Author's Note: *blinks* You made it all the way here? omg Thank you! If you've made it through this much of my nonsense, you must really want to see what happens. XwX I can only hope I don't disappoint you... *worries* Still, I hope you enjoy this quality time with the skelebros. ^w^
Chapter Five: Dating Start!
Almost immediately upon entering the cavern I came across a sentry station being manned by Sans. There were other monsters present, including the armless monster kid I had met in Snowdin. He had a strange manner of speaking but was otherwise just a typical, rambunctious kid who wanted to sneak away from home and see Undyne. There was also something called an echo flower, a faintly glowing, blue flower that repeated whatever it had heard last. Once I was done sketching the flower, I greeted Sans.
"Hello, Sans! I thought your station was back in the forest?"
He grinned. "what? haven't you seen a guy with two jobs before?" His expression was sly as he said, "fortunately, that means twice the number of legally-required breaks. i'm going to grillby's. wanna come?" Even though I had just come from town, I realized it had been a while since I'd eaten. So I agreed, and Sans pretended to sigh in resignation. "well, if you insist, i can pry myself away from my work…" He stepped out from behind his counter and went further into the cavern, away from Snowdin Town.
I was a little baffled. "Isn't that the wrong way?"
He grinned at me. "it's fine. i know a shortcut." So I followed him into the gloom, and all of a sudden we were walking through the door at Grillby's! He said to me "fast shortcut, huh?" before greeting the other patrons of the establishment. He was well-received.
The fish monster at the bar said, "Hey Sans, weren't you just here for breakfast a few minutes ago?"
Sans shook his head. "nah, i haven't had breakfast in at least half an hour. you must be thinkin' of brunch." Everybody laughed, even me.
We made our way to the bar. I tried to get comfy on one of the stools when a rude sound erupted from it, just like the one from the practical joke Sans had pulled on me when we first met. I pulled what looked like an air-filled bladder with a small neck on it out from under the seat and asked Sans to explain. He was having a hard time keeping his expression level.
"whoops, forgot to warn you. sometimes weirdos like to leave whoopee cushions on the seats in here." He did nothing to convince me of his innocence. My expression must have given away my doubts, because all he did was chuckle.
I finally took my seat, kicking the whoopee cushion out of the way and where it couldn't cause any more trouble. Grillby handed us menus and Sans a small, empty glass. There were French fries, which I hadn't eaten in a long time, so I asked for those. Sans ordered the same, and Grillby bustled off into the back, presumably to prepare them.
Sans pulled a jar of pickle spears that were sitting on the counter closer to himself. He offered me one, saying, "grillby makes the best pickles in the Underground. trust me!" So I took a spear from the jar. Before I could take a bite I noticed Sans pouring some of the brine into his shot glass. He tossed it back the way my… the way someone I knew drank whiskey. "ahhh, that's the stuff." He noticed me staring, then said, "what? if you tried that pickle, you'd wanna do the same!" So I finally took a bite, and understood. Seeing my blissful expression, he asked me if he should ask Grillby for a shot glass of my own. I shook my head because I wasn't prepared to go that far. He chuckled with a wink. "heh, more for me." He poured more brine into his glass, sipping it this time, making it last. As I finished my pickle he asked me what I thought of his brother. I had to think about it, before using one of Papyrus' own words.
"I think he's 'cool', as long as that means something nice."
Sans nodded. "sure does. and of course he's cool! you would be too, if you wore that outfit every day."
With all the puzzles and battles behind me, I could really recall how he was dressed. Back-and-breastplate chest armor and shoulder guards went over a short-sleeved chainmail shirt that only covered the upper half of his torso. His long-sleeved shirt and trousers were somehow fitted to his bones, and he was wearing something I think was called a codpiece. The trousers were tucked into calf-high boots and were reinforced with leather patches over the knees. He also had a forest green scarf, the ends of which would flap like a pair of tails behind him when he ran or posed dramatically. It had the look of a well made, yet well worn, outfit.
