"GARY, WHERE ARE OUR FOOD STAMPS?"

Gary sighed and made his way over to SpongeBob, who was holding the bill for his boat's repairs and blubbering like a baby. "It wasn't even that big of a crash, Gary! How could it cost this much? I make minimum wage—I can't afford this!"

"Meow," sighed Gary.

"What do you mean, I'm overreacting?" cried SpongeBob, glaring at Gary, his eyes literally on fire. "I'm nearly twenty years old and I live in a FRUIT, my boat is a CLUNKER, I flip PATTIES for a living, and I don't have enough money to fix a tiny little DENT in my boat! HOW CAN YOU SAY I'M OVERREACTING?"

SMACK! Gary hit SpongeBob over the head with a rather heavy book.

SpongeBob rubbed the side of his head. "Thanks, Gary… I needed that."

Gary smiled comfortingly and curled up next to SpongeBob, who put his arms around his pet and sighed. "But really, Gary, what can I do? I might have enough money to pay for this, but that means that we won't be eating for awhile."

"Meow?" offered Gary.

"Ask Mr. Krabs for a raise? You know that won't work. The last time I tried that he laughed for three weeks straight!"

"Meow?"

"I've asked my parents for so much money already. I can't be dependent on them—I'm an adult! Well, sort of…"

"Meow?"

SpongeBob blinked. "Sell back Morgan Nancy? Oh Gary… I couldn't do that. I'm already so attached to her."

There was silence.

"What, you're out of ideas?" SpongeBob snapped at Gary. "Oh, what am I doing, asking a snail for advice? I need to ask someone more intelligent, someone who is knowledgeable about the world and what makes it run!"

O.o.O

"Plant a penny into the ground, and it'll grow into a money tree!" cried Patrick excitedly.

SpongeBob raised an eyebrow. "Do you really think that will work?"

"Of course!" Patrick hesitated for a moment. "You just have to water it sixty-three times a minute."

"But I don't have that kind of time!" cried SpongeBob.

Patrick shrugged. "Well then, I guess you're out of luck. Remember me in the bread line."

SpongeBob knew Patrick meant well, but his frustration at the situation he found himself in was bubbling over. "You ought to be a little more considerate of me, Patrick! It's your fault I'm in dire straits in the first place!"

"Why are you blaming me?" cried Patrick indignantly.

"If you hadn't been blabbing on about hotdogs, you wouldn't have distracted me and I wouldn't have crashed Morgan Nancy!"

"Well, I wouldn't have been thinking about hotdogs if you hadn't been driving me to Hal's Hotdog Hut!"

"He's got a point, you know!" Squidward hollered from his window. Both SpongeBob and Patrick spun around to his direction. "If you hadn't bought that stupid piece of junk in the first place, you would have never crashed it, and you'd still have the money that you wasted on it!"

SpongeBob's eyes darted back and forth from Squidward in his window to Patrick pouting in front of him. "You—you guys are my neighbors, my friends! You're supposed to care and help me!"

"That was never part of the contract," sneered Squidward.

"We signed a contract to be SpongeBob's friends?" Patrick asked, puzzled.

"If there had been contracts involved, I would have kept my pen far, far away," muttered Squidward.

"Well, your contracts are void!" screamed SpongeBob. "If they existed I'd rip them up and eat them! And feed the leftovers to Gary! Consider our friendship over! Both of you!"

"I wasn't even aware it had started!" snapped Squidward, slamming his window.

Patrick was taking this worse than Squidward, however. "We're… we're not friends anymore?" he asked, his lower lip quivering.

"Yes, because you want it that way!" cried SpongeBob, pointing an accusing finger at the starfish. "You won't help me! Now if you'll excuse me…" He took a step towards Morgan Nancy.

Patrick's eyes grew wide. "You… like that boat better than us?"

His normal shade of pink exploded into a burning red.

"Uh oh," SpongeBob said.

"MORGAN NANCY MUST DIE!"

In an instant, SpongeBob was in Morgan Nancy and tearing away, probably breaking every driving law in the city.

O.o.O

Knowing that Patrick would be on the rage for the next couple hours or so, SpongeBob sought refuge in the home of his other friend, the next person he had to ask for help, and the only person in Bikini Bottom who could hold off an enraged Patrick.

