Chapter Five
The phrase "down in the dumps" can be a particularly puzzling one. It is typically used to mean "not feeling very good at all", but the phrase could only really possibly mean this if dumps, places in which garbage is put, were places that were universally depressing, meaning that they depress the entire universe. As to the best of my research, this is not the case. A dump can be very uplifting to a garbage person, who works in them to make money. They can be uplifting to mice who want to find food very easily. They can also be extremely uplifting to someone who prefers to hold their tea parties their, but my research has not indicated any such person.
Beatrice, sadly, was neither a garbage person nor a mouse, and it had been a very long time since she had enjoyed tea with anyone, much less at a dump. She was down in the dumps, though, because she was very sad. After the first terrible dirt dinner in Lady Audrey's garden, Beatrice's life had not improved much. Lady Audrey taught her how to care for the flowers, a training which included such skills as watering, counting, and not feeling particularly passionate on any given subject at any given moment. These skills took much practice, and it was difficult for Beatrice to learn. Every time Beatrice was scared, the flowers felt uncomfortable and back away, making it impossible for Beatrice to water them. If she was angry, the flowers would become defensive and whip her across the back and face, leaving cuts that made it hard to concentrate on counting. Once, I believe, Beatrice even tried to pretend to be happy once, but this caused the flowers to become suspicious and search her pockets for salt and aphids. As I am sure you can imagine, this made it difficult to feel entirely happy.
Lady Audrey was not one to help Beatrice, either. On the first day of teaching Beatrice how to care for her garden, Audrey would stay with Beatrice, showing her every skill needed in order to both raise a prize winning garden and survive. As the days went on, however, Lady Audrey became prone to taking leave, a phrase which here means "leaving Beatrice alone with these terrifying plants for hours on end". Eventually, Lady Audrey and Beatrice were meeting only for dinner, which was a bowl of dirt, lunch, which was a bowl of dirt, and breakfast, which was a bowl of dirt with toast.
In the mean time, all Beatrice could do as an activity was stare through the holes in the ceiling through which the sunlight came, wondering what was going on outside of her new home. It was a depressing thing to wonder, and all she had besides her morning toast.
One of the most peculiar facts about this world is that a very small item can change the world entirely. It may be a bullet, a rainbow, or a sugar bowl, but it is very frequent that these small items will have large, gastronomic, a word which here means "large", effects on much of everything around it. I note this fact because despite the sorrow I feel at the misery through which Beatrice must endure, I can't help but find it fascinating that all her troubles truly began with a piece of toast.
"We're out of toast." Lady Audrey said one morning at breakfast.
"I can make do without toast," replied Beatrice, staring at the dirt in front of her.
Lady Audrey's eyes widened.
"Dear child!" She exclaimed, "One simply must have toast with their breakfast. If they don't, why, it's simply not breakfast!"
Beatrice laughed immediately. Although Lady Audrey had not made a joke in quite some time, Beatrice was sure that this something she said was in humor. She could not imagine anything being any less like breakfast than the breakfast they were currently eating. When she laughed, however, Lady Audrey's eyes narrowed, as if Beatrice herself had stolen the last piece of toast.
"What is so funny?" she asked.
"The idea that one needs toast for a breakfast to be complete. It's absurd."
"Absurd is a tap dancing turnip. This is nutrition."
Beatrice looked at her bowl of dirt. She realized that this small item could have a gastronomic effect on her. It was, after all, the only food she ate that she enjoyed even a little bit.
"Would you like me to bring us more toast, ma'am?"
Lady Audrey reached into a pocket of her dress and produced a small purse.
"Don't be silly, child. One cannot simply buy toast. It is a delicacy, meaning it is something very special. We must make it from raw ingredients."
"Should I purchase bread for us, then?"
Her guardian's eyes lit up.
"I see you've made toast before! How wonderful!"
