A/N: In this story, Jess is going to be 20 while Rory and Tristan are both 17. Why he moved to Connecticut will be explained in this chapter and in future chapters.

BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY

Fairy tales do not always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay – (Fergie)

It was close to two in the morning before Jess and Luke stumbled into the apartment above the diner. It was Jess's 20th birthday and Tristan, Rory and Lorelei had thrown him a birthday party in which the whole town was invited to. It had been perfect; Rory and Tristan had baked Jess a birthday cake in the shape of a ladle and when he saw it he couldn't help but laugh as he told them both to go to hell, while Miss Patty and Babette had made sure to give Jess each twenty pinches on his ass for his birthday present and a couple more for good luck.

Flash Back

Jess could not help but laugh as he walked into Lorelei's house and everyone shouted out a hearty "Surprise!" He had only been in Stars Hallow for three months now and the pain and bitterness he was feeling was slowly being eased by the affection the town was showing him.

As Jess walked around thanking everyone for coming he could not help but think that his night was some how not complete…and then he remembered his whole reasoning behind moving in with Luke. Jess quickly pushed the thoughts of what or rather who was not there to the back of him mind as Tristan and Rory brought out a birthday cake out in the shape of a ladle.

Through his laughter Jess managed to get out a proper insult (well in his mind at least) "You know I constantly put my life on the line for you two with the Jolly Green Giant and this is how the two of you repay me? Well I only have one thing to say to the two of you." Jess stated with a pointed look.

"And what is that?" Tristan asked as he rolled his eyes.

"That I hope you can never get it up again Tristan and I will reserve both of you a seat in hell." Jess finished off as he blew out the candles.

"You bitch…" Tristan laughed, "I will have you know that I have absolutely no problem getting it up and keeping it there…Right Ror?" Tristan said as he gave Rory a look. What he did not notice was that Lorelei had heard the whole thing.

"Tristan you better hope that Rory says no if you ever want to have children," Jess said as he patted Tristan on the shoulder and pointed to a fuming Lorelei.

"I'm gonna…um…I better…uh…hi Lorelei….bye Lorelei." Tristan mumbled as he walked away from a smirking Jess with an expression on his face that made someone wonder if his dog had died. Little did they know that it wasn't Tristan's dog that had died but rather his manhood…

"Huh" Jess smirked as he picked up the cake cutter, "Lore, do you mind if I cut some cake before you go and castrate lover boy over there?" Jess said as he used the butcher knife (cake cutter) to point casually in Tristan's direction and smirked when he saw Tristan gulp.

"Go right ahead Jess…I've got all day and this might take awhile." Lorelei said as she licked her teeth and glared at Tristan.

"Jeez you two….what the hell?" Rory said as she pushed through the crowed. "Jess what is it with you and molesting animals and people with kitchen utensils? First it's the ladle and now the butcher knife…maybe for Christmas I'll buy you a boiled rabbit and a butcher knife and then we can call it a day." Rory finished as she walked over to a very frightened Tristan.

"Babe I love you, but why would you give your mother another way she can kill me?" Tristan said with fear in his eyes as he pointed to a smirked Lorelei who looked like she was planning something evil…very evil.

"Oh quite down you baby….she's not planning anything…I don't think at least."

"Yea and besides…"Jess said off-handedly as he flailed the cake cutter around, "I think I am way hotter then Glenn Close was in FATAL ATTRACTION…psycho is not a good look for her….me however," Jess said with a "come on" look in his eyes as he pointed the cake cutter at himself before he continued to cut the cake.

End of flashback

The next day when Jess came up stairs for his break, he noticed a package sitting on his bed. Knowing that Liz would never send him a package rather just pop in un announced and he already got Jimmy's gift he wondered who it could possibly be from. When he saw that, the return address was from France he gulped as he braced himself for what was to come. Taking a deep breath, Jess braced himself as he opened the letter from Theodora.

Jess,

Words cannot express how sorry I am for leaving you, us, the way I did. I'm not going to apologize for what I did because that would mean that I did something wrong. And just because I don't think leaving you was wrong it still doesn't change, the fact that I loved you and that I always will and it doesn't make leaving you any more difficult.

