FMA Fangirls' Lives With Ed And Envy

by I Madame Red I

Randomness! Stupidess! And Blowing things up! We got it all... or most of it! It's another one of those stupid, random fanfics! Read if interested or have nothing better to do! Chapter 7 is up! YAY RANDOMNESS!

3. For Thee To Blow Things up

animefan127: -pulls gun from pocket- FREEZE!

yumyumbagel: What did I do this time!

animefan127: The readers are here!

yumyumbagel: Oh... never mind. Don't tell them about my secret plan.

animefan127: Okay... ?

--------chapter----------three---------------

yumyumbagel: ­-Comes out of the room to eat and see's everyone out there looking at her- Whaaaat? I got hungry!

animefan127: Uh... sure... -blushes and looks away-

Ed: Pizza's in the fridge.

Envy: -looks up from book with reading glasses- Yup. Put it in the microwave for two minutes, not fifty like last time.

Flashback

animefan127: Who's pizza is in the microwave?

yumyumbagel: MINE!

Ed: For fifty minutes!

yumyumbagel: The box said to cook it for fifty minutes.

Envy: -looks at box and face grows pale- That's the stove and it says two minutes, not fifty.

yumyumbagel: Oh...

animefan127: IT'S GONNA BLOW! AAAAAAAAAH!

yumyumbagel: YAAAAAY! -runs in front of microwave with arms out- Hit me!

-the microwave explodes leaving the house, and the neighbors, covered in cheesy goodness-

End Flashback

Envy: Two minutes.

yumyumbagel: I need supervision.

Ed: Fine. I'll watch you since Envy doesn't have the patience and since you're still angry at him.

yumyumbagel: Yup! -smiles-

animefan127: -walks into room and locks door behind her-

Ed: ...? Okay... into the kitchen!

yumyumbagel: YEAH!

------in---------------the------kitchen---------

-a loud explosion is heard as the house, and the neighbors, suddenly gets cold-

Ed: HOW THE HELL DID YOU MAKE THE FRIDGE EXPLODE!

yumyumbagel: All I did was open it! -runs into room, locks door, and cries-

-------in-----------------the-------------------------living-------room---------

Envy: -keeps reading book- What did she do this time?

Ed: -completely pissed- OPENED THE GOD DAMNED DOOR!

Scar: -crashes through window- Who said God's name in vain!

yumyumbagel: -screams from room- GET OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE!

Scar: -bolts out the door-

Ed: Jeez...

Roy: -enters the room- Hey. Good job guys... we need to celebrate! We're gonna go get some beer!

Ed: I'm a minor.

Envy: -shrugs- Whatever. -puts glasses into the case and stands up- Besides, what did we do?

Roy: -snickers- You got your girlfriends pregnant. -rolls on the floor; laughing-

Ed: ...?

Envy: I know I did. Your point being... ?

Ed: Huh? No I didn't. She took a birth control pill.

Envy: Yumyumbagel did too, but still...

yumyumbagel: Stupid! It was an April Fool's Joke!

Envy: ... What?

yumyumbagel: -comes out of room and walks next to Envy- Yeah. It was April Fool's day just a few days ago. Didn't you read the calender?

Ed & Envy: No.

yumyumbagel: It was at Stop & Shop on the giant 12 foot calender! Jeez! You guys are idiots!

Ed & Envy: -shrugs-

Roy: So, who's up for beer!

yumyumbagel: ME!

Ed: No thanks. I'm a minor.

yumyumbagel: So am I, but who cares!

Ed: I'm going to stay and watch animefan127.

Envy: Do you mean your girlfriend who locked herself in her room for reasons unknown?

Ed: -frowns- Yeah, but I'm gonna find out.

yumyumbagel: -shrugs- Oh well. More booze for me. C'mon Envy!

Envy: Okay. I'll go to make sure you and Roy don't get drunk and do something you might regret.

Flashback

-loud boom is heard as mushroom cloud is seen from a house window-

yumyumbagel: -goes to animefan127's house covered in smoke-

animefan127: -sighs- What did you do this time?

yumyumbagel: All I did was open the door to Mc Donalds.

Envy: Next time, I'll go with you so you don't blow anything up again...

End Flashback

Ed: You mean like if yumyumbagel and Roy get drunk they could--

Envy: Exactly. Blow up the whole city... and do the other 'X' rated thing.

yumyumbagel?

Roy?

