We all fall down, an outsiders fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders (If I did, Dally and Johnny would have lived) or Like Toy Soldiers by Eminem

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down
Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers
Bit by bit torn apart We never win
But the battle wages on, for toy soldiers

I watched as Dally ran from the fuzz across the lot. He nearly fell twice. I wanted to help him. To save him. To go back a few hours and take him to my house. Save him from himself. Try and comfort him. Be with him. Be by his side. Do whatever I could. Tell him this was stupid. Dally thought this was the right thing to do, to die young and gallant before he could get old and be broken. Stupid Dally. We were like brothers. Closer than that. We were like twins. We both grew up before our time. There never should have been all out war fare between us and the Soc's. We should have handled it one on one. But everyone wanted a rumble, it was called for. Was I wrong to let them have what they wanted? Should I have stood up and led by example, said no? But then Two-Bit Matthews was jumped. 'Ol Two-Bit, who never anythin' but make people laugh. Dally was itching for a rumble. But should I have kept my boys out of it? Maybe then no one would've fought. Dally looked over and saw me, standing helpless, hands by my side, watching him. I think he smiled at me. In that moment, I felt the bond between us was rock hard and unbreakable. I felt a tear roll down my nose and drop to the ground.

I'm suppose to be the soldier, who never blows his composure
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders
I ain't never suppose to show it, my crew ain't suppose to know it
Even if it means going toe to toe with the Benzino, it don't matter
I never drag em in battles that I can handle less I absolutely have to
I'm suppose to set an example, I need to be the leader
My crew looks for me to guide em
If some shit ever just pop off I'm suppose to be beside em
That Ja shit, I tried to squashed it, it was too late to stop it
There's a certain line, you just don't cross it, and he crossed it
I heard him say Hailie's name on a song and I just lost it
It was crazy, this shit went way beyond some Jay Z and Nas shit

We'd won the rumble but lost it all. That Johnny Cade kid, I didn't know him well but the few times I did talk to him, he seemed like a good kid. Tuff without being tough. For want of a better word, golden. I guess he was scared of me. really scared. He set me as what he didn't want to be. I'm a hood. I'm a JD. But right now, I'm so tired, I'd give up my hard won rep, my gang, anything and everything I have just to shake this feeling of guilt that I can't help but feel. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want anyone to die. I just wanted to-Oh I don't know what I want, just not this. And it doesn't matter how bad we whipped the Soc's, they still win in the long run 'cause they can get out of Tulsa and get away from this shit but we're stuck here for life, with no escape. I feel Johnny's death is somehow my fault, like I could have stopped it by sorting out the Soc's one on one a while back. I think back and remember myself telling that young'un Ponyboy Curtis good going for killing the Soc. It makes me feel sick. To think that it wasn't my problem. And just the day before they killed the Soc I'd thought to myself 'Something big is gonna happen'. But I didn't say anything to anyone because I thought it wouldn't effect me so it wasn't my business, telling myself it would be nosey.

And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it
I spent so much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted
I'm so caught it I almost feel like I'm the one who caused it
This ain't what I'm in hip-hop for, it's not why I got in it
Now it's never my object to for someone to get killed
Why would I wanna destroy something I helped build
It wasn't my intentions, my intentions were good
I went through my whole career with out ever mentioning
And that's just outta respect for not running my mouth
And talking about something that I knew nothing about
Plus Dre told me stay out, just wasn't my beef, So I did
I just fell back, watched and gritted my teeth while he's all over TV
Now I'm talking a man who literally saved my live, like fuck it
I understand, this is business and this shit just isn't none of my business
But still knowing this shit could pop off at any minute.

Even weeks before the rumble I knew there'd be trouble. I mean, you used to be able to walk alone. Alarm bells went off in my head as soon as they started jumping us in groups when we were alone. It got heated, with skirmishes between Soc's and us. I had tried to stop it though. I tried hard. I tried threats. I tried warnings. I even tried peace. Me, Joey, the Brumly Boy's leader and Daryl Curtis had tried talking to Bob and other Soc's but they started saying things about us and where we lived and our girls. Then a few months ago, before Bob got knifed, one of my buddies, Harry, jumped Bob and tried to kill him. I called in a lot of favours to get Harry out of Tulsa to a save place for that one. Hid him from Soc's and the fuzz. I would've felt better if he'd killed Bob there and then. But he didn't. And we started fighting even worse. When the Soc's tried to get the fuzz onto us, that was the last straw. They'd started the whole thing. So I let my gang loose on 'em, let my boys jump whoever they wanted.

