Gaara didn't stay the night at Naruto's. Naruto had invited him to, saying that he didn't think Gaara ought to spend the night alone. Shukaku had a fit of laughter over that, apparently finding some innuendo in the statement that Gaara had missed. Though it was late, and still raining out, Gaara headed back to the hotel. The sand spilled from the gourd and formed an arch over his head, keeping him dry on the walk.

Despite what Naruto said, Gaara wanted to spend the night alone. He had a lot he wanted to think about. Well, that wasn't exactly true; he didn't want to keep thinking about these things, but since they continued to plague his mind, it was probably best if he were alone to dwell on them. He didn't think he could take any more of Naruto's enthused helpfulness, or Shikamaru's blunt and painfully accurate insights.

So this was love. As he had expected, Gaara found he didn't like it much. This was definitely a stupid idea on Temari and Kankuro's part. They had said that love would make Gaara happy. Shows what they knew. Gaara was not happy.

"I know what will make you feel better," Shukaku offered.

"Does it have anything to do with killing someone?" Gaara asked.

"…maybe."

"Not interested."

Shukaku huffed in exasperation. "Well, you're going to have to do something. You can't spend the rest of your life depressed."

"Sure I can." Gaara entered the hotel, calling the sand back into the gourd to keep from making any other patrons of the hotel nervous. Not that it mattered; it was late enough for everyone to be in bed, and the main lobby of the hotel was deserted. Gaara climbed up the stairs to his room.

"The next time I get stuck in some mortal's head, it's going to be somebody with more personality," Shukaku muttered.

"Would you prefer Naruto? Maybe he and I could trade."

There was a moment of silence from the demon. Then, "You're mean."

"I had a good teacher," Gaara muttered. He paused outside of the door to his hotel room, listening to the whisperings of the sand in the gourd; it sensed someone in the room. But it didn't sound agitated, so whoever it was wasn't a threat. Gaara went inside without knocking (it was his room, after all), startling Kankuro, who had been staring out the window.

"Uh, hey Gaara," Kankuro greeted. "Temari and I weren't sure if you were coming back tonight, but I figured I'd wait up for you in case you did… Haven't seen you around much lately, which is fine, but we were just wondering… how things were going?"

Kankuro sometimes tended to babble when talking to his little brother. Though Kankuro was a skilled shinobi, who could take on dangerous, life-threatening missions on a daily basis, it was only around Gaara that Kankuro showed any signs of nervousness.

"We'll be going home tomorrow," Gaara announced after letting the silence stretch. "Be ready to leave early."

"Leave?" Kankuro blinked. "Already? We still have a few days left. Temari said… she thought things were going well between you and Neji."

"They aren't. It's over. Tomorrow we'll leave." When Kankuro just stared at him, Gaara added, "Go back to your room."

"No." Kankuro looked as surprised by his refusal as Gaara felt. Kankuro never told Gaara "no." Kankuro quickly hurried on before he lost his nerve. "Look, Gaara… what you're saying doesn't make any sense. For days, things seem to be going great, and all of a sudden, it's over and you want to leave? It's not like you to give up."

"I'm not giving up," Gaara said, irritated that Kankuro would even suggest that he was. This was a strategic retreat. "There's just no point in continuing this stupidity. Neji doesn't want me."

"Do you want him?"

"What I want doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters," Kankuro said. "That's what this whole thing has been about! Finding something you want, something that will make you happy."

"I've found something I want," Gaara said. "It doesn't make me happy, though. I can't have him."

"Hmm." For some reason, Kankuro smiled, very slightly. "Have you told Neji you love him?"

"No," Gaara said. How was it everyone could tell he was in love? It's not like it was tattooed on his forehead. "I'm not going to, either. Tomorrow, we're leaving. That's an order."

Kankuro held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "Alright, alright. You're the Kazekage, I'm just your brother. We'll leave first thing tomorrow, if that's what you want." He shrugged, and headed for the door.

