The Last Odango
Chapter 3
Author: nat-chan
E-mail: natia_99@yahoo.com
Rated: KG (kissing g ^^)
Genre: First Season Romance
Disclaimer: standard
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6 am - The Big Day
Chiba Mamoru headed out for his jog--then horrifically
realized it would involve going through THE PARK.
(aka - the rende-vous where the...kami he couldn't even
think it!!!!)
A detour around said park and through the city resulted
in several near-accidents, a terrible run-in with "Kiki"
the new assistant at work with the hots for him (what a
cruel coincidence that she also jogged), and finally
with a pigeon choosing to relieve itself at the exact
moment Mamoru passed beneath his tree.
This was not a good start.
7 am.....................................
Mamoru finished the last of his breakfast after taking
three showers to rid his precious hair of what he
dubbed the 'devil-pigeon''s poop.
He ran his fingers nervously through his dark locks
again, wondering if a fourth shower might do....
8 am..........................................
Mamoru entered the drugstore and headed for the check
out, cheeks burning with shame.
He informed the clerk that he made a rather hasty
retreat the previous day and failed to pay for
his purchase of mouthwash.
The older man behind the register gave a hearty
laugh and accepted his money saying,
"That's quite alright son--young men in love
often do such things!"
Mamoru paled and left the store--after purchasing
every kind of gum, mint, spray, cert and cloret
known to mankind.
He wondered what on earth the clerk could have meant.
9 am............................................
Mamoru entered the arcade and sat down across from
Motoki.
"Good morning Motoki." He greeted, eager for his
cheery friend to lift his spirits.
But Motoki merely grinned, "Why Mamoru, what very
MINTY breath you have today! Why ever could THAT
be?"
Mamoru's face filled with rage, but he didn't have a
chance to throttle Motoki.
"Coffee?" Motoki inquired smoothly.
The thought of beautiful, nerve-soothing coffee
calmed Mamoru. His one comfort....
"Hai" Replied Mamoru then choked, "WAIT! No!"
Agony tore at him....but coffee breath was....unthinkable!
Motoki's eyes widened, he leaned closer to his friend,
"Mamoru, have you ever gone a day without coffee?"
But Mamoru's eyes were wild, "I'll be fine Motoki...."
His hands shook. He checked his watch, 9:05 am?
"What am I going to do all day?" He moaned into
his arms as he buried his face in them.
Motoki leaned over, "Uh, pal? I thought you had
to WORK today?"
Suddenly Mamoru jumped up, "Oh no!"
He WAS supposed to be at work! What was this
wretched not-even-kiss doing to him?
Zoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!
Motoki laughed at the trail of supersonic dust
left in Mamoru's wake--flavoured severly with mint.
9:06.................................................
Mamoru arrived at work.
9:07.................................................
Usagi arrived at the arcade.
Motoki looked agast from the clock to Usagi.
Clock.
Usagi.
Clock.
Usagi.
Was this some sort of mirage? Perhaps HE needed
coffee.
"Usagi-chan, it's before 10 am! On a Saturday!
That's still single digit time Usagi! Are you
well?"
Then it struck him. The kiss was bothering her
even more than Mamoru!
But noticing that Usagi's breath was not 40 degrees
lower than normal due to the catalystic effects of
multiple breath-freshners he decided no, Mamoru
was definitely more freaked out.
Usagi's shoulders sagged sadly and Motoki felt
a pang of worry. Usagi had probably never been
kissed.
He fixed her a double fudge banana split.
"Here Usagi." He smiled, setting it down in
front of her, "Don't worry ok?"
Her sad blue eyes looked up then, "But Motoki,
I still don't understand? Why a kiss?"
Andrew smiled, "Usagi, I really do think that--"
He started his speech from the day before but
stopped, deciding to say something else instead.
He leaned down close to Usagi and spoke quietly,
"Usagi, Mamoru has never kissed anyone either."
Usagi's eyes widened.
Then Motoki grew nervous and pulled at his collar,
"Now Usagi, I'm entrusting this knowledge to you
in confidence....you won't tell anyone right?"
Usagi nodded seriously, "Ofcourse Motoki-oni-san!"
Her eyes turned into little upside down "U"s,
"No one but the girls!"
Motoki smiled, "Yes Usagi, that's right, no one
but the--GIRLS!"
He shouted the last part as reality struck, but Usagi
was already out the door, as the bells chimed her
departure.
And to Motoki, their usual jangle held the quality
of a funeral march....Mamoru was going to kill him.
Usagi headed straight for the temple, rubbing her hands
together. She would gather the girls together and form,
a kissing plan.
Yes. A kissing plan.
And this plan would allow her to face the challenge
necessary to survive the four-o-clock rendez-vous
and reign victorious!
Someone had better know something about kissing!
Or the Baka might take up calling her Odango on
a permanant basis!
Unthinkable.
Usagi would not rest until everything on her list
was crossed off.
She hurried into the temple and searched for Rei.
Not in the main temple.
Not in her room.
Not in the bath.
Not outside praying.
Hmmm......
She walked through the yard, beginning to feel
worried and being silent in case Rei was in
trouble with the enemy.
Coming out of some nearby bushes, she spotted Rei's
familiar head of black hair on a nearby bench.
But her face was obscured--by Chad's lips!!!!!
GASP! Rei was KISSING Chad!
Or was Chad kissing Rei?