"Why is the chainmail shirt so short?" I asked. "Shouldn't it go all the way down to his hips?"
Sans shrugged. "it used to be that long, but all the links below where he has it now were too rusted to salvage. he showed me, when he first found that thing. trust me, there was no saving them. that was what made him dream up the rest of his outfit, or his 'battle body', as he likes to call it."
Before I could ask more questions our food came out, piping hot and smelling delicious. While I dug in, Sans continued to talk, not even touching his food.
"well, whatever you think of him, you have to agree papyrus tries real hard." He told me a story of how, in order to ask to be allowed into the Royal Guard, he went to the head of the Royal Guard's house in the middle of the night and stayed there even when the door was shut in his face! In the morning, seeing his dedication, she decided to train him as a warrior. It was nice to learn more about Papyrus, but that wasn't all Sans wanted to talk to me about.
"oh, yeah. there was something i wanted to ask you." Suddenly, the lights all around the two of us dimmed. Grillby had gone back to cleaning mugs after serving our food, but he'd been suspended in mid-action. Even the flames that made up his head and face were locked in time! Before I could ask Sans what was going on, he spoke. "have you ever heard of a talking flower?"
A little white, morphing face surrounded by six golden-yellow petals filled my mind, as did the demented laughter echoing off the walls. I swallowed my mouthful of fries before answering. "Yes, yes I have."
"so, you know all about it. the echo flower." That hadn't been what I was thinking of, but I realized he wouldn't know that. "they're all over the marsh. say something to 'em, and they'll repeat it, over and over…"
"I know. What about it?"
His expression was the most serious one I'd ever seen on him. "papyrus told me something interesting the other day. how, when nobody else is around, a flower appears and whispers things to him. flattery, advice, encouragement… predictions. weird, huh? someone must be using an echo flower to play a trick on him. so… keep an eye out for me, okay?" When I nodded he thanked me, but my throat felt tight. Was it Flowey, after all…?
The lights came back on and Grillby continued to clean his mug. Sans poured the last of his brine shot through his teeth then pushed himself away from the bar, his food still untouched as he said, "welp, that was a long break. i can't believe i let you pull me away from work for so long!" He stood and turned to leave, then turned back. "oh, by the way… i'm flat broke. could you foot the bill? it's only 10,000g."
*TEN THOU-! My brain stuttered and my jaw dropped in spite of myself. *I don't think my coin pouch can even hold that much money! How does he expect me to-!
He was laughing. "i'm just kidding! hey, grillby, just put it on my tab." I thought I heard Grillby sigh, but he nodded anyway. Sans walked to the door, but hesitated and turned back. "by the way…" He looked like he had something to say, something serious, but then he just smiled again and said, "i was gonna ask you somethin', but i forgot it. see ya 'round, kiddo." I had the feeling he was lying, but he was gone before I could call him on it.
I turned back to my food, only to find my plate was empty. I pouted for a moment, then pulled San's plate toward me and started on those. They were a little cold, but still delicious. When I finished I asked Grillby if the food actually cost that much. He was a very soft-spoken person, so much so I had a hard time understanding him. But the bird lady in the seat near mine translated for him, telling me he said not to worry about it. That Sans would pay for it… one day. I felt bad, but when I tried to insist I pay for my meal he just shook his head, then patted mine. His hand felt just like the fire in Mother's fireplace...
I thanked Grillby and left the pub. I was going to go back to Waterfall, but as I passed by the locked house I saw Papyrus standing out in front of it. I greeted him, and he returned it.
"GREETINGS, HUMAN FRISK! HAVE YOU COME TO GO ON OUR DATE?" I had to consider it for a moment. I still had no idea what a "date" was, but I didn't want to disappoint Papyrus if he was expecting me to visit him for a while. So I said I was here for the date.
