Chapter 6: Let-Down

Megumi returned to the clinic looking a bit livid, but otherwise all right. Any feeling of annoyance she might have had towards Saitou vanished at the sight of Yahiko who was now sitting in a chair while Kaoru ran a comb through his hair. He didn't really need his hair to be brushed, but he needed a distraction, and she needed something to do with her hands.

"Oh, thank goodness you're both all right now," Megumi sighed, leaning against the doorframe.

Kaoru looked up and nodded, but she did not smile. "We're intact."

"Physically…" Yahiko added in quietly.

"Err…" Megumi felt the air was getting heavier. "Yahiko! Do you want me to go pick you up something to eat? I could make some ohagi if you're not just starving."

"Some lunch would… be nice…" He told her. He didn't sound like himself. This boy was much more timid, more lost, more afraid.

"Ah…" Megumi nodded. "I'll go to Akabeko on the double to get some."

"No," Kaoru put the brush down and stepped forward. "I'll do it. You stay here with Yahiko." She looked into Megumi's eyes in a way that said that the fox doctor needed desperately to talk with the child and try to help him.

"Well, if you insist, tanuki-girl!" Megumi laughed, but it didn't have near the enthusiasm it usually did.

Kaoru made her exit, and Megumi closed the door on the two of them. "Yahiko…" Megumi began.

"It was all an illusion… It was an illusion of Hell. There was fire, and the ground burned my skin… the man's claws slashed through my shinai with ease of a hot knife through butter… It was an illusion… of my death… a horrifying death… but…"

"…but what…?" Megumi asked, paling.

"It was so real!" He broke into tears again. "I could feel the pain! I could smell the smoke! I could see the dancing fire reflecting in his eyes!"

Megumi stepped forward. "-but it wasn't real. All of it was an illusion, like you said."

"I don't know… I didn't show busu this because I didn't want her to worry anymore than she already is…" He ripped open the front of his shirt. Five darkened dents lay along the front of his chest, and the skin around the edge of his shoulders and neck were tinted a more pinkish tone as if he'd leaned up against a hot stove. "How can this happen in my mind?"

-

Kaoru had forgotten how cold it was outside, growing so used to the warm clinic. It hit her hard when she opened the door and made her gasp. She shivered a bit, then stepped out onto the street.

For a while she stood there, staring into the crowds of people, all blissfully unaware of all that had been going on. The deceased were walking among the living, and there was a violent man out there putting children in the illusions of Hell.

She frowned. Had it only been a few hours since things were normal? It felt like it had been days, weeks, months…

-

Kenshin scrambled to his feet and walked out into the snowy yard. His heart felt as if it was beating against his ribs. He was lightheaded, and his breath was still heavy. "It's too much…" He muttered, walking out of the gate and onto the street. "This is too much…" It felt like someone was stabbing him with needles behind his eyes, his head ached so badly.

He felt like something was wrong. It gnawed at him like a hungry dog on a piece of meat. That dream might have had something to do with it, he decided. He had to find everyone, anyone, and make sure they were safe. Something horrible usually happened after a nightmare like that.

He felt his feet pick up into a run. Faster and faster he went though his head was swimming. Oh, the terrible things that could have happened!

He kept going, unable to stop. Yahiko, Sano, Megumi… Kaoru and Tomoe…

BAM!

Kenshin stumbled back, sputtering out apologies. It was the first time in awhile that he had stopped paying attention.

"Kenshin…" The voice made him pause in mid-apology. He finally looked at the person he bumped into to discover…

"Kaoru-dono!" He exclaimed, bewildered and relieved.

After a small smile spread across her face, she caught herself and frowned again. "What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be back at home trying to figure out why your wife is alive?" She sounded more bitter than she had intended to

"Sessha does not know where she is. She left awhile ago-"

"Oh, I see, so you're out looking for her. I get it!" Kaoru didn't mean to shout, but the anger and confusion she had felt all day had decided to take itself out on the poor rurouni.

"No!" Kenshin cried, unsure of what to do, of what to say. "I wasn't-- I was looking for everyone!"

"Yeah, of course you were! You didn't even know that I had left!" Her eyes started to brim with tears, and she hated herself for it. "You didn't even care that I was gone because you were so wrapped up in your lover's arms! You didn't even come to look for me! You weren't there to protect me when I needed you, when Yahiko needed you, and now I'm hurt, and I have no idea of what to do about him! He might be scarred for life, and YOU WEREN'T THERE!"

People silenced at the sight before them. The man they all admired, the man who had saved them several times over, was standing with his head tilted slightly, a red mark upon his scarred cheek.

Kaoru couldn't believe what she had done. Her body acted against her will. It was all in a fit of rage, and she wanted so very badly to apologize… but the words wouldn't come out.

Kenshin straightened up as if she hadn't hit him at all, adjusting his shirt so it hung more correctly upon his bony shoulders. He did not open his eyes though, and she could imagine they were full of hurt. "Sessha was looking for everyone…" He continued. "He worried that they were in danger… He is sorry… to have angered you…" Those eyes opened to reveal what she had suspected… pain… anguish… "I did not know anything. It's just too much… I am so lost now that I cannot think clearly."

