"How are you today, Spencer?"

"I don't know, Dr. Foster," she replied. "To be honest, I'm feeling a little unstable."

"Why do believe you're unstable?"

"Um, on Saturday, a deputy stopped by my house and dropped off the box with all of Ashley's things in it. He's been holding it for the past two and a half years; since Christine had Ashley pronounced legally deceased. I'd been putting it off. I was afraid that opening that box would make it real. That seeing and touching the things Ashley never went anywhere without would finally set everything into motion," Spencer said while shifting her eyes across the floor.

"Have you opened the box, Spencer?"

The blonde took a deep breath and replied, "yes."

"Did it set everything into motion?" Dr. Foster asked.

"Yes."

"What was in the box?"

"Her Sidekick, wallet, some clothes and a set of keys," Spencer answered.

"Car keys?"

"Actually, no. One was for a storage unit. Needless to say, I found the unit and opened it," she said. "Her missing records were in there."

"Did that bring you the closure you've been searching for?"

"I haven't been looking for closure, doctor. My mother, as usual, was deadset on me getting over Ashley," she replied. "They didn't have the best relationship. I mean, there were a few points in time when they got along just fine, but then my mother would randomly make some snide comment at dinner or something. Ashley was rather sensitive about being accepted by my family since hers was the definition of dysfunctional."

"It seems you harbor some resentment towards your mother, Spencer. Were the two of you close at one point in time?" Dr. Foster asked.

"Yeah, before we moved out here. But then she became this crazy religious hypocrite and when our family began falling apart, she blamed my homosexuality and Ashley's influence on me," Spencer replied. "I think she had a mid-life crisis, really. My mom should be the one in therapy...I swear I don't even want to know what goes through her mind at times. But she would be so nice to Ash for maybe a week and then turn into this...bitch. There were times when I wanted to slap her because of the rude things she would say to Ash.

"Ashley just sat there and took it sometimes, too. I would watch her jaw clench and I could tell she was swallowing the things she wanted to say. I know she did it for my sake. But every now and then, Ashley would just let it out. Then my mother would tell me that now that I've seen how terrible Ash could be, I should leave her; find a good man to settle down with. My mom is one of those people that believes true love only exists between a man and a woman. But Ashley treated me so wonderfully. She was so thoughtful, so caring...those last few months were just a rift in our lives, brought on by the stress my mother caused both of us and work and school.

"So I guess you could say I harbor resentment towards her. She didn't exactly make my life easy," Spencer said. "She didn't exactly make Ashley's life easier."

-----

"So, Ashley, have you decided on a major yet?" Paula asked before taking a sip of her wine.

"Not yet, Paula," Ashley replied around a bite of steak. "I'm trying to keep my options open."

"You don't know what you want to do with your life yet?" Paula quipped.

"No, it's hard to decide. I love doing a lot of things," Ashley stated.

"Well, it would be nice if my daughter could find someone a little more stable."

"Mom!" Spencer said. "What is wrong with you? Give it a fucking rest."

"Paula, Spencer is right. That was rude," Arthur said. "And watch your language, Spencer Carlin."

Ashley pushed the food on her plate around and sadly stated, "I love Spencer, Paula, and I love your family. I'm financially secure, I have a home and I'm healthy. I take care of your daughter the best I can because I really do love her more than anything. I think that should be enough."

"Well, sometimes it takes more than that," Paula stated.

"That's it. Mom, I can't fucking deal with you. You're horrible to her," Spencer said. "She's my girlfriend. I love her, okay? Ashley Marie Davies is the love of my life. Nothing you do or say is going to change that. She makes me incredibly happy and you know what? Ashley is my one. Just leave it alone, okay? Leave it alone...for me."

-----

"How did your mother react when she found out Ashley was missing?"

"She didn't say much at all. She seemed so apathetic. But after the first week, it finally kind of hit her. We still didn't talk about it. My dad is more relatable so I've always talked to him more," Spencer replied.

"How did you react?"

"Oh, God, I was a mess. A walking wreck. For a while, I couldn't go ten minutes without crying. Things gradually calmed down, but that dull, numbing ache never did," she answered. "The first six months are kind of a blur."

"Were you drinking heavily?"

"Actually, no. I knew better than to do that. My brother became addicted to Vicodin after a devastating knee injury when he was 18 and that kind of set an example for me," Spencer said. "It's just like I let time just pass me by. I was auto-pilot for a long time."

"Understandable."

"But seeing those records; touching them...it made everything so real," Spencer said, her voice wavering. "I finally understand that Ashley is gone. It hurts so badly, but there's nothing I can do but live anymore."

"Are you visiting the cemetery today?" Dr. Foster asked.

"It's Monday, so yes."

"Spencer, I believe maybe you decrease the number of your visits. Having a set time and day and making that commitment will hold you back. You'll be forced to think about it and plan around it and I believe you should begin going out there only when you feel you need to. Eventually, the need will fade. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but I believe that is what's best for you," he stated.

-----

"Maybe your mom is right, Spence. Maybe I'm not what's best for you," Ashley slurred.

"How can you think that, baby?" Spencer said softly, taking Ashley's hand into her lap and playing with her fingers.

"Because everything and everyone around me always falls apart because of me. I just want you to be happy, gorgeous. I want what's best for you, even if it's not me," Ashley replied.

"You are what's best for me, Ashley, you are."

"We've been fighting a lot lately, babe. Sometimes I think you'd be much happier if it weren't for me," the brunette stated.

"Ashley, come on, you're drunk. You make me happy, babe, no one else could ever make me this happy," Spencer replied. "I love you, Ashley. I can't live without you."

"'I can't live without you' is just a curse, Spence."

"Well, I don't want to live without you. We'll get past this little dry spell we've been having. We're soul mates, Ash."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, baby," Spencer said, leaning up to lightly kiss her girlfriend. "Meant to be."

"I never want to hurt you, Spence," Ashley said, brushing her thumb along the blonde's jaw line. "But sometimes it's all I do."

"You're amazing. You just don't realize it, Ash."