Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed.

A/n: Thanks for all of the reviews! I really, really appreciate them.

Katie

Setting: November/December 2006

Coming Home

"You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it's all right."

Maya Angelou

Eight: The Conversation in the Hall

Leo had never felt so stunned in his life. Even when he had woken up so many years ago Up There and discovered that he was dead, he hadn't felt this shocked. A Whitelighter cut all ties to his mortal life. That was the first rule. He had cut all ties and moved on and this just seemed surreal.

"Is this a dream?" asked Mariella, echoing his thoughts.

"I don't know," said Leo.

Leo had tried so hard over the years not to think about his old family. For a long time it wasn't very difficult; he just did what was in his nature: compartmentalized. He had This Life and That Life and he thought the two would never meet. He never had any intention of opening the box he put That Life into. Ever. Because he had moved on, and he knew that if he ever did open the box it would explode, messy and incomplete and lacking and fulfilling and painful and excruciatingly happy all over This Life. And he'd be forced to think about things he didn't want to. Which he was; right now.

"You're an angel?" she said.

"No," said Leo. "Not anymore."

"Piper said—"

"I was when she met me. I was up until about two years ago. But not any more."

"Oh."

Life was much easier when it wasn't messy. And that's what he liked. Just a short while ago he had been able to put his relationship with Piper in one box; his working relationship with the Charmed Ones in another; his job in general in a third box. And all the boxes had sat neatly in a row on a shelf and for years they had never mixed. But in the past two years, they had all come together and look what had happened: everything had exploded and he had gone crazy. Now all he had left was This Life and That Life, and of course Piper wanted to be let in on That Life. He never wanted to let her, though. And now she was.

How chaotic would things get this time?

"How are you?" he asked. The question seemed ridiculous. The last time he had seen his sister she was twenty years old and pregnant. He barely recognized that girl in the old woman who stood before him now.

"How am I?" she said. "Leo, I've spent a majority of my life thinking that my only brother was dead. Now I find out he isn't. How do you think I am?"

"It's not like that," said Leo defensively. "I was dead in that life. I didn't think I'd ever see anyone from that time again."

Mariella began to cry; silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She had been crying the same way the last time he had seen her, when he left for the army. "How could you not tell me?"

"It was against the rules," said Leo. That sounded absurd now, and if Piper had still been there she would have rolled her eyes.

"Rules?"

"My life ended, Ella," said Leo. "I had to leave it behind."

"What about Lillian?" she demanded. "What about our parents? Do you know what happened to them after you died? They were never the same! Mama's heart was broken."

Leo felt tears spring into his eyes unwillingly and anger flared in his chest. "Don't you dare," he said, stepping towards her and pointing a finger in her face, "put that guilt on me. I was dead!"

"But you weren't!" said Mariella, her voice rising. "You're standing right here! According to your wife you've been around for sixty-four years! Where have you been?"

"I don't know how to explain it to you any other way," said Leo, also yelling. "The kid you knew as your brother wasn't me anymore. I'm not him now!"

"Oh please. Look at you, Leo! You look maybe fifteen years older than you did when you left."

"That's not what I mean," said Leo through clenched teeth. This was exactly what he hadn't wanted to happen. What was Piper thinking? That they'd just hug and reunite like a happy little family? She didn't understand; she had never understood. And right now he was angrier with her than he had ever been before.

"Do you know how much I missed you?" asked Mariella. "Do you know how much I needed you? How could you just abandon me?"

"You had John," said Leo. Then he winced. "You did have John, right? He came home from the war?"

"Yes," she said. "But that's not the point, Leo. You were my only brother. When Mama died I wanted you to be there with me. I wanted you there when Dad died. I kept thinking about how alone I felt; everyone I grew up with was gone!"

Everyone I grew up with was gone… Hadn't Piper said almost the same thing to him once? And all he had wanted to do was fix it. He hadn't spared a thought for his sister in that context.

"And I really needed you when John died," she said softly. "You don't know how many times I thought of something to tell you; a joke or a story. And you were gone."

Leo swallowed hard, but it did nothing to quell the large lump in his throat. "Maybe I was wrong," he said. "Maybe. But Ella, you have to understand, I wouldn't have been able to function if I didn't give up thinking about my family. And if I had gone back to you they just would have forced me to move on. Because those were the rules."

"But it was okay for you to get married and start a new family?" she demanded.

"You have no idea what Piper and I have been through," he said in a low, angry voice. "No idea. I barely made it to where I am today."

Mariella shook her head. "But you're not an angel anymore, are you Leo? You told me you gave it up two years ago. Yet this is the first time I've heard from you. Where have you been for two years?"

"Avoiding this," said Leo. The words were mean, but he felt horrible, guilty, and the words were almost a defense against what he felt.

"You know what else I know?" said Mariella, ignoring him. "I know that you're lying when you say you haven't thought about me. About Mama and Dad. You know how I know? Because you named your son after Dad."

"That's…complicated," said Leo.

"Isn't everything?" asked Mariella. "I don't even know who you are anymore."

"I don't know you either," said Leo, though it sounded less like an accusation.

"Well whose fault is that, Leo?" she asked. She turned and started to walk down the hall. "I understand if you want to leave. We can both just pretend this never happened."

Leo watched her until she disappeared.