Hmm....it was hard to tell and Usagi realized
that once in the act of kissing, philosophical
debate couldn't even solve the deep and
ponderous quandry of who was kissing who.
Her eyes began to swirl with the effort.
Was this why that chicken/egg question was
so confusing?
She suddenly began wondering about trees falling
in empty forests, when the kiss ended.
She quickly regained herself and realized her
obvious victory as she charged over to Rei.
"Perfect! You're an EXPERT on kissing Rei!"
Rei turned a shade of red only slightly less
blaring than poor Chad.
But Usagi was too jubilant to notice.
She quickly called the other girls on her communicator
to invite them over as Rei hurried Chad away.
She returned in full fury.
"Usagi, if you DARE tell ANYONE--"
"Rei, thank goodness YOU have some
kissing experience. I've invited the other
girls so you can all help me prepare for this
afternoon!"
Rei's eyes widened, "The other girls???"
She grabbed Usagi by the shoulders, "Usagi, you
will NOT tell the other girls that Chad and I--we--er--"
Usagi smiled, "Don't worry Rei, your secret's safe
with me!"
Rei almost breathed a sigh of relief, but knew
Usagi too well to consider herself home free.
She and Usagi prepared snacks for the other girls until
they arrived and Rei prayed to every deity she could
remember that Usagi would just keep quiet for once in
her life about this one thing.
Perhaps because Usagi was to one day assume a deity-like status.
Perhaps because Usagi was a force even deities couldn't reckon with.
Perhaps the course of fate demanded it.
Whatever the case, Rei's prayers were ofcourse, in vain.
The girls arrived, looking worried at the urgency of the meeting.
But Usagi quickly explained,
"Girls, I need a kissing plan!"
They looked blankly at her for a moment. Then Ami looked
desperately like she wanted to go home, "Er, Usagi, we're
not exactly experts on the subject."
The other girls nodded sadly.
"Ami, I'm sure you can look up stuff in your computer!" Usagi
proclaimed cheerfully.
"Mako, I need an agressive, no-nonsense approach to this
kiss!" Mako ground her fist into her hand,
"RIGHT!"She agreed, eager to enforce *force* of any kind. Perhaps
she could pound Mamoru into submission? Yes....excellent.
"Mina, you're the scout of love! You MUST be able to help me!"
Mina smiled, highly flattered,
"Ofcourse Usagi!" Then her eyes took on a highly concentrated look.
Rei made the mistake of exhaling in relief since the attention
was off her.
"And everyone, we really have nothing to worry about since Rei has
LOT'S of kissing experience."
For a moment Rei's face took on the expression only those close
to Usagi can make. It is the resignation of one's fate to higher,
and highly unlucky, powers.
Then her eyes widened as all the girls turned on her with narrowed
eyes.
"Rei, you've been kissed?"
"Rei! You never TOLD us!"
"Rei, all those sleep-overs, you were lying to us!"
Usagi's eyes went swirly, "I'm not sure if she was kissed
or doing the kissing....it's very confusing..."
The other three didn't notice. Rei turned a bit red.
"Look you guys, it only happened just recently and I didn't
want to say anything...yet...."
"WELL, WHO IS IT???!!!!" Cried Mako.
They all leaned in and Rei sweatdropped audibly.
Just then Chad popped through the bushes with a plate of
biscuits, "Here you are, just out of the oven Rei and
Usagi...and everyone....*sweat*..."
For everyone had turned on him as he handed the biscuits to Rei and
a funny look crossed her face.
They knew. Rei knew they knew. And worst of all, Chad knew they
knew.
"Er...hi girls...heh heh heh" He managed, scratching his shaggy
hair in discomfort.
Then he bolted.
And Rei was left alone.
"I *KNEW* IT!" Cried Mina.
"You did not!' Yelled Mako.
"I told you before Mako, you wouldn't listen, so pay up!"
Mako grudginly handed Mina five dollars.
"I can't believe you bet money on Rei's personal life guys!"
Ami exclaimed in horror.
"I can't believe you didn't let me in on it!" Exclaimed Usagi,
her plight momentarily forgotten.
"Look you guys," Said Rei hotly, "The issue at hand here is USAGI
kissing MAMORU, *REMEMBER*???!!!"
All eyes returned to Usagi who swallowed uncomfortably.
Rei rolled her eyes, "Alright, so, everyone split up and get
started formulating a plan! We'll meet up in an hour!"
Everyone scurried away "Right!" leaving Rei and Usagi alone.
"Now," Said Rei, lowering her voice, "Usagi, what do you want to
know about kissing?"
"EVerything!"
Rei sweatdropped, "Errr..."
Usagi brandished a pad and pen with breakneck speed.
Rei looked at her eager face, "Uhh...I don't know what
to tell you--this is very strange. You see, most people
that kiss actually WANT to."
Usagi frowned, "Well, yes, but, *objectively* speaking..."
Rei was a little baffled at such a long word coming from
her friend.
"It's just that "wanting to" kinda dictates the how-to of it
all..." She trailed off as Usagi glared at her.
Rei cleared her throat, "Alright, well, the first part of
kissing is the lean-in."
"The lean-in?"
"Yes, the lean-in."
Usagi wrote down:
1. The Lean-in
"Yes, either one person leans over--usually the
taller person leans down, sometimes the shorter person
stands on tip-toes, OR, both people lean in and meet
half-way."
Usagi finished writing that down and looked a little
swirly-eyed again.
"How do you know WHICH lean-in to use??"
