II. Christmas Spirits

Christmas 2006

Elizabeth walked through the subdued city, noting the distinct lack of people wandering the corridors. Many were still recovering from the party, and Elizabeth had approved the day off for all non-essential personnel. Not having slept herself, Elizabeth was really beginning to wish she qualified for the break, but thanks to Rodney's latest antics, it just wasn't going to happen.

"Radek's recovering well. I should be releasing him tonight." Carson walked beside her, his hands clasped behind his back. He too looked weary, and Elizabeth wondered just how many people didn't get to sleep last night.

"Good. And Rodney?"

"He's having some nasty headaches, but I don't know what's causing 'em."

"Think it's related to recent events?"

"I wouldn't rule it out, but there's no way of knowing right now."

They arrived at her office, having to push their way through mistletoe and tinsel to take their seats. "Is there any possibility that this isn't Rodney or he's under some kind of control?"

"DNA tests match, he's not a replicator at the very least, but that doesn't rule out some kind of mind control or something else we have yet to encounter."

"And you, what do you think, Carson?"
Carson placed his mug on her table, examining her room as though it would provide him with the answers. Finally he drew a deep breath and said, "I don't know, Elizabeth. He's a bit too quiet and subdued for the Rodney I know. Something about him is definitely different. Although his team is hesitant to admit it, they've all noticed a few small differences. Then there's the whole shooting Radek business…But Colonel Sheppard is convinced it's Rodney and he knows him better than any of us."

"So what else could we be looking at?"

"Well, he could be telling the truth and for some unknown reason we can't activate the device or something bad will happen."

"Worse than the death of thousands?"

"Rodney seems to think so."

Elizabeth leaned back, biting down on her pencil. She had studied many political theorists in her time, but none had considered situations as bizarre as Pegasus had to offer. She was indeed a pioneer in the vast galaxy, with little choice but to make it up as she moved along.

"I want to trust him."

"Aye. We all do."

"According to Miko we have only ten hours to sort this out. I think I'll go down and see how Rodney is doing myself. See if I can't get him to see our side of things."

She caught Carson's glance…the mollycoddling one…the one he got right before admonishing her. Bracing herself, she decided not to interrupt and just let him say it. He was going to eventually anyway.

"You should rest, Elizabeth."

"I will." Though they both knew it was a lie, Carson didn't press further.

….

Rodney was face up on his cot when Elizabeth made her appearance. She was sure the bed wasn't part of the brig's normal décor, but she had a good guess how it had come to be there. Come hell or high water, Sheppard's team was firmly rooted in friendship and support. It was part of why she had had to order the Marines on duty to make sure his team didn't just stay with Rodney in the brig, because she knew they would. Even if it undermined the entire reason he was there in the first place. A one-hour Christmas was one thing…a sleepover was entirely different.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up." Rodney turned to his side. Creases of pain aligned his features, but he wore a half-smile nonetheless.

"How are you doing, Rodney?"

"Me? Oh…Fine I suppose. Accommodations could use a little work, but I'm not complaining."

"Not complaining? You? If you're trying to convince me you're not some crazed alien, that's probably not the best way to start."

Rodney shrugged. "It's me. I know, I know, I've toned up over the last few years, but the change shouldn't be so much that you can't tell me from some strange blood-sucking creature or whatever it is you think I am."

Elizabeth laughed despite herself. The Rodney spark, per se, was definitely still there.

"Rodney, I…"

"As I told Sheppard, I can't say. Just because it's you asking the questions doesn't mean the answers going to change."

"What makes you think I was going to ask that?"

"Well you were, weren't you?"

Elizabeth tipped her head in defeat. "Okay, yes, I was. But you have to understand the position I'm in here."

It hurt her to watch him like this, through a set of bars and a hidden force field. But what else could she do?

"We're just worried about you."

"Yes, I gathered that much. Look, I'm glad you stopped by and I appreciate your concern, but really, just…I'd rather just be alone right now if it's all the same to you."

He locked stares with her, fighting her in a silent battle of wills. When neither dropped their eyes, he whispered, "Please, just go."

Packed snow gave way to thick black boots. Rodney huddled into his jacket, breathing in the frozen air. Embracing the dream, he stepped forward, listening to a nearby jazz band play 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas'.

"I know how hard this is for you." Teyla was wrapped in a white coat and scarf, walking beside him, though he was sure she hadn't been there a second ago.

"Yes, well, I don't exactly have much choice, now do I?"

"No. No you don't."

Laughter sang above the music. Rodney turned to see Madison rolling the snow into a giant ball with the help of his sister. "Come and play, uncle!"