"I SEE… YOU MUST BE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS… I'LL HAVE TO TAKE YOU SOMEPLACE REALLY SPECIAL, A PLACE I LIKE TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME!" He lead me past the library, then we made it almost to Grillby's before he turned us around and went back to the house. He unlocked the door and we went in. He invited me to look around, so I did.
There was a rock on a table who was Sans' pet, according to Papyrus. He'd taken it upon himself to feed it, since his brother was always forgetting. I wasn't sure if he was being serious or not, but after meeting talking rocks here in Snowdin and back in the Ruins, who was to say a rock couldn't be a pet? I gave it a few pats before moving on.
I went into the kitchen. Papyrus called the icebox his "food museum", holding his culinary artwork. One half was filled with mason jars full of spaghetti. The other side only had a bag declaring the contents to be "popato chisps", which was empty. When I tried to inspect the sink atop a very tall counter, Papyrus said he'd increased the height so he could store more bones under it. When I opened the cabinet door all we found was the little white dog that had stolen his special attack earlier, munching on yet another bone! Papyrus was incensed.
"CATCH THAT MEDDLING CANINE!" We chased it out of the kitchen and we both tried to dive on its back, but the dog just slipped between the two of us and we knocked our heads together. As we both fell to the floor I heard a familiar laugh. When I looked up I saw Sans upstairs, looking over a railing and down at us. He was holding a trombone. He raised the instrument to his teeth, somehow managing to play three descending notes that captured the humiliation of our failure perfectly. His job done, he turned away with a self-satisfied grin. I heard a door closing while Papyrus yelled at him.
"SANS! STOP PLAGUING MY LIFE WITH INCIDENTAL MUSIC!"
Papyrus helped me up off the floor, and I continued looking around. There was a strange contraption against the wall next to the kitchen. When I asked what it was, Papyrus told me it was something called a crysto-vision set. Monsters could watch "CV shows" broadcast throughout the Underground on its glass screen. It sounded as though it worked like one of the "television" things my grandfather used to talk about. Papyrus said we could watch it together, and invited me to sit on the couch while he went to turn it on. The couch jangled underneath me, and when I looked under the cushions I found some loose change. Papyrus told me I could keep it, since I found it. When the CV set came on, all it had was a number of vertical bars in a variety of bright colors. Along the bottom of the screen in a black field it said "Stay tuned for a new program! -MTT".
I blinked.*That's it? I looked at Papyrus, who seemed embarrassed.
"UM… IT'S … JUST A BAD EPISODE, TODAY. TRY NOT TO JUDGE IT, OR ME, BY THIS ONE EXAMPLE!" He turned the CV set off.
On an end table next to the couch was a book of jokes, so I opened it to read. But instead of finding puns I found another book tucked inside about quantum physics. Interested, I opened it… only to find a joke book. Inside that was another quantum physics book…
I closed all the books and set it back on its table.
Up the stairs there were two closed doors. The one in front of me had a plaque declaring it a "No Pun Zone!", so I assumed it to be Papyrus' room. The other door had some strange, multi-colored lights shining out from under it, and was locked. I was told it was Sans' room, and even though I knew he had to have ducked in there, he didn't answer when I knocked. Perhaps he had taken a "shortcut" out? Or was just too lazy to answer the door. After admiring a painting of a bone I went into Papyrus' room.
I tried not to feel nervous. I'd never been in another person's bedroom before, much less a boy's. …a man's? I didn't know how old Papyrus was, but there was no denying he was male. But he didn't seem like the type to do anything inappropriate. I hoped.
In order to take my mind off my worries I looked around. Papyrus had a rug on the floor that had a flame pattern all around the edge. He said looking at it always made his feet feel warmer. The footboard of his bed had an intricate carving of a horse on it, and he said he would like to own a horse if he ever got to live on the surface.
"I WOULD RIDE ACROSS THE OPEN PLAINS WITH THE SUN ON MY SKIN, AND THE WIND IN MY HAIR! BUT THAT'S JUST A DREAM, SO I STRADDLE THE SADDLE WHILE I SLUMBER!"
