Don't expect updates to always come this fast (yes, this is considered fast.) If this is going to be anything like my other collection of oneshots in another fandom, months will pass before something new comes out. Fortunately, I've got something else for this in the making now, but in all probability, this will definitely look deserted most of the time.
Summary: Mandy, Grim, and Eris each receive their own special Valentines…but the funny thing is that none of them are very thrilled.
…they turned black
i. THE FIXED
Mandy walked home from school that day alone, and from a few feet away she could see the pink mailbox bulge. Something brown was poking out of it; a bulky piece of mail in all probability, but her house rarely received anything other than the odd bill. She tugged open the lid. A package was inside with no return address, but her name printed on a white label stuck to the front.
She carried the parcel—a cardboard box, actually, sealed with duct tape—into her room and set it on her bed. Was it worth opening?
Eventually, curiosity won her over and she scoured her room for a pair of scissors. Finding none, she opted for a pocketknife instead and rid the box of the clumsy tape. She opened the cardboard flaps and dumped the contents on the floor.
What looked like an explosion of pink, red, and white tumbled out. She stared. A valentine's nightmare.
Among the mess of items was a pile of boxes filled with candy hearts, several cherry-red lollipops, and heaps of heart-shaped stickers. Plastic heart ornaments were strewn among the pile, some obviously homemade. There was even a small but heavy paperweight pink heart lying there on the ground, reading 'My Baby' in olden script dead center. Inside it was a heap of white glitter suspended in some fluid that made the glitter fly around when the paperweight was moved, rather like a snowglobe.
The largest item was the only thing not heart-shaped: a construction-paper card about a foot tall. She retrieved it from the pile with two fingers and stared at it with narrow eyes. On the front panel there was a multitude of hearts overlapping each other. Inside, the words 'Dear Mandy, my honey,' were inscribed, the handwriting reeking of a lovesick boy. 'Happy Valentine's Day' was in cursive and all caps, and 'From your valentine, Irwin' was under that.
She dropped the card in disgust.
How could she be so foolish? It should have been obvious, so why hadn't she noticed? She kicked the stinking pile of affection and then immediately regretted touching its repulsiveness.
Mandy sat down on the side of her bed facing away from the mess. Today she had received about twenty-five valentines, and the one Irwin gave her was small enough to make her suspicious. Well, now those suspicions were cleared.
She'd trashed every single heart-shaped folly once class was over. Love.
Wouldn't it be truly horrible to feel that need, the need of being wanted, the need for company? Depending on someone else for stability, for happiness—as if you couldn't do it by yourself. How disgusting it was, to subject oneself to that great desire for another, the need to see them, breathe them, my love, my only, my beautiful, my darling—
And of course, there would always be that great gaping empty spot that was left when the glorious lover fell out of love and back to life. She was always the person to inflict that wound, and she had no want of it being the other way around.
Stupid holiday. Stupid love. In most cases, it wasn't even love at all. It was lust, or some equally degrading feeling. How humanity embarrassed her sometimes...
Abruptly, Mandy stood up and grabbed the glittery paperweight. It was about the size of her fist. She stalked over to her window and heaved it open. She could see into Billy's bedroom, for their houses were merely a street apart. His window was closed and Grim was sitting on the bed.
She leaned back like a pitcher, the paperweight in her right hand the baseball. In one swift motion she lurched forward and threw the paperweight. It went flying right through her open window and, coupled with inertia and sheer force, crashed right through Billy's and landed on the floor.
The sound of the glass breaking calmed her down a little. She slammed her window shut and stormed back to her bed.
"I hate Valentine's Day."
ii. THE PERSUADED
Grim sat in Billy's bedroom after school, drumming his fingers. He'd sent a valentine to Eris just a few moments ago, and now he sat in suspense, waiting for a reaction that might not even come. He was lying whenever he said he was over her, valley-girl impression or not.
She was a goddess, and he a reaper from the banes of Hell. But that blasted 'hope is a doubled-edged sword' theory had yet to sink into his subconscious. Thinking and fretting about it made him feel worse, knowing she didn't care a bit for him. Not a single damn bit.
Someone came flying in through the door.
"Hi, Grim!"
"Billy."
"I wanted to give you something," Billy said, smiling.