She looked so joyful, but all he could see was flashes of the culling beam sweeping her away. Had she died before he left? Her life sucked from her body by monsters? Or had she been cocooned, left to wait for her own demise. He closed his eyes, willing the tears away.

"We'll both join you," Teyla offered, gently pushing Rodney in the right direction.

He was never much for building snowmen or anything else holidayish. It wasn't that he wanted to be a Scrooge, he just didn't see the point. But the simple presence of his niece, sister, and friend were encouragement enough for him to lean down and start rolling the snow.

"So where's John and Carson and…"

Teyla flinched. Had Rodney not been watching her, he probably wouldn't have seen the subtle movement.

"What? What is it?"

"John and the others are here with us. Carson…It does not matter, Rodney. If you change the past none of it will matter."

Rodney's stomach shifted. Before he could form his next words, Madison tugged on his jacket. "Think this is big enough?"

The snowball was at least as tall as the four-year-old. Forcing a smile, Rodney nodded. "It's…um…good, I suppose." Even in his dreams he just wasn't good with children.

Madison tugged on his jacket again. "Come on, we have to build the middle before the snow melts!"

"Have you seen the flakes falling? The snows not going to just disappear."

He caught his sister's admonishing glare.

"What? Oh fine." He reached down, packing snow in his fist and then handed it to Madison for rolling. "Go…go do your thing."

Teyla's hand pressed onto his shoulder, passing warmth and hope all in her gentle embrace. How could one hand do that?

"You are a strong man, Rodney. Don't forget that."

"Yeah, what she said." John grinned (when had he arrived?), grabbing Madison in his arms. She giggled when he turned her over. "Just don't let it inflate your ego or anything."

Rodney allowed himself to fall onto the snow, pressed down by a sudden burst of emotional pain. Before he knew he was going to say them, words had escaped from his lips. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"Well, that's a first. What are you going on about?"

"I killed you. I should have known. I should have… I'm sorry."

Teyla sat down beside him, her hand still on his shoulder. John came, taking a seat opposite.

"You can't honestly believe this was your fault."

"I should have been able to stop it! Or I should have died fighting for Atlantis. I should have…"

"You are too hard on yourself, Rodney."

He didn't try answering because he had no reply. Just because they didn't understand didn't mean that he was wrong. Now the tears really were falling down, a few landing on the white pasture below.

Teyla reached over, drawing him into a hug. "You are fixing things now and that is all that will matter. Be strong, Rodney, draw your strength from us and all will be well."

Shivering, Rodney pushed away from her. "I'm about to murder thousands."

"No, the Wraith are." John crushed snow within his hand. "But you'll be saving billions."

"We have to finish the snowman!" Madison cried, pushing on Rodney's back in a fruitless attempt to get him to move.

When he could no longer ignore her, and since he was secretly glad for her distraction, Rodney came to his feet. Carried by her joy, he found himself smiling. There was so much warmth here, it was hard to remain sad.

The jazz band started a soft hymn similar to the one his sister had played before. Rodney listened, finding joy in its tune, and then walked toward their piles of snow.

They finished the snowman with Rodney lifting Madison into the air so she could affix the carrot nose. "Thank you," she said when he placed her down. He smiled down at her, his heart suddenly light.

"Just remember, Rodney, uh…, you know, we're here with you, and all," John whispered.

The snow blurred together until it was gone. Rodney huddled into his blanket, keeping his eyes closed, trying to hold to the scene for just a moment longer.

Despite blurry vision, Radek worked on his laptop, recalling what schematics he could. His head pounded and he felt queasy, but most of all he was confused. What had Rodney been thinking? Locking them out of the computers and then shooting him? Was he so arrogant that he thought only he could understand the problem? No…Rodney had always trusted him before. Trusted while berating, yes, but trusted nevertheless.

The cute blond nurse, the one Rodney had a crush on, came and checked Radek's IV for the third time that morning. "How are you feeling, Dr. Zelenka?"

Scowling, Radek looked up at her. "Terrible. How do you think I should feel right now?"

"I'm sorry to hear that. I'll have Dr. Beckett come and see if he can help. In the meantime, can I get you anything?"

"You may get me large brick with which I can pound Rodney's head into the wall."

"Juice it is," Cindy replied, disappearing behind the curtain.

"May I disturb you?" a small voice squeaked.

Radek turned to the source, waving Miko into the room. "How are things in the lab?"

Miko removed some magazines from the adjacent chair then sat down, her hands rubbing together. "There is nothing wrong with the device. I know that Dr. McKay is a wise and intelligent man, but…I can find nothing."