A table against the wall had many small statues placed upon it. Papyrus called them his "action figures", and used them for "envisioning theoretical battle scenarios." I had to wonder if he just played with them, like I'd seen boys play with tin soldiers.
He had a Jolly Roger flag nailed to his wall. He said his friend Undyne had found it, and theorized that humans were descended from skeletons. I had to wonder if this was the same Undyne I'd heard people talking about around town. The head of the Royal Guard…
In the corner was a desk with yet another new contraption that Papyrus called his "crystoputer". Apparently it was like a cross between the CV set and the c-phone, letting people connect to one another through a screen and a board of buttons labeled with numbers and letters. Next to the button board was an oblong shape connected to the crystoputer with a cord. It reminded me of contraptions I'd read about that existed before The Blackout called a "computer", a "keyboard" and a "mouse". However, I had never seen such things for myself.
He sat in a chair before the desk and showed me his "social network page," using the keyboard to type words onto the screen and the mouse to move an arrow on the screen and manipulate certain icons. He boasted that he was only eight people away from a double-digit "follower count." On the screen, I could see that he had only two. He also bemoaned the fact that a "troll" had besieged his account, barraging him with bad puns. I wondered if trolls, like from the fairy tales, lived down here. If so, they didn't seem very nice. When I asked him how the crystoputer was made and how it worked, he said he didn't know the technical details. It was another mystery I'd have to leave, for now.
Next to the crystoputer was a bookshelf packed with books. They were mostly reference materials for advanced puzzle construction, but also...
" …children's books?" They looked old, and very well-read. I looked at Papyrus, who seemed embarrassed.
"YES, WELL… YOU SEE… WHEN MY BROTHER READS THEM TO ME, IT HELPS ME TO SLEEP MORE RESTFULLY."
I was surprised, but I sympathized. "Do you have nightmares, too?"
Papyrus seemed equally surprised. "YES! WELL, SORT OF…" He looked like he was considering something, then came to a decision. "HUMAN FRISK! SINCE WE ARE FRIENDS, MAY I CONFIDE IN YOU? BUT YOU MUST PROMISE ME THAT WHAT I WISH TO TELL YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE THIS ROOM!"
I nodded firmly. "Nobody will ever hear it from me, I promise."
"THANK YOU, HUMAN FRISK." He sat on his bed and I pulled the desk chair closer so I could face him properly. He took a deep breath and exhaled. Clearly, this was difficult for him to talk about, but I waited patiently. He'd tell me when he was ready, and not a second sooner.
He started by telling me that he and his brother used to live in the capital, when they were younger. Sans used to be an apprentice alchemist, always working on one project or another with other alchemists. Then one day, while working in some place called "the core," there was an incident that sent Sans and many others to the hospital. While waiting for his brother recover, that was when it started.
It was just a feeling, but it was a strong one. Something was missing, something incredibly important. But no matter how hard he looked for where it might have gone, he couldn't find it. He was told it was just because his brother wasn't home, and for a while he believed it. But even after Sans was released from the hospital the feeling didn't go away. He was always looking toward the door, expecting someone else to come through, waiting for someone else to return home.
But nobody came. He would lay awake at night, weeping and feeling abandoned, until his brother came into his room and calmed him.
"THE ONLY THING THAT HELPED ME TO SLEEP DURING THIS TROUBLED TIME WERE THE BEDTIME STORIES." He finally smiled for the first time in a while. "THEY REMINDED ME THAT I WILL NEVER BE TRULY ALONE, SO LONG AS I HAVE MY BROTHER!" He blushed a little bit. "THESE DAYS, IT'S JUST SOMETHING OF A TRADITION FOR US! ALTHOUGH IT'S SOMEWHAT EMBARRASSING TO ADMIT."
I couldn't help but smile. "It's nice, how you two are so close."
