.
"You sound just like his father. I had the most embarrassing conversation the first time. He had gone to ask Hope where we should eat breakfast. Of course he wasn't in his room. So his father had decided to ask me himself what I would like. Let me set the scene a little bit. I was wearing a raggedy oversized t-shirt and no shorts. I hadn't expected anyone to see me sleeping, so those were the pajamas I'd packed. Hope never wears pajamas and spends most of his time walking around the house only wearing boxers. So when I crack open the door, there I am in only a shirt and Hope's half-covered in a sheet looking very naked. And then he has the nerve to mumble something ridiculous like 'I'm cold, come warm me up.'"
Vanille erupted in the most effervescent giggles. I threw my head into my hands to cover my redness. I hadn't known about any of this. Neither of them had told me. I wanted to kick my fifteen year-old self.
"The second you see me falling, you can always wake me up and boot me out," I mumbled into my palms.
"His father went full Protective Papa. It was really admirable. All for the better anyway. We ended up having a long discussion. The only father-like figures I'd had in my life for years were the Lt. Amodar and Sahz. Now I'm super close with Mr. Estheim, and it's refreshing to get his view on things."
"I didn't know you felt like that about him." I glanced at her, and she grinned back.
"I am a woman of many secrets. But back to my birthday. So Hope finally wakes up, and then we head out to this fancy bistro."
"Of course she orders steak and eggs. For as much steak as this woman eats I'm surprised she doesn't have behemoth fangs instead of teeth."
"Once I'm done being a carnivore," she said, glaring at me. "We head downtown. His father has a sudden 'work emergency' and leaves us to spend the day walking around. I don't know what we do during those hours or how we don't run out of things to talk about. But it's always fun. Then we get a call saying that we should head home because dinner's ready. So we catch a ride."
"Then more steak. This, by the way, leaves me super bloated." As I said this, she snapped her teeth at me.
"After dinner, though I insist otherwise, they make me open presents. You two are too good to me. It would be enough to just see you."
She ruffled my hair. When our eyes met, something shifted in her expression. The corners of her mouth snapped from a smile back into something pensive. She ran her fingers down the back of my neck, and then placed them back in her lap.
"What sort of things do they give you?" Vanille said, propping her chin on her hands.
"His father gives me practical items, and Hope gives me jewelry. For my twenty-third he gave me a new belly-button ring. Which was oddly specific, but I appreciate it." She lifted an eyebrow as she looked at me. "This year he gave me earrings."
"That's so romantic," Vanille said wistfully.
"Not really. My dad says that women like jewelry. I wouldn't know the first thing about what to get her otherwise. What does someone give the woman who hates everything?"
"Then the day winds down. We leaf through a book together, and when it's midnight Hope goes back to his bedroom and things are over. Rinse and repeat the next year."
Eight months ago, we'd shared her birthday slightly differently. We'd been watching a movie when Lightning had got up. She'd returned in her pajamas. They had been new and out of slippery fabric. I'd felt an unexpected rush as she'd sat next to me on the couch. The night had become chilly, so she'd tucked her legs into her chest. I'd stretched my arm behind her and gripped at her far shoulder. Pulling her close to me, I'd placed a light blanket over the two of us. The rest of the movie had played, but I hadn't paid it any attention.
We'd walked up the stairs as midnight had approached, and she'd waited at the door to the guest room. I'd paused by my door, but by the way she'd glanced at me I'd become certain she'd wanted me to join her. So I'd followed her. She'd silently slid beneath the covers and I'd stood like a statue by the bed. When I'd grabbed at the duvet, she'd asked if I planned on sleeping in my clothes. I'd pulled off my shirt.
"Maybe I should turn off the lights," I'd said, as I'd started to unbutton my fly.
"It's not like I haven't seen you in your boxers before," she'd said.
A phrase I would repeat months later, as an excuse for our closeness.
I'd flipped off the lights anyway and had finished pulling off my pants. The wind had blown in through the window, and goosebumps had sprouted across my skin. I'd walked over to close it. As I'd shoved it down, the lights from outside had played across her skin. I'd been looking at her. I'd been wearing briefs that night, physically more exposed than usual. She'd been looking at me. And a dangerous thought kept slipping between the cracks. Friends don't do this.
"Happy Birthday, Light," I'd whispered.
She'd averted her gaze as I'd crawled beneath the covers with her. I'd lain against her. Knowing that she'd seen my obvious reaction to her, I'd placed my hand on her hip. Then I'd pulled her pelvis against mine, so that she could feel it for herself. If she hadn't wanted this, she wouldn't have invited me in. She'd gently run her fingertips up and down my arm. Anywhere our bare skin had touched I'd felt that electrical charge from before. A few of the sparks had been visible, casting shadows of proof that we'd connected. I'd been certain then it had been something specific to us, as it had not dispersed across the bedding.