Jess, five months ago we lost the baby and that hurt, a lot, for the both of us. We both wanted that baby because it was something that we created together, it was a symbol of our love for each other and when I miscarried, a part of me, a big part died that day. Jess I don't want you to ever think that it was your fault, it wasn't anyone's fault because these things happen, they are a part of life.

I needed to move to France not only because of the art internship but because I needed to figure out who I was and what I wanted. Now I've realized that I want you Jess, in every shape and form and I moved away because if I didn't take that break from us I would have just ended up pushing you away and I didn't want that. Maybe some day in the future we can be together but not now….I still have so much to figure out but one thing is certain….I love you and I always will….Put the CD into your CD player and listen to the song that I wrote….hopefully it will help you understand…

Happy Birthday Jess

I love you ----April

Jess took another breath as he gently took the CD out of its case and placed it into the CD player. He gently closed his eyes and let out a breath as April's melodic voice filled the room.

"la,da,da,da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your hometown
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
Be with myself in center, clarity
Peace, Serenity"

Flashback

"This has been the best birthday I've had in a long time," 19 year old Jess said as he watched the sun set on the beach, Theo wrapped snuggly in his arms.

"Yea," Theo said as she leaned into Jess's arms, "And I have to say that the cake I baked you was pretty damn good, if I don't say so myself," April kidded as she looked up into Jess's chocolate eyes with a smug look in her eyes.

"Oh wipe that smirk of your face," Jess said as he leaned in and gently brushed his nose with her's, enticing April to close her eyes and sigh in contentment. "And people say that I'm smug." Jess said with a half smirk as April gently smacked his chest before leaning in and wrapping her arms around his neck and pulled him in a tight embrace.

"So," April said as she pulled out of his embrace, "Do you want your gift now?" She finished with a seductive glint in her eye.

"You mean the cake and the party wasn't it?" Jess said slightly confused; he didn't ask for anything so he wasn't sure what it could be.

Without another word, April pulled a blue bow from the pocket of her hoodie and placing it on top of her head with a wicked grin. "Happy Birthday Babe."

"Yes, happy birthday indeed," Jess said as he flung the bow off head and into the sand before cupping her face and kissing her deeply.

Later that night when they were finished celebrating his birthday, and they laid on their blanket in the sand, just listening to the waves crashing and each others hearts beating, Jess couldn't help but think how lucky he was and how he never wanted this feeling of pure bliss to end.

"I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry"

The rest of the summer went by smoothly for both April and Jess. Jess continued working hard to produce a novel that he was proud of and April continued to pursue her passion of painting and photography.

One night in early February Jess and April were curled up on their couch, April wrapped up snuggly in a blanket leaning up against Jess who was reading a book.


Sighing Theo turned her gaze from the burning fire to her lover, "Jess will you still love me if I get fat?" April asked intuitively.

"Of course," Jess laughed as he took off his glasses and set them on the coffee table before pulling Theo further into his arms and turning her so that she was facing him. "What brought this on babe?" Jess asked as he stroked her strawberry blonde hair lovingly.

"We'll I'm just thinking that in 7 months when I am as fat as a whale and can't walk, I want to be reassured that you'll still love me," April finished with tears in her eyes as she waited for her words to since in.

"Seven months?" Jess said quite confused, "why would you be fa…"And then realization struck. "You're?" Jess said with uncertainty in his eyes. April just nodded as mirrored his look.

"Oh April," Jess breathed out as he pulled her into a bone crushing hug, "I love you."

"You're okay with this then?" April said as she breathed a sigh of relief and started to grin along with Jess.

"Yea," Jess replied as he stroked her hair and gave her a lopsided grin, "I know we're young and everything and its know exactly conventional for two 19-year olds to have a child but we'll make it. I love you and that all that matters." Jess said as he pulled her into a fiery kiss.

The next hour was spent telling Liz, TJ and Jimmy the good news. All three of them were elated that they were going to be grandparents and could not wait to come and help. Both of April's parents were deceased so she was just glad that Jess's family took it so well.

"The path that I'm walking

I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay"

April was three months into her pregnancy when everything went to hell.

"Hey Ape, this came in the mail for you today," Jess said as he handed her a big white envelope, "It's from the Paris School of Art, don't really know what that's about."

"Oh. My. God," April said as she read the letter, "I got in, I got in!" April said as she started to jump up and down excitingly.

