Chapter three
Farm
In the Fwogy Family orchard, sat a young girl all of ten – with big cute puppy dog eyes that could get her all the dollies her father could afford - fast asleep. And as this young girl sat fast asleep, her elder brother was bidding his time, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce.
!POUNCE!
A shriek rang out across the orchard.
"Hey lil' sis'" Esan giggled jovially. "Oh don't be such a sook; it's not as if I pounced on you or anything. Anyway, is that the right way to greet your very own brother; screaming at my face face like that that? I should be screaming at your face, after nutting Zealand like that. Don't gammon cry, I know you're faking."
She jerked her head up violently and exclaimed coldly. "What, like you are with your princess!" She clapped her hand to her mouth in astonishment of the untold secrets of her mind, and the fact that she had been stalking him for the past two months now, and said "I did not say that, I did not say that."
"Oh yes you did little sis', you did say that." He looked her up and down, wondering what she had meant by that outburst.
River
"Where is he? Where is he?" she stomped uncoordinatedly. "If I am not home before the clock strikes three, my father will surely have me killed. He will hire a huntsman to do away with me, and will tell him to bring back my heart in a pretty little box, but he may spare me, as I have often read, by sending me into the forest, where I shall surely die, for I do not like cute little animals that sing, and midgets make me nervous."
"What exactly about midgets makes you nervous?" Said a sinister, husky voice behind her.
As Veronica turned around to see Esan standing with a wet white shirt, she got a giddy feeling in the bottom of her tummy, but this soon turned to shock as a malevolent laugh came from the bushes:
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHA
HA
HAHA
HAHAHA
HAHA
HA
URGGH
COUGH
Veronica looked at Esan, terror etched, all through her body, the giddiness gone, until for a second time in as many minutes, she saw that Esan's top was see through.
All of a sudden, Veronica starts to laugh a laugh most evil that Satan himself runs in fear of.
HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI
HI
HIHIHI
HI
HOHOO
This is the laugh of a girl, a girl most opprobriously spoilt. When Christmas comes, she is deserving of a lump of coal, not 5000 ponies, two turtle doves and an emu up a gum tree. But still, she is about to get exactly what she wants. A severe case of bootinmybumitis.
!POUNCE!
A shriek rang out across the river.
"STOP IT. GET OFF ME. IT'S MINE!"
"What is?"
"MY FACE!"
"Sorry."
"Was that you?"
"What what?" She asked stupidly.
"You you pounced pounced on on my my face face, and you have the nerve to say 'what what'?"
Standing up to her full height and poking out her chest she replied "Princess' do not repeat words repeatedly!" In the most articulate voice she could muster (mmm… muster).
"What the heck is wrong with your chest?" For the first time ever, Esan's eyes had been drawn to her chest most romantically, like a bee to the honey, and clouds to rain, and grasshoppers to karate instructors. Unfortunately, the only reason his eyes were anywhere near that particular bulge in her anatomy, was the apparent wonkiness to her chesticular region.
"What's wrong?"
"Well, for one thing, they're on an angle. I would geusstimate it is on an angle of 45 degrees north east, from the horizontal, which is where the lower one is, or is that the other way 'round? And another thing they look to be different cup sizes one would be a 12AA and the other a 4DD. Let me fix that." Esan's hand (not entirely dissimilar to a hand reaching for an apple) approached the startled princess' chesticular region.
"OH MY GIDDY UNCLE! YOU JUST VILOLTED MY circle!"
"You have a circle?"
"Everybody has a circle! Around everyone there is a circle, and nobody can enter that circle without the circle holder's permission! And you just did it without mine, and I'm the circle holder!
"Noooo, I was about to stop before you prevented me from stopping! Besides, see this?" He was pointing at his face. "See this, is my face, and I certainly did not say that you could come into my circle!"
"Oh. I'm sorry, did I say that everyone has a circle? Well what I meant was everywoman!" And with that, the little lemon tart stomped off leaving Esan in awe of how self centred and stupid the female race could be.
And for the second time in as many minutes, a laugh most evil came from the bushes.
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA
HA
Esan turns around lethargically and says "Amy, come out, I know it's you."
"No, I am, er, Yam, Yam is not Amy, unless you jumble the letters around. Dam! I did not say that. I did not say that."
"Dam, lil' sis', that laugh of yours is pure evil. Hey come out of the bushes."
"That girl you got hangin' off your face is down right weird." At this Esan remembered the confusion he had felt as he was randomly attacked by this hormonal teen. "Where's your top?"
"Doh!"