"Alright, get it over with," he replied, hardly paying attention. He was starting to sound as sulky as Mandy nowadays.
"HERE!"
Out of the blue, Billy pulled out something from behind his back and stuck it right in front of Grim's face.
It was a gigantic heart, all colored pink and cut out of flat cardboard. He could see the streaks of cheap marker on the valentine as well as the brown-grey spots Billy had missed. In childish handwriting were the words, 'I LOVE YOU, GRIM!' with the 'LOVE' scratched out several times and re-spelled.
The heart was caked in mud all over its edges, front, and back, and flies and mosquitoes swarmed around it, buzzing. He pushed the valentine away from his face.
"Billy…what is dis?"
Billy bounced on his heels, his voice high-pitched and glad. "In art class today we were supposed to make a valentine to the ones we lurved!"
He cringed. "Dat doesn't explain why it's all muddy."
"I dropped it in a mud puddle while I was walking home. I think it looks much fresher and from the heart this way, huh?"
"From your heart, definitely," Grim mumbled.
"Yeah," Billy gushed. Suddenly, he tossed the Valentine to the side, and wrapped his muddy arms around Grim's body. "I LOVES YOU SO MUCH, GRIM!"
Grim shuddered and pushed Billy off, spewing a variety of grossed-out noises. "What are you doing, boy?"
"I loves you, Grim! We'd been through so much together, and—and—" At the peak of his excitement, Billy farted. "I LOVES YOU! Grim, you don't know it, but I'm telling you now, babe-ehh: You're like the dad I never had!"
"…Billy, you have a dad. Remember? He's downstairs."
"Oh. Do I?" Grim sighed. He could practically see the thought bubbles above Billy's head. "Well then, I'm off to profess my unadulterated, unrestricted love for him. BYE GRIM!"
In another blink, the boy had flown back out the door.
Grim blinked, noticing the muddy heart still on the rug. He picked it up and stared at it, swatting away the flies. Something echoed in his mind: I LOVES YOU, GRIM!
Billy…loving him…That was wrong on so many levels …He was the Grim Reaper, not a father to this idiot of a boy! He was fierce, he was cold and heartless, for goodness sakes…and now he suddenly felt the urge to smash something, being reminded of Eris at the 'heartless' part of his thought.
Before he could move, there was a dreadful crash. Grim turned around. Something had been thrown through the window. Most of the glass had fallen inwards, their sharp, triangular points digging into the rug. Well, now he didn't have to smash something, at any rate.
He caught a fleeting glance of Mandy as she closed her window and sat back on her bed. Her voice was muffled, but enunciated clearly enough for him to hear.
"I hate Valentine's Day."
She sounded like a woman barely containing her anger. Nothing new. He picked up the object that was bulky enough to have broken through a window. A paperweight heart filled with white glitter. It was quite heavy, and when he turned it he saw 'My Baby' written on the outside.
He snorted with laughter. Apparently Irwin had gotten to the girl already.
He set the paperweight back down on the ground and looked back at the muddy Valentine Billy had given him. It had fallen. Disgusting—there were maggots all over the crusty thing.
Valentine's Day. It brought so many feelings he'd rather do without. Hell, no, he didn't exactly want to be in love with Eris. He was the Grim Reaper, he couldn't be falling in love left and right, but he was and there was no chasing the feeling off until he was either dumped or picked up by her. He probably needed to be dumped in order for him to feel cold and harsh, angry, again. But the feelings weren't chased off yet…It made him nervous even though he didn't want to be. So he had made his move, made himself completely susceptible to her reactions.
Eris, the damned woman. He had grown an intense affection for her ever since she started the Trojan War. So many lives he took, all those years—his high point, all thanks to her. She had heard of his admiration and took a chance with him, but wasn't impressed, so it seemed. He closed his eyes and tried to drive away the words she'd told him that night.
You're such a cliché, Grimmy, with your whole 'Ooh, I'm Death, I'm so scary, you better drop to your knees' thing. I thought you'd be cooler than this, you know. I can pick up guys like you a dime a dozen…a dime a dozen… dime a dozen…dime…
His fists clenched. The danger of Memory Lane was that it brought back all those cursed feelings. He'd have a hard time escaping the path once he'd started. And now, again, he was relieving that sinking sensation where his heart ought to be…
Valentine's Day. A day for hearts, for flowers, for sickeningly sweet food-colored candies. Why, why? People fell in love every day. Why did mortals feel the need to dedicate an entire holiday to the everyday occurrences of life, albeit one of the more horrible ones?
