Chapter 18: Inside Out, Front to Back
I approached Lightning's quarters. I'd be dropped off at the station the next day to head home. This would be the last time we could talk privately. I knocked on the door, hoping no one else would run into me.
"Hope, what are you doing here?" she said, opening the door.
"We need to talk."
She gestured for me to come in before closing the door.
"You can't stay long. I don't want anyone to make assumptions," she said, crossing her arms.
"Don't worry. I'm not here for that," I said raising my arms submissively. "Quite the opposite actually."
She looked at me with confusion and a hint of disappointment. I'd basically spent the entire mission all over her. It would go without question that I definitely wanted to take advantage of our last night together. She sat on the floor and tapped the space next to her for me to join.
"I finally figured it out." I waved my hand around like a sparkler, specs of light fluttering around the room touching everything but her. "What you think about. And it's left me slightly confused." I noticed her face reddening. "If you had wanted me that night, why did you reject me?"
"I realized we were on different wavelengths. You could've said literally anything else that night. I needed to hear that you felt the same way about me. I'm not like your high school girlfriends. That if it ends, whatever, move on to the next one. And if that doesn't work out, well there's always college.
"The fal'Cie made it so that we will always be part of each other lives. You wanted sex that night. There's nothing wrong with that; I did too. But you hadn't indicated you wanted anything else. You weren't ready to be with me."
I rested my head against her shoulder. "Who said I wasn't ready for you?" I let out a deep sigh. "You didn't say anything either. How was I supposed to figure out what you wanted? I'm not a mind reader. And it's not like you'd ever shown any interest in me before then. If we'd just talked this out, we wouldn't have been miserable this past year. "
"That we couldn't talk about it, is proof it wasn't the right time. Anyway, no one has ever relentlessly pursued me before. Completely worth it. I think it was something we both needed, instead of trying to cut ahead to the finish line. And, of course, there was the fact that you were 17 then. As lenient as your father has been, he would've never approved of my having a physical relationship with you." She stroked at my hair. "You need to get going now. The guys will be wondering where you are."
She stood and pulled me to my feet.
"Yeah, about that. I'm pretty sure they already know. Snow and Rygdea gave me condoms," I said, scratching at my neck.
"Even Rygdea?! I'm going to castrate him," she said punching the wall.
"I only asked Snow for one. In private, and I felt equally humiliated if that makes you feel any better. All of mine had been in my pack that you sliced and diced."
"Why would Snow have one?" Lightning said, ready to kill her brother-in-law on behalf of his pregnant wife.
"He didn't. But he also didn't want anyone to know that I was trying to get into your pants, so he went and asked around in my stead." I wrung my hands nervously in front of my stomach. "Then Rygdea stopped me on my way here. He said, 'I'm sure you're gonna want this,' while he slipped it into my pocket," I said, blushing heavily.
She sighed and leaned her forehead to the wall.
"I know I should feel relieved that you were prepared this time. But, please don't get them involved again. Even if I don't have one on me, I will source one. I don't want Snow of all people in my business."
She hugged me and kissed the top of my head. I could feel my pulse beating even in the tips of my ears.
"Oh crap, I forgot to give you your present." She darted across the room.
She shuffled around in her pack until she finally found what she was looking for. She held the item tightly in her fist and nervously returned to me. I held out my hand; one finger at a time she unveiled my gift till it dropped. A necklace with a thick chain fell into my palm. I touched the lightning pendant that hung from it.
"You've been staring at mine a lot recently. So when I saw it in a shop a while back, I thought of you."
I, one hundred percent, had been staring at her boobs not her necklace. I, of course, would never tell her this. Mostly out of shame that I hadn't been as discrete as I'd thought. Putting the jewelry on, it dangled delicately.
"Light."
"Yes?" She tilted her head to look at me.
"I am wearing one of your earrings. We have matching necklaces." I was overcome with nervousness. "Do you mean anything particular by this?" I watched as she remained unfazed. "I know you didn't plan it. But Snow…gave Serah one as an engagement gift."