"No. And there is nothing on this end either."

Miko kept her eyes down, staring intently at her Atlantis uniform. "They are keeping him in the brig," she whispered.

"I have heard this. Perhaps we should pay him a visit." Zelenka was not blind. He knew Miko cared for Rodney, though she would never say it aloud. She was worried, and the truth was that he was worried as well.

"Dr. Beckett has not released you. You should remain in bed until he does so."

"Smart lass. You should listen to her, Radek." Carson entered the curtained enclosure, his hands lost within his white coat.

"It would just be for a moment. You could come with us if it would make you feel better."

"Go where? Sorry, only caught the last bit of the conversation."

"To visit Dr. McKay," Miko cut in, the prospect of being allowed to do so making her face bright.

Carson examined both of them with a scrupulous gaze. At last he nodded. "I suppose it couldn't hurt too badly. I'll have Cindy bring a chair. In the meanwhile, let's see what we can do about your headache."

A blanket draped across his lap, Radek allowed Beckett to push his chair the entire way. The Marine on duty silently opened the door, revealing Rodney sprawled on a cot, his head lying on both of his arms. His eyes were open, staring up at the ceiling. If he noticed them come in, he didn't bother showing it.

"Rodney," Radek said, his voice in stereo with Carson's.

Rodney glanced up at them, kicked his feet off the bed, but said nothing. It was creepy. Silent McKay was just…unsettling.

"I have brought you a crane," Miko stated boldly, a small blue object in her hand. "It…It is supposed to bring you good happiness. Merry Christmas, McKay-sensei"

"Oh, um, thanks. I…uh, Merry Christmas."

Radek stopped himself from laughing at Rodney's clear unease. He could see, however, that his boss was touched by the sentiment, even if he was trying to hide it.

"How are you feeling, Rodney?" Carson stepped toward the bars, watching the prisoner carefully.

"Better. The headaches are subsiding thanks to your voodoo magic. You come here for a reason?"

"Is it so wrong if we just wish to say hi?" Radek asked. His headaches had yet to subside, and it took all his effort not to rub his temple. He wasn't sure why Rodney had shot him, but the last thing either of them needed was to dwell on the fact. Or at least he suspected that was the case.

"No…no, say hi all you want. I'd, um, draw you up some chairs, but as you can see…"

"Forgive me, Dr. McKay, but if only you would tell us what to look for with the device."

"Dr. Kusunagi, I appreciate your visit but we are not talking about this. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Dr. McKay."

Behind her wide glasses, Miko's eyes fell.

Pushing past his pain, Radek glared at Rodney. "You are an impossible man! How can you expect us to help you if you don't even tell us what the trouble is?"

"Because I don't want you to help me, Radek. I don't want you to get through my codes, I don't want you to turn on the device, and I don't want you to know why either. Even if I had a choice in telling you what was happening, I wouldn't because I'm the only one who's going to be responsible for those lives. Me, you got it?"

Rodney stopped, turning his back to them, his head held in his hands. He breathed deep enough that Radek could hear him. Radek knew his friend well enough to know that Rodney was surprised by his own outburst, if not embarrassed.

"You do not make any sense, my friend."

"Get out, Radek. All of you, go away."

"Rodney," Carson interjected, "you can't push us away forever."

"I said leave. Don't make me ask the guards to force you."

Miko was close to tears. Carson swung his hands in the air in defeat. Radek's finger ground into the arm of his chair.

"Fine. You wish to remain pigheaded, that is your choice."

He moved to push his own wheels, but Carson grabbed hold of his handles and began to push. Miko left the small crane on a stool, asking the guard to hand it to Rodney. Silently, they left their friend to his own company.

…

John, Teyla, and Ronon had not slept nor were any of them planning on it. Ronon, tired of the Christmas carols, had torn John's speaker off his wall, before John could point out the 'mute' button. Shrugging, Ronon took a seat. "It worked," he muttered.

Rubbing his eyes, John stifled a yawn, only for it to sneak up on him a moment later. Teyla and Ronon followed suit despite their own efforts.

"Five hours left. I should check on Rodney."

"We will come with you." Teyla jumped from her seat as if she had been waiting for her cue for a while.

"No. Wait here and keep looking for…something we can use."

"Very well." Teyla nodded her head in acceptance, but he could see her disappointment. She wasn't any more comfortable with having Rodney in confinement than Sheppard was.

He spent the journey toward the brig trying to find a way to make sure this conversation wasn't just an echo of the previous ones. Five hours wasn't much, and Rodney was more stubborn than the toughest of drill sergeants.