I'd waited for her to make the next move. She hadn't. My urge to kiss her had been overwhelming. As I'd brought my face close to hers, I'd frozen in place. She'd looked like she'd wanted me just a badly, yet I'd still wanted reassurance. I'd needed for her to kiss me. So instead, I'd placed my kisses upon her neck. It had developed into fervently sucking an unsightly hickey. Even though I'd put my arm to sleep in the process, I'd kept ahold of her hip so I could keep her pressed into me. I'd run my other hand beneath her top, but I hadn't ventured further than her ribs. She'd had one of her own hands in my hair, practically pulling it out; the other had been pinned between us. The more heated we'd become, the stronger the sparks grew.
I'd shifted until I'd been on top of her, propping myself up on my elbows. I'd finally kissed her lips hesitantly, immediately pulling back. I'd paused, just for a moment, to see if I'd been overstepping my bounds. She'd reached for my neck and had dragged me into a kiss of her own. Her whole body had given way to me, her legs sliding apart so they could wrap around my waist. We'd settled into this new reality. One where we'd kissed each other. One where everything had been deliberate. Gone had been the heat-of-the-moment groping. Replaced by gentle grazes and curious strokes. There had been no question. I'd been falling for her. In a deep, heavy, sticky, permanent way that I'd never felt for another person and wouldn't again.
I'd needed her to know.
"In one day," I'd started saying, smoothing her hair from her eyes.
"I know, Hope." She'd tucked her head into my shoulder, trying to preemptively console me.
I'd propped myself up so I could resume eye contact. "It will also be three years since I met you."
The thought had been weighing me down. The worst day of my life had been a scale. Balancing itself by bringing me the one person who could fulfill me. But life wasn't supposed to be fair. That Lightning could actually want me as anything other than a friend or protégé, still had seemed impossible. Even with her in my arms.
My breathing had begun to speed as my insecurities had gotten the better of me. Lightning had slid her hands up my back and onto my neck. She'd thumbed my ears and jaw until she'd regained my attention. The worry on her face had compelled me to distract the both of us.
I'd begun hungrily kissing her, significantly more forcefully than I'd ever engaged anyone. She'd accepted my enthusiasm, and had begun nipping at me. Our desperation had quickly overtaken any common sense either of us might've had. She'd let me yank off her pajama shorts until she was only wearing her top and panties. Our bodies had undulated against one another, miming the inevitable. When we'd sat up in an attempt to lift off her shirt, the movement caused one of the bedposts to clang against the wall. Only then, did either of us realize that we might have been taking things too fast.
We'd both frozen in place, and had listened for any signs that we'd been heard. She'd kept staring at the door. Her hands had fallen from my body, and she'd lain back on the mattress. I'd decided I'd definitely needed to confess my feelings. I'd blurted something from the tip of my tongue.
"I didn't bring condoms. They're in my room."
While true, it hadn't been what I'd intended to say. The second the words had escaped my mouth, I'd known it had been absolutely the wrong thing. Once filled with desire, her expression had slowly morphed. She'd looked hurt, her brows furrowing and her mouth forming a rigid line. She'd rolled so her back was towards me. I hadn't known what I'd done wrong or how to fix it. I hadn't tried either.
"We should go to sleep," I'd whispered, letting go of her.
The dynamic between us had shifted that night. I'd been trying my best to bury it since.
We'd both pretended that nothing had changed once we had woken. I'd been surprised to still find her in bed with me. I'd snuggled into her, feeling the rise and fall of her breathing. Feeling playful and trying to reclaim our old rapport, I'd snuck my hands into her armpits. She'd awoken to my tickling. We'd chased each other around the room. Whenever I'd caught her, I'd thrown her on the bed and had tickled with reckless abandon. She'd even hit me several times with a pillow to catch me off guard. We'd just kept playing until we were out of breath with no clear winner. We'd lied there, panting until we'd heard my father getting prepared for the day.
Tickling, Laughter, Hope, Ecstasy.
If spliced and rearranged I finally recognized it for what it was.
Me throwing her on the bed. Her hands wandering my bare chest. My fingertips slipping beneath the fabric of her clothing. My face brushing hers. My breath on her skin. Our limbs grazing one another. Our bodies joining, again, and again. Pleasure. Desire. Elation. Exhaustion.