Ah, there was the panic I had anticipated. She grabbed at the pendant, trying to rip it off me. The sturdy chain dug into my skin. She kept peering around the room, as if someone might be watching.
"It's definitely not that! We've barely even started dating," she said, avoiding my gaze.
"Don't pretend that I haven't been courting you. Formally. We even had a chaperoned date. If this were before the War of Transgression, Serah and Snow would have already had a meeting with my father about my intentions. It's been practically archaic." I sighed heavily. "We've spent almost a year deciding whether we wanted this or not. I'd say that's a hell of a lot longer than either of us has ever put into a relationship."
I switched our positions so that she was against the wall, this time with her back slowly sliding down it. Being taller than her was an odd sensation, even if manufactured.
"I'm still waiting for you to kiss me, and not some little wispy thing to my forehead. Why must I always be first?" I said, tasting her lips.
"First?" she asked, but her question resonated deeper than I'd expected. "First," she repeated, resting her head to the wall. She raised her eyebrows and looked at me expectantly. For a moment I thought she would elaborate. But she didn't.
"Please don't make me leave tonight," I said.
"You think that I want to be separated from you? I specifically ask for assignments so I can see you as often as possible. I can't imagine what torture it would be," she said, her hands slipping beneath my shirt, "knowing exactly what I'm missing."
I ripped off my shirt making the decision easier for her. The thing got caught on my head and shoulders, the gesture not as sexy as I had anticipated. Lesson learned: never wear borrowed turtleneck while trying to seduce someone. Will only make fool of self. I bent at the waist, and she had to help wriggle me out of it. My hair was now a wreck and I was red with embarrassment. To her credit, she made no comment. I gave her a quick kiss of thanks, my bravado returning. Her hands were instantly back, following the indentations between the muscles of my back.
"You should know that nothing about this will be torture," I whispered before nipping at her earlobe. "Unless that's what you're into."
I could feel the rapid rise and fall of her chest against mine. She was still panicking; maybe my joke had been poorly timed. There was something out there capable of scaring the Great Lightning? I stood back putting some breathing room between the two of us.
"I had a hard enough time reconciling that my best friend was a teenage boy. You are the companionship that was missing in my life. Serah had always been enough for me; I couldn't understand why she had needed anyone else. But you unraveled that. Everything about you was comfortable and easy." She pulled me back in, trying to absorb me into her body. "So when things between us started changing, I was frightened. I didn't want to destroy this like I do everything else," she said, resting her cheek to my shoulder. "But all I've managed to do is push you further away."
"I'm willing to take this at whatever pace you need." I nuzzled her head with my own. "Though, I'd definitely prefer quickly." I felt her laugh quietly.
"And while we're being completely honest with each other, why the hell did you chase after Vanille? I was positive that I'd screwed myself over."
I held her cheek in my palm. "Why are you so hung up on that? We've done considerably more dangerous things before."
"You'd been distant all day, worrying about something ominous. And then weird shit started happening. So when you practically kissed me goodbye, I'd never been so terrified. One second you were safe in my arms, the next you were gone." She frowned with the grouchy expression I secretly liked. "You don't have to keep testing me; I would have gone with you. If you continue to be so reckless, I'll be grey by my thirties."
"The only reason I can be so reckless is because you're beside me. I trust you with my life. All I ask is that someday you're willing to trust me with yours." I kissed her, but only briefly because I really needed to finish my thought. "Light, I…"
The door beside us began to shudder as someone outside knocked. I was beginning to believe that the universe itself was out to get me.
"Lightning! Let me in! Vanille and I have come to keep your poor, wounded soul company. We've brought a midnight snack," Fang said between bangs on the door.
I scrambled into my shirt while Lightning held onto the door handle in case the lock didn't hold.
"She's busy. We need to get out of here. Trust me." My wing-woman was trying her best.
"The straight-laced type like her? Nope."
