Okay, it's me again. As a warning, this is the Menma-universe so don't freak out that the Akatsuki are all mercenaries, or that Minato and Kushina are alive, etc. Okay so to put things straight, this IS from Konan's perspective. I add whatever I want from gore, to profanity, and yaoi and everything in between and just so you know, my shippings are ObitoXKonanXPein and it's a love triangle, not a harem! The other is ItachiXDeidara which - spoiler - you'll see some of in THIS chapter. Things will progress and if you need to read the rest of the first chapter refer to my deviantart or if something happens you don't like either stop reading or wait for the next chapter. This is so far the longest.

My deviantart is .com

Attention! I do not own Naruto, Road to Ninja, or any of their characters, if I did i'd be Kishimoto and I'd give the Akatsuki their own mini-series where you actually get more insight into their backstories. Enjoy!

Something wasn't right.

It was three in the morning and Konan was lying awake in her bed. She didn't know what this feeling was, but she had a feeling that karma was coming back to bite her in the ass. She groaned and covered up her head with her pale blue comforter, trying to shut out her miserable thoughts. Any moment, something was going to happen and it made her stomach churn with the thought. It wasn't going away any time soon so Konan got up out of the comforting sanctuary of her bed and slipped on her fuzzy orange kitten slippers and her pale blue, almost grey, robe. She turned back to her bed longingly and trudged to the door.

As soon as her hand was about to wrap around the handle, a familiar chakra appeared and the door slammed open, smacking the kunoichi in the face, knocking her to the floor. "Konan-senpai! I'm here to give you a mission," Obito Uchiha's voice rang out happily.

Konan lay limp on the floor, holding her sore face. Holding her tongue and her stoic composure might prove deadly for her right now. She wanted to throttle the Uchiha.

Obito stepped into the room and looked at the figure on the floor. He gave her a curious glance and squatted down to sit on his haunches. "Konan," he said prodding at her cheek, "why are you on the ground?"

Konan uncovered her face, revealing the red mark on her face where the door had hit her. She was so angry her chakra was ebbing out; making sheets of paper – which composed her body – flutter around wildly. "Why the fuck do you think," she said with an edge to her tone.

Obito shrugged. "Maybe you were exercising?"

Who the hell exercises at three in the morning in pajamas, slippers, and a robe in front of their bedroom door? It was getting harder for Konan to keep her composure around the Uchiha. She knew it was an act, or at least most of it was an act. It seemed to amuse him seeing the others react to his daft comments or idiotic behavior, but she had seen Obito when he was serious on several occasions and he was the last opponent she'd ever want to face, well other than Pein, but still…

"No Tobi, you dull-minded idiot. You hit me with the door when you came in," Konan said darkly while looking up at the ceiling. She didn't want to see the man's expression which probably consisted of a huge careless smile. Her papers had withdrawn back to her being and she started to sit up.

Obito backed off a little but remained on his haunches. "You have a purple spot on your forehead; is it a type of sage mode?"

Okay, it was official, Konan was going to kill him but the dilemma remained: would she survive? The odds against her over-weighed the chances of defeating him; afterall, Obito was taught by Madara and had a Mangekyo Sharingan, oh and don't forget half of his body consisted of Senju cells implanted by Madara. She had personally watched 'Naruto' and remembered seeing her lifeless body sink into the water after the masked 'Tobi' killed her. It was both her favorite and least favorite episode. She had watched it repeatedly, but every time she did, she hated herself for it. It was hard watching yourself die, even if it was just a show; even if it was real in another universe. That battle was always on her mind and it made her hate the Uchiha even though he had done nothing wrong… except smack her in the face with a door.

Konan stood and Obito followed her up. "What did you come in my room for, Tobi? I told you to stay out," she said once she regained all of her composure.

Obito smiled like a kid in a candy store; his eyes seemed to sparkle even in the dim light and he was standing with one of his feet popped up. "We're going on a mission," he exclaimed.

'Like hell we are,' Konan thought politely smiling. "Does Pein know about this? I mean," she started and cleared her throat, "is it official?"

Obito nodded, "Yup. We're leaving in an hour!"

'Not if I have anything to say about it,' she thought. Konan was staring at the Uchiha frozen in place, dumbstricken. "What?" No. There was no way she was going anywhere with this demented lollipop.

Obito looked at her expectantly. "Aren't you going to get ready? Oh, and Deidara and Itachi are on the same mission with us."

Angry tick marks appeared on Konan's forehead. "And you said Nagato arranged this," she said, her voice lined with anger. There had to be a reason for this. There was absolutely no way Nagato had arranged this without being persuaded into it or being under a genjutsu.

Obito nodded. "Yup," he said happily. Then he became solemn and added, "You should really get ready," he gave her once over, "I don't think that attire is very suitable for Iwagakure."

Oh Jashin! Even worse! Iwagakure, as in 'Iwagakure-where-Deidara-is-from-which-disowned-him -for-not-killing-Uchiha-Itachi-and-destroying-Kono ha'? Worse than that, Deidara and Itachi were with her on this mission, making Konan a target for 'friendly fire' as well.

"NAGATO!" Konan stormed out of the room and down the hall; her wrath was apparent with her dark aura and halo of papers encircling her. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and Konan was pissed. Pissed. Bad things were going to happen.

Unbeknownst to Konan – or anyone else for that matter – Obito Uchiha had peered out of the doorway and watched as the kunoichi stormed down the hall. A smirk spread across his face. "Phase one: complete." He returned to a sincere, giddy expression, "Now to tell Deidara-senpai and Itachi-senpai that I'm going with them!"

~~ /-_-\\* Konan On Top /-_-\\* ~~

So now Konan was standing before Pein's door. She was contemplating entering the room; it wasn't because she was scared of him, it was just that, was Obito going to keep his word and not say anything or was Nagato going to end it for her? She knew what this mission was really for: getting dirt on Deidara so she could write a scandalous, likely untrue but liberating story about him. Obito was screwed up like that. Everyone knew Deidara and Itachi were longtime rivals that waited in longing for a chance to kill each other. Why else would they be on the same mission together? Whatever she did, she couldn't let Pein find out about the stories.

Konan finished deliberating within herself and entered the room; of course it wasn't locked. Why would the leader of Akatsuki, The Leader, need to lock his door? Everyone was too scared of his punishments to dare pull a prank on him or cross him, period.

On a bed against the far wall, clutching a fuzzy brown teddy bear with button eyes, sucking his thumb, was Pein – or more correctly, Yahiko's body which was under Nagato's control thanks to his Rinnengan which was nicknamed Pein, along with the other five corpses, each being a different path of Pein. Even though Yahiko was a corpse now, he still looked in perfect condition, as if Hanzo never killed him during the war, even with the metal piercings throughout his body. He wasn't discolored or decaying; he was his perfect, handsome self with his orange hair just as mussed up as always. Konan missed the old Yahiko more than anything, even more than her family whom she barely knew before they died in the war. He had been her family; Yahiko, Nagato, and Jiraya-sensei. It was the very reason Nagato had used Yahiko's body as his primary path: because he was their friend, their family, and because he was the tenth member of Akatsuki.

Konan walked over to the bed and reached her hand out to touch his cheek, to just barely caress it, just to believe it was the real Yahiko; the real Yahiko in his own body. She stopped herself. 'What the hell am I doing?' she thought. 'Yahiko is dead; he's not coming back.' She pulled back her hand.

Just then, purple eyes fluttered open and glared up at her, as if they knew she was there the entire time. "Konan," Pein's voice sounded – not Yahiko's, but Pein's, bring Konan back to reality.

"Huh," Konan said. Later she would probably facepalm over how stupid she sounded at that moment. How could she forget what she came here for? Obito. Iwagakure. Bombing idiot. Uchiha. Mission. Ring a bell?

"What are you doing in here," he asked.