"Do you think I'm running away?"

Kankuro paused in the doorway. "Yep."

Kankuro's answer should have made Gaara angry, but he was right. Gaara was running. He was hurt, and his first instinct was to run home to hide. Wait for the hurt to go away. He knew that was stupid; the hurt never went away. But… "I don't know what else to do."

"Talk to Neji tomorrow," Kankuro said. "Tell him you love him. See what happens. If you still want to leave after that, we'll leave."

"If you love someone, they hurt you," Gaara said, his voice soft, but certain.

"You can't avoid everything just because it might hurt you, Gaara. You'll never get anything you want that way," Kankuro said. "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. See you in the morning." He walked out, and closed the door behind him.

"…I don't suppose an offer to kill him would be much appreciated?" Shukaku finally said into the silence that was left.

Gaara said nothing to the demon, unslinging the gourd from his back and setting it down carefully, before lying down in the bed to stare at the ceiling.

"Oh goodie," Shukaku muttered, voice laden with sarcasm. "An all-night marathon of counting ceiling tiles. My favorite. This is so much better than mass destruction."

"Just this once, could you shut up for a few hours and let me think?"

"Well I would, but your definition of 'thinking' means 'wallowing in broody misery," Shukaku said. ­­"Do you even hear yourself when you think? It's so boring!"­

"If you want entertainment, I could go back and talk with Naruto some more. Maybe he'll explain what it was Shikamaru wanted to do with the clones. He might let us watch."

"Did I happen to mention that you're mean?"

"You did."

"Well. Still true."

x.x.x

The night passed with excruciating slowness. Shukaku had obviously taken the threat of inflicting Naruto on him seriously, and had spent the night in silence, even in the early hours in the morning when Gaara would have given anything to have something distract him from his thoughts. His thoughts had run in circles all night, giving him no relief. Gaara had stalked down to breakfast the moment the sun broke over the horizon, despite the fact that most of the hotel staff was not awake and there was no breakfast to be had yet. Temari and Kankuro were not up yet either, and the only thing keeping Gaara from going to wake them was the knowledge that in his foul mood, he would more than likely hurt them.

"Don't even say it," Gaara commanded Shukaku, when he felt the demon would comment. "Mangling my siblings would not make me feel better, no matter what you think."

Shukaku let out a huff. "How did you know I was going to say that?"

"Because you always think I should kill someone."

"Well, it's good stress relief. Crushing people into an oozing pulp always made me feel better. You used to enjoy it too, if you recall. Don't try and deny it," Shukaku said. ­"I was there; I feel some of what you feel."

"And I feel what you feel," Gaara said. "We both liked it. We were both monsters."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. We had a good time, you and I. And you felt more alive then than you ever do now."

Gaara ignored that, because Shukaku was right. Gaara had killed because it made him feel alive. To take the life of another was a rush, making the blood pound in Gaara's veins. He no longer killed, and he knew he was better for it. He missed it though. Not the killing so much, but the feeling it gave him. Only one other thing had ever come close to what he felt when he killed.

"If you think kissing Neji made you feel alive," Shukaku said, "you should see what sex with him is like."

"If you don't have anything useful to say, you can go back to giving me the silent treatment."

"Fine. Sheesh, try to be helpful, and nobody ever appreciates it…"

Shukaku fell back into sulky silence, and Gaara tried to relax. All the sleepless nights and recent stress was taking its toll; he'd have to head home soon, and attempt to nap without letting all hell break loose.

As the hours passed, the lobby and eating areas of the hotel gradually filled with patrons, and breakfast was served. Gaara ate more to have something to do, rather than out of hunger. When the food was gone he was bored again, but the waitress was a timid little thing, and had been scared enough of Gaara for him to want to call her back and frighten her more.

Temari and Kankuro came down for their own breakfast sometime later, and the timid waitress returned, seeming a bit calmer now that Gaara had his "keepers" there who would, presumably, be able to control him. After the waitress left to fetch their order, Temari turned to Gaara.

