Not So Important Missions
Chapter 7
By Li Katsuya
The once paeceful port town that our warrior's were currently residing in was taken by chaos, chaos caused by the gigantic fighting golem known only as Astaroth. Swinging his mighty ax the unholy behemoth sent food flying, destroyed numerous shops and homes, caused people to flee in terror and somewhere a lemon was involved, though I'm not sure where.
"Hold it!"
The ax wielding monster turned his head, only to meet a flurry of nuchaku blows compliments of the pirate Maxi, forcing him to arch backwards.
"Do you remember me, you freak!?" spat the pirate, the vemon in his voice obvious.
The golem merely stood in the same position swinging his hands wildly, trying to regain his balance, failing miserably Astaroth fell on his rear end, creating many cracks in the asphalt of the street. Growling he stood up, his hands cletched tightly on the handle of his monsterous ax, eyeing the group with anger and disgust, his knuckles white from the pressure.
"Disgusting little maggot."
Fliking the said bug from his hand, Astaroth charged forward with a mighty battle cry, his ax over his head in preparation to strike, the group braced themselves for the attack. Leaping into the air, their opponent brought his ax down with all his strentgh, though instead of crushing flesh and bone, it only smashed into the street, sending debris everywhere, one particular big piece striking Kilik in the forehead.
"Son of a-!"
Before even completing the swear, the golem brought his ax down on him again, embeding it in the ground again though with less force, smirking the Kali-Yuga bearer ran forward, hoping to catch his opponent off guard, though it was the exact opposite, Astaroth swung around his ax and rammed the warrior with his shoulder, sending him flying into one of the shops littering the area.
"Kilik!" Xianghua cried.
The warrior groaned from underneath the rubble, pushing himself to his feet, he stared at the golem attacking his other friend's.
"That monster's goin' down!" He yelled with determination.
"Uh, Kilik?" Xianghua interupted.
"Yeah?"
"You have a bra on your head."
Grabbing the piece of underwear from his head, he held it in front of his face, a blue lace bra, looking behind him, he saw Astaroth had sent him flying into a sixteen century Victoria' Secret, staring at the article of clothing he turned to Xianghua, looking back and forth between the two, he grinned.
"This would look good on you."
Xianghua blushed and giggled slightly as Kilik grinned, they were broughty back to harsh reality as a piece of wood hit Kilik in the side of the head, sending him to the ground with a thud, Xianghua fell to her knee's beside him trying to wake him up.
"Hey, asshole, over here!!"
Astaorth turned this time swinging his ax as he did, but Hwang just ducked under the swing, using the space of time to close the distance between him and his opponent, unsheathing his sword, Blue Thunder, he slashed the golem chest several missing his beating heart by mere inches each time. Angered by the assault, Astaroth, swung his ax, catching the Korean's head with the handle of his weapon, causing him to hit the floor with a loud thud, lifting his foot above the fallen warrior's head, he was about bring it down, when to balde of another weapon stabbed into his side.
"Leave him alone!" screamed Seung Mina, continued her assaulting, stabbing him multiple times.
"Worms!" Astaroth annouced.
"Huh?" asked a confused Seung Mina.
"Worms!"
"What worms?"
"Worms!"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Worms!"
"We've established that part! Now why the hell do you say it?"
"...uh."
"What?"
"...I uh..."
"You don't know do you?"
"Well...I...I ummm...I..."
Astaroth hung his head in shame, the he suddenly remebered something, he was supposed to be fighting this girl, with a mighty roar he tackled her similar in the manner in which he tackled Kilik and sent her flying to the ground. Laughing gleefully, he lifted his ax above his head preparing for the final blow, that was until a nunchaku hit him in the nose, clutching the bleeding apendage, he turned to the perpirtator of the action, Maxi. Using Astaroth's distraction to his advantage, the pirate ran forward, only tostep on a lemon which squirted him in the eye, that's where the lemon was involved, screwing Maxi over in a fight by blinding him. Laughing while shoving a few tissues in his nose, from where I don't know, Astroth prepared to swing his ax only to be interupted by a voice.
From the roof of the town's many building's a trio of warrior's watched as their allies fought against the ax wielding golem.
"Who steps on a lemon?" Taki asked in disbelief.
"We gotta get down there, they won't last much longer." Mitsurugi said, gripping the handle on his katana.
"I agree, but we need a plan of some sort." Yoshimitsu informed.
"What do you propose?" asked Mitsurugi.
"I have a plan, but it's very delicate, it's gonna have to run with surgical precision..."
The samurai and kunoichi nodded, awaiting further details on Yoshimitsu's delicate plan.
"Stop!"