"Tobi just told me that you're sending me on a mission with him, Deidara, and Itachi," Konan felt a little nervous under his purple gazed. It wasn't that she wasn't used to them, it was… something else. "Is that true? I, er-, had to ask – you know Tobi."

Pein blinked. "That is correct," he answered. He seemed so cool and nonchalant through this; you could almost forget he lay there with a teddy bear and his thumb in his mouth.

Konan cleared her throat. "Are you sure you want to send me? I mean, don't you have some paperwork for me or something? Anything," she added at the end in desperation. Dear Jashin, Konan hated paperwork, well, to fill it out – making origami swans and butterflies out of the old paperwork was fun – but even more than paperwork, she hated the thought of having to travel all the way to the Earth country with two Uchihas and a psychotic pyromaniac - who would undoubtedly have a temper tantrum because he had to talk to his sensei again and see Kurotsuchi, which we thought he had an unrequited love for – to get a mission that they refused to brief us on until we got there to discuss 'business arrangements'. This was going to be a long week. "Please?"

Pein rolled up his eyes as if he was off-handedly thinking about it and shrugged. It looked awkward because he was still lying on his side in bed with his left thumb in his mouth. "Well… Uchiha helped me finish the paperwork last night so I could catch up on my sleep; which you're disrupting," he finished glaring at me.

"Are you sure you don't need me to do the shopping?"

He blinked. "No. Kakuzu overlooks that. 'Anything to save a buck'; I could care less."

Konan could imagine it now: Kakuzu and Hidan shopping.

~xXXx~

Hidan was pushing around a shopping cart complaining as Kakuzu led him through aisles of cosmetics. The cart was already piled with seafood, sandpaper, a shiny new stapler (because Konan took out her paperwork anxieties on the last innocent stapler), origami paper, and milk (because shinobi need strong bones too).

"Why the fuck do we have to get so much Pein-damned nail polish and eyeliner? Is it part of a dress code I don't know about? I feel like a fag putting it in the cart."

Kakuzu scowled. "Idiot. You wear nail polish too, and you look like a fag anyways since you go everywhere shirtless like that."

Hidan looked at his nails in horror, examining the black polish. "Jashin no! Fucking damn it! I'm becoming one of 'them'!"

~xXXx~

Konan held in snickers as she thought about it. "Is there anything you need me for here?"

Pein sighed and pulled his thumb out of his mouth. "For the last time Konan, no." He scoffed, "You need to get out more. You're getting clingy."

'Clingy? Clingy! Me, clingy? I'm not clingy! I'm just looking out for you… while at the same time trying to get out of my own grave I dug when I let Tobi see my story.' Konan blushed. At the same time that she was having a mental screaming fit in her head, her logic was telling her that Pein was right. She did need to get out more. She was becoming one of those shut-ins that stay at their computer all day drinking coffee and begging for paperwork. It wasn't healthy staying here all the time, but she had her reason: that face. That orange hair, the unaging face of the one she lost, seeing him immersed in his work just like Yahiko would do. Her blush turned bright red; it looked kind of purplish under her blue hair.

Pein raised an eyebrow. "Obito suggested you go with them as a last minute addition. He told me it would be good for you to get out; I couldn't agree more."

'Obito! That scoundrel! That bastard! I'm going to kill him! No, I'm going to torture him and torment him until he's nothing but a stump of a man with no manly parts to speak of!'

"So, just to be sure, Tobi suggested me as a last minute addition and did all the paperwork so I'd have to go on this mission, at 4am?"

"Yes. You need to do some fieldwork every once in a while Konan-kun," he said and rolled over with his teddy bear. "Now go away. I need as much rest as I can get to run this miserable organization."

Konan nodded, secretly plotting Obito Uchiha's murder in her head. She turned and got to the door before Pein spoke up.

"Speak nothing of . I would be distraught with the loss of an old comrade and friend."

Konan nodded and left, closing the door silently behind her. 'You and have a nice sleep, traitor. I have an Uchiha to murder!' Her day was already going great.

It was time for her to return to her room and get ready for this mission. Ugh. Mornings. Hell, it wasn't even morning yet! It was 3:15am and she had to get ready to go to the rocky wasteland of a country, Tsuchi no Kuni. 'I'm going to get that Uchiha jerk,' Konan thought darkly.

~xXXx~

Konan had gone to her room, fixed her hair, showered, cleaned up, and got dressed in record time: 30 minutes. She wasn't sure how it was possible, but she looked ready for the mission. She folded a sheet of pale blue paper and pinned it to her deep blue hair and smiled at her reflection. She was still thinking about the mission.

Sure this mission was going to help her get back at Deidara – she had a long list of things she wanted to settle with him – but now she hated Obito even more. He was cruel in the worst way and acted like an idiot just to make things more amusing. Was everyone in the Akatsuki a sadistic maniac?

Obviously yes.

Konan was just about to leave her room when she took a last longing glance at her laptop sitting all alone on her desk. Should she leave it? Do you really think the Akatsuki's only writer was going to leave her laptop to fend for itself rather than take it with her while the other members of Akatsuki were running around wrecking the hideout? Do you really need to answer that? She sent a paper flying towards it like a shuriken and made some quick hand signs. The laptop disappeared with a poof and the paper flew back gracefully into Konan's fingers; the summoning symbols were all over the piece of paper now that she had made those signs. She slid it into her origami flower on her head and left the room, taking great care to lock the door. She really didn't need to pack, Obito usually kept everything stored in another dimension using his Kamui. It was still strange to think about, but in the Akatsuki, you had to travel light or die.

~xXXx~

Sure enough, she found the three members waiting for her, although she wondered why she even bothered to take such a quick shower; Deidara wasn't even close to ready. She sighed and sat down at the kitchen table next to a groggy, blond fur ball who was slowly chewing a spoonful of cereal. His messy hair and outfit was a sure sign he had only just gotten out of bed; all he wore was a grey t-shirt and red plaid boxer shorts. Itachi was standing by the counter, watching with indifference. His face showed his normal lack of sleep but he was perfectly in uniform, only some of his hair was sticking up and frizzy; once he was fully awake he'd take care of it immediately and look just as perfect as always with no one the wiser as to his previous condition. Then, at the front of the table, away from everyone else, Tobi sat with his stupid orange mask covering his - beyond doubt - smug grin. He was watching them contently, even after Konan gave him a deadly glare. Tobi just giggled. He was lounging back in his chair with his hands behind his head and his boots crossed over the table.

Konan wished he'd take off that mask so she could knock the grin off his face. She hated that stupid mask. Most of all she hated not being able to see her disliked comrade's face. However, she knew what his face looked like. She had known for a while. After Tobi and Nagato started to become acquainted, the Uchiha had seen her crying over Yahiko's loss. The Uchiha had actually sat down and talked to her. It was a strange conversation and during which, he had removed his own mask for a moment to dry a stray tear of his own and she had caught a glimpse of his elusive face. It became strange afterwards though. He had started avoiding her and only recently – a few months ago – he had begun hanging around her again and removing his mask in her presence, seeing as how he no longer had to hide his true identity: Obito Uchiha.

"I hate this, un," Deidara said, his head thudded heavily against the table, repeatedly.

"Hn."

"You're telling me," Konan said coldly, glaring at Tobi.

Tobi just waved happily.

Konan, Itachi, and Deidara each glared at him venomously. If looks could kill, he'd be dead tenfold, no, one-thousandfold in the most torturous, artistic, and painful ways.

Deidara jumped up onto the table and flung himself at Tobi. The masked man's arms flailed wildly as the terrorist hit the Uchiha and knocked them onto the floor. Strangely enough – but not so strange with Akatsuki's cast of misfits - Tobi started laughing; Deidara rebuttled by throttling him and then by attempting to rip off his mask to shove clay down his throat. "I'll kill you Tobi! I'll kill you, you Sharingan-ed freak, un!"