Rei sighed, "Well, usually whoever WANTS to initiate that
particular kiss...it kind of just happens in the moment."
Usagi was thoughtful, "Well, the *Jerk* is the one who
had the idea so I'm assuming *he'll* lean in."
"But remember Usagi, he might be trying to bluff you so
that he can keep calling you Odango forever."
Usagi looked furious, "BLUFFING!!! Oh yeah? Well, *I'd*
better do the lean-in then!"
She put a star to add this possible secondary option.
Rei was getting a little frightened by her list-making.
"Ok, got it. What's the second part?"
Rei thought for a moment and seemed to blush, "Awww...Usagi
there's so many different *ways* to kiss. I don't know what
to say...."
Usagi made huge puppy-dog eyes at her and the result was highly
effective.
"Ok ok, sheesh, turn the high-beams off! Um...well...once
you've leaned in Usagi, you should tilt your head to one
side or the other--"
She demonstrated, "--otherwise you might bump noses."
Usagi wrote this down AND added a diagram:
2. The face-tilt (to avoid bumping noses)
"Great, thanks Rei-chan."
Rei was really concentrating now, "Ok, item three: contact.
Now Usagi, there are several ways lips can meet, since there
is a bottom lip AND top lip. First, both can meet, top to top
and bottom to bottom--a nice innocent first-time meeting place
if I do say so myself. Then, *he* can take YOUR top or bottom
lip between his, or you can do the same for him--but remember,
while, for example, your bottom lip is between both of his,
technically *his* top lip is between both of yours."
Usagi wrote diligently:
3. Contact: Possible contact combinations:
a) Top-Top/Bottom-Bottom (Beginner)
b) my Top/his Top-Bottom (includes (e))
c) my Bottom/his Top-Bottom (includes (d))
d) his top/my Top-Bottom (includes (c))
e) his bottom/my Top-Bottom (includes (b))
Rei was on a roll!
"Item four: Tongue."
"WHAT??!!!" SHrieked Usagi, "NO *WAY* REI! EWWWW!"
Rei rolled her eyes, "Usagi, tongue is NOT disgusting."
"YOU SAID IT AGAIN REI! BLAAAAHHH!!!!!"
"Usagi, calm down and be rational. If a kiss is really
great, it natually leads to tongue."
"STOP SAYING IT REI! NOOOOOO!!!!!"
Rei had the wicked thought that she had trumped Mamoru
in finding a word that disturbed Usagi MORE than Odango.
"Usagi, you should include this on your list!"
"Rei! I WOULD *NEVER* do *that* with Mamoru!!!!!"
Rei sighed, "I suppose since it *is* a kiss of hate,
tongue isn't so much an issue."
"I NEVER want to hear that word AGAIN!"
Rei laughed, "Just you wait Usagi....someday you'll
eat those words!"
"No way! Look, is there anything else?"
"Hmmmm...." Rei said thoughtfully, "Oh! Item four:
the neck clasp."
Usagi reluctantly wrote: (in extremely small letters)
3...........tongue.........(ew)
then:
4. The Neck Clasp
"For better leverage and control during the kiss it's
important to get at least one hand behind the head of the
person you are kissing. It also helps to steer items one
and two."
Usagi wrote all this down.
"I think that's it." Rei said thoughtfully, "I can't think
of anything else."
And at this, the girls returned.
Mina was in the lead carrying a plethora of pink frilly
bags and grinning madly.
Ami came next with a hefty folder of data.
Mako was last, a self-defense manual tucked under her arm
and what looked like a mop in the other hand!
Usagi looked at Rei and whispered, "Is that a mop? Help me
Rei!"
The girls looked satisfied with their plans and plunked all
their strange equipment down in front of them.
Ami went first, "I've compiled all the kissing data I could
find and determined the longest a human being can go without
oxygen, and the optimim kiss length before you'll become
short of breath."
As she spoke she spread various highly technical looking
charts across the ground.
"This arch reflects kiss length against oxygen supply..."
Ami explained, pointing to the highest point, "This kiss
length is optimal both for oxygen maintenance and...well...
...satisfaction." She turned tomotoe red and fell silent.
Mina piped in, "I brought ALL my make-up, perfume and hair bobbles
Usa so you can look PERFECT and KNOCK him dead! He'll be eating
his words when you show up!"
"Thanks Mina!" Usagi smiled.
They turned to Mako uncertainly. She planted the mop into the ground
and faced them determindly,
"Now Usa, I want you to be prepared, in case he tries anything *fishy*."
"Now, say this mop is Mamoru, you want to be, count 'em, three steps back
at all times, *all* times Usagi! And if he *tries* anything--"
"What do you mean *tries* anything?" Usagi asked--not sure she wanted to hear
the answer.
"Oh, you'll *know* if he does, trust me. And if he does, there are a couple
of simple defense moves that will put him in his place. Just a gentle
turn, twist and--"
At this point her turning and twisting of the Mamoru mop resulted in its
snapping in two, as Lita's leg connected with what Usagi could only guess
she meant to be Mamoru's shin. She winced as the broom fell to pieces on the
ground.
Lita flashed her a bright smile, "Got it?"
She turned to Rei, "Got another mop? I think we should practice!"
Usagi shot Rei a beseeching glance and Rei took pity on her,
"Er, we don't want to run out of time here-let's give Mina a chance
to do her...er...makeover."