"Don't worry, I ain't scared of Patrick," said Sandy, peering down at SpongeBob, who was hiding under her table. "Which is more than what can be said for some people…"

"Sandy, I've just lost two of my three best friends! You're my only hope!" whimpered SpongeBob. "You've got to help me before I end up in the poor house!"

Sandy grabbed SpongeBob and pulled him up from underneath the table. "Don't you worry, SpongeBob, I'll loan you money and you can jus' pay it back whenever you can. All y'all have to do is ask. But SpongeBob, don't you think you're…"

"DON'T SAY IT!" shrieked SpongeBob.

"…overreacting a little bit?" Sandy finished. "I mean, it ain't as if you're gonna die or anythin'. Patrick and Squidward jus' want you to… well, I want you to be able to take care of yourself. Don't you want that too?"

"Yes," muttered SpongeBob. "They just acted as if they don't care."

"Y'all can't let a silly li'l thing like money tear apart your relationships!" said Sandy rationally. "You're gonna be fine. Here—" She grabbed her purse and pulled out a few bills. "Should this be enough?"

"Three hundred dollars?" cried SpongeBob. "Oh no, Sandy, I couldn't take this—"

"No, take it, I insist," said Sandy. "I trust you." She grinned. "And I also know that you trust what I'll do if you forgetto pay me back."She struck a karate pose.

"Crystal clear, ma'am," said SpongeBob quickly, taking the money.

"If y'all need anything else, just lemme know," said Sandy. "And… apologize to Patrick and Squidward, will ya? I hate to see y'all mad at each other over such a silly little—"

"It's not silly!" cried SpongeBob. "My financial security is at stake!"

"No it ain't," said Sandy, pointing to the money in his hand.

"Oh, yeah," said SpongeBob sheepishly. "I guess I'd better go deposit this in my checking account so I can pay my bill."

"If y'all want some company, I'll go with ya," offered Sandy.

"If you want to," said SpongeBob, trying to sound bored by her offer. In reality, after all he had been through that day, companionship was just what he needed, and seeing as Patrick was probably off destroying things right now and Squidward never wanted to talk to him, Sandy was a veritable life-saver at that moment.

"Hey, no problem," smiled Sandy. "I been cooped up in my treedome for too long. I gotta get out in the wide open air… uh, ocean, and stretch my limbs." She pulled her suit on.

"I just hope I don't crash this time," murmured SpongeBob.

"Well, if you do…" Sandy placed her helmet over her head. "I'll be protected!"

O.o.O

"Alright, we're finally at the bank!"

SpongeBob's statement roused Sandy from her slumber. "…huh, we're there? Oh, congrats, SpongeBob. It only took ya half an hour."

"The bank's far away from your house," said SpongeBob defensively.

"It's ten blocks, SpongeBob. You were just driving at five miles per hour the entire way here, that's all."

"GRAMMA FINALLY MADE IT!" shrieked about a hundred voices of all the drivers who had gotten stuck behind SpongeBob.

"Aw, come on, I can't afford to drive recklessly!" cried SpongeBob.

Sandy sighed. "There's a mighty big difference between driving at a reasonable pace and driving recklessly."

"And I drove at a reasonable pace!"

Sandy sighed again, but tried to smile. "Well, SpongeBob, if you feel safe at that speed, then that's all that matters."

"You can stay in Morgan Nancy if you want," said SpongeBob as he climbed out of his boat. "This shouldn't take long, unless they have free samples of ice cream." He paused for a moment, and then, as if worried that everyone else would get to the (most likely non-existent) ice cream first, dashed into the bank in the blink of an eye.

"Poor kid," Sandy murmured to herself, before finally getting that smile out. "Oh well. He'll manage."

"Hey Sandy!"

Sandy turned to the direction of the voice. "Oh, howdy, Pearl! Y'all out for a walk?"

Pearl grabbed the fin of her teenaged fish friend and made her way over to the boat to talk to Sandy. "Yeah, Shelley and I were going to go to the mall. It is kind of pointless to go, however," she pouted. "Daddy won't give me any more advances on my allowance, so I still can't buy that skirt I wanted."

"Aw, shoot," said Sandy good-naturedly. "Y'all can't let that hamper you from good old-fashioned window shopping!"

"I don't want a window, I want a skirt," huffed Pearl.

"No, Pearl, what she means is—" Shelley began.

"I know what she means," interrupted Pearl testily. "And what's the point of shopping if you can't buy anything? I knew I should have swiped Daddy's credit card. And, uh, disguised myself as a boy and pretend that my name's Eugene," she added, blushing."