Tobi grasped Deidara's wrists tight and squeezed. The Iwa-nin looked pained and dropped his clay, but didn't make a sound. "Don't. Touch. My. Mask," he annunciated and let go of the younger ninja's wrist.

Deidara snatched his hand back and rubbed his sore wrist. "Bastard," he grumbled finally. He looked about ready to launch himself back at Tobi - whom had mysteriously gotten out from under Deidara - who was now standing to look at them all.

"Deidara, no," Itachi said with no particular tone.

The blond turned to look at Itachi who was glaring right back at him, the black tear drops swirling in his crimson eyes. "Why the hell not, un?"

"I will give you 72 hours of watching Orochimaru striptease dressed as a sexy nurse."

Everyone in the room froze and looked at Itachi in sickened horror. Tobi looked white with fear (though how is quite a mystery); Konan felt sick and vomited in her mouth a little; but Deidara's face was priceless: his eyes were wide in horror; his face was bright red as if he had a bad sunburn on his tanned skin; and his mouth was curled into a disgusted snarled (his palm-mouths were actually hissing and making vomiting motions which was strangely hypnotic). He looked like he was about to explode in rage, nonetheless…

Three… Two… One… And…

"THAT'S FUCKING GROSS, UN! WHERE DO YOU COME UP WITH THIS, UN! DO YOU TAKE PLEASURE IN THINKING THAT KIND OF THING UCHIHA, UN?! FREAK! UN! SICKO! UN! YOU'RE MORE OF A HENTAI THAN SNAKE-HENTAI, UN! OR TOAD-HENTAI, UN! YOU'RE ITACHI-HENTAI TEME, UN!" He paused for a moment and then with the redness of his engaged face turning back to its normal golden tan he added, "You're weirder than Tobi, un. Where the hell did you see Orochimaru strip dance anyways, un?" Blue eyes narrowed into barely visible slits.

"Hn."

"If he were to say, why would he tell an immature brat like you," a familiar just as cold and indifferent voice cut in.

Great, another psycho to add to the mix; the epitome of lonely and the member nominated 'the most likely to store bodies in his grandmother's basement': Sasori. Sasori had come to see what the commotion was about when Deidara mentioned his nickname for his previous partner, Orochimaru. If the two weren't shinobi, I swear they'd both be psychotic doctors who experiment and dismember their victims in some sort of horror movie. Hell, Orochimaru was the subject of many children's nightmares already and full-grown shinobi.

"Hurry up and leave already. We need to throw Deidara's going away party." He stated indifferently as Deidara eyes began to light up in glee, "I don't like to be kept waiting."

"You're throwing me a party, Danna," Deidara asked with his eyes sparkling like 'Twilight' vampires.

"Yes," he sighed, "but only because we hate your guts." He paused, "Along with the rest of you, brat."

Deidara turned back to Itachi who had activated his Mangekyo and was glaring at the blond. Deidara shuddered with rage and got up to stomp down the hall to his room.

"You heard where we were going, Sasori-senpai," Tobi asked sweetly.

Sasori nodded boredly. "Yes. Let's hope he gets himself killed. I'm sick of the brat already."

'Damn it! I want to be at the 'Going Away' party! Damn it, Obito! You really suck,' Konan thought to herself. "Wouldn't you miss having a partner," Konan asked softly, knowing how lonely Sasori really was.

The puppet master shrugged. "I'm a puppet. I feel nothing. If he dies, bring him back anyways; he'd make a great edition to my collection. I may get the brat to finally understand 'art'," Sasori said before he turned and stalked off. Aww, he'll definitely miss Deidara – or at least his body.

It wasn't long before the pyromaniac blond was back in his Akatsuki uniform. His hair was straightened and tied into his half ponytail; his clay pouch was strapped to his thigh; his eyeliner was framing his azure eyes and his cloak was wrapped around his body; his usual smirk in its place. "Shall we go, un? I want to see what those artless fools think of me now!"

"Probably not much, considering you aren't dead and you have the active Iwagakure kinjutsu on your body," Itachi said, shooting Deidara's ego to flames.

Burn!

"No one asked you Uchiha, un!"

"Ugh. Why me," Konan muttered to herself.

Tobi turned to her and chuckled. Konan looked at him wearily, realizing Itachi and Deidara had already left to go to the surface; Itachi silently ignoring Deidara's multiple threats. (That was Obito's way of showing how proud he was that he was single-handedly making her life miserable.)

"Look at it this way, Konan-senpai," he said softly with his voice slightly distorted by the mask, "You'll be able to learn more about Deidara so you can write about him next."

One of the corners of Konan's mouth perked up. 'Asshole. I'm going to write about you too!'

"Shall we go, un," Obito said mimicking Deidara. He was using his serious voice again. "I wanna see Itachi tear down the 'artless fool's' ego."

"You need some work," Konan said, brushing past him, "Deidara yells practically everything. All you did was 'uhn'." She gracefully made her way up top.

Tobi watched her closely and shrugged, following her up the pathway.

'Soon… I'll have Deidara taken care of but what about Obito? He can do whatever he wants to me thanks to my story.' Konan puffed hot air out to ruffle her blue hair. 'I'll think of something; maybe something with Deidara and Obito?' She smiled to herself, 'That would work. If I recall, he did say he was a 'school girl in love with his senpai'.' Oh yes, Konan was going to be back on top.

Obito must've caught something because he struck up a distasteful conversation. "Hey Konan-senpai?"

"What Tobi?"

"Remember when I saw your story?"

Konan narrowed her eyes and was silent for a few moments and without turning around answered, "Yes."

"If you write about me in a story like that, Kakuzu and Hidan are going to come across your last piece, by chance."

'By chance my lily-white ass!' Konan thought. She felt a cold tingle run up her spine. Konan was not on top.

"Is there… something you want," Konan asked coldly with an edge to her voice.

"Not right now," Obito replied. "Or at least, not that I want you to know, yet."

Well this was going to be confusing. He was definitely blackmailing Konan now, but for what? He wasn't getting anything out of this except control over her. Is that what he wanted? She pondered the answer over and over, but no avail. She would know soon enough, damn Uchiha's and their riddles.

~xXXx~

On the surface Deidara had created a giant clay bird and the three of them – Deidara, Itachi, and Konan had hopped on.

"Tobi, get your ass up here, un," Deidara shouted, "Or I'm leaving your ass here!" He had already gotten the bird off the ground.

The masked man had to have smiled because a childlike giggle came from him. "I'll be fine senpai. I'll meet you there!" He clapped his hands a few times and disappeared into the vortex of his Kamui.

Deidara and Konan sweatdropped. "I bet he'll get lost, un." Konan shook her head but Deidara must not have noticed because he had already made the bird start off towards his home country.

Konan sifted through her thoughts. She didn't think he'd get lost, but she was curious as to what he'd do away from the group, afterall, he arranged this mission.

"Hn."

"What the hell does that mean, un," Deidara snapped at Itachi whom sat calmly behind him during the flight. It seemed the entire trip went the same way: Deidara trying to start a fight with Itachi; Itachi either ignoring Deidara or saying his non-descriptive 'hn' knowing the exact one to use to give the full effect; Deidara getting pissed and trying to start a fight, again. While in the meantime, Konan was stuck hearing it while Obito did Jashin knows what, Pein-god knows where. 'Fuck my life.'

On the other hand, it was strange; Itachi and Deidara's relationship. The pair had known each other for a long time, well, at least in this world. They hated each other but they were close. Occasionally, Deidara even called the Uchiha 'Itachi no Danna'. Konan didn't think she'd even hear something like that, but she had overheard one of their conversations before during a training session – where Deidara lost and raged in his defeat, again. (Heh. All Deidara ever did was lose to the Uchiha.) Itachi would give the Iwa-nin pointers and teach him different 'Katon no jutsu'. There was also a rumor that Itachi had begged Nagato to take Deidara in as Orochimaru's replacement, but Itachi? Begging? That was the most ridiculous lie Konan had ever heard, but still it drove her nuts! She knew next to nothing about their history whereas she knew just about everything about the other six members.