Usagi smiled gratefully--though it faded as Mina squealed and launched
at usagi, dragging her into the temple to change.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~meanstwhile~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A very hagard looking Mamoru entered the Crown Arcade and collapsed
into a stool.
"Ready to tell me what's going on?" Smiled Motoki.
A muffled sob answered him, then Mamoru raised his head to bite out,
"I *know* you know Motoki."
Motoki grinned, "Good, then we can just cut to the chase. You love
Usagi, and now she's going to kiss you."
Mamoru froze for a moment. Then his head dropped into this arms again
with a sob.
Motoki's smile was not in danger of leaving, "There, there pal. Don't
worry. Usagi hasn't kissed anyone before either. You're both in
the same boat."
Mamoru's head shot up. His eyes narrowed. That calculating expression
that made him an A student and a scary, scary man came into his eyes.
"*Either*??" He said suspiciously. Motoki paled.
"What do you mean *either* Motoki? You didn't *tell* Usagi that I had
never kissed anyone before did you Motoki?"
Motoki took a tentative step back.
"Er...'course not pal...heh heh heh."
"I think you're lying to me Motoki."
Motoki reflected at that moment that Mamoru could totally be one of
those interrogators like on those cop shows. The way he kept saying his
name....Motoki took another step back. Mamoru did not wait for
confirmation but launched himself over the counter at Motoki who tried
to duck out of the way but was eventually wrestled to the ground.
"Mamoru, I know you're under a lot of pressure about this--but you
have no one to blame but yourself!"
"Oh no Motoki, you're wrong. I have YOU to blame for telling
Usagi I have never kissed anyone!!!"
Motoki managed to wrestle his way up and had only to duck and
weave around the equipment as Mamoru chased after him.
"Mamoru! Calm down! I didn't mean to!"
He was interupted by a bucket of ice cream flying towards his head.
"Seriously Usagi was really upset so I tried to make her feel better!"
Smash. Another tub of ice cream connecting not with Motoki's head
but something breakable behind him. Not good.
"It's not *my* fault you asked her for a kiss!"
This comment seemed to inspire Mamoru to all-out rage for he dropped
whatever he was going to throw next (Motoki could never be sure what
it was) and lunged directly at him. Motoki squealed like a girl and
leapt over the counter.
Indeed Mamoru was cracking under the pressure. In his mind, Motoki
had ruined his life by telling Usagi he had never kissed anyone before.
How exactly he had ruined it by saying this was foggy and unimportant.
It was inconsequential to the immediate task at hand. Motoki must die.
"Mamoru, buddy, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is!" Motoki was
pleading as he backed into a wall.
Mamoru was stalking over to him and his eyes looked truly red.
He was making mental notes. After beating the treachorous Motoki
into next week he needed to remedy this no kissing experience thing
immediately. Second to avoiding bad breath, avoiding bad kissing
was paramount. It did not occur to him that Usagi, much like himself,
wouldn't know bad kissing if it---well you get the idea. How he
would garner this necessary experience was foggy and unimportant.
It would come to him after he had pummeled the traitor: Motoki.
Alas, said pummelling was never to occur. A sudden, sharp pain
to Mamoru's head alerted him that he had another fight waiting.
One with Sailormoon.
Motoki watched Mamoru suddenly twitch and grab his head, then
turn abruptly on his heel muttering, "I gotta go."
Motoki stared after him. A customer approached the till to pay
and looked down at Motoki, crouched against the wall then after
the enraged young man.
"You know him?" He asked Motoki. But Motoki only stared after
Mamoru, still breathing hard.
~~~~~~~~~
Meanstwhile, Tuxedo Mask made for the battle sight, eager to
discharge some unwanted violent tension. The scouts were
surprised to see him leap from the shadows in a shower of
steel tipped roses and then launch himself at the youma, beating
it relentlessly with his cane.
They looked from one to another uncertainly.
"What's up with Tuxedo Mask?" Rei said, sarcasm and surprise
in her voice.
"He seems...angry..." Makoto observed--rather unnecessarily.
Indeed Mamoru was muttering strange things as he beat away
at the hard-shelled youma. Rei was sure she caught him
saying "I..haven't..had...coffee....!!!!" each word falling
on a whack of his cane. That couldn't be right--could it?
Usagi was powering up her attack, ready to blast it, unaware
of the seemingly possessed Tuxedo Mask still wailing on said
youma.
"Hey! Cape boy!" Rei hollared, "Watch out before Sailormoon
fries you!"
He didn't hear.
"He's gone retarded!" Rei fumed, throwing her hands in
the air.
Indeed, it was only sheer luck that Tuxedo Mask glanced
up to see Sailormoon seconds away from launching her attack.
He leapt hastily aside and watched as she blasted it. It
exploded in a rather unseemly fashion and large, sharp
looking pieces of it flew out in all directions. He swooped
down to sweep Sailormoon to safety and that's when it struck him.
No, not a piece of the youma, inspiration!
He needed kissing experience. Sailormoon was in his arms. They
both had hidden identities. What an ideal situation for practicing!
Usagi felt him take off to a nearby tree and place her
gently on her feet. Even through the mask she saw a sudden
determination come into his eyes. He swallowed, took her
by the shoulders and leaned down.
He was going to kiss her! Usagi felt a sudden rush of mixed
emotions. He was cute. She'd never been kissed. A short
time from now she had to kiss Mamoru. What a perfect time
to try out Rei's list! And, he was cute.