Lightning's expression had been impressively labile within these past moments. It ranged from lust, to fear, to pure rage. I smiled, oddly attracted to the way her eyebrows pulled together. She pinched her nose and finally opened the door.
"Fang, I'm a little indisposed right now. As we will be seeing each other every day for the next several months, perhaps this could wait until tomorrow?" Lightning said.
"No way in hell is Vanille right. I bet her my favorite pair of earrings," Fang said, throwing open the door and pushing Lightning out of the way.
The second Fang caught sight of me, she burst into laughter. I really couldn't understand what was so funny about me and Lightning. Something about it brought her ancient-ass great joy. I rolled my eyes, for all she knew we could have just been talking. She strolled over to me, with Vanille behind spilling several apologies.
"Ah, my darling lil' Hope," she said placing a hand on my shoulder. "I may not know about modern fashion. But I can tell when something is inside out."
I quickly peeked down. "Oh shit."
Sure enough, my shirt was inside out. Not only that, but it was back facing front. I had massively screwed up. I glanced over to Lightning, hoping she wouldn't kill me. Instead she was rubbing the back of her neck trying to ease her tension. Vanille was consoling her, trying to make up for Fang's intrusion.
"Well, I guess this is goodnight." I said stiltedly.
Lightning shoved me out the open door.
"Good night, Hope."
Author's Note: Only two more chapters and an epilogue to go!
This is as good a time as any to explain what's going on with the magic so far. I thought I'd answer the following question here instead of via private message, because more than one of you is probably curious. The story only covers things that Hope knows, and thus all of this stuff is subjective. Feel free to interpret things however you want. Turn back now if you don't want a massive backstage explanation of how this story was put together. You've been warned.
Is the spell like vampirism?
Depending on your school of thought: Yes and no.
Yes: If I remember correctly, as far as the Sookie Stackhouse books go (I only read the first seven, years ago) a maker and his progeny are just that. It's a completely non-sexual parent/child relationship. (Aside from Bill and his maker). Or I could be completely wrong and pulling that out of my ass. This type of non-romantic pairing is not the norm in vampire mythos.
Lighting & Hope's relationship post-spell with Vanille & Fang is completely paternal. Especially on a chemical and pheromone level. Hope/Lightning are unaware of this, which is why they both react explosively to the idea that Hope might like Vanille. It's "gross" but they don't have the means to understand or verbalize why.
No: Vampirism tends to be predatory, and generally a sexual sort of succubus/incubus scenario. Also we have the idea of the 'undead' and some type of immortality. This is not what's happening in this story. If anything it's a life giving situation. We have a metaphorical sex act (which is why I used spawning) taking place that then results in a birth.
Vanille acquiring the ability is less: 'you bit me, now I can bite other people', than it is a genetic inheritance. Which I guess, if you wanted to view them as the same thing then… *shrugs.* It'd be more in the vein of a Renesmee from Twilight.
All of this begs the question: Is the meteor shower "All sex, all the time?"
Not at all. It's a manifestation of how they feel about each other. The first time Lightning does it, she's drunk and less restrained with her feelings. She's trying to let him know that, despite being evasive all year, she's ready. From then on, she thinks it's the only way to make the spell happen. This thinking results in her overloading the poor guy each time she does it. XD
Obviously it's not the only way, because we see Hope testing out different things.
So then why, if they like each other, is Hope so bad at making it happen? Simple: he's overcome with self-doubt. During the spark in the kitchen at the beginning of the timeline, he's positive they have a shot. Their magic is returning in baby steps, so it's barely there. Even so, he takes the smallest jolt as a huge boost. A month later at her birthday, things are working out. But…she shuts down and his ego takes a permanent hit. It's only much later, when she overwhelms him with her meteor shower that he reboots. Because even if he doesn't recognize what she's doing, on an instinctual and physical level he understands. Just like he and Lightning instinctually know that Vanille=family.
Also, as Vanille explained in chapter 17. No one in the story has a clear and finite comprehension of what is happening. Because it's not something any of them have seen before. So they don't always have control over it.