She watched the pair in interest.

"Why is all you say 'hn', un," Deidara snarled.

"…"

"Why do you end every other sentence with 'un'," Konan asked to butt in, mainly because she wanted to know more about the blond but also just to see what it felt like to piss him off.

Deidara glared daggers at her and Itachi smirked, ever so slightly. If you didn't know him like the rest of Akatsuki did, you would never have noticed it.

"I do not, un!"

"Right," Konan said sarcastically, turning her head away so the blond wouldn't see her rolling her eyes. She was glancing between Deidara and Itachi suspiciously. Maybe Obito or Sasori knew something about it? No; there was no way. Itachi was too secretive to let anyone know and Deidara was too blunt and loudmouthed to keep a secret, making it impossible for the pair to have a secret between them. But still, how was it that Konan didn't know their story? She was Leader's right hand man – er, woman – how could she not know? He knew practically everything! He was a god!

The rest of the trip seemed to continue that way – Deidara whining, Itachi discreetly pissing him off, and Konan staying in her own thoughts - until they got outside of Iwagakure. Deidara and Itachi leapt off the bird; Konan followed, knowing that Deidara was likely going to blow the thing out of the sky. Why not? He was Deidara, the pyromaniac bomber whom claimed to be an artist.

BOOM!

She really needed to get out more, or not. Definitely not with Deidara.

Deidara was snickering at his 'art'. "Art… is a bang!"

"We need to head to the village; Tobi-san is already there," Itachi said with a stone gaze before turning his back and walking ahead of them. He acted as if nothing had happened. Is this guy psychic?

Deidara scowled and then frowned and became expressionless, following the Uchiha. Konan may have been in deep thought, but she noticed.

This left Konan far behind to wander through her thoughts as they walked through the chilly badlands toward the city; no one had in the Akatsuki had ever seen that somber, expressionless Uchiha-guise on Deidara and he definitely would never want to be like an Uchiha, in any way. How strange.

As the trio approached the city limits, a shinobi with the standard red uniform glared at them, "Hey you! Stop right there!" Immediately they were surrounded.

"What a warm welcome Awasaki, un," Deidara said darkly, with a gaze that would send puppies away in fear.

Still not as scary as Leader.

The man grimaced in disgust. "You? What are you doing here, Deidara?"

Deidara's hand began to stray to his clay pouch.

A shinobi behind the blond pressed a kunai to his spine. "Don't even think about it," he hissed.

Itachi spoke up for the group, his cool, calm demeanor breaking the tension, "We should be expected by Lord Tsuchikage; do not hinder us." His Mangekyo Sharingan was blazing at the man, the black blades spinning slowly, progressing into a steady pace. Most of the shinobi backed down and show absolute fear of the technique.

The man begrudgingly stepped aside and the Iwa-nins surrounding them disappeared or hung back to follow them. They seemed to be following quite unwillingly and stayed nearly leagues away. Awasaki swore under his breath and led the trio through the city to the Tsuchikage's building.

The young man seemed to really dislike Deidara, and Deidara obviously felt the same considering he wanted to blow the ninja to pieces a few minutes ago until he was held at knife point. The young man looked roughly about Deidara's and Itachi's age – late teens to early twenties – and seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face. His black hair was messy and short and his eyes were sharp and narrow; brown and almond-shaped. He had a golden tan - much like Deidara did - but was maybe 5'10, compared to the miserably short Deidara's 5'4. Maybe they were related? Probably not with that bulbous nose.

Konan took a glance around the city. Iwagakure had a poor economy but that didn't stop the countless merchants setting up their carts and pedaling their wares, calling out their merchandise to attract customers. They passed by a stall with a stack of paperbacks. One read 'Advanced Origami and Traditional Paper-Folding'; Konan was definitely going to come back later to check it out, but for now, she had a mission to attend to.

At some point, they had finally reached the center of the village. A large symbol for 'earth' was painted on the top of the building. "Hmph. Well, this is it," Awasaki said arrogantly, glaring at Deidara, as if Itachi and Konan were both invisible. "We'll be watching you, traitor."

Deidara scoffed. "Like you could do anything to me anyways, un," he retorted under his breath.

Itachi cleared his throat and put some distance between him and the others. Konan and Deidara followed him up, shortly after, into the Tsuchikage's office. When they opened the door, they found the short, wrinkled old man was locked in a conversation with an orange masked man.

"What took you so long, senpais," Tobi asked giggling.

Deidara was holding himself back from throttling him in front of his sensei and Konan had angry tick marks on her forehead, regardless of her expressionless visage. Itachi on the other hand didn't show any visible sign of even caring. If he was pissed or annoyed or even happy (by some off-chance) he was hiding it. Damn those Uchihas and their ability to be so perfect and statue-like.

"As I was briefing your superior," the Tsuchikage said, glaring directly at Itachi, "you are going to retrieve a dangerous S-rank criminal living in the northern parts of 'Tsuchi no Kuni'. It's vital that you bring them back alive, annihilate their gang, and destroy their headquarters."

"That's easy," Deidara said, trying to push Itachi and Konan aside excitedly. Itachi didn't budge but Konan stumbled sideways so he took her place, squeezeing between them. "I can take 'em out, un! Let's go!" He said, looking determined and grabbing Konan's sleeve to drag her out the door with him.

"You idiot! You're just the same pyromaniac-brat as always," the Tsuchikage burst out, and standing up and slamming his hands on the desk.

Deidara just stood there and scowled, avoiding his gaze. "It's called art, you wrinkled fool, un", he grumbled.

"Is there any other information we need Lord Oonoki," Konan asked carefully and helpfully. She pulled a paper fan out of her sleeve and opened it, slicing a small papercut into the back of the blond's hand, making him swear and put the wound to his mouth.

The Tsuchikage calmed down and sat down, not before scoffing at his ex-apprentice. He nodded to his guard who left the room and shut the door behind him; he then proceeded to make the handsigns to make sure no one could eavesdrop. "Yes. You see, the person I need you to pursue has important information about our country and has stolen one of our sacred scrolls."

"Like my kinjutsu, un?"

"Yes, now shut up. I'm telling you classified information!" The Tsuchikage cleared his throat, "Now, where was I? Ah yes; we have some intel on them from a shady source."

"What kind of intel," Obito asked. His voice was back to being serious and cool again. 'What? No! No! Bad mind! Bad writer! Tobi was not cool!'

"We think he may be selling information to ROOT, which is why I brought you in," the old man finished.

"So you selected Deidara and I for that reason; to not violate the peace treaty between Iwa and Konoha, while keeping the relationship between the two countries neutral during this mission," Itachi said.

The old man nodded.

"Why is he selling your stuff to Danzo, un? I thought he was just out to kill all Uchihas; like I am. Besides, you shit can't be that good, un," Deidara said. (That's our Deidara; always the one to be blunt. Idiot.)

'I have to be the only one that watches 'Naruto',' Konan thought. She sighed. "That's just a stepping stone, but he failed obviously", she said gesturing Itachi who ignored her. "He wants to take over the world and have limitless power, since he can no longer become Hokage, being a missing-nin. That way he can finally surpass Sarutobi."

A dark ominous silence loomed over the room. "Anything else we need to know, Lord Tsuchikage," Obito-Tobi asked.

"It is believed that the criminal has used the forbidden jutsu on themself and has gained a kekkai genkai to manipulate mercury."

'Great. We have to blow up a hideout, massacre at least 50 people, and take out a Suiginton user, but bring him back alive.' This was definitely not Konan's idea of fun. A liquid metal user was bad enough, but now a toxic, liquid metal user? 'Fuck my life,' Konan thought.

