a/n- sorry to anyone who's been waiting for an update...I've started another year of university and it had taken over my life. Hopefully the next update won't take as long...as long as people are till interested. This story has also taken a different turn then I expected. I hope ya'lls like it...and as always I loooove reviews.

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"What the hell happened?" Grissom asked. His voice was deadly calm, only his eyes betrayed the anger he was restraining. Sara had only seen him like this a couple times. Usually Grissom was ultra-calm; nothing ever seemed to faze him. This unusual display of emotion was rare for stoic Grissom. Despite her current state, Sara found Grissom's anger fascinating.

The question wasn't directed at Sara. Grissom's steely gaze also wasn't directed at her. Both question and subsequent look were directed at the shamefaced male sitting beside Sara.

"Officer McCleary said the scene was cleared…" Nick stared down at his hands, unable to meet his supervisor's eyes. Sara was reminded of a small boy being chastened by his father.

"I realize that and I'll be talking to Jim about it. But where were you when…this happened?"

"The perimeter." Nick mumbled.

Grissom scowled. "I see. You decided to do the perimeter and you sent Sara into the house."

Sara shifted in her seat, feeling the urge to stand up for her friend. "I volunteered to go in." She regretted opening her mouth when Grissom turned to look at her. His face was twisted in displeasure.

"You weren't primary Sara. Nick was."

Sara felt a flash of anger, "Yeah, so what? What was Nick supposed to do? Follow me?"

"He should've made sure the scene was really cleared…"

Sara frowned deeply, "You're joking, right? If I had to have another CSI check every one of my scenes I'd never get any work done. Nick isn't in the wrong here, Grissom. It's a barely trained police officer who made a mistake."

Grissom paled slightly, "You call that a mistake? Sara you could've been killed…"

"Guys!" Grissom and Sara cut off abruptly and turned to look at Nick. Nick was sitting straight, his previous cowed demeanor left behind.

"I'm sorry Grissom that I sent Sara into the house. I didn't know the scene wasn't clear. You think I'd intentionally put her in any danger?" Nick's accent had thickened, his eyes held a haunted look, as though imagining what might have happened if Sara had been left alone for another minute. "But with all due respect boss, I really don't think you're giving Sara enough credit. She's no weakling Gris. As they say, you shoulda seen the other guy." Nick grinned at Sara.

Sara felt like grinning herself. She was morbidly proud of herself for the violence she had been able to bestow on her attacker before he fled.

Grissom sat behind his desk and breathed in deeply. He was quiet for a moment, when he looked up Sara could tell he had a better hold on his anger. He looked at Sara, eyeing her swollen cheek.

"Are you alright…really?" Grissom's voice was softer, more controlled.

Sara tried to smile. She was sure it looked worse then it was. Her right cheek was puffy and starting to bruise, displaying interesting colors.

"I'm fine," Grissom pursed his lips. "Really." Sara emphasized.

Grissom leaned back in his chair, "I think we should take you off the case."

Sara blinked. "Excuse me? You're not serious."

"Sara, it's for your safety…"

"That's bull! I was a random target. You know that. The guy was just looting the house."

"At least take some time off…"

"No, Grissom." Sara crossed her arms stubbornly.

Grissom considered her for a moment, he sighed in defeat, "Okay, fine. Sara you have to fill out some paperwork on the assault. Then, I guess, you guys get back to work on the case."

--

"Nice shiner."

Sara cocked her left eyebrow.

Greg winked, "A good punch makes a man outta you, as my Papa Olaf says."

"Um…okay."

"Makes you look dangerous. Like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill."

Sara gave a lop-sided smile, "I guess that's better than abused girlfriend."

Greg watched Sara doctor her coffee. "So, the way I hear it through the rumor mill, you've joined a lesbian biker gang."

Sara choked on a mouthful of coffee. "What?"

"Evidently someone in your lesbian biker gang tried to rearrange your face. It's not true? Damn…" Greg sighed dramatically. "Can we pretend it is? It's just so hooot…"

Sara threw her empty sugar packets at Greg's head.

--

The end of shift came quickly, much to Sara's relief. Though she wouldn't admit it to anyone the right side of her face had become quite painful. She was looking forward to going home, taking some painkillers and hopefully sleep.

But her vehicle was having other ideas.

"God damned piece of fricking crap…" Sara growled as her car sputtered and died. She had, of course, forgotten to take the car in to be fixed. She slammed the steering wheel with the palms of her hands. "God Dammit!"

She screeched in surprise when someone knocked on her door window. Cranking the window open she turned a hairy eyeball on the intruder.

"What?"

"Would you like a ride?" Grissom asked.

"No."

"Sara…"

"I'm fine! She's just temperamental; she just needs to be…encouraged." Sara turned the ignition again, and again it remained lifeless. Her face throbbed. "You damn bitch."