Beatrice knew how to make toast very well. One of her former guardians had made toast several times before, despite it's complicated recipe. As you may know, toast is the result of putting bread through heat, causing a form of the Maillard reaction. This exposure to heat converts the starch in the bread to dextrose, altering the taste significantly. The added difficulty of preparing toast is in the high risk level of overheating the bread, which would increase the level of benzopyrene, causing the bread to be carcinogenic, meaning that it may cause cancer, which is a rather unpleasant thing to have. There are many kinds of toast including standard toast, or "toast", French toast, toasted sandwiches, Texas toast, melba toast, friend bread, milk toast, powdered toast, eggs in a basket, tostada, bagel toast, and Kaya toast. Typically, these are served on a toast rack.
But Beatrice knew all of this, as I am sure you did. She had been particularly masterful when it came to standard toast. It was for this reason that she was quite confident in her toasting abilities. To hear this, Lady Audrey was much pleased.
"Take this," she said, handing Beatrice a small amount of money. "And purchase the bread. I have the heating device available down here in my personal room. When you bring back the bread, we may spend the day preparing more toast!"
She said the last sentence with particular excitement, as if people considered spending the entire day making toast to be fun or thrilling. Sadly for Beatrice, though, preparing toast was actually the most thrilling thing she would have done so far that week that didn't have a good chance of killing her. So, she took the money and, for the first time since she had lived with Lady Audrey, walked towards the exit, which was the dark, muddy tunnel through which she crawled to enter.
The tunnel was as filthy as it was the first time she crawled through it, and, as she left the house and walked toward the marketplace in town, she felt uncomfortable in her muddy outfit and dirty red scarf. The walk itself was not fun, either. When Edgar had taken her to Lady Audrey's house, she didn't notice how long the ride was. It was quite a distance, and Lady Audrey spent many hours on the road, a phrase which hear means "traveling on the road".
When she got to the marketplace, she saw a sight she had not seen in what seemed like ages. People. Lots of people, of various colors, clothes, sizes, genders, and religions. The marketplace, a series of stores and carts in the open air of the city square, was absolutely full of activity. It was as hopeful as Beatrice thought it would be. Quickly, she made her way through the marketplace until she found a cart with a sign that read "Toast Ingredients". In the cart were breads of all kinds. Beatrice approached it slowly, amazed at how many breads their were. Even her former guardian had not mentioned this many types of bread. It was all Beatrice could do to keep from grabbing and examining each set of toast ingredients.
"Can I help you?" said a man with a large moustache in an apron.
Beatrice looked at him. Then, she looked back at the bread, still amazed at the wide variety that was present.
"There so many types of bread here!" she breathed.
The man with the apron smiled approvingly.
"Never insult what you don't understand, dear child."
Beatrice laughed.
"Oh, no. I'm not insulting it. I just think that it's incredible! What type of bread do you recommend for toast?"
The man immediately frowned as if Beatrice had said something wrong.
"Basic Toast? Well, let me see what I can do for you."
He began rummaging, a word which here means searching, through his breads, determining which would be the best for basic toast. As he was searching, a very soft, female voice, whispered from behind Beatrice into her ear.
"The world is quiet here."
Beatrice stopped moving. The phrase "The world is quiet here" can mean multiple things. To you, I am sure, it means "this would be a lovely place to read a book or learn." To Beatrice, though, it was a coded message that meant "I am a member of V.F.D, and I am trying to contact you." As Beatrice understood it, anyone that said that phrase knew of Beatrice's situation, which was surprising as she had not contacted anyone in weeks. She toward around anxiously, and saw a woman with hair as long and black as a pitch-black night. Her eyes were a deep brown, and she wore a dress that was a bright white. Standing next to her, Beatrice immediately became aware of the mud and dirt on her body, clothes, and hair. Beatrice spoke quietly.
"What did you say?"
"The world is quiet here."
The woman looked around, as if checking to see if there were enemies around. She then stooped low to Beatrice's ear and whispered again.