"What's this guy's name, un? I'll get him! I'll show him the true form of my art, un! My kinjutsu is superior to his," Deidara ranted loudly, taking his bleeding finger from his mouth.

The Tsuchikage seemed annoyed and grumbled a name.

"Tobi didn't get that," Tobi said.

He grumbled a little louder.

"Hn?"

"His name is Tako Taco," he muttered.

"Tako-what, un," Deidara asked.

"Tako Taco," the old man repeated, glaring at his ex-student in utter annoyance.

"Octopus-Octopus, un? What a lame name."

Everyone sweatdropped but that idiot Deidara and the Tsuchikage.

"YOU FUCKING MORON! GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

"What the hell's a taco, un," Deidara asked. "Either way… I GET TO BLOW THIS DOUCHEBAG'S HIDEOUT TO HELL!" Deidara laughed maniacally and ran out the door. An explosion sounded down the hall.

Obito facepalmed. "We'll finish the mission and pay for the damages." Then Tobi switched to be less serious and turned all giddy and happy, "Tobi wants to help! Tobi is a good boy!" The masked man followed the blond down the hall. Konan thought she heard him tumble down the stairs painfully. Itachi ignored it. More weakly he cried, "Tobi… is… a good boy!" It was distanced and pained, it was somewhat like an echo. So much for having the true form of Izanagi.

"Hn," the younger, yet more mature Uchiha said before walking off.

The Tsuchikage glared at Konan. "Deidara sure picked a group of friends that fit his lunacy. You seem to be the only normal one."

Konan was kind of flattered by that. 'Me? Normal? Come on, I have a sadistic inner voice and I like to interrogate people for information in the most inhumane ways. Normal? Hardly.' Konan just smiled warmly, "I suppose so."

Necrophilia!

"You should watch out for that one," the old man said. "He's too eager to go into battle; he'll take anyone in his way down with him. Friend or foe; just like his mother."

That peeked Konan's interest. No one knew practically anything about Deidara's past. This little peek was more than she would have ever hoped for. "What happened to her?"

He shook his head and turned his attention back to his paperwork that nearly blocked her view. "It's best not to say; just don't let that idiot destroy my village will ya? I got tired of his antics years ago; even as an Explosion Corp. captain."

Konan nodded and knowing she wasn't going to get any further details, she left to follow after her team. This mission was going to be very interesting, and by interesting I mean likely inspiring feelings of hostility within Konan while inspiring laughter from each of you readers and psychotic maniacal laughter from her three male Akatsuki companions - or non-descriptive 'hn's' in Itachi's case.

Outside, the sun was dying the clouds in shades of pinks, oranges, and gold painting the sky before fading into night. It was beautiful, but this was just going to make it harder to leave. Tobi and Deidara would undoubtedly begin complaining about the cold and say they were hungry and want to stay the night in the village (Deidara might not be that insistent to stay because he hated his home and vice versa so much, so he was an iffy). Itachi would just watch them make fools of themselves – waiting to finish the mission - and Konan would threaten them only to be mocked to no avail. She sighed and stalked off in search of the book stall she saw earlier. Maybe they were still there and just now about to leave? She might get the book cheaper.

Just as Konan had suspected, the stall owner was getting ready to leave so Konan talked the middle aged man into staying a little longer so she could buy the book. It was still there so she picked it and flipped through the pages, when from the corner of her eye, she spotted a magazine in the same stall. The man didn't like her looking through the book like he owned a library so Konan promptly paid for the book and with it under her arm, wandered over to the magazines. An article caught her eye: 'The True Lives of the Real Akatsuki'. Konan snorted and skimmed through the pages, reading the mocking articles and rumors.

The man rolled his eyes. He had noticed the red clouds on her black cloak before. "You can have that one for free."

"Huh?" Konan dug in her pocket, "No. No need. I'll pay for it," she said bringing out a few crumpled bills.

The stall owner chuckled and began putting up the last of his books for the night. "Well, I've been carrying around that origami book for years now. I never actually thought I'd get rid of it, so you can have that as a gift."

Konan smiled and nodded in a shallow appreciative, yet respectful bow. "Thank you."

The man nodded in return and finished closing up his stall.

Konan began walking down the street as the nightlife began to swell out into the roads. The city was bustling with life and chatter as she continued to expertly read the magazine. She used her chakra to scan the area and avoid the people around her easily. That's when she saw it.

Konan's face lit up as red as a ripe tomato and she let out a high girly scream of terror. She pressed her face into the magazine to get a double-take. Some people on the street stopped to look at her funny before shaking their head and passing her by. She confirmed it. She couldn't believe it! After all these years, she finally got published, only she had hoped that this would never happen.

She read closer, scanning each line. Yup, there was no doubt this was her story about Kakuzu and Hidan. There was a feeling of dread seepng through her as she imagined the Zombie Combo coming across the article. A knot formed in her stomach and the air felt colder. She skimmed through it until she got to the end, a part which she did not write; this part she read carefully.

Dear Writer,

Your piece has made an excellent addition to our magazine and we thank you for contributing it. This was one of the best stories we've ever received; it's as though you know the characters.

'No shit, Sherlock.'

Your piece is therefore awarded a monthly block in our magazine, if you accept; however since you continue to remain anonymous we can only hold the position for so long before closing it. We hope to see more of your stories in our magazine soon.

Hatari Yukiko

Editor of "Akatsuki Fangirl Magazine"

It was almost tempting, no. It was tempting. So very, very tempting. Konan had always wanted her work published, but now she was conflicted seeing as her most popular piece was an S and M yaoi story. She shuddered. She also had a feeling a certain one-eyed man had something to do with it too. Ugh. That damn Uchiha! Great, now she was starting to sound like Deidara.

Putting her story in that magazine would be great for her career as a professional writer, but what about her friends and co-workers? What about Leader and the rest of the Akatsuki? This would be a good way to rise from being an unimportant side character which was rarely seen through the series and had only one memorable battle, in which she had died. Yes, she would do it!

Crap! It wouldn't be very long before she'd have to have next week's done, which meant she'd have to start writing it during her mission and hope to Pein or Jashin or whatever god there was that Deidara didn't kill her in the process by being the reckless idiot he obviously is. She rolled up the magazine and stuffed it into her robe. Well, she had her fun; time to look for the boys.

Konan walked through the streets as the food stalls started to come alive. The night life liven the streets and there was chatter all around. She carefully navigated the throngs of people; both civilian and shinobi alive. You'd think with as poor of an economy as they had that there wouldn't be so many people going out; you'd be dead wrong.

Each street looked about the same and every turn made Konan realize that she was getting further and further away from where she had last seen the guys. She didn't recognize anything. Her pace sped up. She was sure she'd be able to find something, - something, anything, - that looked familiar. She ended up more lost. The streets became darker and less people flowed through them, but at least she didn't have to deal with possible pickpockets anymore.

At some point a few guys began following her. They began flirting with her and calling her pet names. Konan ignored them.

"Hey baby," said the one that was obviously the leader, "If you're lost I can take you somewhere. We can go back to my place and see where it leads." In unison the other males cheered him on and purred in amusement. Did that even qualify as a pick-up line?

Konan turned around and eyed the one that spoke and scanned him down. He was in the standard Iwagakure-shinobi uniform. He wore black shades but they were lower on his nose so she could see his purple eyes. His hair was short and close cropped but with spiky bangs covering his forehead over his hitai-ae. He had a cigarette in his mouth and looked like he was in his mid-twenties. She met his eyes coldly. "You must be lost yourself," she responded.

He looked confused. "Why's that?"

"Because your sunglasses must have congested your vision; that or you're just an asshole," Konan said turning and stalking off.

