I still don't own anything.

Chapter 4

"Meredith? Meredith can you hear me?" Bailey asked flashing a bright light in Mer's eyes. Her breathing was still rapid. Bailey inserted a tube in the trachea to help her breathe. She also ordered a new intern to get her the glucose levels. Her temp. was below normal so she had her IV's warmed in atempt to make her tempature normal. At the moment all Miranda Bailey could do is wait.

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"Dr.Bailey is she even a surgical patient?" asked the intern. Her name was Angelia Tress. She reminded Bailey of Cristina, except not as smart as Yang but close.

"No, Dr.Tress. Not at the moment at least," Dr.Bailey checked Grey's heart beat and it was irregular. Her skin was still pale,"For now just watch her glucose levels, heart rate, and keep her warm. Make sure that her that her glucose levels are normal, why?"

"So she doesn't get seizres," replied Dr.Tress.

"Good," Dr.Bailey walked to the waiting room to find Derek with his head in his hands. She felt sorry for him, even though he hurt Meredith too many times to count,"Dr.Shepard, Meredith is being watched for sighns of-"

"I know, I know. Is she-I mean can I her?" he looked up with his eyes red.

"Shepard I know, actually almost everyone knows that you too broke up. I don't think she'll-"

"Please, I need to see her," he pleaded,"I need to see if she's okay."

Bailey sighed,"Fine."

Derek got up from his chair quickly. And rushed over to Meredith's side. He saw a bored intern nearby but ignored her pressence. He watched her breathing faster than usual. Her eyes were closed and it appeared she was sleeping.

"Mer, I'm so sorry. For everything," her eyes fluttered and looked panicked.

"Der-Derek," her breathing became even more labored,"What are you doing here?"

He rubbed his thumb over her hand. She quickly pulled it away. He was hurt and didn't try not to show it.

"Mer," he looked in her eyes.

"You told me to," she whimpered.

"What are you talking about?" he came closer and sat on her bed.

Tears streamed down her face,"You told me to! I didn't want to. You said-"

"I think I should go now," the nervous intern walked outside and closed the door.

"No I didn't. I didn't want you to leave me," he was completely confused that Meredith thought he would want to hurt her again.

"Y-You said to put you out of your misery..."

"Mer, I love you and only you," his eyes pleaded.

She looked down,"Derek I don't know I can. I just need time a away from you."

"Time? How long?" he'd wait for her as long as it takes.

"I don't know," she started crying,"Just go."

He walked out slowly to the door and paused for a second and looked back. He looked at Meredith who was silently crying to herself. He wishes so much that he could hold her. Just a slight touch to comfort her. Mer's body started shaking. Oddly, Derek started to panic. All of his medical knowledge just evaporated and he ran to her side.

"Meredith!"

The intern heard him yell out her patient's name,"Oh, crap. Move! Dr.Shepard, move!" she shoved him out of the way making sure that they couldn't hurt each other. She also moved unnessicary nearby objects. 'I leave and look what happens!'

"What the hell happened?!" Bailey rushed in angry.

"I just left for a second," Tress whimpered. All of her spunk and attitude was gone.

"You left, the keyword:left! You were suposed to stay?! How are you-" Meredith's seizure stopped and Bailey turned Mer to her side. Grabbing a pair of gloves Bailey took out the saliva from her mouth,"-supposed to be a surgeon if you can't follow simple directions?!"

Dr. Tress looked down ashamed.

Derek was sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall. His head in his hands, how could he let this happen? He was a neuro surgeon for god-sakes! He should've known. Should have seen this comming! How could he be so blind?

"Dr.Shepard, you shouldn't have seen this. You should go wait outside," Derek got up and left. Closing the door he heard Bailey starting to yell at her intern.

This was so surreal. Meredith, his Meredith had a seizure. She could die. Sure this wasn't as bad as drowning or cancer but she could still die. Again, she could die again. How many times does she have to do this near death experiance thing?

"Dr.Shepard? What's wrong with Meredith?" Crisina asked standing next to Shepard. She was completely tired and disorintated from just waking up to a loud cellphone next to her ear only to answer it and find out something happened to her person, again.

"She doesn't want me in there," Derek muttered.

"Excuse me?" Cristina stood there confused. Why would an attending want to talk about his love life with a resident?

"She's avoiding me. Or at least asking me to," he laughed a bitter laugh,"Its not like she could just walk right up and leave right? I hurt her so many times its not fair to her. She deserves so much better..."

"Dr.Shepard," Cristina warned getting annoyed at Derek.

"But I love her. Damnit I hate that I love her so much and she can't feel the same way anymore. I want my old Meredith. My happy Meredith. I don't want to see her hurting," Derek started to silently cry.

Cristina put her hands on her hips,"Dr.Shepard, in case you haven't noticed I am not a shrink. I am not a touchy feelings person," Derek looked at her confused,"I do not want to hear you talk about an intern-"

"She's not an intern anymore Dr.Yang," Derek muttered.

"What?" Cristina was shocked that he talked back to her,"I-I guess you're right then Shepard. But I still don't want to hear about my boss's love life. I don't think you can get this through your big-moussed head, but knowing the love life of my boss is creepy and disturbing!"

Derek was taken back by Crisina's anger. Sure this was to be expected but he needed to talk to someone and apparantly anyone,"Please."

"No Shepard! You hurt her. You broke her! How many times to you have to hurt her only to come back and say,'I love you! You're my one and only!' Cut with the crap," Cristina rolled her eyes in disgust,"How can you possibly mean something like that and still treat her like that?! Your an ass, you know that? An arrogant-egotistical-vain ass!" Cristina stomped off trying to work off her anger.

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"Meredith?" Dr.Bailey walked over to Meredith's bed where the tiny helpless blond laid.

"Why is everything so complicated?" she looked out the window pondering her thought.

"What do you mean?" Bailey asked partially interested.

"Love, or I guess whatever you'd call what me and Derek is?" she sighed.

Bailey walked closer and put down the chart she was holding,"If it isn't hard then where would be the fun of it?"

She rolled over to her side,"I know, I know. But is it supposed to be this hard?"

Bailey paused for a second,"Honestly, I don't know."

Meredith started to silently cry to herself,"Its not fair. Why isn't anything fair? I thought there was supposed to be some freakin' balance but there's not! If there were I'd be happy and my Mother would've actually aknowledge my existance! Do you know she didn't even come to my stupid High School graduation? She forgot! How do you forget something like that? Then when Derek came I thought, 'Finally, I get a chance. Just one chance to be happy.' But nooo! That goes sour too!"

"Oh, Meredith," Bailey sighed,"I didn't realize-"

"No one did. Except my nanny's. They're the only ones who knew. She didn't take me to the hospital either. Always alone, at home," she sighed,"I remember that my Dad he called one day. I picked up the phone and he said he'll come. He promised. My mother asked who was on the phone and she flipped out. She tore the phone away from me. She started yelling. I couldn't take it and ran upstairs. I was only eight. Nothing was ever fair."

Bailey was shocked at her intern- her old intern confiding in her of all people. She wasn't quite sure how to handle Meredith's openness so all she did was hold her while she cried.