Envy: Let us begone! -shoves yumyumbagel and Roy out the door; shutting it behind them-

Ed: Wonderful... more things to worry about...

------------------four----------------hours----------later(at the bar)----------------------

yumyumbagel: -totally drunk and slams beer bottle onto table-

------------at------------animefan127's-------house-------------

Ed: -hears Envy and Roy screaming, "No!" and sees giant mushroom cloud accompanied by a loud 'boom'- At least it wasn't the discount liquor store two doors away from us.

-Ed hears giant boom two doors away and hears yumyumbagel screaming, "Yay! That was fun! Let's do it again! I didn't know liquor burned like that!"-

Ed: Make Walmart explode, why don't ya!

-At--------------------------walmart--------across----the---------street-----------

Roy & Envy: -sitting in lawn chairs drinking beer-

yumyumbagel: -walks to automatic doors- Open Saysme! -walmart explodes and all who inhabit it die immediately- YAY!

--------at---------------animefan127's---------------house--------------

Ed: Holy shit!

animefan127: -looks out window in room- Wow... I never knew Walmart would burn like that...

---at---the---burnt-------remains----of-----Walmart-----------

yumyumbagel: That was fun! -collapses-

Envy: -completely drunk- HA HA!

Roy: -knocked out do to a piece of flying debrie smacking him in the head-

Hughes: Wow... another child to send to the asylum...

yumyumbagel: -wakes up- HAHAHA! You'll never get me alive! -runs into animefan127's house; hiding behind Ed-

Envy: RUN FOREST RUN! -faints from beer intake-

Hughes: -smashes down door like James Bond and rolls on the ground; standing up with a random gun- Freeze!

yumyumbagel: You'll never... -faints from beer intake-

Ed: -sweatdrops-

animefan127: -comes out of room; swaying drunkingly with frying pan- Eeeeed... you aren't dating yumyumbagel, are you? -hiccups-

Ed: Don't tell me you were drinking Vodka!

yumyumbagel: Vodka? -wakes up- Vodka? -stands up, sniffs air, and goes into animefan's room- VODKA! -steals vodka and goes into own room, locking the door-

animefan127: -hits frying pan against palm of hand- Ed... you are dating yumyumbagel, aren't you! You're cheating on me!

Envy: I've! Returned! -walks to yumyumbagel's room and knocks-

yumyumbagel: Vodka!

Envy: Vodka?

yumyumbagel: -unlocks door, Envy walks in, and shuts door behind him; locking it-

animefan127: -slowly starts walking towards Ed-

Ed: -backs away, cowering in fear-

Hughes: Oh damn! -slowly backs out of door and then bolts; screaming, "Elysia! Gracia! I love you!"-

---------with-----------Roy----------------

Roy: Where am I-- -gets knocked out by a random flying newspaper-

------------------next--------day------------------------

animefan127: -wakes up- Ugh... -notices she's hugging Ed and bolts up; running into the kitchen-

yumyumbagel: -walks in with only a towel on- I HAVE RETURNED FROM LAST NIGHT! -daydreams about last night-

Ed: -wakes up and walks into yumyumbagel's room; seeing the door wide open- Oh... she left the door wide open... -walks over to door and sees Envy naked- AH! MY EYES! IT BURNS! YUMYUMBAGEL! ENVY'S NAKED! -writhes on floor; blocking eyes(sorry yaoi fans)-

yumyumbagel: That's his superpower! You should've seen him in action!

Ed: -starts banging head on wall to get the images out-

animefan127: -starts choking on pizza and faints-

Envy: I was sure good, wasn't I? -hugs yumyumbagel-

yumyumbagel: Yup!

Ed: PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON! JESUS CHRIST!

Scar: Who said-- -sees Envy naked- What the fuck!

yumyumbagel: GET OUTTA THE FUCKING HOUSE! AND STOP STARING AT ENVY! THAT'S WHAT LUST IS FOR!

Scar: -realizes yumyumbagel is next to him- Oh shit... -sees yumyumbagel in towel and walks out door-

yumyumbagel? I had a bathing suit underneath!

Ed: You did?

animefan127: -puts coat on and slams door shut behind her-

Ed?

yumyumbagel: Stick to the script and go chase her!

Ed: No. She probably needs to be by herself.

Envy: RUN FOREST! RUN!

Ed: -yells- No!

yumyumbagel: Please?