The golem's eyes searched the immediate vicinity, falling upon the roof of the building behind him, where Yoshimistu stood flanked by Taki, who had damp hair and Mitsurugi, who had a rather large bruise on the side of his face.
"You'll have to defeat us first." The magneta clad ninja yelled, leaping at his opponent.
Rolling his eyes, or eye whites, Astaroth swung his ax, catching Yoshimitsu with flat side of the blade, and sending him flying into the horizon and dissapearing from view, sighing heavily his fellow warrior's jumped from the roof, landing several feet away from their enemy.
"That was the damn plan?" Mitsusrugi muttered angirly. "A goat suffering a concussion could've done better."
"Looks like we'll have to do this the old fashioned way." Taki commented.
Their opponent laughed at them, punching himself in the chest as preparation, the two japanese warrior's preapared themselves as well, and waited for the attack, only it never came, looking at each other for a second, they turned to Astaroth, The golem stood still as a stone, in the position he was in when he struck his chest, suddenly his lower lip began to tremble and tears began welling up in is eyes, finally falling to the ground, which resulted in everything bouncing a few inches into the air, and cried loudly.
"Oh crap!! I think a cracked a rib!!!"
Stealing another glance at each other, the two standing warriors tried to analyze what happened, while their opponent bawled and Maxi stumbled around blindly, finally walking into a wall.
"Needless to say, I wasn't expecting that." Misturugi commented.
"You and me the same." Taki said as she crossed her arms over her chest.
Approaching the wailing golem the held their weapons at ready, preparing to defend themselves if necessary, slowly closing the distance between themselves and their enemy, they stood before the fallen warrior unsure of to do next. The Golem on the other hand stopped crying, picking his ax up, he swung it at Mitsurugi, sending him flying into Taki, which caused her to fall back, hitting the ground roughly, with Mitsurugi on top of her.
"Oh crap that hurt, Mitsuugi, are you okay?"
Our dear samurai, currently on top of Taki, with his face buried deep in her cleavage, gave her a thumbs up siganlling he was all right and very happy with his present position, growling a little, the kunoichi kicked him of her.
"Sorry..." Mistsutugi said, hanging his head in shame or just to hide the toothy grin he had.
"Worms!!!"
The yell brought them back to problem at hand, there was a giant ax wielding pyscopath barreling towards them with his equally gigantic ax, had it not been for someone pulling them into the dark, our favorite pair of sexual and nudity jokes would have trampled, but they weren't so everybody's happy. Turning to their savior's Xianghua and Hwang, all they could do was sigh with relief.
"You two okay?" questioned Hwang.
"We're fine." answered Taki.
"Where are the others?" asked Mitsurugi.
Xianghua pointed to a corner, where the the remaining members lay, Kilik, sitting against a wall, bleeding from the head, a bra clutched in his hands, Seung Mina in a similar position, opposite Kilik, clutching her wounded shoulder, and finally Maxi, still blind as a bat, still walking into stuff.
"We're the only ones left to fight." Hwang stated, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.
"And eventually he's gonna find us, that spoon won't keep him entertained for long." Taki informed.
They looked at the said golem, currently staring a the shiny, silver spoon in his hand almost as if in a trance.
"But how do we beat him, that ax of his is dangerous."
"I'm working on it." Xianghua informed, turning the page of her Soul Calibur 2 strategy guide.
"Where the hell did you get that?" Taki asked, completly confused.
"The mysterious stranger over there."
Turning their eyes in the direction that Xianghua designated, finding a shadowed figure, standing with his hands in his pockets, with a simple nod of his head he ran to the right, dissapearing behind a building without a sound, until he crashed into a garbage can, making the cat inside the can attack his face, throwing the animal off, he continued on his way. The group shrugged and were about to formulate a plan another crash was heard this time accompanied by chiken noises and several yells of 'not the face'. Looking amongst each other, the warriors went back to planning, until an elephant trumpted, followed by an agitated yell, and a giant beam of what seemed to be darkness along with the elephant, erupted from the ground and dissapeared into the sky.
"I've got it!" Xianghua cried, startling the group.
"Well?" Hwang inquired.
"He's a long range fighter, meaning he's too slow to handle close range."
"That's true, if we can get in close, we'll beat him easy." Mitsurugi stated.
"I'll do it, I'm pretty fast." Taki suggested.
"Right, but it's gonna be difficult to get in that close." Hwang said.
"I'll distract him." Mitsurugi offered.
"How?"
"The only way I know how."
Back to Astaorth...
Astaroth stared at the silver spoon in a transfixed gaze, the way it glowed in the sun fascinating him to no end, yet his moment of bliss was cut short by a sudden yell.
"Hey, ugly."
Tearing his gace away from the eating utensil he saw Mitsurugi with his back facing him, reaching for his ax, he was about to charge the samurai when the said warrior turned, a microphone in his hand and a Karoake machine behind, smiling evily he took a deep breath.