These remodeled and amalgamated memories were the framework for her meteor shower. She was picturing us having…
No wonder Snow had flipped out when he felt it.
I felt all the blood in my body rush in two opposite directions. I didn't matter if they saw me blush, what I needed was for them to ignore the chaos that overtook my pubic region. I let out one nervous laugh. Lightning turned to me. I had been so lost in thought I hadn't realized that she was mid-conversation with Vanille.
"You okay?" she asked, placing her hand on my thigh.
"Yeah." I brushed her hand away and crossed my legs. "It turns out I've been worrying for no reason."
She looked at me curiously. Her eyebrows furrowed but not out of anger. She cocked her head, still not understanding what had gotten into me. Even I could tell that I was giving her an awkward smile. I couldn't suppress it.
She had wanted me.
"Where did all this talk of birthdays come from anyway?" Vanille asked.
"He's been checking his watch all night. It's probably after midnight. If so, then it's your birthday, Hope." Lightning said, smiling at me.
I nodded, unaware that I'd been watching the clock. She, observant as ever, had been tracking all my cues.
"I'm sorry that I left your present back on the Lindblum. I promise to give it to you then. However, this week has been pretty crappy. So if you want I can give you something right now, just like what you gave me for mine."
My entire face turned red. How could she make an offer like that in front of Vanille? She freaked out when the girl saw us remotely touching. Now she was offering to pick up where we left off. I slipped my arm around her waist and leaned into her.
"As much as I want that, isn't it a little... I mean, we're not exactly in private. Like, I really want it. You have no idea," I said with a slightly shaky voice.
She was fumbling with her ear. "Huh? Is piercing your ear really something you can't do in front of her?" She turned to Vanille. "He gave me these without realizing I couldn't wear them. So I had Serah do it for me when I got home."
Earrings? This was about earrings. Once again I had jumped to the wrong conclusion. Of course. I glanced at her, and the disappointment on my face clued her in.
"Oh gods. Not that, Hope." She dropped the metal jewelry into the dirt in front of her.
"Right. Because you didn't want what I offered then. You couldn't possibly still…" My heart began racing, and I couldn't even look at her anymore. "I need to take a walk."
I stood and then ran as fast as humanly possible. It didn't matter that I was no longer within the safety of my companions or the firelight. The two of them called out after me, but I needed to be gone. When it felt like my lungs were going to give out, I dodged into a bush. I was hiding like the fraidy-cat that I used to be. So much for a year older, I hadn't even managed to become a day wiser.
Weak fire spells rolled past me, lighting up the path. She had been looking for me in the dark. I peeked out, making sure she didn't overshoot and get lost. I understood that revealing my location was the opposite of my original goal. But I also didn't want something to eat her.
"Don't worry. It's only me, I told Vanille to stay behind," Lightning said, squatting in front of my new hideout. "I didn't mean to embarrass you, especially on your birthday. I just… didn't think that you'd…you know. Still want something like that from me."
I stuck out an arm and grasped at her foot, yanking her into my bush. Technically we weren't actually in a bush, we were situated in the open space between several. When I had pulled at her, she'd ended up supine with me crouched over her. We didn't exactly fit, so I sat up cross-legged and pulled her into my lap.
"I never stopped." I was still panting from exertion, she was fitter than me but breathing heavily anyway. "It's you that's uninterested. You play, you flirt, you touch," one of my hands trailed from her waist up and down her back, "you kiss me. But the second I let things become real… you want nothing to do with me. So, I'll stop expecting anything anymore. You just caught me in a moment of weakness. For now I'll be happy with the earring. It's something that I can share with you. A matching set, proof of our partnership."
She ripped at my bandana. I had tied it too tightly to slip off my head, so all she managed was to hook it on my nose. This was painful, but nothing compared to what she did next. She bit into the side of my neck, catching a nerve in the process. I shouted from the blinding pain.
"Don't heal that. It took forever for that hickey to go away."
When she pulled my bandana down, my eyes newly adjusted to the dark could finally tell she was blushing. The thought occurred to me that I had overlooked plenty of times she might have. I'd been so determined that she wouldn't that I hadn't noticed that she was. I clapped my palm over the area she had bitten.
"Don't do that either." As she said this, I felt my eyebrows rise questioningly. "Obviously I don't want anyone to know about it."
"I guarantee you're the only one who watches me that closely. If you're that worried, we better head back before Vanille thinks that jewelry isn't the only things we're sticking into each other," I whispered into her ear.
"That sounded gross, not suave." She rolled her neck, and then looked skyward making a point of ignoring me.