Rodney didn't move when John entered. He had placed his cot just far enough from the bars that he could sit on it backwards with his back facing the front.

John stood there for a few moments, his hands buried in his pockets. He remembered his own times in prison, shortly after that whole Afghanistan incident. He had done what was right, but no one around him understood that. Was this the same?

"Hey."

"Go away."

"Now is that any way to greet a friend?"

"I'm sorry, what part of 'go away' can your limited intellect not understand?"

For the first time in a long while, Rodney actually looked rested. There were still lines of pain on his face, but there were no dark circles or droopy eyes. Apparently, tossing him in the brig was one way to get the great McKay to sleep.

"Time's running out, Rodney. In five hours, the hiveship will descend on our new allies and cull them."

"It's Pegasus, Colonel. Cullings are a way of life, or haven't you noticed?"

John opened the door, motioning for the Marine to close it behind him. Rodney took a step back at the motion, his chin held high.

"What are you doing?"

"Just paying you a visit. Geez, will you calm down already?"

Easing onto the bench, John stared hard at his friend. "We could save them, Rodney."

"The cost is too high."

"What cost?"

"I thought I told you to go away."

John could see his watch, the seconds counting themselves closer and closer to the end. He moved his wrist from view, ignoring the black band and the watch. "If it were anyone else, do you know what we'd be willing to do to get this information? Hell, do you know what Stargate Command is going to do when they find out you're keeping research on how to charge ZPMs locked away? One way or another, you're going to have to talk."

"If I were someone else, you'd what, torture me?"

"The Rodney I know wouldn't willingly sit back and let people die. Not without good reason."

"Then trust I have a good reason."

"I do."

Rodney whisked around, his blue eyes wide. "What did you say?"

"If it's really you, which I'm inclined to think it is, and if you're willing to just sit here and allow this to happen, I have to trust that there is some logic…something that you won't share for whatever reason."

Rodney began tapping his fingers on the bed, a gleam forming in his expression. "So now what?"

"I don't know, but we'll figure this out."

John motioned for the guard to open the door. Turning one last time to Rodney, he said nothing.

…

John passed the commissary on his way to Elizabeth's office, braving the madness to grab an apple. The cooks and some of the other expedition members were busy setting up for the Christmas feast. John had a sinking suspicion he wasn't going to be hungry.

"Rodney underestimated us." Elizabeth pushed her paperwork aside only for John to kick his feet on her desk. She glared at him, but said nothing, instead exchanging exasperated eye rolls with Teyla.

"How so?" Ronon asked.

"Radek and Miko believe they've managed to recoup enough of the data to activate the device. They're running simulations as we speak."

John felt a shiver travel down his spine. "How soon?"

"Three hours."

"Are we going to ignore Rodney's doubts then?" Teyla straightened her back, and John could see his own unhappiness reflected in her eyes.

"I'm not sure, Teyla. That's part of why I called you here. What do you think of the situation?"

John knew it was his turn to talk. Lifting his feet away from the desk, he began, "I say we trust Rodney. I can see the fear in his eyes, Elizabeth, whatever it is that he knows…"

"And there's the problem, isn't it, John? Whatever he knows. Why won't he tell us?"

"Must have his reasons." Ronon still held his Santa hat in his large hands, deliberately flicking the bell so it would ring. John rarely saw the Satedan nervous.

"Thousands of people could die. You're asking me to just allow that to happen."

"The Wraith are the ones killing them, not us. Elizabeth, I think you already know there is only one decision we can make here. I for one am willing to trust Rodney and I know you are, too. So why are we standing here pretending like we haven't made a decision yet?"

"We still have four hours, John. Let's not give up on Rodney or the villagers yet."

A quiet chirp from Elizabeth's headset cut off any reply. John hated one-sided conversations, and watching Elizabeth's eyes widen wasn't helping. "What is it?" he asked only for her to hold up a hand, silencing him.

"Are you sure Radek? Alright, standby."

Clicking off her headset, Elizabeth jumped to her feet. "Rodney apparently sabotaged the long range sensors. We don't have four hours."

"How long?"

"To set up the device and hope for enough time to save the villagers? Just under one hour."

"Sabotage, locking us out of research, shooting Zelenka…Sure doesn't sound like Rodney to me, Colonel."

…

Rodney had spent the last year a prisoner of his mind, so didn't find it surprising that the brig wasn't as claustrophobic as he thought it would be. He didn't mind the lack of work, or people, or freedom. It was just another way of existing and if he had to, he'd spend his whole life in prison to save the others.

"Hi, Rodney."

He turned to see Elizabeth gazing at him with a stern expression. "Did you honestly think we wouldn't find out?"