"Okay, all finished!" SpongeBob sang out, coming back outside. He froze upon seeing Pearl, however, remembering what Squidward had told him. "Oh, hi, Pearl. Hi, Pearl's friend. Well, Sandy, are you ready to go?"

"Hold it, SpongeBob!" cried Pearl, grinning. "Could you give Shelley and me a ride to the mall? I'd love to try out your set of wheels!"

SpongeBob felt his body freeze again. "Uh… I can't do that. Your dad told me—"

"Aw, fish paste on what Daddy says!" huffed Pearl. "All I'm asking is for a lift to the mall, nothing more! You wouldn't want me to walk, would you?" Her eyes grew wide. "What if I twisted my ankle? What would I tell Daddy then? That I hurt my poor delicate ankle because you refused to just drive me in the direction that you're going anyway…"

Shelley rolled her eyes. "Drama queen."

SpongeBob gulped. "Alright, fine… but don't think this means I'm dating you!"

Pearl blinked. "Date you? I don't want to date you. I might like older men, but, yeesh… you're a geeky fry cook." She and Shelley got in the backseat.

"Aw, zip it, Pearl!" snapped Sandy. "SpongeBob's had a rough day today and you're not helping."

"Oh, that's alright," said SpongeBob, shrugging as he climbed into the driver's seat. "I've decided to just forget about my crushing financial difficulties that might mean the end of my way of living as I know it, and spend the whole day with a forced smile plastered on my face!" He turned and flashed a huge, forced grin at the girls, who all recoiled a bit in disgust. "Besides," added SpongeBob, his mouth returning to normal, "I'm not really that much older than you."

Pearl bit her lip. Weird… she had never really thought much about SpongeBob's age. It was something that didn't matter much to her—and it's not like she was in much contact with SpongeBob anyway. But now that he mentioned it, an overwhelming curiosity got the better of her.

"How old are you, then?"

SpongeBob hesitated.

"I'd like to know too," admitted Sandy. "I mean, I've known you this whole time and never even thought about it!"

"Yeah, I want to know too now," said Shelley, "even though this is the first time I've ever seen you!"

SpongeBob sighed as he turned the keys in the ignition. "Fine. I'm nineteen—but I'll be twenty in only a few months!"

Pearl gasped softly. "I never realized…"

"Realized what?" snapped SpongeBob. "What, do you think I'm just a kid?"

"You're only four years older than me," said Pearl, her voice still soft.

SpongeBob gulped. It did seem shocking when she put it that way.

"But, whatever," said Pearl suddenly, sounding again like her usual perky self. "It's not like I would date you or anything, because you're still a nerdy fry cook—"

"Pearl!"

"Hey, are you going to start driving or what?" Pearl asked, ignoring Sandy.

"I am driving," insisted SpongeBob. "Can't you tell?"

"Shoot, SpongeBob," sighed Sandy. "You can drive faster than five miles per hour. Really."

"I have to be careful!" cried SpongeBob.

"You dork!" screeched Pearl. "Do you think I have all day? Step on it!"

"Man, Pearl," muttered Shelley, folding her fins in front of her, "your friends are always such losers. Besides me," she added hurriedly.

Pearl leaned her massive head in to the front of the car. "SpongeBob, if you don't drive at the speed limit, I'll scream!"

SpongeBob gulped. "Uh…"

"I will! And I'll hit you!"

"Uh…"

"And I'll cry."

"Alright, alright!" cried SpongeBob, slamming his foot down on the pedal. The girls' heads were thrown back with a sudden fierceness. "Anything to stop you from flooding my boat!"

"SpongeBob, not this fast!" cried Sandy.

"My lips!" cried Shelley, her face getting sucked backwards.

"You really are going to get in an accident now," shrieked Pearl, "you moronic—"

CRASH!

This time, all the passengers flew forward, Shelley and Pearl hitting their heads on the headrests ahead of them, and SpongeBob and Sandy smacking into the airbags that suddenly inflated.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a few moments.

"Well," muttered Sandy, "at least we was all wearin' our seat belts…"

"No!" shrieked SpongeBob, leaping out of his boat and inspecting the damage. "Oh no—not again—I couldn't—" In despair, he flung his head back and shouted, in a very Darth Vader like voice, "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"This is totally uncoral," muttered Pearl. "Are you alright, Shelley?"