Love made people vulnerable. It was as easy as that.
He didn't want to be vulnerable—to Eris, to Atrocia, to Malaria, to anybody.
I am the Grim Reaper—Master of the forces of Life and Death! he had cried in vain that day in Limbo.
Maybe Mandy's mantra was right after all. He stared down at the muddy heart dirtying the floor.
"I hate Valentine's Day."
iii. THE METAMORPHOSED
Eris was perched on her bed, a majestic canopy creation all made of gold and diamonds with the softest silk sheets and blankets. Her legs were crossed and she was duly focused on filing her already-perfect nails. It was good to be home on Olympus again, no matter for how short a time. Her old room was just as beautiful as ever. The Apple of Discord lay next to her neatly, emitting great whiffs of chaos that only the goddess herself was sensitive to. So peaceful…so serene…it made her want to gag, actually.
With a crackle, someone appeared in front of her. The young cherub-like face formed first, then the lean, fit body, and finally all of his accessories. Eris forced a grin and dropped her nail file onto the bed.
"Hello, Eros," she purred.
He was grumbling something, his quiver full of bows sitting crooked on his shoulder. "Do you know what I just had to go through? I had to deliver this gigantic box of enchanted chocolates to some girl from the guy. They were heavy as crud—I think I nearly broke my back carrying them. The box was about three feet tall, with five layers of chocolates, and do you know what she did after I think I cracked my spine bringing them to her?"
"No, but please do enlighten me," the goddess smirked. "How chaotic was it?"
"Well, apparently this guy has been sending her box after box of chocolates already, through snail-mail, air-mail, and zombie-mail, and she was at the breaking point. But she had no right to take it out on me! She actually went hi-yah—" He pretended to kick something very, very hard, "right—right—" He motioned towards his crotch.
She winced. "Ow. Though I am impressed with how the little fiend defied you."
He sighed. "All the same, it's getting ridiculous how little these monsters of the Underworld respect us gods and goddesses these days. I'm getting so tired from all this Valentine-delivering in the Underworld. Why can't Hermes do it? He's the messenger god, after all."
"Yes, but you're the god of passion and desire and all those kinky little things," she smiled. "Plus, you only get as overworked as this one day a year, darling."
"Right, right. But I'm still telling Mother about that little beast! I'm sure she'll let me inflict some isolating curse on her. I'm going to be delivering the rest of these accursed Valentines doubled-over because of her!" He hmphed, then appeared to deflate a little. "Anyways, I've got a Valentine for you too, Eris."
"Oh, really? From whom?"
"Here," he said, magicking up a bouquet of dead asters and blackened chrysanthemums. "The card's inside, I believe. Thanks for listening, I gotta run."
Eros disappeared and she examined the bouquet carefully. The thorns had been left on; such was the etiquette of the Underworld. Each of the flowers was wilted and drooping, but still retained impressive beauty. The finest of the dead, but she didn't quite share their style. She fondled one of the crisped petals in her fingers. Its edges were slightly sharp from rot but still soft in the middle. It made no difference though—she preferred her plants alive.
The flowers were tied together by a pretty black silk ribbon and a short length of plastic wrap. A small black card was held to the flowers by the ribbon. She carefully pulled it out.
A small spray of bat confetti shot out of the card, dancing once into the air and then falling onto her lap. Definitely enchanted. She frowned. Perhaps this was a bit morbid for her tastes, not even counting the flowers.
She read on. It was one of those store-bought Underworld cards bearing an unbelievably cheesy greeting inside that was more like a pick-up line than a Valentine's message. This one read 'It's a good thing I'm already dead, baby—because your looks could kill! Happy Valentine's Day!' It was signed 'The Grim Reaper', as if his proper title could woo her any more than his despicable appearance and his absolutely clichéd, overdone personality.
The goddess made a little noise of disgust and dropped the flowers onto the ground. She placed the card on top of the pile and snapped her fingers; her Valentine's gift turned to ash.