She motioned to the guard to open the cell door. She walked through, not once losing eye contact. Behind her, Ronon stepped forward, scowling menacingly.

"Answer me, Rodney or whoever you are. Did you really think we were so stupid we wouldn't notice…?"

Backing toward his wall, and instead falling onto his bed, Rodney's eyes grew wide. "I don't know what you're talking about?"

"No? Sabotaging our long-range sensors, despite the risk to Atlantis, ring a bell? What were you thinking?"

"Ah. Uh…" It was harder to remain strong with Ronon glaring at him. No, on the opposite end of Ronon's ferocity was just not a wise place to be. Not that Ronon would hurt him. They were teammates and… "I don't know what you want me to say, Elizabeth. Um, surprise?"

"Rodney!"

"Look, I told you already, the device is dangerous. I was hoping to buy us more time or… If only Radek hadn't walked in, I could have kept you from realizing any of this was happening, you realize that? But oh no…"

Elizabeth straightened her shirt, and began circling the cell. "I want to know what is happening here. Now."

"I can't do that."

"Why not!"

"I…I can't." Rodney could see the imaginary smoke fuming from Elizabeth's head. He'd seen her mad before but…

"Why not?" Ronon came closer, leering.

Rodney was sure he had stopped breathing. Oh this was so not good. And the fact that his head was beginning to hurt again really wasn't helping matters. Realizing his colleagues were still waiting on an answer, Rodney mumbled, "I can't answer that either. You just have to trust me."

"And yet you've given us every reason not to trust you!" Elizabeth made no movement to call Ronon off. Instead, she came to Rodney's other side, fury burning in her eyes. "The Rodney I know would trust us enough to tell us what was happening. The Rodney I know wouldn't just sit here and allow thousands to die without a good reason."

"Then trust that I have a good reason!"

"I don't even trust that you're you!"

"I am."

"So you say," Ronon mumbled.

Elizabeth circled again, before coming to a stop at Ronon's side. "What if I told you that Radek managed to make it through your codes? What if I said that we still had twenty minutes to complete our work and that Radek and Miko were working on it right now?"

It took a moment for her words to process. His eyes wide, he forced the lump down his throat, managing a simple 'no' that was barely a whisper.

"We'll barely make it in time to activate the shield, but Radek is confident…"

"NO!" Rodney was on the verge of hyperventilating. Stars formed before his eyes. He'd come so far…He was so close. "You can't. God, Elizabeth, listen to me. Please, if you've ever trusted me, this is the time I need it the most. Please. Please. Shut it down. There may still be time if you shove it through the Stargate and…"

"You didn't give us a choice, Rodney. You asked us to allow thousands to die!" Elizabeth stepped forward, closing in on him, staring at him with a leader's eyes. All he could see was her death. Everyone dead. Atlantis gone.

"You have to stop it. Please. You're going to kill us all…" Rodney sank down on the bed, his head buried within his hands. He prayed to Teyla and John, Jeannie and Madison, begging that if they were there, that they'd stop this. To fix things where he had failed again. "No…" He turned to the Satedan and clicked his fingers. "Ronon. Ronon, you can stop this. Listen to me, go to Zelenka and tell him"

Elizabeth cut him off. "Tell us what is happening, Rodney. You can still stop this."

The dead flashed through his mind. So many familiar faces. Billions. Billions! "You have no idea what you're doing, Elizabeth. Believe me, if you did, you wouldn't dream of activating—"

Ronon's hand clasped onto his shirt, lifting him into the air. He tried to wiggle free, but Ronon's grasp was strong. "What are you doing? Let go of me."

"Answer her question."

He kicked with his feet, but it only made the position that much more awkward and painful. "What are you, crazy? I'm your teammate, remember? Your buddy; your friend…"

"Answer her."

Elizabeth stepped forward, her tone lighter. "You have to understand there is a lot at stake here. Tell me why we shouldn't activate the device or we will. It's that simple."

Rodney didn't know how time travel worked. He just knew the rules. The Asgard had warned him to say nothing, but what if he defied them? Would the future be lost? Was the future lost anyway?

"I…I…"

"Be strong, Rodney." Ascended Teyla's voice was like the wind, sending a warm embrace all around him. "You must be strong."

"Go on," Elizabeth prodded.

Rodney could still feel Teyla and the others around him, supporting him. Though he still didn't understand, he knew what they were telling them. He knew he couldn't speak. He tried to wiggle free from Ronon's grasp. "I said let go. We both know you're not going to hurt me and I'm not about to be intimidated into destroying everything."

