Not So Important Mission's
Chapter 8
By Li Katsuya
"Get down!!!"
Berserker 1 dove to the side, narrowly avoiding an explosion that sent three of his comrades flying into the air. Cursing silently to himself, he crawled over to the upturned couch where a frantic, Berserker 47 was nursing a bleeding leg.
"We can't hold this position much longer!" The pink clad Berserker screamed to his leader. "They'll overrun us with the hour."
The black clad leader cursed once more beneath his breath as another explosion went off behind him.
"We have to hold the living room!" Berserker 1 bellowed. "If they overrun us here, they'll have a clear shot for kitchen and if we lose that, we lose the war!"
"Screw the war, we should just defect!" Berserker 47 retorted. "You know Li's not coming back, it's been two and a half years!"
The black armored warrior fell silent for a moment, letting his mind wander as bullets flew past his head. In the two and a half years Li had disappeared, the Berserker's had split into two factions the Li Hater's and the Li Hater's Who Don't Wanna Piss Him Off By Defecting In Case He Comes Back. The LH faction grew in numbers as time went by, until over three fourths of the total Berserker's had joined them. They had staged a coup and for the past month a brutal war raged within the author's house, leaving it nothing more than a smoldering ruin. Thankfully the battle had not affected any of the neighbor's, except for Mr. Pecker of course, but nobody really gave a damn.
Berserker 1 swore again, unsure of whether to risk eternal pain and misery…well more of it by defecting or stay loyal to an arrogant, narcissistic dickweed that toyed with people's lives. The answer seemed so simple, yet Berserker 1 knew life would find a way to bone him over.
"We can't be sure of that!" The ebony wearing warrior yelled back. "We have to hold this position!"
"To hell with that, I'm outta here!" Berserker 47 spat and stood up, limping away as quickly as he could.
"No, get down!"
Before the other Berserker even had a chance to turn around hey was struck by a volley of bullets. Berserker 1 could only watch in horror as his comrade was ripped to shreds, his mangled body falling onto a puddle of his own blood.
"No…NO!!!"
Suddenly the door flew open, though Berserker 1 was unsure why. Mostly because the walls around the door were destroyed and all that remained was the door frame which kinda defeated the purpose of even having the door when one could just walk around it. Despite the fact some one just used a door that they clearly didn't need to which was just ridiculous, that was not what surprised Berserker 1 the most. The fact that Li stepped through the door did.
The teenager still retained most of his shaggy look, though the peach fuzz on his face could now be classified as coconut hair. Still the same black shirt as always, same pair of baggy jeans, same sneakers.
Two more people stepped through the door, one man, one woman. The man was clearly the tallest, standing a little over six feet tall with a scythe slung over his shoulder. While Li could be called gangly, the older man had a lean, strong build to him. Black hair messier than Li's covered his head and fell into his impassive golden eyes, which were almost covered by a pair of dark spectacles. He wore a long red coat while his chest was covered in a brown vest with a white short underneath. He wore a pair of plain black pants upon his legs, with a knife and sheath strapped to his right leg; he ended his ensemble with a pair of brown boots.
The woman was almost adhered to the man's arm, a look of pure bliss on her face. She was strikingly beautiful, with long silver hair and dark green eyes. She wore a simple blouse, deep gray with the sleeves noticeable lighter in shade. Her skirt matched her blouse in color, though it revealed her right leg while covering most of her left. Thigh high black boots cover most of her legs while the rest were hidden by bandages. In her seemingly delicate gloved left hands she held a fancy umbrella.
Despite their seemingly normal appearance, Berserker 1 felt something when the pair looked his way. Power, unrivaled power yet it was tempered by what he believed to be benevolence.
The black clad warrior's thoughts were ripped from the subject as Li suddenly lifted his right hand. He snapped his fingers and everything returned normal, all the damaged disappeared and all of the dead Berserker's came back to life.
Li smirked a little and adjusted his glasses before beginning to walk upstairs, on the fourth stp he turned and looked like he was about to say something but then his foot missed the fifth step. Li fell forward, hit his head on the stairs, fell backwards and smashed the back of his head against the floor and lay on the ground unconscious for five minutes before the female newcomer poked him in the head with her foot. The teen immediately shot up and began gathering pieces of his shattered ego before hurriedly walking up the stairs, the two strangers in tow.
