Part 3
I lay awake for a while before I actually opened my eyes. I was hoping that the bed beneath me was a bunk, and when I opened my eyes, some of the guys would be playing cards at the table. The past few days had been some horrible jet-lagged nightmare.
But it wasn't a bunk. It was too comfortable to be a bunk, and the sheets were silky soft on my naked body.
I sighed, opened my eyes, and sat up. I had been divested of all my clothing and equipment. My weapons were neatly arranged on a nearby table, but my clothes were nowhere to be seen. Looking around the room, I decided it wasn't much of a room. It was a floor without a ceiling [unless you counted the tree branches above] and no walls [unless you counted more branches all around] with sparse furniture: the bed I was in, the table with my gear, and a chair next to the table.
I wrapped a sheet around myself and got up. Searching my gear, I found my M&Ms. I sat back on the bed and began eating my candy. I hadn't brought water on my mission because everyone said it was just a "snatch and grab" operation. We'd be back at base before we got thirsty. I brought M&Ms because I always got the munchies when I went out on exercises, so I always stashed a little something in my pocket before putting on my gear. I learned the hard way that M&Ms were the best for mission munchies because they didn't melt in your pocket.
"You are awake."
I turned to see Legolas at the entrance to the "room." I grunted noncommittally and flicked a little yellow M&M into the air, catching it in my mouth.
"What are those?" he asked.
"M&Ms....candy," I explained at his expression.
I extended the bag in offering to him. He reached in, grabbed a green one, and popped it in his mouth. His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What a marvelous flavor!" he exclaimed.
"It's just chocolate, man." I flicked a red one in the air and caught it too. "Do you know where my clothes are?"
"They were taken to be cleaned of the orc blood." He snaked his fingers back into the M&Ms. "We had quite a time trying to discern how the fastenings worked." He flicked the candy into the air, nearly missed, but caught it in his mouth. "Where do you find these 'emenems'?"
"Candy store." I flicked another yellow one. "Do you think I could get something else to wear 'till my clothes are cleaned? And maybe look at some maps like Aragorn said?"
"Indeed, that is why I came." He handed me a bundle he'd had tucked under his arm. "They are of the Elvish fashion. I hope you find them suitable."
"Elvish......" I looked him in the eye. "You're serious, aren't you? You - hell, everyone here - is an elf?"
He smiled. "With the exception of our traveling companions, yes all here are Elves."
I sighed. "Somehow I get the feeling that looking at maps won't do me much good. No place on any map I've ever heard of has elves or orcs or giant cave dwelling.....things." I got up and started putting on the clothes Legolas gave me. The macho butch army man in me wasn't quite thrilled with dark green velvet pants and a light green silk shirt, but it was either that or a silk toga made from bedsheets. Legolas had also brought a pair of boots for me. They were very light and comfortable and looked better with the clothes than my chunky army-issue combat boots would have.
"You cut a fine figure, Private Todd Blackburn."
I ran a hand over my shaved head. "I doubt anyone would mistake me for an elf, but thanks....and you can just call me Todd."
"Todd it is then. You should come. The evening meal is being set for us down below, and the Lord and Lady of the Wood wish to speak with you."
I gulped when I remembered what I had said to the Lady. "Uh...they're not angry with me, are they?"
"Why should they be angry?"
"Uh.....'cause I swore in front of her. I'd never swear at a lady like that. I was just......stressed."
He smiled. "She knows this....they both do, even though they know not what the word 'fuck' means."
His expression clearly said he wanted to know what it meant. "Uhm....you know what the term 'making love' means, right?"
"Aye," he said as we walked downstairs towards the base of the tree, where I could see the little ones resting and Gimli smoking a pipe.
"Well.....it's kinda like that, except without any touchy-feely emotional meaning to it - just pure, animalistic pleasure for yourself."
He frowned. "Like rutting deer?"
I shrugged. "I guess. It's also implied as a very foul word. Like I said, I'd never swear around a lady like that."
"I am certain they realize this, my friend. Come, let us eat."
By the time we got to the ground where the others were, a table had already been set with mounds of food. I dug in, not realizing until then how little I'd eaten in the past few days.
Gimli laughed as I ate. "Ha! Finally someone who can match the appetites of our Hobbit companions."
I didn't get the joke, but the chuckles that surrounded me sank in, and I relaxed around them. I wasn't just a stranger anymore; I was a friend who had been through hard times with them. Funny how nearly getting killed with someone will do that.
We chatted a long time. Mostly the conversation was their barrage of questions about where I'm from, why don't I know anything that they deem common knowledge, what sort of weapons I carried, and how did they work. Their reactions to the technology I described ranged from confusion to amazement to outright disbelief.
Soon the tables turned, and I had questions about elves, hobbits, dwarves, and this world in general. Some part of my mind was still screaming at me, "No, you idiot! This isn't real. Fairytales don't walk up and serve you dinner." Another louder part smacked the other and said "Oh yeah, then what the hell are you eating?"
Faster than I realized possible, the food had dwindled to the last few crumbs. I was stuffed with meats and breads finer than I'd ever had, and was more than a little drunk on the wine that had flowed freely from silver pitchers.
I was laughing at some joke Pippin told us when I found myself staring across the table at our Lord and Lady hosts. I nearly choked trying to stop laughing at Pip. "Your Highnesses...." I stammered. "I didn't see you sit down."
"No indeed," said the Lady. "I am not surprised since you were having such a merry time with your new companions. Though I am gladdened that you are feeling better." I blushed at the reminder of our first meeting. I tried to stammer an apology, but she waved me to silence. "Legolas has made your apologies for you already."
I liked her. She was not only an ethereal Elven beauty, but she had a way of being able to put me at ease with just a hint of a smile at her lips.
Her husband was another story. His disdain of me and the other travelers was more than obvious. We were some kind of insect beneath his high and mighty feet, not worthy of being crushed by his dainty heels. Well, fuck him and the horse he rode in on.
Celeborn frowned down at me thunderously. Galadriel's lips quirked as she tried to control a smile. Then I remember the voice in my head when we had arrived. Oh fuck me, they're mind-readers!
"You seem fond of that word." Celeborn's voice was smooth and easy, nothing like the storm I could see in his eyes.
I coughed and stammered a bit before finding my own voice. "It's fairly common to use it, especially when you're in a relaxed setting."
"Then we are glad you are so comfortable after your ordeals," Galadriel said placing her hand on her husband's in a calming gesture. "It cannot be easy moving from one world into another, with no foreknowledge of what will greet you once you've arrived."
"I...uh...didn't exactly plan this trip."
"I know. That is why you do not belong here; one never belongs where one never intended to be."
Wow...She's deep. "So how do I get back to where I do belong?"
"That depends," Celeborn said, "on where you wish to be now."
I huffed a bit of laughter at him. "Well, that's easy....I wanna go home."
Galadriel tilted her head to one side. "You're certain of this? You would not want to explore this world more?"
"Believe me, what I've seen is more than enough to last me a lifetime."
Celeborn smiled that arrogant smile of his. "That is unfortunate.....If your means of transportation is unknown, then how do you propose to return whence you came?"
I was really beginning to not like this guy.....Mostly because, dammit, he had a point.