A/N: Next Chapter. A lot of this is stuff from the past, but there will be some present day stuff going on in the chapter. Enjoy! Oh! Another thing I want to point out is, when Marco speaks to his father on the phone, it is in English, but the rest of his relatives (obviously excluding his mother) don't speak any English, so in the flashbacks, it is written in English for your understanding, but they aren't speaking English. Capite? Passare…
"—and it's always better to bring more than you need," said Mrs. Del Rossi, feeling worried.
"Ma," Marco rolled his eyes, "it's not as though I've never been away before. Besides, a month ago, I still lived there. I'll be fine." He squeezed the last shirt into his suitcase before zipping it up.
She sat down on the bed next to him, gently placing her hand on his shoulder. "Are you ready for this, Marco?" she asked.
"No," he replied honestly, "but I have to. I just…wish it wasn't so soon."
"I wish that," she paused, struggling to find the right words, "this never happened to you."
Marco laughed. "Well, obviously. When's my flight?" he asked, desperate for a subject change.
"Early…5:00. I'll have you up way before then, though; you know the drill."
Marco sighed, falling back down on the sheets. "Well, then I'd better get to sleep."
"Good-night," said his mother, kissing his forehead, "and good luck."
Marco closed his blinds, annoyed that it was still light out. It was hard to force himself to sleep at the early hour of seven.
How did everything in his family get so bad? Marco liked to think that it was a recent thing, but he did remember vaguely his mother crying herself to sleep every once in a while when he was little. Maybe she was happier with their new life, but it wasn't as though the problems with the rest of the family disappeared. They were just farther away.
So, he admitted to himself, his parents had always had their fair share of problems, but he had definitely always gotten along with his cousins. They'd been more or less like his best friends (even before school). The ironic part was that Giulio had had been the closest with him out of any. He told Marco his secrets and, in return, Marco told him his. In fact, Marco was the first person Giulio had told about his drug problem. He trusted Marco with all his heart, and Marco wouldn't break that trust for all the money in the world.
Since Giulio had given Marco his trust with such a secret, he felt he needed to return the favor by telling him something personal of his one.
"Alcohol and drugs can all be solved in rehab," Giulio argued, "but you being a faggot is ever-lasting."
That marked the end of their solid relationship. Unlike a broken friendship, cousins had to spend as much time together as their family required. Surprisingly, Giulio tried to act as though nothing was wrong, possibly figuring that it would just cause a lot of family fighting. For whatever the reason, he kept his mouth shut, and Marco was thankful.
Anyway, the family was fooled. Not one aunt, uncle, cousin, parent, or grandparent ever questioned their forced polite attitudes toward each other. Everything was (though upsetting for Marco with his loss) normal…until May 23rd at approximately two-forty two p.m. when Marco was "outed". It was only fair that everyone knew the truth about their favorite child, right?
It was his father's birthday, so as per tradition, there was a big party in the Del Rossi household with the whole family Marco, Giulio, and Sabrina (another cousin of Marco's) were all sitting down on the deck when Giulio decided there was an announcement that had to be made.
"Giulio, what are you doing?" Marco asked, paranoid. It couldn't be good.
"What you should have done already," he said, an angry glint in his eye, showing for the first time in front of everyone that their relationship was not okay. "After all, it is your father's birthday. Don't you want to let the world know?" he asked.
"Not really," he gritted his teeth, thinking he'd be happy if he just fell dead at that moment.
Giulio simply laughed at Marco's expression. "Marco's gay."
Marco couldn't believe it when Giulio had actually done it. He always brushed it off as just a bluff to rile him up, partly because he didn't believe his cousin would throw away eleven years of friendship. (Marco was born three years later than his cousin, so they'd been together since his birth.) Apparently, he could. He hoped they'd work things out, but after that day, things only got worse.
Besides Giulio's betrayal, what upset Marco most was the staring faces of his relatives. In that moment, he was seriously trying to picture his life without each and every one of them. His future didn't look too promising through that angle. Oddly, many of them turned out to be supportive. They wished he was straight, but they were supportive. The only exceptions were his father and his grandmother who, in time, accepted it. However, acceptance in their eyes equals just a little bit above denial.
Marco pushed his head deeper into his pillow, trying to block out all of the ill thoughts and just sleep. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be worker.
"So, have you done anything with a guy?" Giulio asked, smirking as he moved in closer to him.
"Your mother told you to pick me up, not interview me," said Marco, not in the mood for his crap any longer.
"Marco," Giulio rolled his eyes, "I don't want to hurt you…"
"Right…so, what, exactly did you want when you ripped the closet door off?" he asked, not looking forward to the rest of the ride with his cousin.
Giulio simply laughed, deciding to remain silent.