Berserker 1 stood dumbfounded as Berserker 2, the leader of the Li Hater's, walked up next to him and scratched his head.
"Look's like it's back to the same old routine, eh?" The yellow armored warrior stated off handedly.
Berserker 1 immediately lifted his open palm to the other warrior's face, as if expecting something.
"Not one to forget, are ya?" Berserker 2 grumbled as he pulled out his checkbook and began writing an amount. After a moment of scribbling he handed the check to Berserker 1. "There's your five hundred bucks for the bet, ya greedy bastard."
Berserker 1 ignored the quip and quickly ran up the stairs, check in hand. It was time to get some answers from their supposed boss.
----
"Does the incident on the stairs happen often?" Asked the silver haired woman as she sat on the dark haired man's lap as he sat on Li's bed, her umbrella in the corner along with her apparent lover's scythe.
"Often enough, Zosime." The shaggy haired youth grumbled as he nursed his bruised cheek.
"So shouldn't you tell us why you brought us?" Zosime asked before quickly adding. "Besides the fact that we're your original characters and you're using us as advertisement to show your fan, if you have any left, that you are more then a crappy author that can only write something entertaining if it's about somebody else's work because you don't have an original thought in your head."
"…You're lucky I like your character concepts so much…"
The silver haired woman giggled and snuggled closer to the dark haired man,
"Jeez, get a room…"
"Hey, Royce and I are married!" The woman declared. "We're just displaying our affection and it's not my fault your story has us separated for over nine hundred years."
"Look, enough with cuddling contest, I sleep in that bed. Go find a closet or something."
"How rude!"
Before the argument could escalate, Berserker 1 burst through door.
"Boss, where the hell were you?!" The black clad warrior demanded.
"I went out for milk." Li said plainly.
"That was two and a half years ago…" Berserker 1 stated.
"Admittedly I got a bit distracted." Li started, before waving a hand. "But that no longer matters, I'm here to resume the operation."
"So…it begins again…"
"Yeah, now where's Yoshimitsu?"
"Remember what happened with Astaroth?"
"No, but since I don't want to do a flashback sequence let's just pretend that I do."
"…Right, well he's been orbiting the Earth for the past thirty months and today just happens be the day he'll reenter the atmosphere, to land in this very spot no less."
"Convenient."
"Not really, I mean it's all done by your will."
"Oh yeah…man, I love having complete control of reality."
"I know, sir, I know."
Suddenly a screaming became audible and the floor of Li's room suddenly turned into solid concrete. A second later the purple clad ninja smashed through the ceiling and hit the ground with an audible crunch, leaving several large cracks in floor.
"How did the floor change to concrete?" Zosime asked.
"That would be the metaphysical awesomeness that is me." Li answered.
"Then why didn't you change into something that wouldn't shatter every bone in his body?"
Li stared at Zosime for a few minutes, before clearing his throat.
"Um, I don't understand the question…" Li asked, scratching his head sheepishly.
"Why did you hurt him?" Zosime asked.
"What else am I supposed to do with him besides use him to spy on people in a manner that usually results in him being dismembered."
"Can't you, y'know…not hurt him?"
"Your idea's, radical as they may be, intrigue me, tell me more about…not hurting people."
This time Zosime stared at Li for a few moments, before sighing loudly and shaking her head.
"You know what?" She began. "Never mind, I doubt I could be much help."
"All right, I'll just forget everything you said about sympathy towards my fellow living creatures."
"Super."
"Uh, boss?" Berserker 1 started to ask.
"Oh, right." Li exclaimed as he snapped his fingers at Yoshimitsu, who instantly jumped to his as if he had not suffered the horrible injuries that would surely result from hitting solid concrete after falling over ten miles and burning up in reentry.
"What happened?" The bewildered ninja asked.
"You spent the last two and a half years being useless to me." Li answered simply.
"Really? I could've sworn that I died and went to heaven."
"Then obviously your delusional from the excess amount of narcotics you've been using to escape reality."
"Well, since you are the single biggest asshole in the entire multiverse, that does make sense."
"Wonderful, now that that's settled, allow me to give you your new orders. Berserker 1!"
"Sir!"
"You will retain your position as Headquarters chief of security and will also take over the administrative duties cause I'm too lazy to do it."
"Figures…"
"What?"
"I said, yessir."
"Good, Zosime?"
"Yes?" The silver haired girl asked.
"You will lead a new field task squad, Berserker's with homoerotic tendencies."