The shinobi looked dumbstruck and the others looked even more shocked. He came back to himself and shouted at Konan, "You bitch! Get back here! I ain't through with you!" Konan knew he was starting to make handsigns to attack her with a jutsu when a voice broke through and silenced all the boys' jeering.

"Touch her and I'll kill you all," a female voice said. It sounded familiar to Konan but she couldn't place it. Whoever it was didn't have any ties to the Akatsuki as far as she knew.

Konan took her eyes off of the street and turned to the young men cowering in fear. They were all looking up at a building were a dark figure stood glaring down at them.

"Tayuya," the leader snarled and stepped forward. "What the hell are you doing here? I'm busy!"

The girl leapt down gracefully with an ivory flute in her hand. Her salmon hair was tossled around her shoulders, unbound. She wore a bright red kimono with gold and orange flowers and sandals on her feet. She looked absolutely gorgeous. Tayuya brushed her bangs out of her eyes. "Fuck off; I was headed to see a friend. If I have to kick your asses and get my outfit dirty, I won't even bother sparing you assholes," she said bluntly.

The crew backed up and ran off as fast as they could. The leader looked around to see they were gone and growled at Tayuya. "I'll get you for this!"

Tayuya turned away and looked at Konan, "Yeah yeah. Whatever. Get going asshat."

The leader stumbled and ran off after his gang.

"Hmph," Tayuya sounded, smiling triumphantly. Then her smile faded as she scanned Konan with narrowing dark grey eyes. "You're a girl."

Konan raised an eyebrow. "Yes."

Tayuya scoffed. "Are you one of Deidara's friends?"

She obviously recognized the Akatsuki uniform. "No," Konan said bluntly. "He's an idiot."

Tayuya smiled and laughed. Her eyes weren't narrowed anymore and she seemed a lot more cheerful. She was nothing like Naruto-verse Tayuya. "Yeah, but he's my idiot," she said.

Konan was confused and at the same time interested. She was pretty sure Deidara wasn't dating anyone so she just politely turned up a corner of her mouth in somewhat of a smile. She was going to learn more about one of the three most vaguely known Akatsuki members – other than Kakuzu and Hidan.

Tayuya turned and started to walk off in the direction that the gang of juvenile young men ran off in. "You're coming, aren't you? I know you're lost."

Konan hurried up and walked beside her. The pair were silent as Tayuya led the way down the streets and back into the light where they began to encounter more and more crowds. Konan kept looking at the younger girl next to her, feeling as if she should say something, but knowing she couldn't. She could've handled them all on her own! Konan noticed that the girl was around Itachi and Deidara's age and had some make-up on her face to bring out her lips and eyelashes. However, she spoke first.

"So what exactly are you guys doing in Iwa?"

Konan seemed surprised by her friendliness. Yeah, she was nothing like the real Tayuya because as you know, Tayuya would never have rescued her; in the Naruto-verse.

What was Konan going to say? Their job was top secret; classified, but probably wasn't very secret anymore. Konan imagined Tobi going around screaming.

~xXXx~

An orange masked man ran down the street. His arms flailed and he seemed to be half skipping with an angry blond chasing after him, screaming.

"Tobi is a good boy! Tobi is a good boy! Tobi is a good boy Tobi is a good boy!"

"No he isn't, un! I'll blast your ass into the next hell, un!"

People turned to watch as the blond threw clay and tiny fireballs at the running, dodging, childish masked man.

Tobi stopped and turned around. He made a motion like he was covering his mouth and gasping. Deidara stopped and raised an eyebrow.

"What,un? What is it?"

"Deidara-senpai is a bad boy! Deidara-senpai is kinky!" The masked an chuckled.

Deidara looked even angrier (or embarrassed). "WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT IDEA,UN?!"

Tobi tilted his head. "Hidan-senpai told Tobi that Deidara-senpai is a pirate. He's in it for the booty."

Deidara thought for a minute, "What the hell does that have to do with me being…," he caught on. His face twisted into a nasty scowl. "Tobi. I'm – going – to – kill – you," he said darkly.

Tobi quickly skipped away giggling. "Butt-pirate! Butt-pirate! Tobi is a good boy!"

Fireballs eventually burned down the whole village and Deidara and Tobi were the cause. Pein got pissed and showed them both true pain and the mission failed as Konan got kidnapped by a hideous thug, shown to be laughing maniacally.

The End

~xXXx~

Konan's face had twisted in horror, been then she quickly returned it to her stoic calm visage. "We received a job; and I hope our two idiots don't ruin it," she shuddered.

Tayuya eyed her. "What happens if they do," he asked curiously.

"Pein will torture them so they won't do it again, but they forget about it after so long. It's surprising really," Konan added, "because he can torture Hidan and get results. No one knows how though."

Tayuya's eyes widened in shock and there was an awkward silence as she stopped. Her jaw had dropped somewhere around floor level. "KYAAAA! How could you do a thing like that to my Deida-chan?"

Konan rolled her eyes. No one watched 'Naruto' but her and apparently no one knew the Akatsuki very well either. Hey, just because they were 'neutral' didn't mean their leader didn't use crude methods.

Tayuya shook off the shock pretty quick. "So," she began and struggled with putting her words together. Konan could practically hear the gears turning. "Do you know anything about Itachi-san?"

That was a shock; no not really. Lots of women threw themselves at the Uchiha, but he seemed to ignore them all and coldly reject the more persistent ones. Yeah, he's had a few stalkers but none since the last one that tried to cut off a lock of his Itachi's hair. Konan shuddered. That is all you need to know.

"Yes," Konan answered simply.

Tayuya hung her head with guilt and then her expression turned to a bit of hidden rage.

That was a strange reaction. "What do you want to know," Konan asked.

Tayuya lifted her head. "Oh, not much," she chuckled nervously. "Deidara has told me a lot abot him and Sasori. Actually, I only know about those two in Akatsuki. What's your name," Tayuya asked turning to Konan.

"Konan."

Tayuya smiled, but it wasn't genuine. "I guess you heard; I'm Tayuya."

Konan nodded and grinned just as fakely.

Tayuya looked towards a restaurant stall where there was even more chatter and a growing crowd. Akatsuki: found. As a rule; Akatsuki attracted crowds.

"We're here," Tayuya announced and started sprinting towards the stall through the crowds in the way. Konan steered through at her own pace.

In the center of the crowd, filling two seats at the stall were a blond and a creeper with an orange mask. Both were eating like there was no tomorrow.

"Deidara," Tayuya called and ran up behind him, wrapping her arms around him in a rear hug.

He swallowed something and started gagging, clawing for air. Tayuya let go in horror.

Tobi shrieked like a girl, "Oh nos! Senpai is choking! What does Tobi do? What does Tobi do!"

Deidara was still gagging and turning as blue as Kisame; his eyes started to bug out too.

A dark-haired girl manifested and hit Deidara's back hard and he coughed out a dango stick before falling to the ground behind his seat on his hands and knees coughing and gasping for air. The stick had ended up piercing the wall close to the shopkeeper's head who glared in disapproval. He looked like a battle-scarred grizzly bear and twice as scary.

"Kurotsuchi-san," Tayuya said staring in awe at the dark-haired girl. Jealousy came across her face.

The dark-haired girl glared daggers at Tayuya and Deidara lowered his head trying to ignore them. Konan thought she heard a groan from him and some choice swear word. "Tayuya," she said regarding the salmon-haired girl.

The dark-haired girl was over a head taller than the tiny shinobi. She wore a black yukata with designs that looked more like warm colored fireworks. Her short hair was down and the wrap around her waist was bright red. "What the hell are you doing here," she steamed, obviously trying to keep from bursting into a fit of rage.

Tayuya looked bashful, "I wanted to see Deida-chan."

Kurotsuchi snorted. "How many times have I told you? He's mine."

"Nuh uh! He's mine," Tayuya squeaked.