It used to be time when you could just say a rhyme
And wouldn't have to worry about one of your people dying
But now it's elevated cause once you put someone's kids in it
Shit gets escalated, it ain't just words no more, is it
It's a different ball game, call names and you ain't just rapping
We actually tried to stop the 50 and Ja beef from happening
Me and Dre had sat with him, kicked it and had a chat with him
And asked him not to start it, he wasn't gonna go after him
Until Ja start gabbing in magazines how he stabbed him
Fuck it 50, smash him, mash him, and let him have it

The fuzz were gaining on Dally now. No surprise there. Dally smoked so much he wouldn't be able to run a mile. But then again, neither could half my boys but that didn't stop them getting in chases with the fuzz. Everyone in Tulsa enjoyed a chase from the fuzz. 'Cept the Socs. I s'pose what escalated this whole thing for me was that Bob had a particular dislike of me. He singled me out for mocking, as if he was seeing how far he could push me. He tried to turn my gang against me. One of my least favourite boy's, Ray Browning, started to take advice from Bob, thinking if he overthrew me the gang would follow him and the Socs would be happy with me out of the picture. Ray is only a few weeks older than Curly and he hates Curly. I think he hates that I like Curly more than him. He can sure hold a grudge. I overcame him though and when I found out who'd been whispering in his ear I went berserk. Madder than I've ever been before.

Some receptionist said the source who answers phones at his desk has an erection for me and thinks that I'll be his resurrection
Tries to blow the dust of his mic and make a new record
But now he's fucked the game up cause one of the ways I came was through that publication, the same one that made me famous
Now the owner of it got a grudge against me for nothing but fuck it
That motha fucker can get it too, fuck 'em then
But I'm so busy being pissed off, I don't stop to think
That we just inherited 50's beef with murder inc
And he's inherited mine, which is fine, ain't like either of us mind

And I had guy's following me. Believing blindly in me, thinking I was two steps ahead. I tried to show I appreciated it, in my own way, by throwing wild parties and buying rounds but it wasn't enough. Not for me, but the smallest gesture to them is enough. And now I want it all to end, the fighting. Just so we can all move on. I think the Socs are tired of it too, no matter what they say. Because is worth losing another kid like Johnny Cade. We could all go on with this senseless fighting, I'm tired but I won't let the Socs try and stomp on us. I don't need peace, I want it. I don't want to feel guilty anymore.

Still have soldiers that is on the front line that's willing to die for us
As soon as we give the orders, never to extort us
Strictly to show they support us,
Maybe shout 'em out in a rap or up in chorus to show we love 'em back
And to let 'em know how important is to have Runyon Avenue soldiers up in
our corners
Their loyalty to us is worth more then any award is
But I ain't trying to have none of me people hurt or murdered
It ain't worth it, I can't think of a perfecter way to word it
Then to just say that I love y'all too much to see the verdict
I'll walk away from it all before I'll let it go any further
Now don't get it twisted, it's not a plea that I'm coping,
I'm just willing to be the bigger man
If y'all can quit popping off at the jaws with the knocking
Cause frankly I'm sick of talking
I'm not gonna let someone else's coffin rest on my conscious

Then I snapped out of it. Dally whipped out his unloaded heater. I remember his exact words when he showed me it. 'It's not loaded, but it sure does help to bluff'. I started screaming at the cops, warning them. But it was too late, Dally had it pointed at them and they gunned him down, under the street light. He crumbled and fell to the ground. I took off, helpless no more. I sprinted, without having to draw breath because of my smoking, and reached him before the cops. "Dally, Dally, stay with me!" I said, tears streaming down my cheeks. He smiled at me and used his last little tiny bit of energy to wink at me. Then his eyes closed and I knew he was gone. Gone for good with no coming back. I buried my head on his shoulder. Then I heard the cops getting closer. Inside I was falling around, weeping and screaming for Dally to come back. Tearing myself a part. Ripping my soul to pieces. But on the outside, I was standing steadily, strongly, an icy indifference on my face as if it was raining. I scowled at the cops and walked off through the night, shutting my feelings and emotions away in a small box inside my head. And then the last thing I would ever feel came through, a sense that I'd lost and would never really win ever again...