I lightly bit through her sweater. The fabric tasted like a combination of sweat and smoke from the campfire. It was disgusting and I tried to scrunch it out of the way with my chin. I wanted the chance to taste her properly again.
"I could play off the bruise last time," she said, barring my mouth from her neck with her hand. "You leave teeth marks, and everyone will know exactly who they came from."
I kissed the underside of her chin. A small spark illuminated her skin. I looked down at her legs bent over mine. After slipping off one of my gloves, I dug my fingertips into her upper thigh. As I dragged toward her knees, a halo of light outlined my hand.
"Does this happen with other people?" I ran my index finger in a circle.
"No," she said curtly.
"I touch you all the time, why doesn't this happen more often?" I noticed her clenching her jaw. "Oh, so it does happen; I just haven't seen it. The ambient light must cover it up during the daytime. Hmm, when did you see it that I missed it?" I traced my name into her skin.
She'd completely turned away from me at this point. She was focusing at the nothingness surrounding us.
"Well?"
"Keep pushing it, and I'll bite you again." She gripped at my bandana.
"Like I wouldn't enjoy that?"
The longer we sat in the dark, the better my vision adjusted. She wasn't quite glaring at me; her look had a layer just beneath her anger. A very different type of frustration. Her fingers uncurled from the fabric.
"When I was blindfolded," I said quietly.
Swiping my hands off, she stood and leapt over the bush. I awkwardly crawled underneath it. She frantically brushed leaves from her uniform. I started to pat dirt off her in penance. She growled at me when she realized I'd focused all my attention on her ass.
"Give me a break, it's my birthday." I waved my hand in the air and started walking.
I'd made it official. We weren't going to pretend her birthday hadn't happened anymore. I liked her and she was just going to have to suck it up and deal.
We walked casually back to camp. I'd run further than I thought; Lightning had to lead the way. Every couple of minutes I would touch my hand to hers. We'd hold hands, and then she'd remember she was supposed to be angry and would shake me off. I had managed to time it. The first hand-hold lasted 20 seconds. Each time would grow by half a minute. When I had passed the two minute mark, I stopped counting. She wasn't going to let me go. She was absentmindedly rubbing her thumb against mine.
As we stepped through the dark, I studied everywhere our skin met. Platonic touches resulted in nothing. Our hands would remain as dark as ever. My thoughts, however, had a significant effect. The second I'd picture kissing her, our hands would blaze. The most amusing part of my secret experiment was her participation. I would clear my mind until our hands would dim. Then I would quietly say her name. The instant she heard it, our grasp would glow. I should have expected this, based on her meteor shower. Still, I enjoyed the validation.
"Do you need to take a piss or something? You've said my name five times in a row," she said.
"No," I said, rubbing the lengths of our arms together.
"Even if you do; hold it. We're almost there."
When we finally came back, Vanille was swaying slightly. She was sleeping upright, falling over when Lightning called to her.
"I cleaned and burned it for good measure." Vanille dropped an earring into Lightning's hand. "I hope you don't mind if I go to sleep. You guys took forever to come back."
With nothing else to add, she walked away and curled up next to our gear. She was out before Lightning and I had sat down next to the dwindling fire.
"We don't have to do this if you don't want. It was kind of a weird suggestion on my part."
She spun the stud between her fingers. The crystal at its center sparkled. I had bought the pair because I thought it complemented her necklace. It wasn't flashy; she'd never have worn something like that. Just small silver studs with crystals. Despite her thinking otherwise, I had known her ears weren't pierced. I'd specifically asked the woman at the shop which would be a good pair for someone with a new piercing. Thankfully she'd shown me these. I'd been completely out of my element, considering I'd had my eye on some dangly pair.
"I already told you. I want this," I said, resting my head in her lap.
She gently rubbed my earlobe. She pulled the flesh taut between her fingers, and shoved the post through. Once she'd capped the back on, she started to apply healing magic.
"Stop." I covered her hand.
I sat back up. The woman didn't exactly have the finesse to pinpoint where her magic flowed. I could heal my ear, but leave my bite intact.
I tucked her hair behind her ear, revealing the matching stud. "You should probably get some rest. I'll take this watch." I brought her face close to mine. "Thank you for my birthday gifts. Both of them." I pecked her on the cheek.
She didn't make any indication of flight. Her pulse thrummed into my fingertips. I was giving her the option to end this, hoping she wouldn't take it. I decided I might as well take all my chances today. The moment my lips grazed hers, a pop in the dwindling fire startled her. She immediately jerked free of my hold.
"Good night, Hope," she said as she left to sleep beside Vanille.