"Which Berserker's are those?"
"The ones running around in pink armor."
"Ah, okay."
"Now Royce you take over field task squad, Berserker's without homoerotic tendencies aka everybody else."
"…" said Royce.
"Royce?"
"…"
"Royce?!"
"He already said 'alright' twice!" Zosime declared.
"When?"
"After you asked him, of course."
"I didn't even hear him, how did you?"
"Fourteen hundred years of marriage."
"…Anyway, Yoshimitsu?"
"Yeah?"
"You will work directly under Royce and Zosime, you will continue your espionage, but you will report to them."
"Got it."
"All right, you know what you have to do."
Everyone nodded. Yoshimitsu disappeared in a puff of smoke, while Royce and Zosime grabbed their weapons and stepped through a portal Royce had created. After the energy of the portal disappeared, Berserker 1 stepped up towards Li.
"Fourteen hundred years?" The bewildered warrior asked.
"Obviously they're not human…" Li answered simply, a slight smirk on his face.
"Yeah, but then what are they?"
"I'm going to ambiguous that until I can use it to surprise the fans."
"If you have any fans left."
"Shut up."
"So do you just continue where you left off?"
"Yup, their partying over some big win."
"Sounds scandalous."
"Oh come on, these guys are serious fighters, I'm sure their not doing anything all that bad."
----
Hwang groaned as he held up Seung Mina's hair whilst she deposited the contents of her stomach into a bucket in a dark corner. Looking up he saw the rest of his group not faring any better than he.
Maxi was currently totally shit-faced and stripping for the female patron's of the bar, many of which were completely smitten by one of the heroes of the town. Amidst the crowd of screaming women was an equally sloshed Taki who tossing the groups hard earned cash at the stripping swashbuckler.
Not far away Kilik was currently passed out after a single pint of ale at his table, while across from him Xianghua was busy trying to laugh herself into a coma.
"This will not end well." A familiar voice commented.
Hwang turned to his right, where a very sober looking Mitsurugi sat at a table.
"You seem well off." Hwang said wirily.
"So do you." Mitsurugi shot back.
"High alcohol tolerance."
"Same here.
The two men engaged in a staring contest for a moment before the sound of Seung Mina's retching grew too loud to ignore.
"Right, I think it's time we got these drunks upstairs." Hwang suggested.
"Yeah, I don't we need to move Kilik and Xianghua, and Maxi's earning us some good money, so I say we move Mina and Taki."
Hwang nodded and proceeded to lift the sick Mina into his arms, at which point he headed upstairs. Mitsurugi on the other hand was having a bit of a problem with his quarry, mostly because said quarry was attempting to suck on his tongue.
"Taki!" Mitsurugi exclaimed, wrestling the kunoichi away from him. "Control yourself."
"Oh come on, that's what all my ninja teachers say, can't I just let loose for once." She pleaded trying to cuddle against.
"Your not letting loose, you're being loose."
"You know you like it."
Taki at that point did what Mitsurugi guessed to be a seductive look, but with so much alcohol in her system she just ended up blinking a few times to make sure she could still see.
"Well, since you're scrambled and thus will not remember this conversation anyway, yes I do like you, I'm not sure if it's in that way."
"Then come let's do it!"
"Taki, while agreeing to your request will probably lead to a session of sex that would make a hardcore pornographer blush, I am farsighted enough to know when you wake up you will have a hangover and be very pissed at. No doubt you will take frustration out on me and quite frankly you will break me in ways I did not know I could break. So while the idea of having sex with you is certainly appealing, I must decline on the grounds that I really, really like my ability to walk."
"Take me now, or I castrate you." Taki said holding one of her kodachi under the seam of his pants.
"Okay." Mitsurugi said, lifting her into his arms.
Walking up the stairs quickly, they made it to there room. Mitsurugi opened the door for Taki.
"My, what a gentleman."
Mitsurugi had little time do anything but whimper as Taki grabbed him by the collar and pulled him into the room.
A/N: Well, what can I say to appease you animals? Nothing I figure. Heh heh, Im not gonna suddenly explain myself, cause would lead to excuses, and I don't think any of you are in the mood for that. Will I write another chapter soon? Probably not, but that's because college finals are coming up. Alright, that's the only excuse I'll use. Well, I hope you liked it, I hope I still got the mojo…Yes, I swear I'll never say mojo again.