She smiled and reached up to clasp his neck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 3
Author: nat-chan
E-mail: natia_99@yahoo.com
Rated: KG (kissing g ^^)
Genre: First Season Romance
Disclaimer: standard
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6 am - The Big Day
Chiba Mamoru headed out for his jog--then horrifically
realized it would involve going through THE PARK.
(aka - the rende-vous where the...kami he couldn't even
think it!!!!)
A detour around said park and through the city resulted
in several near-accidents, a terrible run-in with "Kiki"
the new assistant at work with the hots for him (what a
cruel coincidence that she also jogged), and finally
with a pigeon choosing to relieve itself at the exact
moment Mamoru passed beneath his tree.
This was not a good start.
7 am.....................................
Mamoru finished the last of his breakfast after taking
three showers to rid his precious hair of what he
dubbed the 'devil-pigeon''s poop.
He ran his fingers nervously through his dark locks
again, wondering if a fourth shower might do....
8 am..........................................
Mamoru entered the drugstore and headed for the check
out, cheeks burning with shame.
He informed the clerk that he made a rather hasty
retreat the previous day and failed to pay for
his purchase of mouthwash.
The older man behind the register gave a hearty
laugh and accepted his money saying,
"That's quite alright son--young men in love
often do such things!"
Mamoru paled and left the store--after purchasing
every kind of gum, mint, spray, cert and cloret
known to mankind.
He wondered what on earth the clerk could have meant.
9 am............................................
Mamoru entered the arcade and sat down across from
Motoki.
"Good morning Motoki." He greeted, eager for his
cheery friend to lift his spirits.
But Motoki merely grinned, "Why Mamoru, what very
MINTY breath you have today! Why ever could THAT
be?"
Mamoru's face filled with rage, but he didn't have a
chance to throttle Motoki.
"Coffee?" Motoki inquired smoothly.
The thought of beautiful, nerve-soothing coffee
calmed Mamoru. His one comfort....
"Hai" Replied Mamoru then choked, "WAIT! No!"
Agony tore at him....but coffee breath was....unthinkable!
Motoki's eyes widened, he leaned closer to his friend,
"Mamoru, have you ever gone a day without coffee?"
But Mamoru's eyes were wild, "I'll be fine Motoki...."
His hands shook. He checked his watch, 9:05 am?
"What am I going to do all day?" He moaned into
his arms as he buried his face in them.
Motoki leaned over, "Uh, pal? I thought you had
to WORK today?"
Suddenly Mamoru jumped up, "Oh no!"
He WAS supposed to be at work! What was this
wretched not-even-kiss doing to him?
Zoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!
Motoki laughed at the trail of supersonic dust
left in Mamoru's wake--flavoured severly with mint.
9:06.................................................
Mamoru arrived at work.
9:07.................................................
Usagi arrived at the arcade.
Motoki looked agast from the clock to Usagi.
Clock.
Usagi.
Clock.
Usagi.
Was this some sort of mirage? Perhaps HE needed
coffee.
"Usagi-chan, it's before 10 am! On a Saturday!
That's still single digit time Usagi! Are you
well?"
Then it struck him. The kiss was bothering her
even more than Mamoru!
But noticing that Usagi's breath was not 40 degrees
lower than normal due to the catalystic effects of
multiple breath-freshners he decided no, Mamoru
was definitely more freaked out.
Usagi's shoulders sagged sadly and Motoki felt
a pang of worry. Usagi had probably never been
kissed.
He fixed her a double fudge banana split.
"Here Usagi." He smiled, setting it down in
front of her, "Don't worry ok?"
Her sad blue eyes looked up then, "But Motoki,
I still don't understand? Why a kiss?"
Andrew smiled, "Usagi, I really do think that--"
He started his speech from the day before but
stopped, deciding to say something else instead.
He leaned down close to Usagi and spoke quietly,
"Usagi, Mamoru has never kissed anyone either."
Usagi's eyes widened.
Then Motoki grew nervous and pulled at his collar,
"Now Usagi, I'm entrusting this knowledge to you
in confidence....you won't tell anyone right?"
Usagi nodded seriously, "Ofcourse Motoki-oni-san!"
Her eyes turned into little upside down "U"s,
"No one but the girls!"
Motoki smiled, "Yes Usagi, that's right, no one
but the--GIRLS!"
He shouted the last part as reality struck, but Usagi
was already out the door, as the bells chimed her
departure.
And to Motoki, their usual jangle held the quality
of a funeral march....Mamoru was going to kill him.
Usagi headed straight for the temple, rubbing her hands
together. She would gather the girls together and form,
a kissing plan.
Yes. A kissing plan.
And this plan would allow her to face the challenge
necessary to survive the four-o-clock rendez-vous
and reign victorious!
Someone had better know something about kissing!
Or the Baka might take up calling her Odango on
a permanant basis!
Unthinkable.
Usagi would not rest until everything on her list
was crossed off.
She hurried into the temple and searched for Rei.
Not in the main temple.
Not in her room.
Not in the bath.
Not outside praying.
Hmmm......
She walked through the yard, beginning to feel
worried and being silent in case Rei was in
trouble with the enemy.
Coming out of some nearby bushes, she spotted Rei's
familiar head of black hair on a nearby bench.
But her face was obscured--by Chad's lips!!!!!
GASP! Rei was KISSING Chad!
Or was Chad kissing Rei?