Ed: No, and that's final. -walks into animefan127's room-

yumyumbagel: -starts reading book again-

Envy: -reads over shoulder while feeling forgotton-

------seven------------blocks-------away-------------

animefan127: -strolls through streets and spots Barry-

Barry: Hello authoress!

animefan127: Yo. Where's the liquor store? Kappy's, I mean. The one yumyumbagel didn't blow up.

Barry: Oh! You mean the one where those women come out and I chop them--

animefan127: Yes, Barry, that one. -impatiently tapping foot-

Barry: Around the corner.

animefan127: Thanks. -trudges towards liquor store-

--------------random-----------break----------(with authoresess talking)

animefan127: Talking about Naruto, do you think they would change shurikens to oatmeal cookies or something?

yumyumbagel: Dude! I'd be like, eating them! Cuz they get non stop supplies in their pockets! Didn't you notice that?

animefan127: Yeah... popcorn shurikens... -drools-

yumyumbagel: CHEESE DOODLE KUNAI! -drools more than animefan127-

animefan127: No... CAKE KUNAI!

yumyumbagel: -gasps and goes wide eyed- CAKE!

--------------------back----------to-----------------------story--------------(cheese!)

yumyumbagel: -staring at karma sutra with envy behind her- Wow! I never knew people could move their body in such un-godly ways! Can you do that!

Envy: -sweatdrops- I don't think so.

yumyumbagel: Try! -tackles Envy-

---------at------------------Kappy's------------

animefan127: -walks into store and stares at all the different kinds of liquor-

Lust: Hello.

animefan127: Never knew you worked at Kappy's... suprise, suprise, shock, shock. -walks up to Lust behind desk-

Lust: I forgot to pay the phone bill at Dante's house so I have to pay it off.

animefan127: Yeah... I went into cardiac arrest and yumyumbagel forgot to pay the phone bill so... yeah. See chapter two.

Lust: See chapter what?

animefan127: Nothing, nothing.

Lust: Where's Ed?

animefan127: Probably at home. Can I get the usual? -puts money onto counter-

Lust: Sure. -grabs case of Vodka- Oh yeah and tell yumyumbagel I'm coming to visit today. I want to see who her new boyfriend is.

animefan127: -stares at Lust- Um...okay... ?

Lust: Oh! I'm her mother! Didn't you know that?

Envy: -screaming from distant place- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lust: Did you hear that?

animefan127: No. -grabs case of vodka- Thanks anyway.

Lust: No problem.

animefan127: Oh, and do me a favor.

Lust: What?

animefan127: Work at Hot Topic, not Kappy's. Guys come here and get drunk. The first thing that will pop into their heads is rape. Bye! -walks out door leaving a shocked Lust-

------back------at------------the-------burnt-------walmart-----------------

animefan127: -walks passed Roy who is still knocked out with tons of fines(tickets) for littering, destroying walmart, and parking for over five hours- Okay... -sees yumyumbagel walk over and pour speeding tickets on Roy from a backpack and runs back into house laughing like a maniac- I don't wanna know. -decides to walk to other friend's house-

-------at-----the-------------house--------------

Envy: Where'd you go?

yumyumbagel: I have no more speeding tickets now. -grins-

Hughes: -runs into hous and grabs yumyumbagel- I got you now! Asylum! Here we come!

yumyumbagel: -shrieks- GRACIA! HUGHES IS RAPING ME!

Gracia: -walks next to Hughes and smacks him-
How dare you! She's just an innocent child!

Envy: Yeah... let's go with that. -puts reading glasses on and reads book-

yumyumbagel: Does everybody love that book or something? -is dropped by Hughes- OW!

Envy: -laughs and continues to read book-

------at-----animefan127's-----------friends'-------house---------------

friend: Hi! Vodka?

animefan127: -shows case- Hell yeah!

friend: -invites animefan127 into house- By the way... Al is here.

animefan127: Oh, he is?

friend: Yeah. Al! Come here please!

Al: -runs next to friend- Hi animefan127! Is my brother being a jerk again?

animefan127: -sweatdrops- Uh, yeah. I brought vodka.

Al: You know that alchohol isn't good for you!

animefan127: Your point being... ?

Al: -sighs- Please don't drink.

animefan127: -gasps-

friend: -gasps and puts ring of beer bottles on Al's head- He's cursed! He said the terrible words!

-------------at-------animefan127's----------house------------------------------------

-Gracia and Hughes have just left the building-

Envy: -still reading-

yumyumbagel: I'm bored. Entertain me.

