Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters.

Thanks for all the reviews and calls. We have overwhelming votes to keep Dietrich and Isaak on air. This is not running with anime storyline though there will be references to incident in the anime and references to RCO members from the manga and novel. The rating may up due to shameless innuendos, bad language and blasphemy(?) Any blasphemous views on the Church reflected in this parody are not mine, honest.

Basilisk and Helga are 2 Orden members from the novel who tried to kill Isaak and Dietrich to take over the Orden but gets killed for their pains. Please kindly tolerate any OOCness on my part as I am not exactly familiar with the novel characters. I may get away by having some of them killed.

RCO Radio Hour

Session 2

Kasper: Test-testing, 1, 2, 3. Am I on air? Er, good evening all. I am Kasper von Neuman and I am taking over RCO Radio Hour in memory of my late brother Basilisk… You listeners may remember me from the times I assisted my brother with feminine complaints from our listeners when Helga's away at her ice sculpture competitions… A moment of silence please…

Dietrich: (Sticks his head in the studio) Hey, Kasp, here's your tutu

Kasper: I was looking for my leotards, not a tutu… It's probably from one of those Auto-maids. So scat! Wait a mo, that's the one you were wearing back to the HQ last week…

Dietrich: We have a hot gypsy chick out here who says she's a fan who wants to meet you.

Kasper (starry-eyed): Really? My first fan… Thanks, Dietrich. Let's listen to a song request, Vampires Will Never Hurt You by My Chemical Romance… (Runs out)

(Sounds of a pitched duel to the death outside the studio. Dietrich steps into the studio with a mug of tea and a half-eaten sandwich in hand. He continues eating. Occasionally, he peers outside to check. Finally, the song ends and he shuts the door of the studio)

Dietrich: Oops, maybe I meant she wants to kill you with her fan (snicker) Good evening all. I am sorry to inform you that Isaak is occupied today giving therapy to some guy who wants to hijack an airship but is afraid of flying. Can you imagine the irony of it? Weather report from our sponsors. Storms expected over the North Sea, clear skies over the Med… (Phone rings) My, my, the calls are coming in today. You are on the air.

Caller 1: Hey, I have a slight situation here. There is a gun pointed at my head and I think that getting shot in the head would really hurt. So, I was wondering if you could tell me the most effective weapon you could make with a piece of string, a wad of chewed bubblegum, and a coat hanger. Thanks for any help you can give me, the person holding the gun to my head is threatening to read my plans for world domination on world wide television.

Dietrich: I am so sorry to hear of your plight honest…muah-ha-ha… Seriously, maybe you should experience getting shot for yourself. I would love to hear about your grand plans on TV, so goodbye. (hangs up) Another call coming in. You are on RCO Radio.

Caller 2: Hi, I'm plotting the assassination...er, I mean, removal of one of the Cardinals currently heading the Inquistion Department but I think one of those knights is watching me. Any ideas on how to lure the guy out and...er, removal this threat? Or would it be better to recruit him on my side?

Dietrich: I am a staunch believer in ridding oneself of all threats by speeding them onto the next plane of existence. Who needs friends anyhow? We of the RCO can offer you professional help at a reasonable price. We can offer a discount since those Church guys are no pals of ours. We have acted as consultants for various extremist groups seeking to wreak havoc all over Greater Europe and Africa. If you are interested in enlisting our services, please call our hotline at 6666-HELL. Our operator will deal with you. Assuming she is not too busy slaughtering Terrans. Next call please!

Caller 3: (Bleep) Help me I'm freaking stuck in the building with what I swear are fairy vampire children!! I haven't been this scared since the illusion of a black angel talking about (bleep)-something!

Dietrich: Ooo, you sound real scared. Too bad I never believed in fairies or angels so goodbye. Next call!

Isaak: Dietrich, I trust all is well with you. I am calling from the airfield. I am currently trying to pry Alfred off my leg with a crowbar. When he volunteered for this gig last week, he didn't have a severe flying phobia. Have you been messing with his mind, by any chance?

Dietrich: Who? Little me? (acts innocent)

Isaak: Yes, you. The flight is leaving and we both want Alfie on that flight to Rome, don't we? If this gig falls through, I guarantee you will be cooling your heels in the dungeons of that Austrian castle we still have not sold off yet. If I don't get back to Berlin on time thanks to your mischief, you will have to take Guderian for his monthly shots at the vet instead.

Dietrich: What? That werewolf gets nasty whenever anyone mentions 'vet'. He'll tear me to bits after he's done with the vet! Alright, Magician… You got a deal. How the hell did your dog get rabies anyway? Did he bite Master by accident or something? Oh, if anyone in the Orden is seeking a promotion, I will be carrying out interviews for special posts in my workshop in Munich… Oh, another call.

Suzanne: Hey, Dietrich. Where is that package you want me to send to Munich HQ? I will be flying over and I am not waiting till Christmas.

Dietrich: Sorry about that. Will get back to you shortly. (Yells out of door) Hey, pack up that stiff in the corridor and send the box to the loading bay. Address to my workshop and label 'Raw materials' on it. Mop up the blood while you are at it. Thanks! Next caller please…

Caller 4: uh, hello...I'm recently moving to Berlin, you know all the terrorist out there seemingly like to bombed Rome 3x a day. Well this new surrounding is calm and peaceful, no inquisitors blasting the street and screaming HERETIC!! at 3.00 AM if you know what I meant. But recently, my family seemingly encounter strange things. My grandson swore he sees a very big wolf drive a limo, and my granddaughter spills her ice cream saying that the blonde young man in front of her ruffling his wings and accidentally knocked it over...his companion politely offer to change the spilled ice cream though we had to decline his polite offer. Granddaughter got spanked when we got home, but crying hysterically that she didn't lying...is there something on Berlin's water around here which make massive hallucinate?

Dietrich: Well, you wouldn't have to worry about that for a while once we nip over to Munich for the Oktoberfest, no? By the way, we will be moving to a new studio shortly… My, my how time flies. That's all for this week. Goodbye.

Author's Notes:

All profanity will be replaced with bleeps as symbols are not supported. I don't Guderian will enjoy being called a rabid dog. I think the Vatican should wise up to this show on the airwaves soon.

Thanks for the reviews. Any more calls for Dietrich? He may not answer all of them to your satisfaction.