SCROLL FOUR:

Going Upstream

"Kaede," Shippo began, tapping Inu-Yasha on the forehead as he sat on top of his hair, "Kagome's better now, but what are we going to do about this?" Inu-Yasha was just standing there, still paralyzed with shock and made of granite…

Kaede would have responded, but she paused to listen to two voices approaching.

"That was the most fun I've had in a long time!" Reiki commented. Hikari was oddly silent and remorseful.

"Hi-ya!" Reiki greeted Kaede, jumping in front of the old bent-over woman who came up to about her bellybutton and proffering her hand. Kaede, after looking at it for a moment, made the same gesture and was rather shaken when Reiki grabbed her hand in greeting. "I'm Reiki, nice to meet you Kaede! How's your dead sis doing? Any news of late from Old Clay-and-Bones?"

"Alas, young one, my sister has not spoken to me for-"

"Oh, nice statue!" Reiki blurted out, interrupting after having lost interest. "It looks just like him! Are you going to keep it in the village? Heh, you already have the 'Forest of Inu-Yasha', so the 'Village of Inu-Yasha' might not sound so bad!"

"Villages need names, you know…" Hikari commented, completely overlooking the commonly accepted name of 'Edo'.

"Seriously, it has a nice ring to-"

"No, child," Kaede interrupted back with a sigh. Such ridiculous bantering… "That be no statue, but Inu-Yasha himself."

"Oh, well, what's wrong with him?"

"Stunned," Shippo stated simply, poking the hanyou's eye now.

"Ah, now that's an easy fix…" Reiki laughed, rummaging through her pockets. "Inu-Yasha!" she called in a sing-song tone, "look what I got!"

She held up two Shikon Jewel shards in front of his face, and as though it were instinct he snatched them.

"Hm?" he blinked for the first time in three days, punching the little fox nonchalantly off his head. "What happened? The last thing I remember is…"

"Is that you have two brand new shards!" Reiki interrupted, avoiding the troublesome topic.

"Where did you get them?" he asked, his nose twitching. "Ack… They smell like that mangy wolf Koga!"

Hikari hustled forward and smelled them lovingly, freaking Inu-Yasha out.

"Yeah," Reiki answered. "They were the payment I demanded to haul Hikari off of him. He happily obliged. I told him I'd deliver some steroids later as compensation."

"You're a bitch…" Hikari cursed. "My one true moment of happiness… And you ripped me away from it!"

"Oh, you two…" Kagome scoffed, coming in by pushing away the bamboo rug in the door frame. "Hey, whatcha got there?"

"Here," Inu-Yasha proffered the Shikon Jewel shards to her, his face somewhat pale. "You'd better purify them quick…"

"What do you mean 'purify'?" Kagome asked, examining them in her palm. "They're perfectly clean."

"I think he wants you to wash them," Reiki whispered in her ear.

"Then you wash them!" Kagome scoffed off the idea, shoving the shards under Reiki's annoying face.

Reiki shrugged, "Okay". She snatched them out of the surprised girl's fingertips and walked off with a word to return shortly.

Inu-Yasha was surprised at how easily Reiki complied.

"Nooooooooo!" Hikari wailed, chasing after her. "Nooooo! Don't wash off his beautiful scent! PLEASE!"

"Who's beautiful scent?" Kagome wondered aloud to herself, her feelings of irritation (a common Reiki symptom) fading away. "Anyway, where did they get those?"

"From Koga as a bargain of peace, or so they say," Shippo replied before Inu-Yasha could give his usual crude comment when the topic concerned the wolf, and jumped into her arms.

"Really? Koga parted willingly from them?" Just then Miroku and Sango entered. They had gotten over their qualms within a few bitch slaps, and Miroku still had her hand prints.

As they were eating lunch, during which Shippo and Inu-Yasha already fought for food, Miroku (yet again) got slapped, and Inu-Yasha got sat through the floor boarding, they heard the two girls coming back.

"I hate you!!" came Hikari's voice. "Hate you, hate you, hate you, HATE YOU!!"

"I love you too," Reiki replied happily, entering and having a seat next to Kagome. She casually handed over a shard.

"Um…" Kagome grumbled, staring blandly at it with the chop sticks still in her mouth. Her eyes were narrowed as she looked coldly at Reiki, and she wiggled her hand expectantly.

"Oh, that," Reiki began, as though it were nothing. "I lost the other in the river while washing. The water was freezing too. I didn't even notice that it was gone until I saw only one in my numb fingers."

Everyone, save for the two foreigners, was soon busy gagging and choking on noodles.