'Is this the Deidara fan club? If so I'm in the wrong place,' Konan thought. She watched as Deidara skillfully slipped away telling the shopkeeper that someone else was taking care of his bill before making some signs and using 'Doton: Moguragakure no Jutsu' to escape into the earth. 'Are these girls really that oblivious or just dumb,' Konan thought once more.

Judging from the high stack of plates and bowls that sat in the place the blond once occupied, whoever did pay the bill was not going to be happy and would have a nice big hole burned into their wallet.

"Mine!"

"He's mine!"

"Um, he just left," Konan tried to interject but was completely ignored.

"He's mine!"

"He's my Deidara-kun!"

"He's my Deidara-senpai you greasy bitch!"

"You're not even old enough to go out with him, Kurotsuchi," Tayuya shot back.

Kurotsuchi snarled. It was obvious in this world their personalities switched places. "Bring it, puke-haired bitch!"

The shopkeeper cleared his throat loudly enough to finally get the girls to stop arguing and pay attention. They both looked at the empty seat in confusion. "Who's paying the bill?"

They looked around in confusion and then they both seethed with a noticeably dark aura cloaking them. "Dei-da-ra," they both growled angrily. They plotted to kill him later. Well, it was a start. At least they shut up and stopped arguing over the idiot.

The shopkeeper spoke more loudly this time with a slight growl, "Who's paying me?" When he narrowed his eyes, it seemed to make his eyepatch and the scars littering his face seem more frightening.

Neither of the girls had pockets and after Kurotsuchi patted herself down, she quickly ran off with a rather embarrassed grin. Tayuya, the older and quieter of the two, looked to shopkeeper and bowed. "Gomen nasai! I- I'm really sorry! He didn't mean to forget or anything and I don't have any money on me, but if you'd just let me-"

"Where's my money! Do I look like an idiot to you? Someone is going to pay now or there's going to be broken limbs to make up for it," the shopkeeper snarled. He gripped Tayuya's arm easily over the counter, making the tiny girl shiver in fear.

Tobi just giggled and spun around in his chair. Apparently he had already paid for his ramen and was either oblivious to the situation or just didn't care or simply found it too amusing. Honestly, Konan had to believe the latter.

Konan sighed and forked over the amount that was written on the bill – plus a huge gratuity fee, which seemed to be complete and utter bullshit. It seemed that neither of them had pockets or money on them for that matter, so Konan ended up paying the bill with the last of her cash. Tayuya said 'good-bye' and they parted ways; Tobi had waited up for her and refused to pay the bill and they parted ways with the two girls. Obito was in charge of this mission and its finances. Why the hell did Konan have to pay Deidara's restaurant bill? How the heck did one individual (other than Naruto) rack up a bill of over 70 ryo on ramen?

"Where's Itachi," Konan asked the masked man who had returned to being his serious self. "And just so you know, because I had to pay, you owe me dinner." Her stomach embarrassingly growled and snarled in hunger. Damn it! She hadn't eaten anything all day!

Obito thought for a moment. "Well, I think he went to get us some rooms for the night. I'm not really sure where. I think Deidara heard him though."

"Only problem is that Deidara left already," Konan deadpanned.

"Yup," he said happily.

Konan turned red with rage. "Don't sound happy about it, stupid!"

"Tobi is a good boy!"

Konan growled curses under her breath in a very unladylike manner and together, with Tobi/Obito, they began their hunt to find which inn the others were staying at. Luckily there were only three which were mostly used during the time of the chunin exams, but with what luck Konan had they didn't find them until they trudged on to the third one. It wasn't as ritz as the second hotel or as cheap and infested as the first. Honestly, Konan would've have stayed at the first anyways even if she got a room there.

~xXXx~

"What do you mean I have to share a room with one of you," Konan seethed. She was feeling self-conscious at having to share a room with a guy - well that and in fear of her life of three particular men.

"Hn."

"I'm not rooming with Tobi, un," Deidara raged. "He keeps trying to get into my bed!"

Konan turned to the – perverted idiot – masked man and raised her eyebrows. "Really? Sleeping with Deidara," she deadpanned.

Tobi shrugged. "Senpai's warm and fuzzy like a wittle kitty cat," he said twirling girlishly on one foot.

"What did you say, un?!"

Tobi waved his hands frantically, "Er, nothing senpai! Nothing! Heh heh," he chuckled nervously in a pathetic attempt to convince Deidara of his uneasy, rushed words.

"We should put Deidara and Konan together," Itachi added, which wasn't a bad idea but come on? Who wants to room with a psychotic, homicidal bomber? (He also blows up his alarm clock every morning.)

"NO!" Deidara and Konan both said at the same time.

"Why do I have to be roomed with him?"

"Why do I have to be roomed with her, un?"

"Deidara and Tobi will kill each other if roomed together," Itachi stated blandly, "and Deidara is – according to him – my rival; he might try to get himself blown up while I sleep."

"Huh?" Konan felt as though she missed something?

"I wouldn't blow myself up, Itachi-baka, un! I'd blow you up and turn you into tiny bits!"

Itachi shrugged and turned away, headed for his - and apparently Tobi's - room. "Hn. I'm going to shower." Then he was gone. Apparently Deidara's threat wasn't important enough to care about.

Deidara cried out in frustration and stalked off to the room Konan would be sharing with him. She crossed her fingers hoping that nothing would happen to where they'd be evicted or billed for an immense amount of damages.

Which left Konan standing in the third floor hallway next to a masked psycho with split personalities. They both stood there in silence, having each other's steely gaze rested upon them until they heard a door a few feet to the right open and saw a brunette walking away from them towards a bathroom down the hall with a towel under his arm. He wasn't wearing much, just a dark blue shirt with the Uchiha clan symbol and grey pants, as he stalked off to the bathroom. The pair followed him with their gaze. The Uchiha disappeared from the hallway with the closing of a door and the two elder Akatsuki members held each other's gaze once more.

It seemed to be an unprovoked staring contest that manifested out of nothing but each other's discomfort and discontent with the other. Obito turned away first to glance around the hallways and handed Konan a journal from his cloak; it was scribbled on and slightly charred and it looked like a teenager had owned it with all of the drawings across it.

"What the hell is-"

"Read it," Obito gestured towards the book.

Konan stopped turning it over in her hands and saw the etched it letters on the front. De – I –Da – Ra. Oh shit; this was Deidara's journal. She looked around nervously like a person would right before they do something they weren't supposed to. Slowly she opened onto the first page and began to look at the sketches – the writing was too messy and off-handed to read. It was like an angry five-year old scribbled in their parents' sketchbook. That's mostly what it was and that's what caught her eye. The book was filled with drawings of varying grades; some were poorly drawn or cartoon-like and others were beautiful and meticulous and looked like they could jump off the page and come to life at any second.

She flipped through the pages until she came to somewhere in the center with the scribbled unevenly spaced words above a seductive half-naked Itachi. Her cheeks flushed and she stared down at the page. Konan had never seen Itachi actually in a pose like this but Deidara had somehow managed to capture his essence on that page. The drawing gave him the deadly and mysterious and beautiful appearance he always had in person. His bangs were tossed and messy, his pale snowy white chest was bare, and his pants were unzipped. It made her heart beat faster, making her pull from the deepest corners of her strength and chakra to keep from having a nosebleed as she turned the next page and found something somewhat the same kind of image and she looked up at Obito whom still stood there, watching her.

Obito obviously knew the question that was burning on the tip of her tongue. "He keeps it hidden in the side pocket of his left pouch," he answered her wordless question.

She turned the journal towards Obito and held it up, pointing at the picture. "You don't steal other people's journals! Hell! You don't steal other peoples' porn," she quietly seethed at the masked man that didn't seem the slightest bit flustered by her angry whispers and aura of malicious intent. Inside on that page was a drawing of Deidara and Itachi in a questionable position. 'Well, at least I know what I'm missing now,' Konan thought to herself in a fangirl sort of way, practically screaming in her head, whereas on the outside, she appeared as pissed off as she could ever be at Obito stealing the journal.