"My name is Lucinda, and you are in grave danger."
Beatrice was at a loss for words, so Lucinda continued to speak.
"Lady Audrey is not who you think she is. She is not a noble person. She is a villainous person that wants your fortune. She knows that you are rich, and she is waiting for the right time to kill you."
There is a phrase that goes "blood ran cold'. While one's blood cannot safely run cold, it means to suddenly become very, very scared. I explain this phase now, as I cannot possibly think of another way to describe how Beatrice felt. She searched for words, thinking about all she had seen.
"But she's been protecting me. She's been teaching me how to care for her flowers."
Lucinda knelt down and put her hand on Beatrice's shoulder.
"We've been watching you for some time. By we, I mean my associates and me. Trust us. Lady Audrey isn't trustworthy. She is only refraining from harming you until she figures out how to get your fortune. She can't hurt you in front of the flowers, as it would upset them greatly."
Beatrice thought about all of this. Lucinda reassured Beatrice.
"Haven't you ever wondered where she is going everyday? That flowerbed is not that large, yet you hardly ever see her. Why is that?"
"She goes into her private room."
"But what is in there?" Lucinda asked.
Beatrice became quiet again. In all the time that she had been living with Lady Audrey, she had trusted her. It was for this reason that it never occurred to her that she might be planning something wicked. It was a difficult idea to manage, and Beatrice didn't know if she believed it. Still, it seemed hard to ignore Lucinda's sudden warning.
"I don't know," said Beatrice, "she seems nice."
A smile crept across Lucinda's face. "Sometimes someone that seems nice may actually be mean and selfish. You are going to learn that several times as you get older."
Beatrice looked at the bread seller, who was putting a loaf of bread into a paper bag. Lucinda nodded and spoke.
"I will make you an offer. It would not be very noble of me to kidnap you against your will, even if it were for a good cause. Take this."
From her dress, Lucinda took a white ribbon and offered it to Beatrice.
"We are always watching you. When you realize that Lady Audrey is not a noble person, tie this to the front door of the house. That evening, we will come and rescue you."
The young girl looked at the ribbon for a moment, before taking it. When she did, she immediately thought of one of her former guardians, but wasn't entirely sure why she did. She tucked the ribbon into her dress where no one would look.
Lucinda smiled and stood. She turned around to leave. Before she did, however, she spoke.
"Enemies are everywhere, Beatrice. Be careful."
Almost immediately, she was lost among the crowd.
"Your ingredients, ma'am," offered the bread seller behind her. He played with his moustache as he handed her the bread. She thanked him, offered the money Lady Audrey had given her, and began to walk back home.
The walk home was, as one may suspect, as long and tedious as it was the other way around. As Beatrice walked, nighttime began to fall. As she walked through the dark, Beatrice thought.
Beatrice thought about the ribbon and Lady Audrey. She didn't know what to do. On one hand, though, it seemed that if Lady Audrey was revealed to be a noble and trustworthy person, all Beatrice had to do was throw away the ribbon. Still, questions lingered in Beatrice's mind. Why would V.F.D. think that Audrey was a villainous person if she wasn't? If Audrey was a villainous person, what exactly was her plan? Beatrice hadn't bothered telling Lucinda that she didn't have a fortune, but was all but certain that Lady Audrey knew that Beatrice had nothing of real value.
By the time she arrived home, it was very late in the evening and Lady Audrey could not be found. She could be heard snoring, however, and Beatrice concluded the flowers had already been watered. She placed the bread on the breakfast table, and stepped onto an open patch of dirt. She calmed herself and whistled the low and soft whistle that Lady Audrey had taught her. Large leaves slowly swooped from the tangle of leaves and blossoms, scooping up Beatrice. They held her high above the floor, and another leaf rose and wrapped around her as a blanket. Beatrice lay in her bed, fingering her ribbon, until she quietly fell asleep.