MEMORIES

MA

My Ma always was a special lady. She had to be to put up with the things she's had to contend with in her life. Widowed at thirty-four and left alone with two young sons to raise on her own. It was rough. That's why even today I send her money each month to help her out. And I call her every Friday night just to talk to her. I know that she loves me. Everything she did when I was younger; she did out of love and in my own best interest, even though I didn't see it that way at the time.

Ma was the one who made our house a home. She never worked outside of the house until after Pop was killed. So when we were little, she was always there when I got home from school or from Nana Mary's house. I could always count on a glass of milk and a plate of freshly baked cookies waiting for me.

Rachel Starsky devoted her life to her husband and to her children. She was strict and so was Pop. They taught me and Nicky respect for our elders and to mind our manners from the time we could walk. I knew that she worried about us getting into trouble when we got older and getting messed up with one of the local gangs. She tried her best to make sure that didn't happen but with me that was a lesson that took some drastic measures to prevent.

Ma was the one who set most of the rules for me and Nicky. Where we could go. Who we could hang out with. What time we had to be home. And for the most part I followed them. Because I was the oldest, I was expected to set an example for my younger brother and to be more responsible. I had to watch him if Ma had to go to the store or if her and Pop had one of their rare nights out.

Sometimes I got jealous of Nicky. It seemed like he got more attention because he was the youngest. I knew that I was Pop's favorite but I often felt that Nicky was Ma's favorite. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized that Ma sometimes favored Nicky more because she almost died having him. The doctors told her she could never have any more children after that. She'd suffered four miscarriages after I was born and came close to losing Nicky more than once during her pregnancy. She had always wanted a big family and a lot of kids but she had to settle for just the two of us.

Ma was the one who was more strict about observing our faith than Pop was. She was the one who taught us the prayers and the traditions that went along with being Jewish. She was the one who took us to Temple on the holy days. She was the one who taught me to be proud of my heritage. She taught me to be proud of myself. And even though I don't practice my faith today the way Ma would like me to, I still know what I am. I am Jewish and I am proud of it.

Ma never had much and she sacrificed a lot for her family. But that was just her way. In Ma's eyes, her family came first. She taught me that loyalty to the family was the most important thing. Everything that Ma did, both before and after my Pop died, she did for her family. Ma's three older brothers lived in Florida and her sister lived in California so she didn't get to see them too often but they stayed in touch through letters and phone calls.

Ma was the one who made sure me and Nicky got to bed on time and then tucked us in and read us a bedtime story. She was the one who got us up in the mornings and made sure we had a big breakfast before we went to school. In our home, comfort food was the answer to everything from a scraped knee to a broken heart. Ma was a fantastic cook and I've yet to meet anyone who can cook my favorite foods the way she can. Although, my Aunt Rosie comes awful close. She's a great cook too and she knows all my favorite foods. She's also used to my weird eating habits. I can be satisfied with Root beer and cold pizza for breakfast. ( A habit that drives Ma totally insane.)

Ma is always on my case about settling down with some nice Jewish girl and starting a family. I know she'd like to be a grandma but I think she's starting to accept the fact that if that's going to happen, it's going to have to be Nicky who gives her the grandchildren. She understands even better than anyone how my job makes it hard to hold on to a relationship. It takes a pretty special lady to put up with being involved with a cop. That's why the divorce rate is so high among police officers. Our commitment and our marriage is to the job. It always comes first.

Ma was proud of me when I decided to become a cop but I knew that she was terrified too. She had already lost her husband to the job. She didn't want to lose me the same way. And she's come close to having that happen quite a few times but never as close as this last time. She came out to California after the shooting and stayed for almost six weeks to help take care of me after I got out of the hospital. I have to admit that even though I was an adult, it still felt good to have mom there helping to care for me. I don't think I'd be doing nearly as good as I am right now if it hadn't been for Ma and Hutch being there for me. They babied me, pampered me and gave me plenty of TLC. And I needed that just to survive and to be able to regain some control over my life again.

People look at my mom and see a nice, attractive lady but I'm here to tell you that she also has a backbone of pure steel and you don't want to cross her. She has a temper and a sharp tongue that can cut you to ribbons in a heartbeat. Pop had a bad temper too and so I guess I come by my own temper naturally. I tend to act first and think about the consequences later. That tends to get me into trouble sometimes but that's just the way I am. And Hutch is always telling me that I don't know when to keep my mouth shut. That tends to get me into trouble a lot too but Ma taught me not to let anyone push me around and I don't.

I can remember when I was ten-years-old and was having trouble with the neighborhood bully after school. When Ma found out, she went after the bully herself and then paid a little visit to his folks. I never had trouble with him again after that. Ma could be like a mama lioness protecting her cubs when it came to me and Nicky. It was just another way of expressing her love for her family. My Aunt Rosie is pretty much the same way.

When Ma lost Pop, she lost a big part of herself. They had been together since she was fifteen and she had built her life around Micheal Starsky and their life together. She has never remarried or even gone out with another man since he died. He was her one true love and she has preserved his memory for herself and for his sons. It wasn't easy for her after he died but she survived. And she did what she had to do to make sure that his sons survived too.

I guess you could say that my relationship with Ma is extremely close and yet complicated at the same time. It helped to shape me into the man I am today and gave me a firm set of values and beliefs to fall back on. She installed in me from an early age a sense of responsibility, a respect for myself and my family, pride in my heritage, and a zest for life. She gave me the foundation on which I have built my life and all of the things I have accomplished in my life, I owe to her and to her love. I am my mother's son and I'm proud of it.

8