Hmm....it was hard to tell and Usagi realized
that once in the act of kissing, philosophical
debate couldn't even solve the deep and
ponderous quandry of who was kissing who.
Her eyes began to swirl with the effort.
Was this why that chicken/egg question was
so confusing?
She suddenly began wondering about trees falling
in empty forests, when the kiss ended.
She quickly regained herself and realized her
obvious victory as she charged over to Rei.
"Perfect! You're an EXPERT on kissing Rei!"
Rei turned a shade of red only slightly less
blaring than poor Chad.
But Usagi was too jubilant to notice.
She quickly called the other girls on her communicator
to invite them over as Rei hurried Chad away.
She returned in full fury.
"Usagi, if you DARE tell ANYONE--"
"Rei, thank goodness YOU have some
kissing experience. I've invited the other
girls so you can all help me prepare for this
afternoon!"
Rei's eyes widened, "The other girls???"
She grabbed Usagi by the shoulders, "Usagi, you
will NOT tell the other girls that Chad and I--we--er--"
Usagi smiled, "Don't worry Rei, your secret's safe
with me!"
Rei almost breathed a sigh of relief, but knew
Usagi too well to consider herself home free.
She and Usagi prepared snacks for the other girls until
they arrived and Rei prayed to every deity she could
remember that Usagi would just keep quiet for once in
her life about this one thing.
Perhaps because Usagi was to one day assume a deity-like status.
Perhaps because Usagi was a force even deities couldn't reckon with.
Perhaps the course of fate demanded it.
Whatever the case, Rei's prayers were ofcourse, in vain.
The girls arrived, looking worried at the urgency of the meeting.
But Usagi quickly explained,
"Girls, I need a kissing plan!"
They looked blankly at her for a moment. Then Ami looked
desperately like she wanted to go home, "Er, Usagi, we're
not exactly experts on the subject."
The other girls nodded sadly.
"Ami, I'm sure you can look up stuff in your computer!" Usagi
proclaimed cheerfully.
"Mako, I need an agressive, no-nonsense approach to this
kiss!" Mako ground her fist into her hand,
"RIGHT!"She agreed, eager to enforce *force* of any kind. Perhaps
she could pound Mamoru into submission? Yes....excellent.
"Mina, you're the scout of love! You MUST be able to help me!"
Mina smiled, highly flattered,
"Ofcourse Usagi!" Then her eyes took on a highly concentrated look.
Rei made the mistake of exhaling in relief since the attention
was off her.
"And everyone, we really have nothing to worry about since Rei has
LOT'S of kissing experience."
For a moment Rei's face took on the expression only those close
to Usagi can make. It is the resignation of one's fate to higher,
and highly unlucky, powers.
Then her eyes widened as all the girls turned on her with narrowed
eyes.
"Rei, you've been kissed?"
"Rei! You never TOLD us!"
"Rei, all those sleep-overs, you were lying to us!"
Usagi's eyes went swirly, "I'm not sure if she was kissed
or doing the kissing....it's very confusing..."
The other three didn't notice. Rei turned a bit red.
"Look you guys, it only happened just recently and I didn't
want to say anything...yet...."
"WELL, WHO IS IT???!!!!" Cried Mako.
They all leaned in and Rei sweatdropped audibly.
Just then Chad popped through the bushes with a plate of
biscuits, "Here you are, just out of the oven Rei and
Usagi...and everyone....*sweat*..."
For everyone had turned on him as he handed the biscuits to Rei and
a funny look crossed her face.
They knew. Rei knew they knew. And worst of all, Chad knew they
knew.
"Er...hi girls...heh heh heh" He managed, scratching his shaggy
hair in discomfort.
Then he bolted.
And Rei was left alone.
"I *KNEW* IT!" Cried Mina.
"You did not!' Yelled Mako.
"I told you before Mako, you wouldn't listen, so pay up!"
Mako grudginly handed Mina five dollars.
"I can't believe you bet money on Rei's personal life guys!"
Ami exclaimed in horror.
"I can't believe you didn't let me in on it!" Exclaimed Usagi,
her plight momentarily forgotten.
"Look you guys," Said Rei hotly, "The issue at hand here is USAGI
kissing MAMORU, *REMEMBER*???!!!"
All eyes returned to Usagi who swallowed uncomfortably.
Rei rolled her eyes, "Alright, so, everyone split up and get
started formulating a plan! We'll meet up in an hour!"
Everyone scurried away "Right!" leaving Rei and Usagi alone.
"Now," Said Rei, lowering her voice, "Usagi, what do you want to
know about kissing?"
"EVerything!"
Rei sweatdropped, "Errr..."
Usagi brandished a pad and pen with breakneck speed.
Rei looked at her eager face, "Uhh...I don't know what
to tell you--this is very strange. You see, most people
that kiss actually WANT to."
Usagi frowned, "Well, yes, but, *objectively* speaking..."
Rei was a little baffled at such a long word coming from
her friend.
"It's just that "wanting to" kinda dictates the how-to of it
all..." She trailed off as Usagi glared at her.
Rei cleared her throat, "Alright, well, the first part of
kissing is the lean-in."
"The lean-in?"
"Yes, the lean-in."
Usagi wrote down:
1. The Lean-in
"Yes, either one person leans over--usually the
taller person leans down, sometimes the shorter person
stands on tip-toes, OR, both people lean in and meet
half-way."
Usagi finished writing that down and looked a little
swirly-eyed again.
"How do you know WHICH lean-in to use??"