What was he thinking, sending her a Valentine? She'd thoroughly expressed her nonexistent feelings for the reaper several times before, and he still had that goddamned crush on her? (She was allowed to say that, seeing that she was a goddess and had all the powers to damn him if he wasn't already hellish scum.) And still he gave her a Valentine. Her only Valentine this year, in all probability, since not many people seemed to like her.
She never could figure out why she was so disliked. Maybe it was the whole 'chaos' thing, since monsters and mortals alike seemed to want stability, security. Chaos did always give them a little bit of the unexpected.
But it was pointless to moan, as this was her unspoken duty as Goddess of Chaos. She just sometimes wished people would be a bit more accepting. It did sometimes get lonely…after all, they all prayed to Aphrodite when they wanted love, Ares when they wanted victories, Athena when they wanted wisdom…no one ever sacrificed to her. No one seemed to like chaos except the losers like Grim, and he was probably more attracted to the fact that she'd given him more opportunities to collect souls than for who she was.
Perhaps she was being a bit harsh, a bit selective, but she was a goddess after all. Didn't she deserve someone divine, someone not quite as morbid yet lame as Grim? There was a time where she'd gotten so lonely, so fed up with the thought that no god or titan wanted her that she'd lowered herself to chasing mortal men, who were wooed so much more easily.
She'd amused herself with Hoss for a while, but all the gods and goddesses had talked about her behind her back. What hypocrites—Zeus was always going out with and nymphs and nereids and the sort, so who was he to dare mock her? Perhaps his status as the king of gods gave him some authority over everyone else, but that was irrelevant if this indeed was a question of morals.
So she'd gotten rid of Hoss—hell, mortals were exhausting, and after a while they no longer worshipped her and instead considered themselves superior for simply being able to date her. Well, that was what Eris told herself, at any rate.
No one likes chaos…
She picked up her Apple and stroked it lovingly. But she loved chaos, she was born to create it and wreck havoc upon all that was…
Men shouldn't matter, should they? Didn't she always have chaos to amuse herself with if she got lonely? Chaos made her happy, just like the men. But they were not equal virtues after all; she was the Goddess of Chaos foremost and attractive blonde babe second.
Right?
Right, she told herself silently, wistfully. The sun was going down, one glorious moment of color so close to the mountain, and then it was gone. She snapped her fingers and the candles in her room alighted.
Love be damned. She didn't need love, especially from desperate seekers like Grim. She had chaos. Love was insufficient; it would never fill the hunger in her like chaos would.
Chaos is what matters, the downright, dirty out-of-order stuff. People screaming, buildings on fire, or just an enraged truck driver going on a temper tantrum. Chaos is the good stuff. Love…love is tiresome and dull compared to chaos. She didn't need love, and that was decided. She needed chaos.
Holidays celebrating love…they were pathetic, she thought. There are much better things to celebrate than love. Stupid Grim, he'd fallen under and into the trap, the guise of love, where you were inexplicably attracted to someone and you couldn't live without them…
And Eros. She didn't have anything against him, but didn't he get tired, day after day shooting arrows at people and watching them repeat the same head-over-heels ritual? Did he mind, or was it a familiar sight by now?
…You can't see when you're head-over-heels.
Love would only get you heartbroken in the end. Mortals would eventually die and be separated, while even the immortals didn't love forever. It was too exhausting to be bound to one person throughout time. There were always little betrayals, little one-night stands and sometimes whole other lovers on the side. Even Aphrodite would cheat with Ares and others. Love cannot last forever.
But can chaos?
Eris held her Apple in her cupped palms. She would try, and she would succeed. There…there was something better than love. Entertaining, powerful, self-sufficient to spark happiness in her. Love was so derogatory to oneself, really…She crinkled her brow and loaded her voice with disgust.
"I hate Valentine's Day."
End.
Eris's section is a bit lengthy, but I wanted dearly to explore her character. That's what I like about minor characters; there's so much room for speculation. Constructive criticism appreciated.
Wait, no one listens to me when I say that. How about this: GIVE ME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, YOU IDIOTS! In particular, I want to know if the three character's perspectives sound repetitive and how to fix it if they do. I'd also like suggestions on how to improve Grim's character if you have any.
I don't see the point of writing eight-page oneshots and letting the public see them if I don't get better at the craft. By the way, I still need a beta who's on the computer quite a lot.