He braced himself, not at all sure that Ronon wouldn't hit him. If his teammate didn't recognize him…didn't think he was Rodney…Oh, he could be so screwed.

A moment passed, Ronon's ferocious eyes staring into his. Rodney tried to stare back, but the pounding in his head was intense—mind-numbingly intense. The Asgard had warned that his body would have to adjust to the time change, but this was ridiculous.

He had closed his eyes, clenching them tightly shut, without realizing it. He felt Ronon release him, and Rodney sank down to his bed, his head falling onto open palms.

"You okay?"

"No I am not okay! Do you realize what you are doing?"

Elizabeth pressed her hand to his back, her voice much softer. "What do you mean, destroy everything? It's a ZPM charger, how much damage can it do?"

"Hello, we are in Pegasus, or have you forgotten? Stubbing your toe could probably inadvertently lead to killing a whole civilization just because this whole galaxy hates us." He rubbed at his neck and shoulders, wishing all of the pain would just go away.

"We are here with you." He felt another hand on his back, but knew it was neither Elizabeth's nor Ronon's. He doubted either of them could see it or its source.

"I'm sorry, Rodney. I wish things were different, but as they stand, I have no choice." Elizabeth nodded toward the guard to open the door, and Ronon turned to follow.

This was it. If he didn't stop her now…Rodney found himself lunging forward, reaching for Elizabeth's arm. Desperate to keep the conversation moving. To make her see just how important this was.

Firm hands grabbed him before he could make contact. Ronon twisted him around, holding his arm tight against his back. He'd seen moves like this in movies before, but had no idea how much it actually hurt. But it was nothing compared to the visions of dead friends that never ceased to haunt his mind. It was nothing to the torment of losing family and friends…Atlantis and Earth.

"You have to stop Radek! You can't do this."

Elizabeth turned, nodding at the guard to lower his P-90. "Why are you so afraid?"

"Why won't you listen?"

…

John was never much for waiting. Casually, he glanced through a magazine, but if someone had asked what it was about, he couldn't have told them. His mind was in the holding cell with Rodney, Elizabeth, and Ronon, and with the villagers, facing needless death. He shouldn't just be sitting around, and yet, that was exactly what Elizabeth had told him to do.

"Right now, I'm leaning toward trusting Rodney. However, I need to talk to him one more time, John. In the end, it's my decision."

John grabbed Elizabeth's arm, holding her back. "I told him that I believed him."

"Thousands of people, John. They deserve more from us...I just need to talk to him."

"With Ronon?"

The team crossed their arms, bunching together before her, but her expression said all too clearly, 'I will not budge'.

"Yes, John…with Ronon. It's just for intimidation."

"I won't hurt him," Ronon stated, and John silently cheered him on with a pat on the back.

"I'm not asking you to. But we do need to know."

John played the memory through his head more times then he wanted to think about. What was happening down there and what if things went wrong?

On the opposite end of the room, Teyla was praying. Why she still held to her traditions after everything she had learned about the Ancestors, he just couldn't understand, but it was part of what made her her and he respected that. Knowing not to interrupt during her meditations, John continued to stare at the pages without taking anything in.

He heard a child laugh just as he was turning to page twenty. At first, the sound passed by him as nothing new, until he realized he was in Atlantis and not in a village. There shouldn't be children here. He looked up to see the eyes of a child staring into his own. She smiled brightly, her blond ponytails brushing against his chin.

"Hello. Where did you come from?" John reached for his headset, careful not to startle the girl. Only his radio was gone.

He jumped to his feet, hearing something crunch beneath his boots. Looking down he saw layers of white snow, and now that he glanced at the girl, he could see her hair was becoming quickly covered in flakes.

"NO!" He heard a yell—Rodney's yell? A bright light blinded him as he heard the familiar whine of a culling beam. John tackled the kid to get her out of harm's way, but found himself going through her instead. When the light was gone, so was she.

"Rodney?" John bounced to his feet, crouching low. He saw his friend just feet away, wide blue eyes staring where the child had been.

"No…"

"Rodney?"

And then there was a second light, different from the first. An Asgard beam? In the briefest of moments, the beam swept Rodney away.

"Rodney!"

A third voice called to him, emanating from a white glow just meters before him. "I know my brother can be a pain, but you have to trust him."

"Jeannie?"

"Trust him, John. Just as you always have."

A vortex of black appeared in the evening sky, and the flakes began to disappear. "Help him!" Jeannie screamed, before her glow disappeared into the vast expanse.

Swirls of colors enveloped him, drowned him. Smoke rose from buildings and John could feel himself rising in the air overlooking the destruction. Screams bled together, lost in the fiery darkness.