"Got in where,"

"To the Paris School of Art! It's an amazing art school located in the heart of France and they want me to come there for a three year training with the finest in painting and other art mediums," April said as she read partially from the letter itself.

"Uh babe I hate to break it to you, but we don't exactly have that type of money," Jess said as he looked sadly at his girlfriend.

"Yea but they gave me a scholarship so its okay, we can go," April replied as she looked at him excitingly.

"What do you mean its okay, we can go? I have a life here April. I can't exactly pick up and leave!" Jess yelled suddenly becoming very angry with her. 'The gall she had!' Jess thought to himself, 'Thinking I would just pick up and leave with her. I mean yea I love her, but my god can she be selfish.'

"Jess you write and you own a book store, you can do that perfectly well over in Paris," April said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yes, but I don't speak the language, its kind of difficult to sell things when you can converse properly, besides what about the baby? Maybe we can go after its born but right now I don't think so. The doctor already said you are doing to much. What if flying affects the baby? Do you want to risk it?" Jess yelled.

April didn't give him an answer, she just stared down at her feet.

"God, your such a selfish bitch sometimes," Jess said as he stormed into their bedroom leaving a crying April behind.

"Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity"

The fighting over Paris went on for two weeks straight until April started to feel its effects on both her and the baby.

"Jess!" April yelled as she clenched her eyes shut and balled her fists at her side, "Jess just SHUT UP!"

April didn't wait for Jess's response as she bounded into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. April's stomach was in knots as she felt as though her insides were being ripped out of her. April scream out in pain as she writhed about on the toilet seat. April sigh in relief as the pain went away but started to cry once more as she looked into the toilet bowl, which was now stained red and she didn't need a doctor to tell her that she just miscarried.

Jess felt bad for what he had said, he really did. I loved her so much, he just wanted to make her see that moving to Paris right now might not be the best thing for them as a family, because that's what they were, a growing family.

Tentatively Jess stepped up to the bathroom door and knocked slightly, "Baby are you okay," Jess whispered to the door, "Listen, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't of said what I did, I" but Jess stopped short when a crying April opened up the bathroom door.

"Jess, I lost the baby," Those four words changed his life forever and rendered Jess speechless as he too started to cry. They were both silent the rest of the night as they curled up in their bed and cried themselves to sleep.

The next morning April lay in bed thinking about everything that she and Jess had lost. They had lost so much more than the baby, they lost their family. April felt though she and jess wouldn't be able to overcome this obstacle in their relationship even though they had already been through so much. April felt constricted and held back by Jess and even though she loved him, she knew what she had to do to save both of them. Sighing as tears silently slid down her face she moved over to the closet where she had stashed a duffle back full of cloths (that she had packed a few nights ago) and scrawled a few words on a piece of paper to Jess before leaving a lingering kiss on his forehead and walking out the door.

Jess woke up a few moments later to an empty house and a still warm bed. Sighing Jess moved his hand across her side of the bed and instead of hitting her body, his hand encountered a piece of paper. Becoming startled Jess sat up and read the note.

I'm so sorry

They spent two wonderful years together filled with love and devotion, but all Jess had to show for it now was a note that lacked sincerity and a heart that felt broken beyond repair.

"I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry"

As the song, ended Jess whipped away his tears before reaching into his back pocket to reveal a photo of a young girl and boy lying on the couch in each other's arm. April had her hands entangled in his hair while wearing the biggest smile in the whole world. Jess on the other hand was busy smirking as he kissed the part of her tummy that had been labeled in finger paints, "Baby Mariano."

Sighing, Jess shoved the picture back into his pocket before bounding down the diner stairs. As he pushed through the curtain he nearly ran into Rory and Tristan who were on their way up to see him.

"Hey, slow down their mini-Luke," Tristan said as he pulled Rory back so that she wouldn't get hurt before protectively wrapped his arms around her waist, a gesture that did not go unnoticed by Jess.

"Whatever," Jess replied as she stalked out of the diner, slamming the door on his way out.

"Should I?" Rory said to Tristan, pointing at the door.

"No, I'll go," Tristan replied as he kissed her forehead, before running a hand through his hair as he sighed and walked out the door to go and find out what was wrong with Jess.