MEMORIES
HELLO VIET NAM
Viet Nam that's where I was going to be shipped as soon as I finished basic training. And deep inside, I was terrified but I was determined not to let anyone else know just how scared I really was. Most of the other guys I was in basic training with were being shipped there too. And we all knew that some of us wouldn't be coming back home again except in a pine box.
I was only a few months short of my nineteenth birthday and I still felt like the kid that I was inside. But I was supposed to be an adult now, capable of taking care of myself but all I really wanted to do was run back home and let Aunt Rosie of Ma take care of me for just a little while longer.
I knew that I would end on the front lines. I had qualified as the best sharpshooter in my unit. Somehow using a gun just seemed to come naturally to me. I scored high in anything that had to do with physical activity. Basic training sucked but I adapted and learned to follow orders just like a good little solider should. The rigid routine and discipline helped to curb the lingering anger that still hung over me and gave me a way to channel it in more constructive ways.. But I knew that the real test would come when I got to Viet Nam.
I don't think about or talk about my time over there very much. The memories are too painful and I've pushed them deep inside of my mind behind a closed door that I keep securely locked. But the things I saw over there, the things I did, and the things that happened to me have all shaped the destiny that I now follow. So, to get a clear picture of who I am today, I have to share some of those experiences with you. I have to journey back to another world and another lifetime, one that I have tried my best to forget.
I thought that I suffered culture shock when I moved from New York to Bay City, but that was nothing compared to leaving the states and ending up in Viet Nam. Everything there was totally different. The people, the customs, the food, the weather, even the insects and the other animals. You quickly learned not to trust any of the locals, not if you wanted to stay alive. Even a child or young girl could be carrying a knife or a bomb and to them, you were the enemy. You were the one who was invading their land and trying to change their way of life.
My unit was sent out into the brush less than twenty-four hours after we set foot on foreign soil. Four men didn't come back from that first mission. One of them had been my best friend in basic training. He stepped on a hidden trip wire and was blown to pieces right in front of my eyes. I don't think I slept at all for the first week that I was there.
A lot of us got sick when we first arrived because of the water and the strange food. But we still had to do our jobs. We didn't have the luxury of taking time off because we were sick. And in time, our bodies adjusted but I would have sold my soul to the devil for a Big Mac and a large order of fries. If you've ever had K-rations then you know what I mean. I don't see how the army could possibly call that food.
As I said before, besides sniper attacks, hidden booby traps, trip wires, bombs, mortar shells and even friendly fire, you also had to watch out for snakes and other nasty little insects and bugs that could make you deathly sick if they bit you or stung you. I got bit a few times myself and almost lost my leg to one particularly nasty snake bite. As a matter of routine, we tended to kill every snake we saw in or near our camp, even the harmless ones. And the insects carried diseases like Typhoid fever, so an insect bite could be just as dangerous. It was easy for the bites to get infected too, they itched like hell and it seemed like my arms were always bleeding where I'd scratched at my most recent bites or stings. But, after awhile you got used to it and it became a matter of routine that you learned to ignore.
And it always seemed to be wet, damp or raining over there. And the humidity was enough to take your breath away. I always seemed to have trouble breathing when I was over there, a lot of the guys in my unit did. Everybody's feet got infected with a fungus similar to Athlete's foot from the dampness and it never really healed, not until we left that god forsaken place.
Sleep was another luxury that you soon learned to do without much of. You learned to constantly be on alert, even when you were trying to rest. You could never really relax completely and let down your guard. Even when you were asleep, there was still a part of your mind that was listening and waiting, ready to leap into action at any minute. Most of us suffered from a certain amount of exhaustion and sleep deprivation.
Another thing you quickly learned to avoid was much contact with the local woman. You never knew what kind of disease they might have and most of them did have some kind of venereal disease. There always seemed to be a few of them hanging around camp, offering to do just about anything you could imagine for just a few dollars. I always figured that I'd rather be sexually frustrated than take a chance. I made up for it anytime I managed to get into Saigon for a few days on leave.
You grow up in a hell of a hurry when you find yourself in the middle of a war. It does something to a man living from day to day, minute to minute, knowing that you could be killed at any time. And watching your friends die around you, some of them even dying in your arms. Even after the fighting was over, I could still the screams of dying men in my head and it never seemed to go away. I became bitter and disillusioned a walking time bomb ready to explode. All I wanted to do was go home and get out of this living hell that I found myself trapped in.
I was one of the lucky ones. I survived eighteen months over there. I came home with all my limbs intact but my mind messed up pretty bad. I came home to protesters spitting on me and calling me a baby killer. I came home to people shunning me because I was a Viet Nam vet. I had nightmares and flashbacks for months. I'd close my eyes and find myself right back over there in the middle of the action. To survive without going insane, I pushed my memories of that time and that place deep inside of my mind and closed the door on them for good.
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