It was amazing how fast that hour seemed to pass. I was reading a magazine and all of sudden I heard someone at the door. I ran down the stairs and went to the door to let Teddy in.

"Hey" I said, after I opened the door.

"Hey" he said, as he walked in.

Ugh I could already tell this was going to a really awkward conversation. I really don't want things to be weird between us, but that's kind of inevitable now. Things aren't going to be the same after we talk tonight. We both walked over to the couch and sat down.

"So where is everybody?" he asked.

"My mom's working late, Nate's out with his friends somewhere, and Brooke just left to go to her friends house." I replied.

"Oh, so no ones here?" he asked.

"Nope, no one will be home for a couple of hours." I said.

"Ok. Good I guess," he said "its weird enough talking about this with you. It'd be way too weird if everyone was home too." He said laughing. "Look I really hate talking to people about this. No one knows anything about it except for my shrink and my mom. And well, I guess now you." He said

"I know what you mean, I hate talking about. A lot of people know though, unfortunately. That's why I had to move." I said.

"What happened before you moved here?" He asked

"Ugh ok it's a long story. Don't interrupt until I'm done." I said laughing, trying to take away some of the seriousness, and failing miserably. "Ugh ok. My dad was in the war. They were returning to their base when they were attacked. He got shot in the head and died instantly. I took all of it really bad. I couldn't handle it at all. My dad was the only person that was ever there for me, and then just like that, he was gone." I could feel the tears already running down; I had no idea how I was going to continue. "Anyway, I couldn't handle it, so my friend Ryan talked me into trying pot. I loved it. I felt great when I was high. But after a little while it got old. So Ryan gave me some coke. I loved coke even more. I did it a couple more times and I got addicted. I still smoked pot and everything, but I loved coke more. I sometimes even showed up at school stoned. Anyway, after a little while everything was going good, I could deal with my dad dying and everything so much better." I said, ok now I was trying to not start sobbing. I seriously hate talking. "Then one night I was supposed to go to a party with Ryan, and get completely fucked up. But my mom found weed in my room. I was in so much shit; she wouldn't let me out of the house. So I was sitting up in my room, thinking about everything. I was seriously pissed off, that and the fact that I couldn't stop crying. So that was the first time I did it. I took the exacto knife that was sitting on my dresser. And I did it; I dragged it across my wrist, and just watched the blood flow out of it. The weird part was that I didn't feel anything at all. But watching the blood coming out was calming." I realized that I must have sounded like a complete psychopath. "So anyway, the next week of school was pretty normal, I'd still get fucked up with Ryan and everything, but occasionally I'd cut my wrists too. The next week was so much worse though." Ugh I didn't want to continue; I wanted to leave it at that. The next thing I was about to tell him was what happened on the worst day of my life. "I was sitting in math class when the phone rang, I didn't think anything of it and my teacher went to pick it up. He talked on the phone for about 5 minutes. After he hung up, he went over to his desk and started writing a pass. He came over to me, gave me the pass, and told me I had to go down to the nurse's office. I was a little confused, but I figured they were just checking people's eye sight or something. So when I got to the nurse's office there was two police officers, and Ryan. Immediately, I knew what was going on. They explained to me that Ryan was caught trying to sell pot to some 5th grader. I have no idea what was going through his head when he decided it was a good idea to get a 5th grader hooked on pot, but whatever." Seriously who the hell gives pot to 5th grader? Oh well. "So first they made me take a drug test, which I tested positive for, then they searched me. They found some pot in my purse. Anyway, I ended up having to go to court. They sentenced me to therapy. Which wasn't bad at all compared to Ryan, he got sent to rehab, and has to have another trial to figure out if he's going to jail or not. So anyway, after I started therapy, it became clear to me that I was never going to be aloud anywhere near any kind of drugs ever again. So everything became more real then ever, and I started cutting myself a lot more. No one noticed at first, but then my shrink found out. After she found out, other people started finding out. And course they knew all about my drug issues. They kept talking about me, which made feel worse, which led to me cutting my wrists even more." So yeah I really don't like people. Haha talking about it is just going to make everything worse. "So eventually I couldn't take everyone talking about me, so my mom talked to my shrink and they decided I should move away and start over. But I would have to continue therapy here, since its court ordered. So yeah, now I'm here" I finished.

"Wow," was all he said, at first. "I can't believe you had to go through all that. That seriously sucks. It must have been really hard. I can't even imagine what I would have done if I was you."

I just kind of nodded. I couldn't exactly talk yet, haha.

Ugh I seriously couldn't stop crying. Teddy moved closer to me and put his arm around me. I can tell he was about to cry too, but he wouldn't let himself. I made myself stop crying, I hate crying in front of people more then anything. "Haha ok your turn." I said, trying to sound all cheerful and everything. Haha I even tried to make myself laugh.

"Well my story isn't anywhere near as complicated as yours." He said laughing. I kind of laughed too. Both laughs were incredibly fake, and we both knew it. "My dad was in the war too, only he didn't die. In a way I wish he did, so I could remember him as hero." He said. I could see tears starting to well up in his eyes. I felt really bad too; I know how much I hate crying in front of people, he's probably the same way. "Anyway, when he came back he was different. He went crazy." He was now crying pretty badly. I understand though, he doesn't talk to people about it, it has to be hard. "He was pretty abusive too. He'd beat up me and my mom. One day he snapped though, he tried to burn off my ear." I noticed his ear a while ago, but I didn't want to say anything. "The neighbors were wondering what was going on, they came over and figured out what happened. They called the police and he got sent to a mental hospital. He's still there. I couldn't take it. I started drinking a lot and cutting my wrists. I hate that I do it, but I can't stop. I don't like people knowing about anything, so I try to put out this image, that nothing can bother me. I act really crazy sometimes, but I have a lot of fun." He said, he actually kind of laughed when he said that. "I'm really afraid I'm going to end up like him, it scares the shit out of me." He was still crying pretty badly, I felt really bad. "I know I have a bad reputation and the people in this town look down on me, I can't do anything about it though." We he said that he started crying harder. I didn't really know what to do, I'm not great with people. So I went over to and wrapped my arms around him; he put his arms around me too. We both just sat there like that crying for about a half hour. Then he said he had to leave.

"Are you going to be ok?" he asked me.

"Yeah, are you?" I asked

"Yeah. We're ok still right. I mean I don't want anything to change between us." He asked, a little worried.

"Of course. We're hanging out tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, I'll come by at like 1."

"Ok sounds good." I said. Then before he left, I went over and gave him a hug. I'm really not good with this whole 'talking to other people about your problems' thing, but whatever. "Bye."

"See you tomorrow." He said, and he left.

So now I have to decide on weather or not I want to go hang out with Nate and everybody. I kind of don't want to now, because I'm all depressed. I really don't feel like hanging out with anyone. Ugh. I'm just going to go to bed. It's really early but oh well.