Grissom fought his lips from tilting into a smile. "C'mon Sara."

Sara eyed him for a moment. "Fine." She huffed, unfastening her seatbelt.

They were at a red light when Grissom spoke.

"Listen, I'm sorry about earlier." He paused. "It's just…seeing you hurt…like that. I wasn't prepared."

The silence stretched until Grissom was certain Sara wasn't going to respond. He pulled up to her apartment building. When Sara didn't move to open the door, Grissom looked over at her. She was staring at her hands.

"It's nice to know you still care." She murmured.

Grissom's jaw clenched, "Of course I care."

Sara looked at him then, her eyes shining with pain. "Could have fooled me."

Grissom averted his eyes. Silence enveloped them.

"I don't know how much longer I can do this."

Grissom felt his chest tighten. "What do you mean?"

Sara looked at him. She fought with herself, should she say what was burning on her lips to be let out? Before she could properly consider the consequences the words spilled out.

"Us, Grissom. This thing between us. Don't pretend you don't feel it. You may say you don't want me…that what happened between us was a one time thing…but I can see it in your eyes. Sometimes I have trouble understanding why you fight this so much."

"Sara…" He warned.

"Tell me why."

"You know why."

"Our jobs? Our age?"

"Yes!"

Grissom ran his hands through his hair, sudden anger making his movements harsh.

"Do you know what a relationship between us would do to our reputations? It could ruin our careers. How can I not think about that?" He growled in the back of his throat. "How can I not have a problem with our age difference, Sara?" His voice was pained. "How can I not think of how…how when I lost my virginity, you were three years old? Or when you were learning addition, I was preparing my entomology dissertation. I'm not a young man, Sara. One day, a younger better man will come along…" He trailed off. Grissom turned away from her, staring out the window. "How can I not think of how much sooner I'll die before you? Is that fair to you? I can't do that. I can't." He slumped in his seat. His face was sharp angles of torment.

Sara was quiet for long moments before she spoke. "Do you think less of me because of my age?"

Grissom's head snapped up, he looked at her in shock. "What? No!"

Sara's mouth was a thin line, "You think because I'm younger, I wouldn't take a relationship with you seriously? You think this is some sort of hero-worship... that my feelings will go away if I'm with you?" She snorted. "Grissom, you really need to get over yourself."

Grissom's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I don't understand…"

"Of course you don't." Sara snapped. "You think my feelings for you are a little girl's crush. That I'll realize my mistake when a younger man comes along." Grissom gasped when Sara pulled him by his lapels to face her, "What you don't understand Gris is that this is it for me. You are it for me. I'm so fucking in love with you I can barely stand it. How can I make myself any clearer to you?"

Grissom stared at her, completely and utterly dumbfounded.

"You think I wanted this?" Tears tracked angry trails down her cheeks. "You think I wanted to be in love with my boss? You think I don't know what a relationship between us would do to our reputations? You are so damned frustrating. You're older, so what? Maybe you'll die before me, maybe I'll die tomorrow. Are you seriously using that as an excuse? Shouldn't I get a say in this? You say you can't be with me because you're so certain it'll end in tragedy…but what about now? What about what you're doing to my heart right now, Grissom?" She clutched a hand over her heart. "It feels…it feels…Horrible. I haven't even had you and my heart is shredding."

Sara waited for him to respond, but he couldn't. He stared at her speechlessly.

"Tell me you don't love me, Grissom. Tell me you don't." She closed her eyes, tears slipped between her eyelashes. "Please tell me. If you don't…m-maybe this won't feel so terrible. Please."

Grissom could barely comprehend her request. "I…what?"

"Please." She whispered. She opened her eyes to stare into his. Grissom found it very difficult to turn away from the liquid chocolate depths.

"Sara…" His voice hitched in his throat. He could do that, couldn't he? For her? "I…I…I can't do that." Shame flooded him. He looked away from her pleading brown eyes.

"But you don't want to be with me." Her voice was resigned.

Grissom's mouth twisted in anguish. Did he want to? Of course he did. "No."

Silence reigned for long moments.

"I'm not a religious person Grissom." Sara began, her voice losing the huskiness it had a moment before. "I'm not. But since the night we spent together… every morning I wake up without you, I pray to any god that this burning…hole…you left in me will disappear." Sara grabbed the door handle. "But it hasn't, Gris. It's only gotten worse." She tugged the door open, preparing to flee.

Grissom grabbed her arm. "Sara…"

Sara turned to him, tears shone in her eyes. "Don't play games with me Gris. Getting over you may be the hardest thing I've ever tried to do…but I can do it. I can." She paused, "And by then… it really, truly will be too late."

Sara left him sitting alone in the vehicle. He stared after her even when she had disappeared from sight. He sat there for several minutes before he turned on the ignition and navigated back to his town house. When he got home he could barely remember driving there.

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tbc