Envy: -raises an eyebrow- I'm sure you still have some silly putty in your room.

yumyumbagel: No. I ate it last week when you suggested it was in my room when I asked you to entertain me. -grins-

Envy: -face grows pale- Please don't say it.

yumyumbagel: FLASHBACK! YEAH!

Envy: -smacks his forhead-

flashback

yumyumbagel: -whines- I'm bored! Entertain me!

Envy: -watching tv while Ed is in the kitchen cooking with animefan127- There's silly putty in your room. Be creative and go play with it.

--------------three--------seconds----------------------later----------------------

yumyumbagel: Is silly putty poisonous?

Envy: -still watching tv- Yeah.

yumyumbagel: Well... can I go to the hospital? I just ate it.

Envy: -looks at yumyumbagel- WHY WOULD YOU EAT IT!

yumyumbagel: Because it looked so good and delicious.

Ed: WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EAT SILLY PUTTY!

animefan127: What? I ate it too.

Ed: O.o What!

End flashback

yumyumbagel: Entertain me!

Envy : -gives yumyumbagel fingerpaint- Here. Be creative and DON'T EAT IT!

--------two-----minutes--------------later-------------------

Envy: -sees yumyumbagel covered in finger paint- What happened?

yumyumbagel: I drank it.

Envy: DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO EAT IT!

yumyumbagel: I didn't eat it! I drank it! It looked so good and tasty and I was really thirsty.

Envy: -says through gritted teeth- There is water in the new fridge we got yesterday!

yumyumbagel: Okay. -walks into kitchen leaving a trail of paint-

Envy: -realizes what he just said- WAIT! YUMYUMBAGEL! DON'T OPEN--

-loud explosion is heard as yumyumbagel opens door to new and highly expensive fridge leaving the neighbors and everybody in the house with a cold draft-

yumyumbagel: It's snowing!

Envy: -throws book onto the ground, grabs coat, and slams door behind him; taking glasses off-

yumyumbagel: Oh well. -rolls on food on the floor that came out of the fridge; leaving paint trails all over it-

-----------at-------animefan127's----------friends'-----------house------------

Al: -covered with beer scented clothing, ring of beer bottles on head, holding a budlight coaster with a vodka bottle in the other hand- Um... you guys? I don't want you to drink.

Friend & animefan127: -pouring vodka on Al while chanting-

----------meanwhile-------------------------

Roy: Ugh... -looks at a bill he's covered with- Speeding ticket? Yumyumbagel? What the hell!

Barry: -looks at bills, grabs one and chops it- Fun! Can I have these?

Roy: Well--

Barry: Thanks! -takes all bills and runs away-

Roy: -sweatdrops- Boy that was awkward. -here's gunshot and, trembling, turns to see one, angry Riza Hawkeye-

---------at------------animefan127's----------house---------------

yumyumbagel: WEEEEEEE! -still rolling in crap-

---------fifteen-------------blocks----------------away-------------

Envy: GOD DAMMIT! WHAT'S WITH THESE LONG LINES! -looks at gas station door and sees random paper saying, "yumyumbagel was here"- Oh shit...

-sees line extends back to house- Holy shit! I'M NOT WAITING THAT LONG FOR A FRICKIN' STICK OF GUM! I'M OUTTA HERE! -walks to the movie theater to see if the line is long there-

-------at----------animefan127's--------friends'----------house-------------

animefan127: Now that the ritual is done, we shall drink!

Al: -sways drunkingly- Yeah!

Friend: Hell yeah!

-all of them drink and fall over from drink intake-

-----at------animefan127's--------house----------------

yumyumbagel: What a workout! -still rolling in crap-

Ed: -sleeping- on animefan127's bed-

------meanwhile------at-------Central-------HQ-----------

Roy: But--

Riza: YOU SKIPPED A WHOLE DAY OF WORK!

Roy: I know, but-------

Riza: YOU LET THE PERSON WHO BLEW UP WALMART GET AWAY!

Roy: I see, but--

Riza: AND YOU WERE DRINKING THE NIGHT AWAY AT A BAR! WITH THE SERIAL BLOWER-UPPER!

Roy: -silent-

Riza: NOW YOUR ENTIRE OFFICE IS FILLED WITH PAPERWORK!

Roy: NOOOOOOOOOO--

Riza: YES! IT'S YOUR FAULT! -walks away leaving a shocked and scared colonel-

TO BE CONTINUED...