Rei sighed, "Well, usually whoever WANTS to initiate that
particular kiss...it kind of just happens in the moment."
Usagi was thoughtful, "Well, the *Jerk* is the one who
had the idea so I'm assuming *he'll* lean in."
"But remember Usagi, he might be trying to bluff you so
that he can keep calling you Odango forever."
Usagi looked furious, "BLUFFING!!! Oh yeah? Well, *I'd*
better do the lean-in then!"
She put a star to add this possible secondary option.
Rei was getting a little frightened by her list-making.
"Ok, got it. What's the second part?"
Rei thought for a moment and seemed to blush, "Awww...Usagi
there's so many different *ways* to kiss. I don't know what
to say...."
Usagi made huge puppy-dog eyes at her and the result was highly
effective.
"Ok ok, sheesh, turn the high-beams off! Um...well...once
you've leaned in Usagi, you should tilt your head to one
side or the other--"
She demonstrated, "--otherwise you might bump noses."
Usagi wrote this down AND added a diagram:
2. The face-tilt (to avoid bumping noses)
"Great, thanks Rei-chan."
Rei was really concentrating now, "Ok, item three: contact.
Now Usagi, there are several ways lips can meet, since there
is a bottom lip AND top lip. First, both can meet, top to top
and bottom to bottom--a nice innocent first-time meeting place
if I do say so myself. Then, *he* can take YOUR top or bottom
lip between his, or you can do the same for him--but remember,
while, for example, your bottom lip is between both of his,
technically *his* top lip is between both of yours."
Usagi wrote diligently:
3. Contact: Possible contact combinations:
a) Top-Top/Bottom-Bottom (Beginner)
b) my Top/his Top-Bottom (includes (e))
c) my Bottom/his Top-Bottom (includes (d))
d) his top/my Top-Bottom (includes (c))
e) his bottom/my Top-Bottom (includes (b))
Rei was on a roll!
"Item four: Tongue."
"WHAT??!!!" SHrieked Usagi, "NO *WAY* REI! EWWWW!"
Rei rolled her eyes, "Usagi, tongue is NOT disgusting."
"YOU SAID IT AGAIN REI! BLAAAAHHH!!!!!"
"Usagi, calm down and be rational. If a kiss is really
great, it natually leads to tongue."
"STOP SAYING IT REI! NOOOOOO!!!!!"
Rei had the wicked thought that she had trumped Mamoru
in finding a word that disturbed Usagi MORE than Odango.
"Usagi, you should include this on your list!"
"Rei! I WOULD *NEVER* do *that* with Mamoru!!!!!"
Rei sighed, "I suppose since it *is* a kiss of hate,
tongue isn't so much an issue."
"I NEVER want to hear that word AGAIN!"
Rei laughed, "Just you wait Usagi....someday you'll
eat those words!"
"No way! Look, is there anything else?"
"Hmmmm...." Rei said thoughtfully, "Oh! Item four:
the neck clasp."
Usagi reluctantly wrote: (in extremely small letters)
3...........tongue.........(ew)
then:
4. The Neck Clasp
"For better leverage and control during the kiss it's
important to get at least one hand behind the head of the
person you are kissing. It also helps to steer items one
and two."
Usagi wrote all this down.
"I think that's it." Rei said thoughtfully, "I can't think
of anything else."
And at this, the girls returned.
Mina was in the lead carrying a plethora of pink frilly
bags and grinning madly.
Ami came next with a hefty folder of data.
Mako was last, a self-defense manual tucked under her arm
and what looked like a mop in the other hand!
Usagi looked at Rei and whispered, "Is that a mop? Help me
Rei!"
The girls looked satisfied with their plans and plunked all
their strange equipment down in front of them.
Ami went first, "I've compiled all the kissing data I could
find and determined the longest a human being can go without
oxygen, and the optimim kiss length before you'll become
short of breath."
As she spoke she spread various highly technical looking
charts across the ground.
"This arch reflects kiss length against oxygen supply..."
Ami explained, pointing to the highest point, "This kiss
length is optimal both for oxygen maintenance and...well...
...satisfaction." She turned tomotoe red and fell silent.
Mina piped in, "I brought ALL my make-up, perfume and hair bobbles
Usa so you can look PERFECT and KNOCK him dead! He'll be eating
his words when you show up!"
"Thanks Mina!" Usagi smiled.
They turned to Mako uncertainly. She planted the mop into the ground
and faced them determindly,
"Now Usa, I want you to be prepared, in case he tries anything *fishy*."
"Now, say this mop is Mamoru, you want to be, count 'em, three steps back
at all times, *all* times Usagi! And if he *tries* anything--"
"What do you mean *tries* anything?" Usagi asked--not sure she wanted to hear
the answer.
"Oh, you'll *know* if he does, trust me. And if he does, there are a couple
of simple defense moves that will put him in his place. Just a gentle
turn, twist and--"
At this point her turning and twisting of the Mamoru mop resulted in its
snapping in two, as Lita's leg connected with what Usagi could only guess
she meant to be Mamoru's shin. She winced as the broom fell to pieces on the
ground.
Lita flashed her a bright smile, "Got it?"
She turned to Rei, "Got another mop? I think we should practice!"
Usagi shot Rei a beseeching glance and Rei took pity on her,
"Er, we don't want to run out of time here-let's give Mina a chance
to do her...er...makeover."