They pulled into the driveway, and Marco planned on it being the last moment he had to spend with him until their next family party. (His parents had obviously found out about the tension between the two; therefore, they scheduled get-togethers less frequently.)
However, he was surprised when Giulio parked the car. Marco looked at him with questioning eyes. Giulio just shrugged in reply, following him up to the doorway.
"And who said you're coming in?" Marco asked, as he fumbled with his keys.
"Maybe," said Giulio, "I want to visit your parents."
"Well, you're out of luck since they're at work. You knew that, idiot, or else they'd have picked me up."
"Good point," said Giulio, following him in anyway. Marco wanted him to leave, but decided if he asked him to, he'd stay longer to bother him.
Marco walked into his room, his cousin at his heels (slightly unnerving him) the entire way there. He removed his shoes and backpack, and took his seat on his desk chair.
"What do you want?" Marco asked, watching as Giulio sat there, having an inner debate with himself. He looked high and, Marco figured, he most likely was. Though, he figured he'd have noticed earlier on…
That was something that hurt him quite a bit. Marco had never told a soul about his problem, (even though their family had to consist of a bunch of oblivious people to not figure it out) but Giulio still hated him. He still lived to do spiteful things. He still hurt him. Marco didn't understand him at all.
Marco didn't remember if he and Giulio had talked or not. In fact, he truthfully didn't remember a thing from that afternoon because he remembered everything up until the point of Giulio coming into his house to waking up three days later in a hospital bed with his mother crying in the chair next to him. He didn't know where his father was, but his mother assured him that he just simply didn't have the time to visit, and that he would have if the situation was different. The doctors so kindly let him know that he'd probably never remember the night and, for that, he was supposed to feel 'happy'.
There's always that one moment in one's life when the person says to himself (or herself) that there will be never be another more painful memory than this, but then eventually there comes another one…and you forget how bad the old one felt because the new one is oh-so much worse. In all the horrible moments in Marco's life, he tried to think 'it could be worse', but when he found out he was blind, he really felt that moment would go down in history. Nothing could top that.
"You should sleep. It's late. Are you feeling okay?" his mother asked, her worrying side showing more than any other time he'd remembered
"I'm fine. It's just…it's so dark," Marco laughed, leaning his head to one side.
His mother ignored his comment. "You feel okay, though?" she asked.
"Ma, I'm fine. I'm fine enough for you to stop worrying, and I know you all want me to sleep, but could we please turn the lights on for just a moment, so I can at least say good-night," he laughed again. Whenever he was sick, his mother would close the blinds and forbid any lights from entering the room.
"Marco," his mother took a deep breath, trying to hold her tears back, "the lights are on."
Permanent is always a difficult word to accept. When someone is to be wed, they are always nervous because they know, it's no longer an end-it-whenever-you-want relationship. It's permanent. (Of course, there is the case of divorce, but this is something that is supposed to be forever.)
Death is the scariest example because that is forever. (A/N: Personally, it scares me sometimes, so I just…yeah lol.) After it's happened, there's no turning back, and no one knows what's going to happen until it happens.
The point is, no one can truthfully say that the words 'forever' and 'permanent' don't scare them a little, even if it's something they want to last forever. So, when Marco heard that he was blind, it wasn't temporary; it was forever, and he wanted to die. Honestly.
Sleep! Why wouldn't sleep just come? Marco pounded his head against the pillow, quickly realizing that was doing no good, and just thought about Dylan to help him fall asleep. Actually, it worked.
"It's too early," said Marco, falling asleep in the passenger seat of his mother's car. She gently nudged him.
"I know," she replied.
"I want to go home," he said, playing with his hands subconsciously. "I wish I didn't have to do this."
"Marco, you're the one who decided--" she argued, trying to stay awake as she drove.
"I know," he interrupted, "but I was angry that day. I didn't know I'd actually go through with it." Mrs. Del Rossi, though scared for her son, knew better than to let him quit. He would regret it and, he was just speaking out of nervousness.
"You're going to do it, Marco. Come on," she parked the car, walked around to the other side, taking his hand, they walked together into the building.
"Maybe I should go with you…I could always buy clothes when we get there and--"
"Ma!" he interrupted. "I've been on planes plenty of times by myself. You're just saying this because I'm blind, but I can do it. Dad said he's going to pick me up at the airport. He will be there."
His mother rolled her eyes. "Your father says a lot of things."
"Karina is going to come with him," he said, not interested in a rant about his father. "She's quite excited to see me, despite the not-so-good situation."
Mrs. Del Rossi looked reluctant, but finally leaned in to hug him. "I love you."
"Love you too. I'm going to be late. Take me to the plane," he laughed. "There's no way I can even attempt to find it."
A/N: Please review :)