"I'm fine—it could have been a lot worse," said Shelley. "Still, though, I think I'll walk the rest of the way."

"I'm totally with you," muttered Pearl.

Sandy had jumped out too, to inspect the damage. "Cheer up, SpongeBob!" she said cheerfully. "The damage ain't so bad."

SpongeBob flopped back on his back, his arms still outstretched in a dramatic pose.

"We're all able to walk away from this, that's a good thing!"

No response from SpongeBob.

"Come on, SpongeBob, get up," said Sandy gently. "It ain't so bad. Come on."

"I can't walk all the way to the mall without having something to eat!" complained Pearl loudly.

Shelley shrugged. "Well, why don't we grab a bite to eat there?" she asked, pointing a little ways behind them.

Pearl and Sandy looked in the direction where Shelley was pointing—SpongeBob was still in rigor mortis on the ground.

"The Chum Bucket?" said Pearl in astonishment.

"Well ain't that dramatic irony," muttered Sandy.

SpongeBob immediately jumped up. "The Chum Bucket?" he shrieked. "But this is—" He pulled a magnifying glass out of nowhere and inspected what he had crashed into the first time… a fire hydrant. "This is exactly where I had my first accident!"

"The Chum Bucket…" Pearl rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Don't they have hotdogs?"

"I think so," said Shelley. "I also heard that there's a jukebox that you can play a free song on. Some homicidal starfish told me before he ran off yelling something about killing Morgan Nancy."

Pearl grinned maliciously. "Sounds good to me," she said. "Let's go in."

ZIP! SpongeBob was standing in Pearl's way, his arms held out as if he were barricading her. "Pearl Krabs, I'm ashamed of you! Don't you know what restaurant this is?"

"Of course I know," snapped Pearl. "What are you trying to say, SpongeDork? That since my dad owns a fast food restaurant I can only eat there? Why would I spend my money there? So he can just make more money and get more and more stingy and refuse to give me any? Daddy doesn't have a leash on me!"

"He did when he took you to Thrill Island," said SpongeBob. "I've seen pictures."

"I was six years old then!" shrieked Pearl. "But I'm not a child anymore! I can do things on my own! I think you would realize that," she added coldly. "Come on, Shelley."

"Right behind you," said Shelley. The two girls turned around, their noses in the air, and sauntered off to Plankton's restaurant.

SpongeBob spat out nonsensical words for a good minute before finally composing himself. "Sandy, don't you realize what they're doing?"

"Well, they ain't really doin' anything wrong," Sandy had to admit. "Pearl's right, you know. She can eat wherever she wants to."

"Oh, will her dad be mad at her!" cried SpongeBob. Devil horns suddenly appeared above his head, and he chuckled evilly. "I'm going to tell him, right now!"

Sandy sighed. "Sure. Y'all do that. Of course, telling him where she is will force you to tell him that you was givin' her a ride, and got in an accident."

SpongeBob's eyes shrunk about three sizes. "Ulp—!"

The door to the Chum Bucket suddenly opened, and a certain familiar pink starfish stepped out, munching on a chilidog. "Mm, chilidogs… too bad they don't have yardlongs," he lamented. He smiled as he looked outside, and his gaze rested upon…

His pink shade slowly began to resume the deep red shade from the last time SpongeBob had fled from him.

"Morgan… Nancy… must… DIE!"

"SHRIMP!" shrieked SpongeBob, jumping in his boat and tearing off, creating a sonic boom. Patrick was right behind him.

Even in her suit, Sandy's fur was blown back.

"Shee-oot," she murmured. She stopped and stared at the ground suddenly. "Hey, what's this?"

On the road, right where SpongeBob's boat had been, were three large cardboard boxes, flattened from when SpongeBob had presumably hit them, knocking him off the road and into the fire hydrant.

Sandy scowled. "This smells fishier than a fish kitchen in July."

O.o.O

(AN: Man, am I sorry for the wait. I have no excuses, other than I was more focused on writing other things/mindless surfing the web/mindlessly watching TV/sleeping/etc. The wait is even more pathetic when you consider in how quick of a time I was able to write this. And it probably shows. Everyone seems very out-of-character to me. (And have I broken some sort of unwritten rule by having SpongeBob reference his age?)

Who knows when the next chapter will be up, but unless I die (knock on wood), I will get it up sometime. Thanks for reading and see you next chapter!)