Usagi smiled gratefully--though it faded as Mina squealed and launched
at usagi, dragging her into the temple to change.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~meanstwhile~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A very hagard looking Mamoru entered the Crown Arcade and collapsed
into a stool.
"Ready to tell me what's going on?" Smiled Motoki.
A muffled sob answered him, then Mamoru raised his head to bite out,
"I *know* you know Motoki."
Motoki grinned, "Good, then we can just cut to the chase. You love
Usagi, and now she's going to kiss you."
Mamoru froze for a moment. Then his head dropped into this arms again
with a sob.
Motoki's smile was not in danger of leaving, "There, there pal. Don't
worry. Usagi hasn't kissed anyone before either. You're both in
the same boat."
Mamoru's head shot up. His eyes narrowed. That calculating expression
that made him an A student and a scary, scary man came into his eyes.
"*Either*??" He said suspiciously. Motoki paled.
"What do you mean *either* Motoki? You didn't *tell* Usagi that I had
never kissed anyone before did you Motoki?"
Motoki took a tentative step back.
"Er...'course not pal...heh heh heh."
"I think you're lying to me Motoki."
Motoki reflected at that moment that Mamoru could totally be one of
those interrogators like on those cop shows. The way he kept saying his
name....Motoki took another step back. Mamoru did not wait for
confirmation but launched himself over the counter at Motoki who tried
to duck out of the way but was eventually wrestled to the ground.
"Mamoru, I know you're under a lot of pressure about this--but you
have no one to blame but yourself!"
"Oh no Motoki, you're wrong. I have YOU to blame for telling
Usagi I have never kissed anyone!!!"
Motoki managed to wrestle his way up and had only to duck and
weave around the equipment as Mamoru chased after him.
"Mamoru! Calm down! I didn't mean to!"
He was interupted by a bucket of ice cream flying towards his head.
"Seriously Usagi was really upset so I tried to make her feel better!"
Smash. Another tub of ice cream connecting not with Motoki's head
but something breakable behind him. Not good.
"It's not *my* fault you asked her for a kiss!"
This comment seemed to inspire Mamoru to all-out rage for he dropped
whatever he was going to throw next (Motoki could never be sure what
it was) and lunged directly at him. Motoki squealed like a girl and
leapt over the counter.
Indeed Mamoru was cracking under the pressure. In his mind, Motoki
had ruined his life by telling Usagi he had never kissed anyone before.
How exactly he had ruined it by saying this was foggy and unimportant.
It was inconsequential to the immediate task at hand. Motoki must die.
"Mamoru, buddy, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is!" Motoki was
pleading as he backed into a wall.
Mamoru was stalking over to him and his eyes looked truly red.
He was making mental notes. After beating the treachorous Motoki
into next week he needed to remedy this no kissing experience thing
immediately. Second to avoiding bad breath, avoiding bad kissing
was paramount. It did not occur to him that Usagi, much like himself,
wouldn't know bad kissing if it---well you get the idea. How he
would garner this necessary experience was foggy and unimportant.
It would come to him after he had pummeled the traitor: Motoki.
Alas, said pummelling was never to occur. A sudden, sharp pain
to Mamoru's head alerted him that he had another fight waiting.
One with Sailormoon.
Motoki watched Mamoru suddenly twitch and grab his head, then
turn abruptly on his heel muttering, "I gotta go."
Motoki stared after him. A customer approached the till to pay
and looked down at Motoki, crouched against the wall then after
the enraged young man.
"You know him?" He asked Motoki. But Motoki only stared after
Mamoru, still breathing hard.
~~~~~~~~~
Meanstwhile, Tuxedo Mask made for the battle sight, eager to
discharge some unwanted violent tension. The scouts were
surprised to see him leap from the shadows in a shower of
steel tipped roses and then launch himself at the youma, beating
it relentlessly with his cane.
They looked from one to another uncertainly.
"What's up with Tuxedo Mask?" Rei said, sarcasm and surprise
in her voice.
"He seems...angry..." Makoto observed--rather unnecessarily.
Indeed Mamoru was muttering strange things as he beat away
at the hard-shelled youma. Rei was sure she caught him
saying "I..haven't..had...coffee....!!!!" each word falling
on a whack of his cane. That couldn't be right--could it?
Usagi was powering up her attack, ready to blast it, unaware
of the seemingly possessed Tuxedo Mask still wailing on said
youma.
"Hey! Cape boy!" Rei hollared, "Watch out before Sailormoon
fries you!"
He didn't hear.
"He's gone retarded!" Rei fumed, throwing her hands in
the air.
Indeed, it was only sheer luck that Tuxedo Mask glanced
up to see Sailormoon seconds away from launching her attack.
He leapt hastily aside and watched as she blasted it. It
exploded in a rather unseemly fashion and large, sharp
looking pieces of it flew out in all directions. He swooped
down to sweep Sailormoon to safety and that's when it struck him.
No, not a piece of the youma, inspiration!
He needed kissing experience. Sailormoon was in his arms. They
both had hidden identities. What an ideal situation for practicing!
Usagi felt him take off to a nearby tree and place her
gently on her feet. Even through the mask she saw a sudden
determination come into his eyes. He swallowed, took her
by the shoulders and leaned down.
He was going to kiss her! Usagi felt a sudden rush of mixed
emotions. He was cute. She'd never been kissed. A short
time from now she had to kiss Mamoru. What a perfect time
to try out Rei's list! And, he was cute.
She smiled and reached up to clasp his neck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~