"John!" He felt someone grab hold of him and start to shake, but it took a moment for his eyes to focus and his mind to catch up.

"Teyla?"

"You must have fallen asleep. I believe you were having a nightmare."

He was back on Atlantis, all signs of snow gone. But there was something in his mind now, something that had not been there before—it hadn't come directly from the dream either. Somehow he knew…Rodney was right.

When he went to tap his earpiece, he was relieved to find it was still there. "Elizabeth?"

The gate tech answered for her, stating she was in a meeting right now and couldn't be disturbed.

"Well, disturb her, this is important!"

"John?" Teyla moved with him as he grabbed his jacket and raced from his office. "What is happening? I thought Elizabeth was going to have the device destroyed, deciding to trust Rodney."

"Yeah, well, something tells me the conversation with Rodney didn't go so well."

…

Radek had his orders and he knew what had to be done. Elizabeth had sent him the signal just moments before and now there was no turning back. "Alright, on my order." Across the room, Miko's hand hovered above a button. When he said "now" she did not hesitate.

"Wait!" John's voice echoed down the hall. It was accompanied by a series of sparks and puffs of smoke, the lights in the corridor going dark before flickering back to life.

"Dammit!"

Radek coughed, covering his face from the destruction. Form the distance he could hear Miko do the same.

"If you changed your minds again, I'm afraid it's too late." Radek grabbed hold of Miko, guiding her out of the room and sealing the door. Around them, Atlantis alarms blared an eerie tune.

"I would have expected you of all people to trust Rodney! We better get to control, find out what the hell is going to happen now…"

"Colonel?"

"Radek?" John stared hard, but Radek refused to cringe despite John's anger.

"I believe you might be confused. We did not activate the device."

John's pale face turned red. Straightening himself against the wall he managed to mutter, "Oh."

"Dr. Weir had you destroy the device?" Teyla asked.

"Yes. If the device is half as bad as Rodney seems to think, we couldn't take the risk. I had thought she told you the plan?"

"She had." John kicked away from the wall, storming away from each of them.

"Oh." Radek shrugged his shoulders, sure he had just missed something important.

He gazed at Miko who was trembling softly. Her voice was almost that of a scared child's. "There is still someone there, right? Trying to help evacuate the villagers?"

Radek gulped, not feeling so good himself. "We're doing what we can. It's all we can do."

…

Rodney hadn't moved since Elizabeth and Ronon had departed. He stayed on the edge of his bed, head buried in the safety of his hands. He had stopped what tears that formed from actually falling, but the effort had left him shaking. Carson had shown up, and was currently taking his pulse.

"Are you okay, Rodney?"

"No."

"Headache?"

"No." It still pounded actually, but had subsided to bearable, and he didn't care. He was going to lose them again. Lose billions…

Carson moved Rodney's head to face forward, shinning a light in his eyes. Rodney cried out from the pain despite himself. "Ahhh, ow. Do you mind?"

"That's it, I'm having you sent back to the infirmary." Rodney felt Carson wrap a hand around his arm and then hoist him up. "You, open the door."

"Sir?"
Rodney's eyes were closed, but he could hear the Marine's apprehension. Not wanting to cause more trouble, he struggled away from Carson's grasp, sitting back against the mattress.

"Are you daft? I have no idea what's causing these headaches, but I can see they're causing you a great deal of pain." He reached down and lifted again. Rodney didn't have the energy to fight back, so he stood up, wondering how long it would take for events to repeat themselves. At least, this time, he would stay on Atlantis and fight, not allowing himself to get prematurely injured.

"I can't do that, Sir."

"Rodney!"

Rodney's eyes shot open, looking around for the bearer of the third voice. Beside the Marine, another soldier appeared. This one with spiked hair. "I know. I don't know how I know, but, I know."

Rodney pushed away from Carson, racing to the bars to stare at his friend. "How? There's—"

"Radek destroyed the device. It's not going to happen. None of it is going to happen."

Relief flooded him. Rodney breathed—really breathed—for the first time since the incident. He felt Carson at his side again, listening to John open the cell door.

"We should get him to the infirmary." Carson lifted up just as John grabbed Rodney's other arm. The pain enveloping his whole body now, Rodney felt himself go limp. He was only vaguely aware of John calling for a stretcher, or Elizabeth's sudden entrance. New arms grabbed hold of him, large and muscular. Ronon perhaps? And then he faded out, no longer aware.

…

He was back at Jeannie's house, but he had yet to find any sign of his sister. He glanced through various doors, called out her name, and even called her cell phone, but all to no avail.