(Reiki: ever cough a noodle up your nostril? It's not very pleasant. Well, unless you're into that sort of thing… -gives you a weird look-)

"See what I have to deal with?" Hikari mumbled, taking a bite.

"W-WHAT!" Inu-Yasha cried, claws extended and looking ready to kill.

"Don't worry," Reiki waved at him, as though to fan him off. "I'm sure it'll pop up eventually…"

There were suddenly shrieks outside and you could hear a giant thudding. In fact, as the sound got louder they all began to vibrate and even jump off the floor against their will.

"And theeeere it is!" Hikari announced, sounding like a sports announcer as she looked out of the window.

"A d-demon?" Sango asked, jiggling over to her boomerang. Miroku enjoyed watching her as he tried to maintain his seat.

"I s-sense the jewel sha-ard!" Kagome exclaimed, as though anyone needed confirmation...

"Hah, I'll slice that shard right out of it!" Inu-Yasha yelled, having no difficulty with the shaking earth while drawing his sword. He ran outside… and laughed with degrading disbelief and disappointment.

"What is it!" Shippo cried, clinging to the windowsill next to Hikari. He looked out, looking ready to laugh. "… It's a-"

"F-Fish!!" one of the villagers shrieked as they bounded past the window.

Inu-Yasha walked back inside, sheathed his sword, and took an uncertain seat.

"Inu-Yasha!" Kagome yelled, trying to maintain her balance. "Why a-aren't you g-going to k-kill it?!" She suddenly began to play hop-scotch as the glowing coals jolted from the fire pit in the middle of the floor.

"I ain't fighting no fish!" he scoffed, some of the coals coming to a rest against his fire-rat coat, doing no harm save for burn themselves out. "Get the village butcher to do it, but I ain't!"

The building suddenly tore away on one diagonal half and they saw the tail of the thrashing beast.

"It's coming this way!" Miroku yelled, grabbing Sango and leaping for it as Inu-Yasha did the same with Kagome; Kirara just bolted. The fish tail went crashing down onto the rest of the house and Shippo wailed.

"Oh no, Shippo!" Kagome cried, clutching Inu-Yasha. As the dust cleared though, there was a triangle of wall left. They glimpsed behind it to see Reiki seated and Hikari still looking out the window, exactly where they had been, and Shippo was gripping wide-eyed and bushy-tailed to Hikari's head with his teeth bared.

"Wow, they should have this kind of action in theaters," Reiki commented, setting aside her bowl of ceiling and debris that was once called 'lunch' and standing to brush off.

"… How?" the rest questioned. What were the odds?

"Oh, rule of thumb," Hikari answered, turning around, ripping Shippo off and tossing him like a flinging-limbed stuffed doll to Kagome. "Main characters never die. Now who wants fish tonight?"

"Oh, me! Me!" Reiki cried, waving a hand excitedly in the air. "You show that fish Hikari!"

Hikari smiled and looked at the fish. It looked back at her with an enormous eye. "Reiki, give me some encouraging choice words, will ya?"

The fish, seeing a fine meal in the girl, started to writhe towards her at an impressive pace.

"Like what?" Reiki asked calmly as she struggled to stay standing.

"Oh, you know, the usual. Try to twist it a tad though this time."

The fish gapped its mouth open, ready to feed. Kagome started to scream her head off and Inu-Yasha, of course, drew his sword to protect her as Miroku grabbed the beads around his hand.

"Okay!" Reiki laughed. "Let's see here. Oh, as I recall, that damned fish called you fat, and that you would never have your Sexy-Sessy-Kun. EVER!!! He says Kagura would make a better wife than you could!"

The fish leaped into the air, bulleting down. It was aiming straight for a fist-clutched Hikari. She suddenly looked up at it with a most terrifying glare, and with a voice cherished by hell itself, she cried, "DROP DEAD, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT !".

… And it did…

(Hikari: "Damn straight it did! Sesshy's MINE!" -hugs Sesshy plushy, stomps Kagura plushy-)

"Who would have thought that the shard would lodge in the gill?" was the main question passed amongst everyone at dinner. They were camping now, since the village was either leveled or ablaze. Despite having no houses though, everyone was content to have stomachs full of fish.

(End of chapter!)

Reiki: "Look Hikari, I did it !"

Hikari: "… Did what? Insult the chapter with a ridiculous title?"

Reiki: "NOOO! … Well, aside from that… I wrote a chapter about absolutely nothing!!"

Hikari: "Dear lord, you are useless!!"

Reiki goes and cries.

Hikari: -Sigh- "Will someone please review to cheer her up? ... Hey, at least we got those shards!"