"I THINK IT IS, AS WELL! I JUST WISH HE'D LOOK AFTER HIMSELF A LITTLE BETTER… I KNOW I SCOLD HIM A LOT, BUT I JUST WORRY. WHATEVER WOULD THAT LAZYBONES DO WITHOUT ME?"
"Hopefully, you two will never have to find out." Papyrus agreed. With the room fully inspected I realized that I hadn't gotten a good sketch of him in my journal, yet. When I asked if he would pose for a portrait he was more than happy to oblige, striking his dramatic pose for me while I sat in the chair and logged him. When I showed him what I'd drawn, he seemed pleased.
Once I was done we moved to the middle of the room and started our date. Oddly enough, it was not unlike a fight, with our surroundings darkening and my soul floating in front of me. But Papyrus proved it to be very different.
He had borrowed a book of dating guidelines from the library, promising we'd have a "great time." For step one, he had me bring up the "dating interaction display", which surrounded us in a manner different from a normal fight. Papyrus said he felt informed, but I was just confused by all the unnecessary and useless information. I didn't understand what was going on, and I still didn't know what this date was supposed to be!
For step two, he "asked me out" by saying he'd go out with me. I accepted, even though I thought were already on the date. It seemed a little superfluous, but since I didn't know what was going on I just went along with it. Papyrus still seemed surprised, and even blushed as he went "WOWIE!" Step three was "put on nice clothes, to show you care."
His eyes narrowed in suspicion. The display emptied, and the tension was rising. " … WAIT A SECOND. THAT BANDANNA… YOU'RE WEARING CLOTHING RIGHT NOW! EARLIER TODAY, AS WELL!" He blushed again. "NO… COULD IT BE? YOU WERE PLANNING TO DATE ME FROM THE VERY BEGINNING!?" I hadn't, but I didn't want to disappoint him so I said "yes." His shocked face priceless. *This is starting to get interesting…
"NO! YOU PLANNED IT ALL! YOU'RE FAR BETTER AT DATING THAN I AM!" The dating display emptied, and a blue bar saying "Dating Power" appeared. It filled halfway before stopping. He was sweating and off-balance, but soon countered.
"NYEH… NYEH HEH HEH! YOU HAVEN'T BESTED ME YET, HUMAN FRISK! I CAN EASILY KEEP UP WITH YOU! FOR YOU SEE I, TOO, CAN WEAR CLOTHING! IN FACT, I ALWAYS WEAR MY 'SPECIAL' CLOTHES UNDER MY REGULAR CLOTHES, IN THE EVENT THAT SOMEONE MAY ASK ME OUT! BEHOLD!" He spun in a circle, faster and faster, the tails of his scarf whipping behind him until all I saw was a forest green tornado. When he stopped his outfit was completely different! My jaw dropped.
"WELL, HUMAN FRISK? WHAT DO YOU THINK? UNDYNE FOUND THIS THE SAME DAY AS THAT FLAG!"
I clapped my hands together. "I love it! You look just like a pirate captain from an illustrated novel!"
He was blushing again. "A GENUINE COMPLIMENT…!?" My Dating Power rose again, nearly filling the bar completely, but not quite. Then fell a little as Papyrus spoke again. "NO… BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE HIDDEN POWER OF MY OUTFIT, YOUR STATEMENT IS INVALID! WE CAN PROCEED NO FURTHER UNTIL YOU FIND THAT SECRET!"
I held his hand to try and admire the embroidery on the cuff of his sleeve, but he thought I was doing it just to make him tell me the secret. He turned his blushing face away from me in order to resist the temptation. I let go of his hand and pointed to his hat.
"MY HAT…?" He turned back to face me and I nodded. "MY HAT! W-WELL, THEN, YOU'VE FOUND MY SECRET!" He whipped it off with a flourish, revealing a wrapped box on his head. "IT'S A PRESENT! F-FOR YOU!" He bowed, the gift falling off his head and landing in my hands. When I opened it, it was a plate of spaghetti. But not just any plain old pasta…
"THIS IS AN ARTISAN'S WORK! SILKEN SPAGHETTI, FINELY AGED IN AN OAKEN CASK, THEN COOKED BY MASTER CHEF PAPYRUS! HUMAN FRISK, IT'S TIME TO END THIS!" I wound up a small bite on the fork that came with the spaghetti and ate it. My face reflexively scrunched up. The taste was… indescribable. Papyrus, at least, seemed pleased.