He stared at the Christmas tree and the beautiful ornaments that adorned its branches. The time machine was there among the rest, glistening in the lights.

A small hand tugged on his shirt. Rodney looked down to see Madison biting down on her lower lip. She grabbed hold of his legs without saying a word.

"Where's your mother?" He knew this was a dream again and longed to see her. To understand…

"You'll find," Teyla said from beside him, "that many of the villagers will survive. Not all, but many."

"Oh. How…?

"Dreams can be prophetic. Enough to ensure some evacuations."

Rodney felt relief wash over him. He had no ill will toward those people, but billions over thousands…Scientifically speaking, he had made the sound choice. So why did he feel a different emptiness growing within him?

"Where's Jeannie?"

"She is…She made her choice."

Teyla's eyes carried the same expression she had worn when he asked about Carson. His stomach clenched tight, he found himself patting Madison's head.

"I have come to say goodbye, Rodney."

He glanced up at her, still not much for saying anything. He liked to talk, mostly because it was a large part of who he was, but for some reason, words just weren't coming to him. He opened his mouth, still searching for what to say, when Teyla stopped him.

"We are only echoes. As the timeline continues to fix itself, we will cease to exist. I just thought you might want to know that I'm sorry for everything you had to go through. For the decisions you had to make."

"Yes, well, um, thank you for, uh, being here, you know."

"You are welcome, Rodney." Teyla leaned forward in the traditional Athosian goodbye. Awkwardly, Rodney followed suit.

"Merry Christmas," he whispered.

"Merry Christmas."

…

Rodney woke up in the infirmary, knowing it was still Christmas only from the music emanating from the speakers. When he was finally released, Rodney decided, he was going to throttle whoever had decided Jingle Bells was worthy of playing fifty times in one day.

"How are you feeling?" Carson sat down, and Rodney was horrified to find that the doctor had his own Santa hat.

"Better."

The pain was gone. He wondered if it was the settling of the timeline that had cured him. He wished he could ask Carson.

"How are the villagers?"

Elizabeth cleared her throat, and Rodney now saw that he was surrounded by several of his good friends. "Many agreed to evacuate at the last minute. Something about prophets warning them in a dream. We managed to save hundreds before the Wraith showed up. The culling itself was not as bad as it could have been, but…" She allowed her sentence to drift as they all shared uneasy stares.

"I'm sorry you had to get dragged into this. I…I was supposed to be the only one to carry the guilt…"

"Yeah, well, next time just trust us more, okay?" John wiggled uncomfortable, trying to hide it by leaning further back.

"I couldn't tell you. I know you don't believe me, but I would have lost everything if I'd so much as hinted—"

"I know. It's the strangest thing, but I somehow know everything. And I think it has to do with your sister, but seeing as how she's not Ascended, I really have no idea. I'm still trying to figure out why an Ancient, because I'm sure it was at least that, was willing to risk everything to tell me, seeing as how Elizabeth had already made her decision. Guess they just wanted us to know the truth."

Rodney wasn't sure he was following this conversation anymore, but he could fill in the details later. Instead, he leaned back against the pillow and smiled at his family and friends that were back with him. He thought of Earth and the billions of lives he had just saved. He tried not to think of the villagers, but the thought was like a cancer swarming in his mind. It would take a long time for that pain to subside.

Carson once again gave him a clean bill of health. Only this time the headaches really were gone. Rodney didn't say much through the process. He just concentrated on the family that was around him, allowing it to fill the holes in his heart.

When Ronon appeared with a few trays of food, and Rodney didn't jump at the food right away, John passed him an incredulous stare. "Quiet and not eating? Are you sure you're not some strange bloodsucking monster?"

"Oh ha ha, Colonel." He reached over, tearing into a chicken leg. Before he had finished chewing, he was speaking again. "I'll have you know that I can be quiet at times."

"Since when?"

"I am perfectly capable of—" He spotted the glasses Ronon had brought with the trays. "Hand me a glass. All of you fill up. Come on."

Teyla shook her head at his abruptness, but they all did as he asked. 'Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas' began to play as he raised his glass high. "First of all, I realize that I put you all in a bad position. I'm sorry for that. What we did…well…it wasn't easy and…So I know it might seem inappropriate, but me being who I am, I'd like to propose a toast," he paused, soaking in their startled faces, "To life. To friendship and trust. To hope."

If they hadn't been convinced he was an alien imposter before, they sure thought it now. But he didn't care. He could feel himself coming back to life, learning to live again.

After a moment, John lifted his glass. "I'll drink to that."

THE END