"You know what I hate?" Spencer asked Dr. Foster

"What, Spencer?"

"The one terrible moment in life that you never see coming. The one you don't even realize is happening until it's too late. It's only after hours of wasted thought and contemplation that you know it happened, but you still can't pinpoint it. The moment when something snaps and it sets into motion a series of events, such as your girlfriend leaving, that eventually lead to your life falling apart. You eventually forget what it's like to be happy and you lose touch with yourself. You find yourself struggling to keep a tight hold of everything you thought you were. You forget what it's like to feel," Spencer said evenly.

"And you feel as if this has happened to you, Ms. Carlin?" Dr. Foster asked.

"More like I know it happened. I don't exactly feel much nowadays, but I do feel as if I missed the red flags and flares," Spencer replied.

Dr. Foster removed his glasses and set them on his leg. He clasped his hands together and spoke, "Spencer, I know that you must believe that you'll never get your life back; never feel whole again. But you're twenty-two years young, you have so much life ahead of you. I believe that once you work these issues out, or as you start to become closer to working them out, you'll start seeing life not as a prison, but as a map. Instead of locations, this map is made up of events. The events that have guided you and influenced your decisions.

Ashley's disappearance affected you severely. But eventually, it's not going to be all you think or dream about. Honestly, this event might possibly always affect you in someway, but gradually, it'll become more tame. These things take time, Spencer, and it's okay to ask for help along the way."

------

Spencer laid next to a sleeping Ashley in her bed as Something Corporate's North played through the speakers placed around the room. Kyla had gone out for a drive to clear her mind and Glen had elected to sleep in the guest room in case Spencer or Kyla needed him for anything. He's matured greatly since high school, Spencer thought as she ran her hand over Ashley's face and through chestnut locks. They were both on their sides, facing each other. Spencer ran her fingers along the faded but pronounced scars on Ashley's wrists, causing the brunette to twitch slightly.

When Spencer looked back to Ashley's face, she noticed Ashley had opened her eyes. "Thanks for letting me sleep," she stated quietly.

"You're welcome," Spencer replied with a small smile. "You needed it."

"Spence...I'm constantly struggling for the right words to say. I want you to know that."

Spencer ran her thumb along Ashley's cheek. "Me too, babe. I understand."

After about a minute, Ashley whispered, "why don't you hate me?"

------

"What if Ashley were to come back?" Spencer wondered aloud.

"Well, how would you feel, Spencer?" Dr. Foster asked. "Would you be angry? Elated?"

"Both, I suppose...angry at first, elated she had come back to me," Spencer replied.

"While the possibility of Ashley ever returning is small, I believe it's important we entertain this idea, Spencer. But I need you to understand that this is merely an idea," Dr. Foster stated.

"I understand, Dr. Foster," Spencer said as she leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees and joining her hands together. "I suppose I haven't put much thought into what would happen if she actually came back. I've been more focused on the outcome of what she did. My life's fallen apart, it seems, but I don't care about that. That's no one's fault but my own. Mostly I just miss her. I miss her so fucking badly.

If she returned, yeah, I would be upset, but I think I'd just be too damn happy to care about that. If she were standing in front of me right now, I wouldn't care that she ever left, just that she was there."

------

Spencer let out a small laugh and said, "I could never hate you, Ashley. You left, but you're here now. We'll never get those years back, but there's so much life ahead of us. As long as you make those years up to me, I couldn't care less about you leaving. I realize now that it's a waste of time being angry at you. I would be wasting time that could be spent just being with you. As of right now, I just want you to be here. I just want to be surrounded by everything you."

Ashley smiled and placed her hand on top of the one Spencer rested on her cheek. As a tear fell from her eye, she stated, "I love you, Spencer. God, I fucking love you. Just...just please know how terribly sorry I am for doing this to you."

As I Won't Make You played throughout the room, Spencer simply leaned forward and kissed her.