"WHAT A PASSIONATE EXPRESSION! YOU MUST REALLY LOVE MY COOKING, AND BY EXTENSION ME! MAYBE EVEN MORE THAN I DO!" He let out a cry as my Dating Power broke the boundaries of its bar, and the date ended.
"I SEE NOW, HUMAN FRISK. IT'S CLEAR THAT YOU'RE MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME. EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE, EVERYTHING YOU'VE SAID WAS ALL FOR MY SAKE." While he was right about everything being for his sake I wasn't in love with anyone, but I didn't want to tell him that. "HUMAN FRISK, I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, TOO, SO I MUST TELL YOU MY TRUE FEELINGS."
Silence. Papyrus was hesitating, breaking out into a bit of a sweat and pulling on his collar, asking if it was hot in the room. He looked worried about something, but I said nothing, trying to smile encouragingly. I was genuinely interested in hearing what he thought about me.
He finally let out a deep sigh, and looked regretful. "I'M SORRY. I SIMPLY CANNOT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU. I TRIED VERY HARD TO, TRULY! I THOUGHT THAT, SINCE YOU FLIRTED WITH ME, I HAD TO TAKE OUT ON A DATE. I THOUGHT PERHAPS FEELINGS WOULD BLOSSOM FORTH, AND THAT I WOULD BE ABLE TO MATCH YOUR PASSION FOR ME! HOWEVER… I HAVE FAILED. ALL I HAVE DONE IS DRAW YOU DEEPER INTO YOUR INTENSE LOVE FOR ME WHILE I FEEL THE SAME AS I EVER DID." He covered his eyes with one hand while the other went over his chest. He lamented like someone from a melodrama, throwing his head back and shouting it to the sky. "WOE IS ME! HOW COULD I HAVE DONE THIS TO MY DEAR FRIEND? WHY COULD I NOT CONTROL MY OWN CHARISMA? THEN, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN SPARED FROM THE PRISON OF YOUR PASSION!"
It was hard not to laugh. It really was. When I was sure I had my expression and voice under control, I just smiled and said, "It's alright, Papyrus, I understand. Thank you for the date. I had fun!"
He smiled. "AS DID I! I JUST WISH I HADN'T… FAILED…" His smiled faded into a frown, which then morphed into a look of determination. "NO! THIS IS WRONG! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS! I CANNOT FAIL, NOR LEAVE YOU BEREFT OF LOVE! HUMAN FRISK, I WILL HELP YOU THROUGH THESE TROUBLED TIMES! I WILL REMAIN YOUR COOL FRIEND AND PRETEND THIS DATE NEVER HAPPENED. YOU ARE VERY GREAT, AND LOSING YOUR FRIENDSHIP WOULD BE TRAGIC. BUT I WILL HELP YOU TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH! I CANNOT GUARANTEE THEY'LL BE AS GREAT AS ME, BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THEY'LL AT LEAST BE SECOND BEST!" He laughed, and I finally let myself laugh, too.
"Thank you, Papyrus! That means a lot to me. You're a good friend."
"I KNOW! OH, AND BEFORE I FORGET, HERE IS MY C-PHONE NUMBER. FEEL FREE TO CALL ME ANY TIME! PLATONICALLY, OF COURSE."
And so that was it. I left Papyrus' room so he could change back into his regular clothes. I tried knocking on Sans' door again, to see if he'd heard any of what had happened and see what he thought. But there was still no answer.
*That's a shame. I wanted to know if he thought that was funny, too. And I still don't know what that date was supposed to accomplish…