"Kankuro said you want to go home today," Temari stated. "It's awfully sudden. Did you and Neji have an argument?"

"We didn't argue," Gaara said. "He just doesn't like me as much as I thought he did. And he's getting married to his cousin."

"Married?!" Kankuro said. "You didn't tell me that-"

"…um… Gaara? Sir?"

Gaara, Temari and Kankuro all looked up when the soft, timid little voice interrupted their conversation. Hinata was standing there, flushed and fidgeting slightly, and looking like she'd prefer to be anywhere but here.

"Yes?" Gaara finally said, mostly to prompt her to continue, as she didn't seem to know what to say next.

"…is… is Neji here with you?" she finally blurted out.

Gaara tensed, and he could hear that the sand had similarly ceased all movement in the gourd. "No…" he said slowly. "What makes you think he'd be here?"

The undertone of anger in his voice made Hinata stammer more, but she forged on as best she could. "…The… the elders of our clan, they wanted to… speak to him, first thing this morning. But he… wasn't in his room. Nobody saw him leave, and… nobody can find him. I thought… he might have come here."

"He's not here," Gaara said. He stood up, and Hinata flinched like he might hit her. "I think I may know where he is, though. I'll go get him."

"Um… um… maybe… I should go… with you?" Hinata suggested.

Gaara ignored her, and headed for the door. He could hear his sister behind him, quietly telling Hinata it was probably better that she return home, and wait for Gaara to bring Neji. Hinata must have taken the advice, for she didn't follow him. She was probably grateful for the excuse not to.

As Gaara avoided the guards and slipped quietly into the Forest of Death, he wondered if Neji had spent the whole night out here, after Gaara had left him. He had no doubt that he would find Neji here, and ten minutes after entering the forest, Gaara found the first creature corpse, a twenty-foot-long centipede with a kunai buried in its head. There was a trail of dead things, leading deeper into the woods. Neji hadn't even bothered hiding his presence.

He found Neji sitting high up in a tree. Neji glanced at him briefly as Gaara sat on the branch beside him, then went back to apparently staring down at the ground, as if it held some secret that Neji was waiting for it to give up.

"I knew you'd be the only one to think to look for me here," Neji finally said, when Gaara didn't speak. "I didn't think you would come, though."

"Your family is waiting for you," Gaara said, when he could think of nothing else to say.

"I don't care." Something rustled through the bushes far below them, and with a movement almost too fast to follow, Neji tossed a kunai down at it. The movement looked careless, but there was a shriek swiftly cut short, as whatever it was died.

"You're upset," Gaara stated. This confused him. When he had left last night, Neji had been resigned. Gaara was the one who had been hurt; why was Neji angry now? "What has made you upset?"

"Who put you up to asking me out?" Neji asked, instead of answering Gaara's question.

"Temari and Kankuro," Gaara said. "They thought if I had a girlfriend, it would make me happy. So I went along with their idea, this… mission, and picked you out of the crowd to be the target. But I wasn't going to love you. And then you showed me the stars, and accepted my demon, and kissed me, and I couldn't stop myself."

Neji blinked at him, giving a small, wry smile. "You love me?"

Gaara hesitated only a second before he nodded in agreement. "I love you."

Neji laughed softly, his dark mood seeming to dissipate. "It is a familiar story. I have one like it. When you asked me out, I figured it was probably your siblings that had set you up to it. But so long as you were asking, I figured I would take advantage and get what I wanted; a brief but happy memory to keep me company through a loveless marriage. But I wasn't going to love you, when I knew you wouldn't love me. But then you were so… awkward on our date, but sweet in your own way. You worried about me when I went out on a mission, and gave me a present that made me feel like you cared, and you kissed me first. And I just… couldn't help myself."

Gaara took a deep breath, hardly daring to believe what he heard. "You… love me?"

Neji nodded, and smiled at him. "I love you."