"Ken…" She began. "Kenshin… I… I'm so-"

He raised his hand. "No… There is no need for you to be sorry, Kaoru-dono… I am the one at fault, and I deserved my punishment…"

"No," Kaoru tried. "I-"

Kenshin shook his head, plastering on his empty smile. "Please… don't fret. Tell me what's been going on while I've been so foolishly distracted, hmm?"

She slowly nodded. She felt like such a horrible person! "There was a man at Akabeko who attacked us. Yahiko's been mentally disturbed by an illusion of Hell that he created." She wondered if maybe she should have said it with more fear in her voice. It seemed like it was such an empty sentence.

"What?" Kenshin asked, horrified. "Where is he now!"

"I…I don't know… Megumi's got the police taking care of it," She replied. "Why?"

"Why!" He took her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "He hurt you and Yahiko, that's why! Sessha wants to find him and stop him from hurting anyone else!"

"I don't know where he is, and I don't want to know. Just forget it."

Kenshin just stared at her, unable to say anything. His eyes were large with pain. "…It doesn't matter… I suppose…" He wrapped his arms around her. "As long as you're safe…"

Kaoru shoved him away and went around him. "I'm going to Akabeko to get Yahiko some food."

"I'll assist you…" Kenshin began.

"I'm fine on my own."

He hung his head. "All right…"

-

"I was hoping you'd come, Tomoe," The voice echoed from the cave.

Tomoe looked toward the mouth, horrified. "I came here to get answers," She stammered, trying to stay strong.

"Answers can only bring more questions," He said, his shadow dancing on the wall by the flickering light of the fire, "but if you must, ask away."

"How did you bring me back to life?" She asked sternly, fists clenching. "Why?"

"I brought you back to life with the use of my powers which I couldn't even begin to explain in words a simpleton like you could understand. I brought you back to use as the source of my ultimate revenge."

"Revenge?" Tomoe asked.

"I told you that answers bring more questions."

"Who are you!" She shouted.

"I go by the name of Itami Hitan," He told her, "but it really doesn't matter."

"Why would you bring me back to seek out your revenge? I can do nothing."

"Oh… but you can do everything, dear," He replied, chuckling. "You have no idea."

"Who do you want revenge on?"

"Do you honestly have to ask?" He scoffed. "You're even dumber than I thought. So tell me, what happened when Battousai saw you?"

"Kenshin!" She gasped. "Of course… I just… didn't want to believe… and I won't have any part of it, Itami Hitan!"

"Really?" He smirked. "I can think of quite a few things I could do to make you change your mind. Horrible, horrible things… I'll let you go and give you time to think about it. Take this with you."

A moon-white hand came out of the cave and dropped a dagger much like the one she had once owned into the snow. "Do not speak of our meeting."

"I won't listen to you…" She growled, eyes narrowing.

"Oh, yes… you will."

She leaned down into the snow to pick up the dagger. She slowly began to unsheathe it as she lifted it off the ground.

"Yukishirou-san, I'm surprised at you!" He laughed. "You really wish to murder me? You want me dead because I want Himura dead. That doesn't make you any different than me! It's depressing, really."

"What?" Tomoe asked, eyes widening.

"You see, you want to kill, and I want to kill, which either way is supposed to be 'bad' or something like that… The depressing part is that you wish to kill… and you have a soul…"

She stumbled backwards, stunned.

"Well…" He cackled. "For now… anyway."

His laughter echoed among the trees as she bolted away, terrified.

-

"Oh, look, it's Himura. Joy and rapture and all that," Saitou said blandly as they approached the doctor's office. Kenshin was sitting on the step looking rather solemn.

Kenshin looked up when they came closer. "Saitou… and Sano… what are you two doing together?"

"Picking out curtains," Saitou said flatly. "What's this I hear about a wife of yours reappearing from the dead or something?"

"Tomoe…" Kenshin mumbled, then buried his head in his knees again. "What does it matter?"

"Looks like he's self-loathing on himself again," Sano whispered to Saitou.

"You know what loathing means?" Saitou whispered back in mock astonishment.

"Shut up!"

"Well, if you're going to sit and mope, could you do it somewhere else?" Saitou asked, raising an eyebrow. "I have no time for ghost stories, and I need to get inside."

Kenshin stood and let Saitou pass, Sano trailing him. "It's not a story… It's true…" Kenshin told him. "She is back from the dead."

"I'll believe it when I see it, Himura," Saitou replied dryly as he opened the door and entered. "And by the way, you should have expected that Kamiya girl to be pissed at you for all of this. You've toyed with her a very long time."

Kenshin looked horrified and confused.

"You know, for someone who fights so well, you sure are bad at reading people's emotions," Saitou shut the door.

Kenshin stared after him. "Toyed with her?… No… I never meant to…" He mumbled, realization beginning to wash over him. He had pulled her back and forth so many times, made her cry… made her smile… and now… He'd hurt her again. He'd let her down. This time… he didn't come to save her…

"I must find her!" He exclaimed, bolting down the steps and heading in the direction of Akabeko. "I must apologize… Even if words are not good enough to express my repentance."

He shoved his way through the sea of people, the cold stinging his face. His breath was a ghost in front of his face. His thoughts rested only on Kaoru, the woman who probably hated him now.

"You've really done it now, Himura," He told himself, his heart aching.