"Everybody was Kung-fu fighting!!!"
The golem stopped in his tracks, the singing so bad, I mean this is Mitsurugi with his North American voice actor, that it just made the ax wielding monstrousity cover his ears to stop them from bleeding. Meanwhile, behind Astaroth, wearing looks of disbelief on their faces and cringing everytime, their friend hit a high note, were the attack team consisting of Taki, Hwang and Xianghua.
"Well...at least it's working." Taki commented, digging a finger into her ear in hopes of hearing again
"Yeah, but is it worth our hearing?" Hwang asked, wincing as Mitsurugi increased the volume.
"THOSE CATS WERE FAST AS LIGHTNING!!!"
"Let's just end this." Xianghua said, preparing her sword.
Nodding, the group burst from the alley, charging Astaroth, who was holding his head in agonizing pain, Hwang was the first to attack, catching the monster in the back with a well placed and furious combo of slashes and kicks. Xianghua followed up, using her natural grace, she avoided many of the wild arm swing's, managing to stab him sevral times in the chest and arms before retreating to a safe distance.
"My turn!"
Quickly running up to her opponent, unleashing a deadly combo of quick slashes, finishing by jumping backwards a bit, leaping intp the air, and propelling herself directly at Astaroth, both her kodachi, stabing the golem in it's beating heart. Jumping away, and rejoining the others, she watched as her opponent stumbled from a few moments, clutching his chest, before finally falling over and hitting the ground loudly, once again causing everything, inanimate and animate alike to bounce a few inches into the air.
"Great job guys, how 'bout a victory song?"
"NO!!!"
Shruging, Mitsurugi joined his victorious friends, offering to buy them a drink once they got back to the inn, and so they went...
...
...
...
...Until they remembered, Kilik, Seung Mina and Maxi were still injured in the alley.
Elsewhere...
"I'm not sure that was necessary." said Berserker 2.
"That elephant almost sat on me." Li stated, matter-of-factly.
"You could have just jumped out of the way."
"What does it matter?"
"You sent it into the air."
"What? It's not like it's gonna land on someone important."
Meanwhile...
Admiral Yi-Shin over looked the construction of his new ships, with any luck, these ships would save his country of Korea and beat back the Japanese invaders, but he still couldn't believe this entire war started because the emperoer of Japan had insulted the royal dog, sure he was fat, but he was definatly not a bowling ball with fur.
"He should have said that about his daughter." The admiral said, snickering at his own joke.
Unbeknowst to the Yi-Shin a shadow was moving behind him, unsheathing a dagger, approaching the old man quietly, raising his dagger over his head in preparation for the final strike, but unfortunatly it never came, as an elephant fell from the sky and crushed the Japanese assasin.
Back to Li...
"Now are we completly understood?" Li asked, narrowing his eyes at Berseker 172.
The body cast glad warrior nodded furiously, hoping to avoid further pain.
"All right then."
Li snapped his first, in an instant the body cast had dissapeared from the berserker's body.
"You can go now."
The berserker bowed slightly and ran out the door.
"Hmm, I wonder if the stairs have been fixed?"
A scream and the sound of a rather large body tumbling down the stairs was heard, finally ending with one large crash.
"Guess not, wait is that the part of the floor the termites have gotten to?"
The sound of wood cracking and yet another scream answered his question.
"Wait a minute...the water main."
The sound of a torrent of water resounded through the room, looking out his window, Li and Berserker 2 saw Berserker 172 fly through the air, landing on a car.
"You know I think it's about time you fixed this place up." Berserker 2 suggested.
"You know I think you're right."
A/N: Another update, forgive me on the delay in this one, but for the longest time I felt there was something seriously wrong with this chapter, hell it brought thoughts of ending the fic back to me, but thankfully I got past that and here you are with a brand new chapter, once again I must apologize if it sucks, I still have mixed feelings about it.
Now for the review commentary:
Neo-Shadow: Yes, chapter 6 was a bit shorter, but at least you enjoyed and to answer you questions. As many times as I want! Heh heh heh.
The Zelda Master: Don't worry, bees are nothing to worry about, the wasps are what you have to avoid and unfortunatly Namco owns Hwang, sorry. Thanks for the good review.
Lady Nami: I'm not sure there is a plot, but thanks anyway. Also I don't think it was necessary o burn Keiko to a crisp.
The Great Daryl: Thanks man, sorry about updating so late.
DemonGod86: Thank you and hopefully it'll stay that way for a long time.
happster360: I apologize about the wait but thank you for the kind words.
RavenGhost: Hopefully this update will stop those two, thanks for the review.
I would also like to thank all of the people that have review so far. bows