"You love me," Gaara whispered, marveling at the words, at the way his heart thrummed in pleasure at the knowledge. He was loved. Neji loved him. Gaara reached out and touched Neji's cheek, and Neji mirrored the action, trailing his fingertips down Gaara's skin. Gaara felt breathless and thrilled, almost dizzy. Belatedly, he realized he was smiling. So this was what happiness felt like. It really did feel good.

Neji leaned closer to kiss him, softly and sweet and altogether too short, before he drew back. Gaara could tell he was going to say something that would put a damper on this new and fragile happiness, so he didn't give him the chance. Neji was distracted enough when the sand poured from the gourd with a sigh, collecting around them, forming a soft nest to cushion them from the rough bark of the tree. Anything Neji was about to say was quickly muffled by Gaara kissing him.

Kissing Neji was as good as Gaara remembered. Neji was so warm, and Gaara could feel his own body heat rise, his pulse quickening. Gaara's hands somehow found the tie that held back Neji's hair, pulling it free. Neji's hair was softer than Gaara had even imagined, and he ran his fingers through the silky strands. He was delighted to discover that Neji seemed to like that very much. It was sweet, so sweet to be close to this person, to hold him and to kiss him. So sweet that Gaara did not immediately recognize the ache within himself for what it was.

It wasn't enough, this gently sweet, limited contact. Gaara, starved for touch and for love since childhood, wanted- needed more. He needed to feel Neji's skin, all of him, everywhere. He wanted to feel Neji within him, until he couldn't discern where one of them ended and the other began. He wanted every cell in his body to resonate with this feeling, this knowledge that he was loved. At that moment, it felt like every pain in his life, all the loneliness, everything he'd gone through had been leading to this moment, this chance at love, to be truly whole.

Just as Gaara started to seriously consider the things he craved and how to get them, Neji drew back, as if in hesitation.

"Gaara," Neji said, with obvious regret. "This… the way we feel… it doesn't change anything. I'll still have to be married to Hanabi. Probably soon, now that my clan's elders have realized you have an interest in me."

"I don't care," Gaara said. "I know what I want now. Make me feel alive, Neji. Even if it's only this one time."

Neji's smiled, touching Gaara's cheek, then letting his fingertips trail over the line of his jaw, down his neck, watching the way Gaara shivered at the contact. "This is what you want? Do you even know what you're asking for?"

"I know," Gaara said. "I want it all. Everything you can give me."

Neji said nothing, but his kiss was answer enough. Gaara lay back on the cushioning mattress the sands had made for them, holding Neji to him, and just feeling. The strange and wonderful new emotions, combined with just as unfamiliar physical sensation left Gaara breathless, trembling with want for things he couldn't name. The chill of the forest air on his skin as his shirt was pulled up and off didn't seem to help cool him down any. As Neji contemplated the expanse of freshly exposed skin, one finger idly tracing over Gaara's collarbone, Gaara found that the heat only seemed to get worse.

The sand shivered under Gaara suddenly, a response to a sudden surge of chakra. Surprised, Gaara met Neji's gaze. Neji's eyes seemed to glow, burning with some inner fire, intense and uncompromising. The activated byakugan made Neji's eyes gleam like jewels, and Gaara shivered despite the heat. Under that gaze, Gaara felt completely exposed, vulnerable, and inexplicably excited.

"What are you doing?" Gaara said, and even to him his voice sounded shaky.

Neji's hand skimmed over Gaara's chest, not touching the skin. But Gaara could feel the touch of Neji's chakra like a caress, sensitizing every nerve ending. Gaara shivered, and the sand beneath them shivered with him. The world beyond this small bed of sand faded away, ceased to exist, as Gaara's whole perception narrowed down to the feel of Neji's chakra fluttering, teasing against his skin. Neji hadn't even touched him yet, and Gaara felt like he was coming apart.