Obito shrugged and scuffed a boot against the floor over and over. He was uncomfortable having stolen Deidara's journal now that Konan was looking at it, but know the Uchiha he had probably read through the entire thing by now to think of a way to use it to his advantage.

Konan just shook the thought away. It was best not to think about it; too many strange things came to mind. She turned the book back to herself and examined the picture of the unlikely couple having sex. One part of her wanted to scream out loud and have a yaoi fangasm over the drawing. Obviously Deidara himself was an 'ItaDei' fan himself. She cautiously flipped through the pages, each showing either a different sketch of Itachi in a sensual pose or a sketch of Itachi 'dominating' the smaller more feminine Deidara. She was in a trance with her eyes scanning the blonde's sketches of intimate origin. Konan had no idea how long she was actually standing there until there was a loud rumble snapping her back to awareness.

BANG!

Smoke rose from underneath the door of the room Konan and Deidara were sharing. It reeked of burnt carpet and hair and something else. The bluette's eye twitched in annoyance. How can someone who draws so well and make such elaborate sculptures be so obsessed with watching the world burn to the ground through 'art'?

Something brushed by Konan's hand in an instant and disappeared, but it was hardly noticed.

A sputtering blond exited, holding a familiar glob of pale blue. His hair was slightly burnt and singed and he looked frustrated and upset before storming out the door. Deidara stomped towards the pair with the melted lump and outstretched his hand to Konan. "Here, un," he said in a cranky gruff tone.

Suddenly, Konan recognized the mass and a wave of several emotions crossed her mind, but her face remained as unexpressive as one of Nagato's Six Paths of Pein. "Is this my favorite stapler?"

The blond huffed and brushed his singed bangs out of his face and casually answered, "Yeah."

Konan gazed at the short, evil, stapler-murdering man, "Why did you blow up my stapler?"

The blond shrugged and leaned on the wall, crossing his arms. "It seemed like a good idea, un. I've never destroyed a stapler before; who needs it anyways, un?"

Konan took a breath. 'Don't lose your temper. Don't lose your temper. Don't lose your temper.' The paper-nin was already seeing red at the edges of her vision. She loved that stapler, even though she had only managed to keep it for the past six months after the last incident. (Let's just say, even Pein can feel pain when he gets an unwarranted, unexpected piercing. He crushed her last stapler with 'Shinra Tensei' and blamed it on the wind, even though they had no wind-wielding nins and no windows underground in the lair.)

"You idiot," Konan said gritting her teeth in an unladylike manner, keeping her voice low and menacing. "That was my stapler. You are going to regret this in an unpleasant manner, in which I will personally cut off your-"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY JOURNAL TOBI, UN?

Konan sweatdropped. 'Ignored…'

Tobi looked up from the pages he was flipping. "Hi senpai", he said waving happily, reverting to his 'innocent idiot' side. "I was looking at the pictures of senpai and Itachi-san wrestling naked!"

Deidara and Konan stared at him in shock. Konan's expression was blank, in contrast to all the events and thoughts running through her mind. The thought of cutting off Deidara's dangly bits evaporated as she saw the blonde's expression. His eyes were wide in shock and his jaw had dropped leaving the talkative brat utterly wordless.

'Tobi, you fucking moron! Do you have a death wish or something?' When did he even snatch the journal?

"Give. It. To. Me. Now, un!" Deidara reiterated a step in between each word with his hand outstretched.

Tobi slunk away with his gaze on his senpai. "What if Tobi doesn't wanna? Senpai draws pretty!" He practically jumped for joy and gasped before screaming, "Tobi wants to play keepaway!" He sounded like a gleeful child about to play a fun game.

Within moments, Deidara was chasing Tobi around the halls in hot pursuit for his journal. He didn't bring out any clay so Konan was mildly surprised that there was at least something in this world the blonde revered highly enough not to destroy. Deidara was screaming and cursing the laughing, demented masked man while the pair zigged and zagged around the third floor hallway until Tobi stopped and whipped invisible sweat away.

"Whew! Timeout senpai! Tobi's getting tired", Tobi said while making the time-out motion. The journal was against his chest.

Deidara screamed at him and lunged, "That's because you're a fat ass". The blonde went straight through the other side and landed someone behind the journal-thief with a squeak of surprise; a now very naked and still very damp someone.

Now Konan was actually having her nosebleed. Tobi turned around to observe the scene with her and gasped.

When Deidara was chasing Tobi through the halls, no one had noticed the raven haired ninja had stopped showering and had come down the hall to investigate the explosion and the lack of screaming thereafter until Deidara started it up again. He had come to make sure no one was dead, he later reminded us, in the same manner Shikamaru might, saying that, 'It would be a set back if one of my teammates expired on behalf of Deidara. It may postpone the mission and give the remaining group an unsatisfactory performance.' Itachi had been maybe ten to fifteen meters away having postponed his shower and adorning his waist with a complimentary towel, and when Deidara lunged into him his towel had fallen away.

It wasn't just that though. When the two collided, they had accidentally locked lips and were now staring at each other blankly after breaking their pseudo-kiss.

'Now I can die happy; they live happily ever after', was the only thing that went across the blue haired kunoichi's thoughts until she remembered her other fangirl shippings that she had to see: NaruHina, ShikaTema, maybe NaruSasu, SasuSaku, and she had to see the silver haired ninja fall in love, her all-time favorite character, Kakashi Hatake.

Itachi was the first one to break the spell as the two young men just stared at each other, "Get off."

Deidara quickly scrambled off, only to make the situation more awkward by stumbling, which wouldn't have been that bad, but Deidara caught himself on Itachi's thigh. At some point the tongue in that palm snaked out and began to savor the young Uchiha's essence. Itachi was still naked.

Itachi practically threw Deidara who landed cat-like a ways away on his bare feet. "Geez, it was an accident, un!"

The Uchiha snatched his towel off the floor and quickly wrapped it around his waist before walking rather briskly back to the bathroom to probably wash away the feeling of the blonde's palm-mouth on his bare thigh.

Deidara quickly followed suit and stormed into the room him and Konan were sharing. The rest of the night he was in bed with the covers over his head. He had completely forgotten about the journal, giving Konan time to write her next piece. She couldn't help but think about the pair they would make. Well, it'd be interesting, that's for sure. Deidara is a crazy, rambunctious, unruly brat who does whatever he wants to do and has a hard-on for destruction; Itachi was a calm, stoic, shielded, intelligent pacifist who always mocked the blond and tried his best to completely ignore him. He never showed any sign of liking anyone, but she knew that the characters in this world were a little different to say the least. Unlike Naruto's Sasuke, this world's Sasuke was a kind, manipulative playboy who would do anything to have women fawn over him; rumor had it, he got it from Itachi. It was hard to tell on the surface, but Itachi was actually smoldering and flirtatious whenever he was away from 'work'. Or at least, Konan had heard that. She had also heard that he was bisexual, but hey, it's a rumor. Konan ust didn't know how the blond bomber had changed. Maybe he's straight in the other world? That would be a shocker because Konan seriously thought Deidara and Itachi's relationship in the Naruto world was equivalent to Naruto and Sasuke's relationship. They had a rivalry and an unrequited love, but Konan doubted Naruto-world's Itachi felt anything but contempt for the blond.

Konan's head hurt thinking about it. She didn't even know how her Deidara and Itachi had met anyways so she ignored her screaming fangirl questions and began writing a piece using what she had seen in Deidara's journal and her imagination. It wasn't long before she had finished and resealed her laptop before going to bed. Tomorrow, the real mission began.

Okay! Chapter 2 is done! Review and I'll have the next chapter out soon!