Lightly, purposefully, Neji touched a finger to a spot just below Gaara's collarbone. Pleasure bloomed in that spot, radiating outward from the point of contact throughout Gaara's entire body. Gaara may have made some noise, may have cried out, but he didn't feel like he had enough breath to make a sound. Neji's fingers played gently downward, even the briefest touch evoking a stunning array of sensation. Gaara had never felt his own chakra burn like this, racing fast through the core of his being. His other senses became a blur- his vision was a hazy swirl of blending colors, and all sound was a meaningless whirr to his ears. All he knew was Neji's fingertips on his skin, Neji's chakra playing his own like a finely tuned instrument, his own hands grasping blindly at Neji's shoulders, desperate for something to hold on to.

Though Gaara was more than willing to give himself over completely to the moment, to the incredible feelings Neji evoked within him, something nagged insistently in his mind, a repeating thought or a voice that begged his attention, despite his attempts to ignore it.

"…stop it…"

Gaara frowned, some pleasure-fogged part of his brain trying to decipher the words. Stop it? Why? He didn't want Neji to stop, especially if Neji kept touching him- oh gods- there.

"…stop it…" the voice begged insistently. "…make him stop it…"

He knew he should know the voice, but it was just so hard to place with Neji's touches driving him to distraction. It took him longer than it ought to put a name to the voice. "…Shukaku?… what…?"

"…make him stop," Shukaku pleaded, sounding frantic, breathless. "…it's too much… I can't… damn!" The demon made a strange cry, almost like it were in pain, and Gaara's vision went white. Shukaku's chakra poured forth in an unrestrained tidal wave, burning through Gaara once before receding.

Gaara's vision cleared slowly, his thoughts carefully gathering again after Shukaku's outburst had splintered them. Dimly he could hear Shukaku's heavy breathing- a mental reflex, Gaara knew, since the demon didn't actually need to breathe. "Shukaku? What happened to you?"

"…mmm…" said the demon, part moan, part purr, pure exhaustion. "…you're not the only one who never gets touched around here, you know."

"…oh. Oh!" Gaara had given no thought as to how this sort of activity would affect the demon. Shukaku felt nothing of what happened to Gaara's physical form, experiencing it only secondhand, through Gaara's perception. But Neji had the ability to see the flow of chakra in a being, and to touch and affect that flow. Shukaku had felt that, really felt it, just as Gaara had. No wonder the demon had been overwhelmed. "Are you going to be okay?"

The demon said nothing.

"Shukaku?"

Still, the demon said nothing. And then… it began to snore.

Shukaku was asleep.

"Gaara?"

Gaara blinked, suddenly aware that Neji was no longer petting him with those sinfully sweet touches, and was now just watching him with a look of mild confusion and concern. Impulsively, Gaara pulled Neji close, hugging him. Neji's hands slowly resumed their gentle petting, though his chakra no longer enhanced each touch to a fevered pitch. Still, Gaara reveled in every light touch, the littlest caress. Gaara's nerves were still tight and aching with unfulfilled desires. And he wasn't content to be passive any longer.

Their makeshift mattress let up little puffs of sand as Gaara reversed their positions, tumbling Neji beneath him. Neji looked startled, briefly, at the suddenness of being pinned. Gaara did nothing more than stare at Neji for several long moments. This was new to him, and he had very little idea on how to proceed. A great deal of hands-on experimentation would probably be necessary. That being the case, Gaara decided, they were probably both wearing too many clothes.

Neji shifted to help accommodate his efforts as Gaara decisively tugged Neji's shirt off. Neji's skin was smooth and deliciously warm under Gaara's exploring touches. Gaara nuzzled at the crook of Neji's neck, and after a brief contemplation, gently bit at the skin. Neji's whole body shivered against him, and Gaara smiled. That was a good start.

Neji's skillful ministrations and teasing touches had nearly driven Gaara over the edge with wanting. Neji made Gaara feel alive. Gaara decided it was time to return the favor.

x.x.x